Tuesday, 20 July 2021

ADDICTED TO LOVE

 

I have given her only love

And tender affection

In return I get only contempt

In its equal measure

I cannot cut the bond

The unseen umbilical

That binds me to her

I am a slave to her will

Chained and imprisoned

By a dominating mistress

Cruel and controlling

In an invisible metaphor

Her words are like whips

That lash me with cruelty

Each word laced with

Bile and poison

That cuts into me deeply

But never scars my flesh

If only one word

Bore but a hint of kindness

I would be uplifted

But I remain down cast

My hopes and dreams

Have faded into ether

Enslavement has led

To a foul dependency

Now I am addicted

To her poisonous love

The stuff of nightmares

WILL MY PLEA ABOVE

 

Will my plea above

To gladden and cheer

My ardent call for love

Fall on deafened ear

 

Is there not but one

Who will hear my plea

And fill me with joy

Please, please hear me

 

Don’t leave me all alone

Let me share my love

Please have mercy

Oh hear my plea above

 

Take heed of my plea

Just another soul to love

Gentle and replete

And as precious as a dove

Monday, 19 July 2021

Those Memories Made on Teardrop Lake - (29) Family Ties

 Martha and Vikki were both “sweet sixteen and never been kissed” and the girls were the best of friends.

And to be perfectly honest they were not really interested in boys, their leisure time was spent sailing, mountain biking, orienteering, climbing, you name it and they did it.

Basically Martha and Vikki were the outdoorsy type.

They both lived in Dancingdean Hall, Martha in flat D with her widower father Andrew and Vikki in flat F with her divorced mother Alexandra and their primary aim in life was to get their respective parents interested in each other so they could become sisters.

 

Dancingdean Hall was once the residence of the Earls of Dancingdean but that line of aristocracy had long since died out and the hall was now divided into 6 spacious family apartments.

 

Alexandra Quarit was 38 years old and had raised Vikki on her own since she was 10 months old when her husband walked out on them.

He hadn’t contested the divorce and although he had not reneged on his financial obligations he had made no attempt over the years to see his daughter.

She was content however with her life, she loved Vikki and she had a successful business that she had built up from nothing.

And she now had a shop in Abbottsford’s Phoenix Centre called Crazy Chocolatiers and for the past seven years she and Vikki had lived on Teardrop Lake.

 

Alex was a no nonsense practical person, a “what you see, is what you get” type and she wasted no time on frills and fripperies.

Her normal apparel was a blue shirt, sleeves turned up, black skirt, blue wool tights and stout shoes.

And she wore her grey streaked dark hair short and low maintenance.

She was an attractive woman, clean and presentable but she didn’t tend toward the glamorous, she favoured the subdued look.

She wasn’t interested in attracting a partner because she didn’t think she could ever trust a man again.

 

Dancingdean House was situated on the highest point on the cliffs above the Lake and commanded a magnificent view.

Which was a great comfort to Andrew McShane as it was a much loved view of his wife Rachel which became all too familiar in the summer of her death.

 

Andrew was an accountant and had not long turned 40, an event he would have ignored entirely had it not been for his daughter who did her best to mark the milestone with party poppers, banners and helium filled balloons.

Although he humoured her and put on a brave face, for him it merely marked another year without the love of his life.

Martha knew her dad still missed her mum and she did too but she was determined to get him back into the world of the living if it was the last thing she did. 

But Andrew thought he would be betraying Rachel’s memory if he found someone else, if he even entertained the thought it would be a betrayal of her memory.

Martha was 10 when the cancer finally took her mum, and it was her friend Vikki who got her through it.

 

The girls were gregarious, bubbly and outgoing and everybody liked them.

Victoria was the ring leader and was the complete opposite of her mother in almost every respect apart from the fact they both stood five foot two inches tall and Vikki wasn’t looking for a guy either.

She wore her unruly chestnut brown hair tied in a kind of loose arrangement on top of her head which gave the impression she was taller than she was.

And when it came to her mode of dress there was nothing that could be in any way considered to be subdued.

Vikki generally went for the Tomboy appearance and as summer began to give way to autumn 

She wore a white top beneath a garishly bright multi-coloured striped shrug.

Red skinny trousers and orange converse shoes and she loved jewellery, lots and lots of jewellery.

She had lovely laughing hazel eyes which narrowed when she smiled, which was often, and her smile illuminated her face.

 

Like Vikki, Martha was also a tomboy but she was a little more subtle in her choices and favoured blue jeans, a white top and blue plaid shirt and on her feet she wore either baseball boots or just plain black leather boots.

Her hair was mousy hair and there was less of it than Vikki’s but like her friend she stood five foot two inches tall.

And Martha never wore jewellery but then Vikki wore enough for the two of them.

Her complexion wasn’t as clear as her friends and she had a number of what some people would have called blemishes which far from detracting from her beauty, enhanced it rather.

With her stunning green eyes she was by far the prettier of the two girls.

 

They had made the decision to intervene in their parents love lives the previous Christmas.

Although “love lives” wasn’t really an accurate description as they had no love in their lives save for what they held for their children.

The incident occurred after Christmas lunch which that year the girls had suggested they do together,

It had always seemed silly to them that they should have separate Christmas lunches when they lived in the same building, when they lived next door in the same building.

It was met with some resistance from both parties initially but the girls were very persistent.

After all it was not unusual for them to do shared events, they were both big BBQ fans and their children were the best of friends so they often used to eat together in the communal gardens during the summer.

So Alex reluctantly agreed to host Christmas dinner and Andrew said he would do the next one, quietly hoping that there wouldn’t be a next one.

But despite their misgivings the occasion was less onerous than either of them had expected.

The girls helped clear away and as they were exiting the kitchen the grownups were coming the opposite way, they paused to let the girls past and Vikki and Martha both blurted out in unison.

“You’re under the mistletoe”

“You have to kiss” Martha added “it’s the law”

“What law?” her father said

“Christmas law” Vikki replied

“Nonsense” Andrew said

“Poppycock” Alex agreed

“Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss” the girls chanted

Eventually Andrew and Alex agreed to kiss, just to shut them up, but they made such a palaver about that one simple peck that the girls resolved to help them loosen up which in turn led to them to the task of trying to fix them up.

But it was not an easy task, they had set their target for something meaningful to have occurred between then by Christmas day, one year on from the mistletoe debacle.

 

Alex and Andrew got on very well together they were both very hardworking and they were both devoted to their children.

And that wasn’t their only common ground they were also avid readers so literature was always a popular subject for them to converse in, as well having a love of classical music.

So they got on well, had shared interests and liked each other’s company,

But despite all of that neither of them had any designs on progressing to another level, they were quite comfortable with the way things were.

 

Between Lynn Cooper’s birthday bash in May and Rob and Sheryl Brown’s anniversary party in September they had had a dozen BBQs at least, and half a dozen day trips, cinema, bowling, tree walking you name it they had done it, including getting them both out on the lake sailing but by the end of September they hadn’t made an ounce of progress.

 

Alexandra wasn’t stupid and she knew exactly what the girls were up to, and although she hadn’t discussed it with him she assumed Andrew must have been aware of it as well.

She was happy enough to play along the shared meals and the days out were fun but she wasn’t interested in anything other than friendship and judging by his reluctance to kiss her the previous Christmas she was certain sure Andrew shared her disinterest in the romantic.

 

Andrew was also well aware of his daughters plot to hook him up with Alex, whom he liked very much, but only as a friend.

And regarding the Christmas kiss incident he remembered it slightly differently to her in as much as he thought she was the reluctant one.

But he had enjoyed her friendship and their combined social life, and he had actually begun to feel alive again.

 

For Alex, October began her busy period at the shop, firstly because the novelty stock had to be displayed in preparation for Halloween and then at the beginning of November the Halloween stock had to be removed over the weekend and replaced with the Christmas stock.

The shop also had to be decorated and the window dressed for the season.

And because Crazy Chocolatier’s sold the best handmade chocolates in Downshire they were also beginning to take orders for Christmas.  

 

Andrew was himself burning the midnight oil during that period preparing the year end accounts for his biggest client.

As a result of them both being exceptionally busy they hadn’t done anything as a foursome for a couple of months.

So when Vikki and Martha suggested going bowling one Saturday night in December, Alex and Andrew both jumped at the chance and furthermore surprised themselves by how much the idea appealed to them.

From the girl’s perspective as it was already December time was running out for them to hit their target of having their parents involved, in some way, by Christmas Day.

Bowling was, they would have to admit not the most original idea and even a little lame, but they were getting desperate.

 

In the week preceding the bowling Alex found herself looking forward to it considerably more than she had anticipated and even treated herself to a colourful new blouse and a pair of slacks.  

On the day before the outing Andrew decided he needed a haircut.

 

It was a bitter cold day when the night of the bowling came around, and snow had been predicted so as Andrew had a 4x4 he drove them.

After queuing to get their shoes they made their way to lane 10 and took their coats off.

 

It was at that point that they lost Vikki and Martha who were totally distracted by the devastatingly good looking Addison twins on the next lane.

They weren’t identical twins but they were clearly brothers and the girls thought they were absolutely gorgeous.

 

As Alex slipped off her coat to reveal her new outfit Andrew was moved to comment

“Wow you look lovely”

“Thank you” she replied and blushed a little at the compliment and then began entering the names on the screen.

 

The girls struggled to focus on the game as they were totally smitten by the boys on the neighbouring lane.

Andrew was a good bowler but his game had gone to pieces which left Alex in the unfamiliar position of leading after nine frames.

She knocked down 7 with the first ball of frame 10 and she was waiting for her ball to return.

Andrew was manipulating the unwanted balls on the carrier and when Alex reached down to retrieve her ball their hands touched.

Neither of them moved and their hands remained in contact,

It was like electricity was passing between them, then after a moment they made eye contact and smiled

“Gosh” she said and took a proper hold of his hand.

“Indeed” he said and squeezed hers and then they kissed 

“What will the girls think?” she said

“They’ve been throwing us together all year, so they’ll be delighted” he said and they kissed again

 

Which was when the Addison twin’s pointed out to the girls what was going on behind them

“It’s about time” Martha said after turning around

“Absolutely” Vikki agreed and they high fived

Neither Alex nor Andrew could pinpoint the moment their feelings changed from friendship to something more, they surmised it must have happened by osmosis.

 

Martha and Vikki had achieved their target for something meaningful to have occurred between their respective parents by Christmas day, one year on from the mistletoe debacle with over two weeks to spare.

And that Christmas beneath the mistletoe in Andrews’s apartment there was no hesitancy on eithers part, in fact it went on a little longer than the girls were really comfortable with.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MORE THAN ALL THE RICHES

 

More than all the riches of the earth 

Or all the treasure of the deep

More than ingots from the vaults

Or jewels in the Castle’s keep

Neither polished gem nor cultured pearl

Could be held to be in compare

To the priceless nature of our love

That you and I both share

WHETHER OR WHEN

 

Whether plain and frumpy

Or even cross and grumpy

Whether fat or skinny

In a long dress or a mini

Whether sober or tipsy

From New York or Poughkeepsie

On green grass or on clover

Perhaps on a train from Dover

Who, where, how is a way to begin

But what I want to know is when

When is the burning question

That’s affecting my digestion

When will I discover

Who will be my lover?

 

VALENTINE QUESTION

 

Roses are red, violets are blue 

Do I have to buy flowers for you

Violets are blue, Roses are red

Ok I understand if I don’t I’m dead

Saturday, 17 July 2021

Those Memories Made on Teardrop Lake – (28) The Chorister and the Organist

 

“I know you’re 15 years older me” Daniel said “and I don’t care, and my young heart doesn’t care, because I love you”

Win gasped as the words left his lips, it had been a very long time since the previous time they were spoken to her.

And she had thought she would never hear them spoken to her again.

And a moment later she heard herself saying

“I love you too”

Daniel saw her lips form the words, but dare not believe the evidence of his eyes until each word was delivered. 

“You do?” he asked

“Yes I do” she said “now kiss me before I change my mind”

 

To the untrained eye nothing changed between them after their declaration as they kept their relationship secret until the spring.

People were used to seeing them together around Shallowfield, at the Church Hall or in the church itself, so it wasn’t difficult

When they announced their engagement they received mixed reactions from their friends and the St Mary’s congregation.

But from the overwhelming majority it was favourable.

The Vicar was one of the most accepting and so he squeezed them in for a June wedding.

When he told his parents, his father, Horace, forbade him to marry the “old widow” as he called her, for every conceivable reason, age, class, profession and the fact she was from Yorkshire, all without ever having met her and said “if you defy me boy and wed her you will do so without my support”

 

So on a beautiful June afternoon he did indeed defy his father and married Winifred Margaret Holland nee Tiplady, in front of friends and neighbours, she was given away by her brother in law George Holland who despite ill health had journeyed down from Hull for the occasion.

His parents were not in attendance but did not leave the day totally unmarked as among the cards and telegrams was a solicitor’s letter informing Daniel that no financial support should be expected from his father and to vacate South View with immediate effect.

Fortunately in anticipation of his father’s actions, Daniel had already moved out, he did feel a little sadness when he left South View but that was far outweighed by the joy of marrying Win.

After their special day they had a honeymoon in Torquay and then they lived happily as man and wife at the Old Mill Cottage.

 

Five years passed by in the blink of an eye and they were still just as happy.

They were still very much in love and also still very active in the Church.

Win was still the organist and Daniel was the Choirmaster.

 

It was the beginning of December and they were in the Old Mill Cottage beside a roaring fire as freezing fog cloaked the landscape.

They were planning what to do for Winnie’s 50th birthday in January when there was a knock at the door.

Daniel got up and left Winifred pouring over holiday brochures and went to answer the knock, he closed the lounge door behind him to keep in the warmth then he braced himself for the influx of cold air as he opened the street door.

“Hello darling” an elegant middle aged woman wrapped up in furs said

“Mum?” Daniel said “come in, come in”

He hadn’t seen her for seven years and the last time had been in Nice so she wasn’t dressed like a Grizzly bear.

Although his father Horace had severed all contact he had been in regular contact with her via a post office box.

But she hadn’t mentioned in her last letter that she was returning to the country.

He closed the door and hugged her, a long warm hug.

“What are you doing here?” he asked “Are you alone?”

“I’m afraid so” she said flatly

He knew his father had been in poor health in the last year, so by her tone he assumed Horace had died.

A prolonged silent hug ensued before Elspeth Travers said

“I think it’s about time I was introduced to your wife”


Win guessed it might me someone significant due to the length of time Daniel was gone so she tidied away the brochures and sat poised on the sofa.

Win stood up when the door opened and a slim well coutured lady in her sixties, now devoid of furs, walked in.

Elspeth smiled and then immediately hugged Win.

“I’m so pleased to meet you” she said “it’s long overdue”

“Thank you” Win said and completely out of character cried 

 

They had a wonderful Christmas as Elspeth stayed in Shallowfield until the New Year.

She stayed at the Old Mill Cottage, with Dan and Winnie for a week while she reopened South View.

When the contractors had been in and got the house habitable and ready for habitation she spoke to her son and daughter in law.

“There is to be a family Christmas Dinner at the house and you two are the hosts” she announced

“What?” said Daniel “Who’s going to be there?”

“Everyone who should have been at the wedding” she said “If your father hadn’t been so stubborn”

“But why do we have to host?” he asked

“Because it’s your house” she replied

“It is?” Win said a little shell-shocked

“I’m going back to Nice in January” Elspeth said “That’s my home now”

“This is our home” Daniel said squeezing Win’s hand

She knew how much he loved South View and she would not be the reason he didn’t return, they had been happy at the Cottage but they would be happy anywhere because they were in love.

“Home is where we choose to make it darling” she said

“Quite right Winnie” Elspeth said

 

Despite his apprehension Christmas went very well and meeting the Aunts, Uncles and cousins was not as onerous as he first supposed.

There were still some who supported Horace’s stance on the marriage, but his philosophy was that it was their loss.

In January, Elspeth, wrapped in fur once again left Downshire bound for sunnier climes, never to return again.

Not however, “never to be seen again” over the years Win and Daniel would be frequent visitors to the South of France until her death in 1996.

 

For Winnie’s 50th birthday he took her to Venice on the Orient Express, a trip she never forgot.

As to returning to South View, they waited until the spring before they moved in, and they would never live anywhere else again.

 

Over the years they had their ups and downs but they remained in love and they were always best friends.

He was still Choirmaster and had become a Church warden as well.

The only blot on their landscape over their latter years was her health.

Her poverty stricken childhood finally caught up with her, crippling arthritis first forced her to give up the organ and then confined her to a wheelchair.

But despite her poor health and advancing years Winnie seldom missed a Church service or failed to accompany Daniel to choir practice.

 

When she reached her 84th year she often found herself reflecting on her life with Daniel and how much she loved him and she never once regretted her decision. 

 

Winnie had three loves, the first was Daniel, the second was the organ, which she was now denied her and the last one was Olwen’s chapel.

 

So when word reached her that involved the Chapel and a love story she was intrigued and looked forward to meeting Olivia Adamson, a recent newcomer to the lake, who had made an appointment to see Daniel; as head of the Olwen’s Chapel preservation society.

Daniel invited them in to the drawing room and introduced Olivia to his wife Win,

Ben needed no introduction as he had met her many times before.

“This is my wife Win” he said proudly

“I’m so pleased to meet you” Olivia said

“And me you my dear” Win replied “It’s about time Ben found himself a good woman”

“The problem was you were already taken” Ben said

“Flatterer” she replied

Ben and Liv sat on the sofa and Daniel wheeled Win’s chair closer in, then he sat too.

“So how can I help?” Daniel asked

“Oh Danny don’t play with them, you know perfectly well why they are here” Win said indiscreetly

“Win!!” he said in exasperation 

“We want to get married….” Olivia began “in Olwen’s Chapel”

“The Chapel hasn’t been used for a proper wedding since the first world war” Daniel said “September 13th 1914 to be precise”

“Don’t you think that’s a shame?” Ben said

“I’m not sure” Daniel replied “it might set a precedence”

“But the society would still be in control” Olivia said

“You realize that it isn’t my decision to make” he said “I am just one member of the society”

“But they will follow your lead dear” Win said

Liv and Ben left South View that night without getting a decision.

“Why would you not say yes?” Win asked

“I didn’t say no” he retorted

“But you will” she said

“Because it is just a whim” He said and Win gave him a look

“They’ve only known each other for four months” he said “And they believe they’re in love”

“And how long who you known me before you fell in love” Win reminded him

“That was different” returned Dan 

“No! It wasn’t” Win answered

 

Two days later Win finally got her way and he agreed it was in the Church hall where he broke the news

“You can use the Chapel” he said “but there are conditions”

“Name them” Olivia said

“It must be on the 100th anniversary of the last wedding” Dan said

“Agreed” Liv and Ben said in unison, that date fitted perfectly with the time Ben would be off

“Secondly the society and only the society will prepare the Chapel for the ceremony”

“Agreed” Liv and Ben said in unison again, they hadn’t given a moment’s thought to that side of things anyway.

“Finally, and this is a deal breaker” Dan said solemnly

“Ok” Olivia said apprehensively

“Win must be invited” he said and Olivia and Ben burst out laughing.

 

It took no little effort to get Winnie and her wheelchair up to the Chapel but it had to be done as Win would not be dissuaded from attending.  

And it took almost as long as it took for Amanda to lead the Horse and Trap around the perimeter road and along the wooded lane up to the Chapel.

 

Claire and Harry were chattering away the whole trip but Olivia didn’t hear a word she was lost in the enchantment of it all, she was so happy and for the first time ever she felt like a princess.

When they reached the point on the lane closest to the chapel Amanda halted the cart.

The wedding party having been conveyed to the Chapel on a Governess Cart, a small two-wheeled horse-drawn cart with a small tub body decorated with flowers, pulled by a heavy set white horse and led by Amanda Flanders.

Due to a stand of trees there was no obvious sign of Olwen’s Chapel from the lane.

“Are we here?” Claire asked

“Yes indeed” Amanda replied as she opened the door.

“Are you sure?” Claire said looking around as she climbed down

“It’s just through there” she said pointing to a narrow path

Harry came down next and then held Olivia hand as she followed him.

Amanda kicked off her boots and slipped on something more fitting and then led the way up the path.

It meandered through about 50 yards of dense woodland and then opened out into Olwen’s clearing, and when they reached it Olivia gasped.

“Oh my” said Claire

Although the chapel was in actually just an assortment of stones on the forest floor arranged around a granite altar stone in a woodland clearing.

The society had prepared the Chapel with flowers and chairs borrowed from the church hall and the altar stone was dressed with the appropriate finery.

When Olivia appeared on the arm of Major General Cooper there was an audible gasp.

Win cried throughout the very moving ceremony as did every other woman present. 

The wedding, was a fairy tale affair at Olwen’s Chapel.

And every woman present was jealous to the core.

Lynn Cooper’s son in law Steve Lerman provided the music and the Chapel was full of friends from Shallowfield and Bushy Down and for the first time in her life Olivia Adamson felt special.

Steve Lerman started the music and Harry Cooper led her up the aisle where Reverend Robert Hunter was waiting to marry her to Ben Shenton.

It was a beautiful ceremony, very moving and incredibly atmospheric.

The Reception was held at the Shallowfield Lodge Hotel, Win was feeling quite unwell throughout but kept that fact to herself and stayed to the very end,

Sadly that was the last occasion she was seen in public.

All through the winter Winnie suffered a series of chest infections, the final one culminating in pneumonia.   

But thanks to Dr Claire Andrews’s ministrations Winnie survived through until the spring and spent one more summer on the Lake before her heart gave out and she died in her sleep one September night.

Such was Winifred Travers popularity that everyone wanted to pay their respects.

St Mary’s was packed to the gunwales and it seemed like the whole of Shallowfield had turned out to say goodbye and everything ground to a halt.

But the level of love expressed by all and sundry on that somber day was of little consolation to Daniel who had lost his soul mate.

 

When the wake was over and he had bade farewell to the last of the well-wishers he closed the door behind them.

“Alone at last my darling” he said

 

Claire Andrews was concerned by what she saw at the wake, Daniel had looked suddenly old and tired, where he had always looked spritely and fit.

She thought, although she knew that from her medical training it was not possible, that he looked as if part of him had died along with Winnie.

So she made a point of paying weekly visits to him to check on his status.

For the first month he would let her in and they would converse, it was strained but it was converse.

For the second month she got as far as the hall, the month after they talked on the doorstep.

The following week he opened the door on the change and they spoke through a crack in the door.

After that he didn’t open the door at all.

Claire persisted however and went to the house daily, and spoke to him through the letter box.

She could hear him in the house moving around and talking to someone, but he didn’t respond to her.

This was repeated day after day until one day in March she began her one sided conversation and heard nothing, no movement, no talking, nothing.

For thirty minutes she carried on and then she decided to call for assistance, and phone for the police and Paramedics.

 

Within 10 minutes PC’s Jennings and Lowis arrived at South View.

“Morning Doctor” PC Jennings said

She knew Ian Jennings, he was dating one of the practice nurses.

“Thank God” she said “I need to get in Ian, Mr Travers isn’t answering”

“How long have you been trying?” he said

“About an hour” she replied

“Maybe he’s gone out” Jennings said

“He hasn’t left home since his wife died” Claire said

“Ok then” Ian responded

“I’ll check around the back” PC Lowis said

 

Catherine Lowis returned after doing a circuit of the house

“No sign of life and no way in” she said

“Ok” Ian said and got the ram from the car and made short work of forcing the door open.   

The PC’s went in first, Ian searched the ground floor and Catherine went upstairs.

“In here Doc” Ian called

Claire followed his voice and found him standing next to an armchair containing the lifeless body of Daniel Travers.  

On the tables either side of the chair were numerous photos of his late wife.

“Oh damn” she said “I guess you can cancel the ambulance”

 

When Daniels body had been removed Claire had one last look around the house and allowed the love that was ingrained in the fabric of the house wash over her.

When she stepped over the threshold PC Jennings, who was just making some final notes in his book, looked up and asked

“What are you going to list as cause of death Doc?”

“Well I don’t quite know what terminology to use but in my professional opinion he died of a broken heart”