YOUR TOUCH

 

Your tender touch

Meant so very much

And I miss that touch

A touch too much

Your tender touch

Meant so very much

And I miss that touch

That was nonesuch

MIX AND MATCH

 

If only you could mix and match

To build the perfect girl

It would be great fun

I think I’ll give it a whirl

 

Bits may be out of proportion

She may look odd I guess

But she will only have eyes for me

And she will only answer yes

SHADOW DWELLER

 

I have always been content

To live in the shadows

Avoiding the limelight

Keeping out of the sun

Living on the fringes of life

Bathing in the reflected glory of my peers

Living life vicariously

Keeping the world at arms length

And keeping a low profile

Laughing at other peoples jokes

Rejoicing in other peoples good fortune

Cheering on other peoples success

Crying at other peoples weddings

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride

Always the uncle, never the father

Always the friend, never the lover

And why not? no harm no foul

Its safe wrapping yourself in Clingfilm

Living a sterile life, protected

Against the pain and hurt

That fills the world

And I was more than happy to do it

And I thought myself the better for it

But now I realise

I am incomplete

I have lived a half-life

Taking no risks

Not opening my shell

By not exposing myself to the dangers

I have denied myself the pleasures

Well no more will I be content

I will no longer inhabit the shadows

No more will I view life from the fringes

I want to be blinded by the limelight

I want to walk in the sunlight

Before it’s too late to live a full life

Those Memories Made on Teardrop Lake – (44) Sororal Love

 

In 1986, sisters Kay and Molly Webb’s parents were still living at Lakeside Villa on the southern side of the idyllic Teardrop Lake, although the girls spent most of their time in Abbottsford because both girls were nurses at the Winston Churchill Hospital.

Molly was the older of the two by three years and twenty year old Kay was still only a student.

 

Molly Webb was 5ft 6 with shoulder length blond hair and was a popular nurse at the Winston Churchill Hospital in Abbottsford and the general consensus among doctors and nurses alike was that she was drop dead gorgeous, they also knew all too well that she was aware of the fact and used it to her advantage.

Also on the staff at the Churchill was another blond nurse, more timid and less popular, who was her on/off boyfriend Patrick O’Neill.

When they first met, Pat thought he had found the one, and fell instantly in love, but for Molly it was different, she didn’t fall in love, she never had, for Molly it was all about the sex.

The other difference between them was that Patrick was monogamous, a one woman man, he had always been that way, he had never strayed, he had never even been interested in a another woman while he was in a relationship, and he was straight, whereas Molly was cut from very different cloth and swung both ways and as often as possible, and she loved men and women in equal measure.

But even with Molly’s wandering eye her and Patrick always seemed to end up back together, he for the love and Molly for the lust.

One of her regular lapses to the other side was with her rich cousin Pauline Barker who was a renowned philanderer who had a big house in the village of Shallowfield, a mile or so from Teardrop Lake.

It was a mutually gratifying relationship as Pauline put it about every bit as much as Molly did and played the field for both teams.

Molly’s parents were going to Tipton for a friend’s wedding so she suggested to Patrick that a weekend away from Abbottsford would be a nice change of scenery which could only help their relationship, but that wasn’t all that Molly had in mind for herself.

She proposed a surprise visit to her parent’s house on the pretence of using it as a base for a weekend on the Lake, Patrick however saw through this ruse immediately and refused to go.

“You only want to go so you can sneak off at some time over the weekend to have unnatural relations with Pauline” he said

“That’s not the reason at all babe” Molly said, “The thought never crossed my mind, honestly”

A long protracted argument ensued and ended with Patrick saying

“You have to promise you won’t have sex with Pauline, or I’m not coming”

“Ok I promise” she lied

“Cross you heart” Pat insisted

“What?” Molly said “how old are you?”

“Just do it” he said

“Alright” she said and made the gesture “Cross my heart”

On the journey down from Abbottsford, Molly was in reflective mood as she mulled over in her mind the various scenarios that might lead to her getting what she wanted from her kissing cousin without Patrick finding out and those reflections made her tingle as she saw the sign for Shallowfield.

Shallowfield lay on the southern edge of the Finchbottom Vale and Shallowfield’s fortunes had always relied largely upon forestry and agriculture for its survival.

In the post war years with rationing and a shortage of work a lot of people moved away, to Abbottsford, Abbeyvale and beyond and it only barely survived.

And the community around Teardrop Lake fared even worse.

Only a few of the houses around the Lake were thriving, a lot of the houses had been rented out and those that hadn’t were in a poor state of repair, some too such an extent they were little more than ruins.

But by the 70s things were beginning to change, thanks mainly to tourism and an increase in leisure time.

More importantly these people had money in their pockets.

This trend was reflected by the fact that the derelict Shallowfield Lodge, which had been inherited by a young couple from Lincolnshire, Rob and Sheryl Brown, was turned into a hotel.

Its completion formerly marked the rebirth of Teardrop Lake and by extension Shallowfield.

 

They drove through Shallowfield and turned into the lane that passed the Shallowfield Lodge Hotel and crossed the River Brooke as it flowed from the head of the lake and on towards Shallowfield, Mornington and beyond, and then the Lake was suddenly in front of them.

 

The lake was shaped like a teardrop, hence its name, and surrounded by the ancient woodland of the Dancingdean Forest.

It wasn’t a huge body of water, just over two miles long and almost a mile at its widest point.

But he thought it was simply beautiful and it had remained relatively un-spoilt which was what made it so special.

The lake was surrounded by a perimeter road which gave access to the 12 significant dwellings that surrounded the lake.

The Webb’s lived at Lakeside Villa on the southern side of the lake.

  

When they got to the house it was in complete darkness and there were no signs of life at all.

Molly had expected her sister to be home as she had a few days leave, the reason for her absence on their arrival was that at that precise moment she was a mile and a half away in a bus shelter crying because her boyfriend had just dumped her.

 

Once they had unloaded the car Molly made a drink and casually remarked that they go to the Woodcutters for a drink and a huge row erupted as Patrick knew full well why she wanted to go there.

In the end he stormed out and went to a different pub and tried to get drunk.

While he was there he decided that it was time to put an end to their toxic relationship.

But by the time he returned to the house after midnight he had decided to forgive her.

While Patrick was in the pub he decided that it was time to put an end to the toxic relationship with Molly Webb.

But by the time he returned to the house after midnight he had decided to forgive her.

The house was in complete darkness so he assumed Molly had already turned in and his first thought was to go and find her but before he went upstairs he went into the lounge to take his shoes off. But due to a combination of excessive alcohol, the long walk home, and a ridiculous number of night shifts, which had clearly taken their toll on him, when he sat down on the sofa he promptly fell asleep and woke up in the same place 2 hours later.

When he did wake up he had a crick in his neck so he decided he should find a more comfortable berth.

  

Because of the on/off nature of their relationship he had never met her family and he had only been to the house on two occasions before that night so he wasn’t really familiar with the layout.

He crept upstairs and opened the first door he came to and looked inside and saw a sleeping figure lying beneath the duvet so he undressed and slipped into bed, Molly was lying on her side with her back to him so he cuddled up and spooned her.

“I’m sorry” he said

“Mmmmm” she murmured as he nuzzled her neck and his hands began to explore the landscape of her body.

Which was when he realised he had his hands all over the body of the wrong Miss Webb.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry”

Which was the precise moment that Kay realised that the arms that were wrapped around her were not in her sensual dream but were real flesh and blood arms attached to a real flesh and blood naked body.

“Who the hell are you?” she screamed and reached out and turned on the light and he could see that having more or less guessed which room was Molly’s he had clearly got it wrong.

“Get out of my bed”

“I’m really sorry” he whimpered as he scrambled out of bed

“I thought you were Molly”

“Well I’m not” she barked “in fact I’m not like my sister in anyway, now get out”  

“Sorry, sorry” he burbled as he gathered together his clothes and skulked out the door and onto the landing where he found Molly standing with her arms folded.

Molly didn’t speak at first, she just looked at Patrick as he clutched his clothes to his midriff to cover his embarrassment.  

“What the hell have you been doing with my sister?” she yelled

“Nothing” he said innocently “I just went in the wrong room, I thought it was you”

“What?”

“I thought it was you,” he said in his defence

“What do you mean you thought it was me?” she said aghast

“You didn’t notice anything different?”

“It wasn’t your usual perfume” he replied

“Really?” she said inquisitively “You didn’t notice I’d turned into a stick insect? You didn’t notice you weren’t cuddled up to my hot figure?”

He was going to contest her latest comments when he noticed Molly wasn’t in her night clothes, she was wearing party clothes.

“Hold on a minute, where the hell have you been?”

“Don’t change the subject” she retorted

“You’ve been with your cousin” he said with disgust “Despite everything you said you’ve been with Pauline”

“Oh do change the record Patrick” Molly said dismissively and went towards her bedroom.

“You’ve been with your cousin” he said with disgust “Despite everything you said you’ve been with Pauline again”

“Oh do change the record Patrick” Molly said dismissively and went towards her bedroom

“But that was the whole point of the weekend wasn’t it?” he said going after her “Just so you could be with her”

Molly was in part correct in telling him to change the record because it was a tune that had been played between them with monotonous regularity and normally a huge row ensued and he would ultimately admit he was in the wrong and apologise, but that night, or early morning to be more precise, the camel’s back had been well and truly broken and he stopped on the landing and began to redress.

“I’m done with you Molly” he said “I’m putting an end to this toxic relationship once and for all”

“You’ll be back” she sneered

“Oh know I won’t” he countered as he completed his dressing “And I’ll tell you something else, I’m glad I got into your sisters bed instead of yours, because I discovered something”

“Oh yes? And what might that be?”

“I prefer your sister, she has a smaller arse than you, she is prettier than you and she doesn’t smell like a tart and although I haven’t had chance to find out yet she is doubtless a nicer person than you” he detailed and then he left with a tirade of abuse following him out the door.

Once he got outside he got in his car and drove off, although he didn’t drive far as he was well over the limit so he drove round to the other side of the lake and parked on the side of the perimeter road and soon went to sleep.

It was just after 10 o’clock when he woke up after having had an uncomfortable sleep.

After getting out and stretching his legs he drove around the perimeter road until he had the entrance to Lakeside Villa in sight and then he parked in the shadows.

 

He was parked up for about an hour when he saw the cab approach and turn in to the drive and a few minutes later it drove out again with Molly in the back.

“No prizes for guessing where you’re going” he said bitterly, but in truth he felt nothing in regard to her and her lesbian cousin which was a first for him.

Once the cab was well out of sight he started the engine and drove up to the house.

 

Kay had been stood by her bedroom door listening to the argument between Molly and Patrick, and rather enjoyed it, she didn’t like her sister, she had the morals of an alley cat, and the personality of a vamp, but as much as she was enjoying it she was about to get back into bed and try and get back into the dream she had when Molly’s boyfriend had his arms around her, when she heard him say.

“I prefer your sister”

That made her stop in her tracks and listen some more.

Kay had been stood by her bedroom door listening to the argument between Molly and Patrick, and rather enjoyed it, she didn’t like her sister, she had the morals of an alley cat, and the personality of a vamp, but as much as she was enjoying it she was about to get back into bed and try and get back into the dream she had when Molly’s boyfriend had his arms around her, when she heard him say.

“I prefer your sister”

That made her stop in her tracks

“She has a smaller arse than you, she is prettier than you and she doesn’t smell like a tart and although I haven’t had chance to find out yet she is doubtless a nicer person than you”

She smiled with pride when she heard that even if it wasn’t true and were only words said in anger.

It was nice to hear them nonetheless and she was reminded of them again the next morning when she saw his car pull up on the drive.

 

He knocked on the door and waited for a few minutes before the door was opened by Kay.

“Oh it’s you” she said “You’ve just missed her”

“I know I watched her leave” he said

“So why are you here?” she asked suspiciously

“Well two reasons” he replied “firstly I’d like to apologise again for what happened, I really didn’t mean to get into your bed, it was a complete accident, I wouldn’t dream of doing something like that on purpose, not of course that you’re not attractive enough to have a man get into bed with you, But…”

“I think you need to stop talking” she said and laughed “I understand perfectly, and I’m not offended by either the incident or your apology”

“Great” he said with some relief

“So what was the other reason?” she asked

“What?”

“You said you had two reasons for being here” she pointed out

“Oh yes” he said “to collect my things”

“So you’re not travelling back with Molly tomorrow” Kay asked

“No we’re done” he said “I have finally had enough”

“Come in then” she offered and stood and held the door open for him

“I think there might be a third reason for you being here”

“Oh what’s that?” he asked

“Well you could be here to see me of course” she thought to herself but out loud she said

“A shower”

“Oh yes, sorry about that I slept in the car” he admitted and grimaced

“Well why don’t you have a shower and pack your bag and I’ll make us coffee” she suggested

“I wouldn’t want to impose”

“You won’t be” she insisted

“Well if you’re sure, that would be lovely, thanks” he said     

 

Half an hour later Patrick went downstairs to the kitchen, showered and dressed in clean clothes, and found Kay standing at the counter making a sandwich, and she turned to look at him as he approached.

“That’s better” she said

“It feels better” he said “Thanks again for your hospitality”  

“No need for thanks” Kay responded and then added “sit down and I’ll pour you a coffee”

Kay Webb and Patrick O’Neill sat at the kitchen table in Lakeside Villa and drank coffee and after about ten minutes of talking about Molly he decided to change the subject.

“Do you come home often?”

“Oh yes every chance I get, I love it here” she replied

“When I’ve qualified I plan to work as close to Teardrop Lake as I possibly can”

 

After about an hour of amiable conversation, Kay regretfully said

“I’m afraid I have to go”

“Oh I’m sorry” Patrick exclaimed “I have imposed on you too long”  

“Not at all” Kay insisted “It’s just that I have made plans to meet friends for a picnic up at the Folly”

There were two Folly’s in the Dancingdean Forest, both in sight of the Lake, the first one was built in the 19^th century by the then local Nobleman, the Earl of Dancingdean, a vain and self-important man, who had it built for himself, in the style of a Castle Keep.

It was on top of a hill overlooking the lake and when it was completed he had the surrounding Forest cleared so everyone for miles around could see his standard flying from the turret.

The second one was erected by Ezekiel Cooper, who lived on the opposite side of the Lake.

Which was apt because Ezekiel was opposite from the Earl in almost every conceivable way, he was not of the nobility, he was not born into privilege, he made his money in the cotton Mills of Lancashire.

And in response to the Earl’s construction he had built a gaudy Folly of his own in the Victorian Gothic style and like his noble adversary he had the surrounding Forest cleared so everyone around could see his standard flying.

 

The Folly that Kay was picnicking at was the former of the two.

“Well thanks again for the hospitality” he said “it’s much appreciated”

“It was the least I could do after last night’s entertainment” she said and giggled. 

 

On the drive back to Abbottsford Patrick was in reflective mood, the weekend hadn’t gone at all as he had expected, he had arrived at the lake the night before with the intention of spending a romantic weekend with Molly, but instead he had broken up with her, and to cap it all he thought he had fallen for her sister.

 

Kay spent a very pleasant afternoon up at the Dancingdean Folly with her friends and she related the goings on of the night before and that morning.

When Kay returned to the house she found Molly in the grip of a very violent temper and she turned on her sister.

“Has Patrick been back here?” she yelled

“And good afternoon to you to sis” Kay said and walked into the kitchen

“Never mind all that shit, have you seen Patrick?” Molly shouted as she followed Kay

“Yes”

“When did you see him?” Molly barked

“This morning, just after you left” she replied “And then he drove back to Abbottsford”

“What do you mean he drove back to Abbottsford?” Molly asked in disbelief “How the hell am I supposed to get back tomorrow?”

“He said you could catch a train” Kay retorted   

“Bastard” Molly said and Kay smiled

Patrick O’Neill had made the irrevocable decision that his on/off relationship with Molly Webb was well and truly off.

Although Patrick and Molly had separate flats in the town they both had keys for each other’s.

So his first acts of his life without Molly was to post the spare key to her flat through her letter box of her flat and change the locks on his. 

His next action was to get as far away from her as was humanly possible when they were at work so he got himself transferred to oncology and so by that action he had severed any connection to Molly Webb.

 

Not that Molly wanted to see him, she was furious with him for driving of and leaving her and forcing her to take the train.

Had Patrick known it would have amused him greatly, but in the weeks that followed their last weekend as a couple the thoughts of Molly were few and far between as most of his mind was occupied in recollections of Kay Webb.

 

When they chatted in the kitchen of Lakeside Villa she mentioned in conversation which ward she worked on and it just so happened that one of his best friends also worked on that same ward so he was able to discreetly find out when she had a weekend off and Molly didn’t.

 

Safe in the knowledge that Kay had returned to Teardrop Lake for the weekend he set off from his home in Abbottsford bright and early on Saturday morning, however as he drove over to Shallowfield he began to doubt if his attraction to her was genuine, or could it be a rebound infatuation, or was it motivated by spite towards Molly.

And even if what he felt was the real McCoy did she feel anything for him.   

He almost stopped and turned around at one point, but instead he shouted to himself

“For god’s sake pull yourself together! If you don’t ask her you’ll never know so grow a pair and get on with it”

 

He knew from speaking to his mate that it was her first weekend off in a month so he was pretty sure it was the first weekend she’d been home since they had last met.

 

He still had no idea what he was going to say to her even as he drove through Shallowfield and turned into the lane that passed the Shallowfield Lodge Hotel.

He drove across the River Brooke as it flowed from the head of the lake and on towards Shallowfield, Mornington and beyond, and then the Lake was suddenly in front of him and he panicked.

 

He thought about stopping at the Hotel for some Dutch courage but dismissed it almost immediately as he wouldn’t then be able to drive home if his advances were rejected.

She he stopped and gazed out across the water in order to derive some inspiration.

The lake was shaped like a teardrop, hence its name, and surrounded by the ancient woodland of the Dancingdean Forest.

It wasn’t a huge body of water, just over two miles long and almost a mile at its widest point.

But he thought it was simply beautiful and it had remained relatively un-spoilt which was what made it so special.

The lake was surrounded by a perimeter road which gave access to the 12 significant dwellings that surrounded the lake.

The Webb’s lived at Lakeside Villa on the southern side of the lake and to him that was the most significant of the 12, so he took a deep breath and drove on.

 

He parked on the drive and walked to the house still trying to assemble a coherent sentence in his head from the jumble of words that were flying around.

He knocked on the door and waited for a few minutes before the door was opened by a beaming Kay.

“I was hoping you’d come” she said excitedly

“You were?” he asked in amazement

“Oh yes” she replied “I’ve made us a picnic”

 

And that was that and from that moment on they were a couple and were married the following year, they lived together in Abbottsford but spent as much time as they possibly could by the lake and eventually they lived fulltime in Lakeside Villa where they raised three boys.

Her parents welcomed Patrick into the family with open arms although Molly never spoke to either of them again.

HEARTS SONG AND MELODY

 

You were my one and only

My hearts song and melody

Now music has been banished

And I suffer alone and silently

A WASTED LOVE

 

Do you know why,

Even after all these years,

When I close my eyes

Its your face I see

Even after all these years

My thoughts are of you

My dreams are of you

Its because I still love you

And I am stuck

In this mind set

Of not being able to love another

While I’m still in love with you

It’s a wasted love

Because you moved on

When I could not

Your heart is cold to me

While mine still burns for you

I've known that for years

But I cannot break free

And when my eyelids close

You are there behind them

IS IT THE RIGHT TIME?

 

I’m not sure I’m ready to say it

But I know I really feel it

So I will tell you that I love you

And hope that you love me too