Wednesday, 2 February 2022

The Art Of Loneliness

Rose Ganley was a sister on the paediatric ward at the Churchill hospital, she was five foot tall and quite trim, but stood an inch or so taller in her stout shoes and her uniform fitted her perfectly, tapered at the waist where the broad belt sat.

She was 45 years old but looked older, her once black hair was now streaked with grey like Lily Munster.

Rose was always smiling, but the ageing in her face wasn’t due to laughter lines.

Life’s hardships and experiences were etched into her face, each line and furrow a sad event or a disappointment, her face was like her résumé.

Sister Ganley always chatted cheerily and a smile was never far from her lips, but although she was always smiling there was pain behind the eyes.

 

Rose was lonely and she went home every night to an empty house, save for her cat.

No husband, boyfriend or significant other and no living parents and no children.

She had friends of course but you can’t live in the pockets of friends.

And living your life vicariously was not the healthiest option in the long run.

But she wasn’t an unhappy person she was someone who makes the most of things

Even though she spent more time on her own than she deserved to.

She hadn’t always been alone, she’d had a husband once, but he left her a week before her fortieth birthday and she’d been alone ever since, and a little lonely but she would never have admitted that.

Rose was devastated at the time and it had left her unable to trust for the years following it.

But that mistrust merely isolated her from life.

And she settled for evenings in front of the TV with a glass of wine and a Rom Com, or a good book.

And she loved her garden.

 

Life for her would probably have continued in the same vein indefinitely had it not been for a number of events, which taken on their own merits wouldn’t have had the effect they did but together and in short succession, they altered her perspective fundamentally.   

The first event was the appointment of a new hospital management team who like all new brooms wanted to sweep clean, but it wasn’t the first new brooms she’d had to deal with and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

The second one was something that should really have been a happy event.

Her Senior Staff Nurse Jenny Humphreys got married.

Rose really liked Jenny and she was truly happy that she had found someone, but Jenny’s obvious happiness on the big day merely underlined her own loneliness.

The third was more painful to bear, Emily Andrews died.

Emily was a frequent visitor to the ward and long-time sufferer from Leukaemia.

The first time she was admitted coincided to the day when Rose started on the ward.

They had built up a great rapport over the years and for her to pass at the age of 16 hit everyone who knew her.

But that in itself did not break her, death was as much a part of nursing as living.

No the straw that broke the camels back so to speak was the death of her cat.    

It wasn’t a shock as Cleo was old, and nor was it a surprise she had been ill for some time, it was the timing.

Just before Christmas and coming on top of everything else.

 

Ever since she had separated from her husband Rose had volunteered to work at Christmas, as she lived alone and had no family she always worked extra shifts to cover for staff who did have family.

It was quiet on paediatrics as they always tried to discharge as many children as possible but for those who couldn’t go home they relaxed the visiting hours so that families could share the day.

This gave her plenty of time to think.

From the first moment Rose had taken the Sisters position on paediatrics she had felt distanced from proper nursing.

She seemed to spend a disproportionate amount of time in meetings and she always seemed to be working at arm’s length from the very people for whom she had become a nurse in the first place.

She reran recent events through her head and also recalled those days when she was a student nurse when life was fun and the future was something to look forward to.

Rose had always loved painting and when she was younger she would often go off to the country with her watercolours and her easel and sit and paint but when she met her husband he belittled her efforts, undermined her confidence.

She was suddenly angry with herself for letting him do that, but now she could take it up again and revive her passion.

 

By the end of her shift on Christmas day Rose had decided that things needed to change.

So over the days following her epiphany she tried to think of a way to achieve the change she sought.

It was New Year’s Eve, another shift she always volunteered for, when it all fell into place.

She opened up the planner on her computer and she totted up all her lieu days and unclaimed annual leave, and was surprised at just how much she had.

In fact she was so surprised she checked it again, twice.

 

So she had the holiday allowance and then she made a plan, she filled out her online leave form and booked off the whole month of June.

It would be perfect, June was her favourite month and as the schools wouldn’t have broken up by that time she would have the whole holiday at off peak rates, perfect.

 

When June came around Rose loaded her luggage and her painting equipment into her little car, returning briefly to lock the house, before getting into the car and setting off right on time.

Not that she was on the clock, she had no particular place to get to and no set time to get there.

Rose was feeling very excited as she set off on that Monday morning in June.

She didn’t want to book her accommodation in advance as she didn’t want to be too tied to dates and locations.

So she only had the very loosest of itineraries, she had lots of places on her list of possible bases and local attractions she might like to see.

Although in truth she chose most of the places she wanted to see and then looked for places she might stay in proximity to the place of interest.

But she didn’t want to get too hung up on where and when.

If she didn’t get to see places this time around it didn’t matter as this was not the last holiday she was going to take.

Rose was determined to avoid the motorways so at the end of the first day she hadn’t got as far as she thought she would and hadn’t even got anywhere near even the most southerly place on her itinerary.

So she decided to stop at the first place she liked the sound of, which is how she came to take the road to the village of Deighton under Cleverley.    

She drove through the quaint village with its neat cottages and kept her eyes peeled for a B&B and it wasn’t long before she spied the Coachman’s Arms Hotel.

“That will do nicely” she said to herself

 

The next morning she settled her bill at the Hotel, said goodbye and loaded her bag into the boot of the car and set off on day two of her sojourn.

Rose liked Deighton, it was quaint, she had toyed with the idea of staying on for a day or two but in the end decided she would push on, but made a mental note to stop there again, on the way back maybe.

When she left the Hotel she didn’t drive out the way she had driven in the night before and headed in the opposite direction, wondering where that might lead.

She passed the General Store and a small parade of shops, another Pub and a garage, then a row of cottages and the Church before she crossed the stone bridge over the river and out into the country.

It was pretty countryside bathed in the June sunshine, but she only managed another mile or so before her little car started making unfamiliar noises,

“That’s not good” she said just before there was a loud clunk and she lost power then the car slowed down to a stop.

“That’s definitely not good”

She tried to restart the engine but to no avail.

“Now what?” she said to herself

She didn’t have any kind of breakdown cover, after all she never went anywhere.

It was, she had to admit, an oversight on her part not to have joined the AA or RAC if only in the short term as she was on a month long touring holiday.

“Well at least I’m not far from civilization” she thought to herself.

Rose was just getting out of the car to walk back to Deighton when another car came along from the other direction.

The car slowed down as it approached her and a balding head appeared through the driver’s window.

“Do you need any help?” the owner of the head asked

“I’ve broken down I’m afraid” she replied

“Nick Mault’s your man” he said

“Is that you by any chance?” Rose asked

“Good heavens no” he replied and laughed jovially as he got out of the car.

“I’m Reverend Richard Turner”

He was a tall gaunt looking man who nonetheless wore a warm smile and had laughing eyes.

“Oh I’m sorry” she said and shook the offered hand “Pleased to meet you Vicar, I’m Rose Ganly”

“Well Rose I’ll drive you back to the village if you like” the Vicar said

“I would be grateful” she replied

She retrieved her bags from her car and transferred them to the back of the Vicars.

As he drove away she asked

“So who’s Nick Mault?”

“Oh yes Nick” he said “he owns the garage in Deighton, he’s a first class mechanic shall I drop you there?”

“The Hotel first I think” she replied “judging by the noises my car was making I won’t be going anywhere today”

“Well there are plenty of beauteous things to paint in and around Deighton” he said as he pulled up in front of the Coachman’s

Rose looked at him curiously and he answered her curiosity

“I noticed your easel”

“Oh I see” she said “well this should be amusing”

“How so?” the vicar asked

“I only checked out about half an hour ago, they’ll think I’m mad” she said

 “I’m sure they won’t” he reassured her “I’ll wait here while you check in and then I’ll run you up to Mault’s”

“That’s very kind but there’s no need” she said

“Nonsense” he replied “you might need a translator”

 

Thankfully the receptionist didn’t think she was mad at all when she checked back in and just said

“That’s fate, that is”

Rose didn’t dwell on the subject but was anxious not to keep the vicar waiting.

She quickly went up to the room and deposited her bags and then returned to the vicar’s car.

Once she was in he said

“What’s the verdict?”

“That’s fate, that is” she replied mimicking the receptionist’s country accent.

The vicar was still chuckling as he pulled up outside the garage.

They both got out of the car and a small rotund man approached them

“Morning Vicar” he called “is the old girl playing up”

The Vicar turned to Rose and whispered

“He’s referring to my car” 

As she looked at the oil stained country bumpkin she understood why the Vicar was so amused that she thought he was Nick.

She also understood why he mentioned being her translator, Mr. Mault had a very thick accent and she only got one word in three.

The upshot was that if she left her keys with him and they would recover her car and take it from there.

 

Rose thanked the Vicar for his assistance with Mr. Mault

“I barely understood a word of that” she confessed

“It was the least I could do for a fellow foreigner” he said

“A foreigner?” she said

“Someone not from the village” he explained

“Are you not local then?” she asked

“I’ve only lived here for ten years” the Vicar said

“And you’re still a foreigner?” Rose said

When they got back to the Coachman’s she offered to buy him a coffee as a thank you.

“Alas I have a Parish Council Meeting this morning but come for tea at the Vicarage this afternoon”

“Are you sure?” Rose asked “I’ve taken up so much of your time already”

“My wife Caroline would never forgive me if I didn’t invite you”

 

Caroline Turner was extremely welcoming and she reiterated that she would not have forgiven Richard if he had let me leave the village without visiting the vicarage and Rose found she was every bit as friendly as her husband.

“I never like to miss an opportunity to speak with fellow foreigners and get news from the outside world” she said “Don’t get me wrong we love living here. It’s a beautiful corner of the world and the people are lovely but it’s nice once in a while to hear real news”

“You make it sound like we’re in the colonies” Richard said and poured the tea.

“Richard tells me you paint” Caroline said

“Yes” Rose replied “But I’ve only recently come back to it”

“Oh?” she said inquisitively

In response to Caroline’s unasked question Rose went on to explain the circumstances of her epiphany, the events that led up to it and the plans she had made after it and how she ended up in Deighton under Cleverley

“That’s fate, that is” she replied mimicking the receptionist’s country accent again.

“Well there are plenty of picturesque scenes in Deighton” she said

“The church is very pretty” Rose said

“Yes it is” The Vicar agreed

“It’s even better from the meadow across the river” Caroline added

“Perhaps I’ll paint it from over there then” Rose said

“Unfortunately its private property” Richard said

“And the owner Daniel Scott is a bit of an old curmudgeon”

“What a shame, do you think it’s worth asking him for permission?” Rose said “Appeal to his better nature”

“I’m not sure he’s got one” Caroline said then rebuked herself

“No that was unchristian he’s got one, he just keeps it hidden”

“He’s not really a people person” said the Vicar

“Though he wasn’t always like that, his wife Mary died three years ago”

“She was the sun and the moon in his sky” Caroline said 

“So when her light was extinguished his world went dark”

“Her light still shines just not in this world” Rose said

“Quite so” agreed the vicar

The Vicar paused a moment

“His problem is that he hasn’t forgiven the world for carrying on after her death” he said “or God for taking her”

“Was he very different before her death?” She asked

“Oh yes we were all friends back then” Caroline replied

“We miss them”

“Them?” Rose asked

“I think the Daniel we knew died soon after her” Richard said

“We haven’t quite given up on him but we’re close. There is a limit to the number of olive branches you can have thrown back in your face.

Even a Vicar can’t turn the other cheek indefinitely”

“Well I think I’ll give it a try anyway” Rose said

“He’ll treat you as a hostile” He said

“Look Vicar I’m a sister on a Children’s ward, which is often like bedlam so I can handle one old curmudgeon”

 

The next day was Wednesday so Rose called in at Mault’s garage to get an update on her car she wasn’t able to find an English to Bumpkin phrase book so she had to wing it.

When she left 10 minutes later she had a definitive date when it would be ready, “sometime soon” 

Rose then continued on through the village heading for Daniel Scott’s farmhouse.

When she was walking down the lane to Old Farm she could see the house and as she approached she could hear muttering and cursing in the vicinity but wasn’t able to pinpoint exactly where is was emanating from.

“Hello!” she called “Mr Scott!”

“Go away” a curmudgeonly voice replied

“Could I speak to you for a moment” she said

“I’m not buying anything” he said

“Good because I’m not selling anything” she responded

“What do you want then?” he barked and she was able to hone in on his location.

“I refuse to talk to a bush” she said curtly

There were more rustlings and then he appeared and she was surprised to see that the old curmudgeon was actually not that old, but he was certainly a curmudgeon.

Rose assessed he was probably not more than two or three years older than her.

He was average height, lean but quite muscular, well kempt with greying hair and not unpleasant to look at.

“What were you doing in there anyway?” she asked

“I am trying to reattach the honeysuckle to the trellis, not that it’s any of your business” he replied shortly “now what do you want?”

“Well I’m staying in the village for a few days” She began

“So?” he snapped

“And I was told that you have a wonderful view of the church from your meadow” she said

“Its private property” he snapped again

“I just wanted to spend an hour or two in the meadow painting” she said

“No” he instantly replied and returned from whence he came and the rustling continued.

Rose was unhappy with the exchange and was scolding herself for not being more forceful, the only way to deal with a bully was to bully them.

Rose was just about to tackle him again.

“Oh bugger it” he cursed

And the activity ceased amongst the Honeysuckle and he reappeared with a blood stained hankie wrapped around his hand.

“What’s the matter?” she asked

“Are you still here?” he asked

“What have you done?” Rose inquired

“Nothing” he snapped

“That’s clearly not true” she said

“Let me look” she insisted

“I don’t need any help” he barked

“Don’t be silly” she scolded

“I’m a nurse, let me see”

He removed the blood stained hankie and she looked at the wound.

“It’s quite deep, but it shouldn’t need stitching” she said “but it will need cleaning, I take it you have a kitchen?”

“Yes of course” he replied

“Then lead on McDuff” she commanded

“Has anyone ever told you you’re bossy?” he said crossly

“Oh yes” she replied “has anyone ever told you you’re a curmudgeon”

“Only the vicar” he replied

Rose cleaned it thoroughly and then dried it well and applied the butterfly stitches from the first aid kit in her bag.

“So the Vicars been telling you my business has he?”

He snapped

“For reasons that are beyond understanding there are people in this village who care about you” she replied “If you ever stopped to think”

“I’m not used to being spoken to like that” he said pompously

“More’s the pity” she replied

There was silence while she dressed his hand and when she’d finished she said

“Now you can’t use it for at least a week or you’ll open it up again”

He held it up and inspected it

“Not a bad job” he said

“Oh high praise indeed, so are you going to let me paint in your meadow?” she asked “Payment in kind for services rendered”

“I wouldn’t have cut my bloody hand in the first place if you had come snooping around” he replied

“Tosh” she responded “you were lucky I was here”

“You are an infuriating woman” Scott said

“Yes I know” she replied “now are you going to show me the way?”

“Bossy mare” he said

 

As they began the walk to the meadow there was an awkward silence so Rose told the story of how she had broken down and the Vicar had come to her aid

“He’s a good man” Daniel said “But don’t you tell him I said so”

“So it’s not him you’re mad at, then?” She asked

“What do you mean?” he asked but she didn’t answer as she was looking across the river at the picturesque view of the church

“Now that’s what I wanted to see” she said

“It’s alright I suppose” he said begrudgingly

Rose scanned along the river bank until she spotted the vicarage garden and saw Caroline on the patio waving at her.

“I’ll leave you to it” he said sulkily

“Thank you Mr Scott” Rose said

“Daniel” he mumbled

“I beg your pardon” Rose asked

“Call me Daniel” he said and walked away briskly

 

There was no sign of him in his garden when she was finished so she put a note through his door thanking him and that she hoped she could do the same the following day.

It was another fine day on Thursday and Rose set off for the meadow straight after breakfast.

She called in at the General Store and picked up some bottled water and a sandwich for her lunch, she had forgotten to take anything with her the day before.

But as she was leaving the shop she met Caroline Turner who was on her way in.

“Rose” she said

“Caroline hi” Rose replied

“So he let you then?” Caroline asked “how on earth did you manage it”?

“Well at first I was polite, but when that didn’t work I bullied him into submission” Rose replied

“Well done you” she said and seeing Rose was carrying her painting gear, asked

“Are you going back again?”

“Yes” Rose replied “if I can get away with it”

“Well good luck” Caroline said “come for dinner Friday night and tell us how you got on”

“Ok” Rose said “see you later”

 

She continued on through the village until she reached Old Farm and once again there was no sign of the old curmudgeon so she carried on down the lane to the meadow.

Rose quickly set up her easel and began painting and in what seemed like a blink of an eye the morning was gone so she cleaned her brushes and stopped for lunch.

The afternoon sun was very hot so she packed up around 2 o’clock and headed back up the lane.

She looked for Daniel as she passed the house but there was no sign of him outside, she did fancy she saw him at a downstairs window but she wasn’t sure but she smiled and waved anyway.

 

On Friday morning she repeated the pattern and set off straight after breakfast, bought her lunch at the Store and was set up in meadow by 10 o’clock.

Rose was sure she noticed a curtain twitch as she passed the house but if it was him he didn’t make himself known.

It was a little cooler in the meadow that morning with a refreshing breeze blowing off the water.

It was when she was cleaning her brushes in preparation of stopping for her sandwich that she was disturbed by a voice behind her.

“Hello”

 Rose turned around sharply and saw Daniel Scott standing a few yards away holding a picnic basket

“Oh hello” she replied “What have you got there?”

“Lunch” he replied and sat down beside her and opened up the hamper.

She was quite surprised to see him not behaving curmudgeonly as he served the lunch.

Afterwards with all the food consumed they were on their last glass of wine when Rose said.

“Thank you Daniel that was a most pleasant lunch, and pleasant company”   

“You sound surprised” he said sharply

“Yes” she replied “But pleasantly”

 

Rose was a little light headed as they walked back up the lane and when they got to the house she said

“I’m having dinner at the Vicarage tonight”

“Oh yes” he said suspiciously

“I’d like you to join me” Rose said

“Definitely not” he snapped

“Its high time” she said and he shook his head

“What do you think Mary would say? If she could see you hiding yourself away, wallowing in self-pity, being angry with the world and everyone in it”

“What do you know about it” he said angrily “You didn’t even know her”

“Am I wrong then?” Rose asked

“Why can’t you just leave me alone to deal with it in my own way?” he shouted and rushed towards the house

“Because your way is rubbish” she shouted after him

 

Rose was angry with herself for being too pushy, it was the wine she supposed.

On the way back to the Hotel she mulled over their conversation and wondered if she couldn’t have handled it differently.

When she reached the Coachman’s she lay on the bed and slept for the rest of the afternoon.

When she awoke she ran herself a bath and prepared for a long relaxing soak.

“What did it matter anyway” she thought to herself as she lay immersed in the bubbly water “I’ll be gone in a day or two”

“Well it matters” she said out loud “because I like the miserable old git”

 

After her bath she felt suitably refreshed and was possessed of a new resolve.

Having dried her hair and made herself up she put on the most presentable clothes she had packed and stood in front of the mirror to check the damage.

“Well that will have to do” Rose said to herself picked up her handbag and left the room.

 

Twenty minutes later she was knocking on Daniel Scott’s front door.

It was a few minutes before it opened.

“Good evening Daniel” she said

“Hello” he mumbled

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” Rose asked

“I suppose so” he said grumpily and stepped back to let her in.

“Thanks” she said

“You look very nice” he said quietly

“Well thank you kind sir” Rose said and gave a little curtsy

There was an awkward couple of minutes when neither of them spoke so Rose looked at her watch and said

“Well we had better make a move, the Turners are expecting us in 10 minutes”

“I’m not going” he said

“Oh yes you are” she said determinedly “Now get your coat”

“I’m not going out” he said resolutely “I’ll get a takeaway and we can eat here”

“Oh I see so I “look very nice” but you don’t want to be seen with me in public” she said baiting him

“That’s not what I said, you’re putting words in my mouth” he responded

“The Vicarage then” she said firmly “Get your coat”

“You really are bossy” he said slipping his jacket on

“And you really are a curmudgeon” Rose said

 

On the short walk to the Vicarage the conversation between them was restricted to the weather and the picturesqueness of the village.

When they reached the Vicarage he faltered half way along the path so Rose slipped her arm through his and guided him the rest of the way.

She rang the doorbell and a few moments later Caroline answered the door.

“Rose how lovely to see you” then she did a double take of her companion “And Daniel, what a wonderful surprise, come in, come in Richard will be thrilled”

“I thought you said WE were expected” Daniel whispered

“Oh did I?” Rose asked innocently

 

It was very late when they left the Vicarage in fact it was two hours into Saturday by the time the goodbyes had been said.

They were arm in arm as Daniel walked Rose back to the Hotel,

“I’ve had a lovely time” Rose said outside the Coachman’s

“Me too” Daniel said and kissed her cheek

“Goodnight Rose” And he was off down the road

“Goodnight” she called after him and then said to herself

“That was a very agreeable beginning”

 

On Saturday she slept late, which was very unusual for her and she had a most disagreeable headache.

She sat up and took a couple of tablets and flicked on the kettle.

As she waited for it to boil she looked at her phone and noticed there were three text messages all from an unknown number.

The first, time coded 2.45am, simply said “Thank you”

The second, timed at 7.45am, said “I had a great time last night”

The third, Said “I have packed a picnic, I will pick you up at noon, bring your paints there’s a castle” 

Rose looked at her watch 11.30

“Shit” she exclaimed and leapt up and rushed into the bathroom and turned on the shower, when she had a sudden thought.

She went back to the bed and picked up her phone and replied to his last text

“Ok see outside at 12”

 

Rose had been standing outside the Hotel for about 30 seconds when a green Landrover Discovery pulled up.

Daniel got out and walked around, he took Rose’s things and helped her into the passenger seat.

“Thank you” she said as he settled her in

“All set?” Daniel asked when he was back behind the wheel.

“Yes” she said “Where are we going, you mentioned a castle”

“Cleverley” he replied “but I may have oversold the Castle”

“Oh?”

“Yes, it used to be a Castle but its only ruins now” he said

“Even better” Rose said amicably

 

Rose supposed the Cleverley Castle must have been an imposing sight up on its hill overlooking the Deighton valley.

Now it was just a collection of ruins, which could still be clearly identified as having once been a Castle.

It made for a very interesting subject for a water colourist and Rose enjoyed it very much.

She also enjoyed Daniels amicable company and his picnic

“You put together a very nice picnic Mr Scott” she said

“Even without the wine”

Daniel had omitted to include the wine and Rose had teased him about it.

As they were packing up at the end of the day Rose said

“I’m going to church in the morning and I thought you might like to accompany me as I’m a stranger in the parish”

“Oh I don’t think so” he replied

“Well you didn’t think you could go to the Vicarage but you did and furthermore you enjoyed every minute”

“That was different” he said stubbornly

“How so?” Rose asked

“I wasn’t angry with Richard and Caroline, I had been pushing them away for so long that I didn’t know how to approach them”

He explained

“But God and I are not on speaking terms because I’m still angry with him”

“I know your faith has been tested” Rose said softly

“But don’t you think my faith isn’t tested every time I see a young child taken before their time? But that’s what life is all about being tested”

Daniel was silently staring into space as Rose continued

“The people of the parish didn’t take Mary away and they are the people who want to see you again, go to church to see them, show them they still have a friend”

“I don’t know” he said

“I’ll be there with you” Rose assured him

   

“I’m not sure about this” Daniel said as they stood by the lych-gate outside St Augustine’s on Sunday morning

“Good to see you Daniel” a man said slapping him on the back

“You see they’re all friends here” she said and she held his hand as they walked up the path and into the church.

She gave his hand a final squeeze and opened the door in to the church where he was greeted by a group of friends eager to welcome him back.

 

The following day Rose and Daniel were in the village of Brocklington about six miles downstream of Deighton and they were sat in a pub garden by the river eating Whitebait in the sunshine.

“You’ve only been in Deighton for one short week Rose Ganly” he said

“And you’ve turned my world upside down”

“It needed shaking up a bit” she said

“Well you did that sure enough” Daniel admitted

They had just finished their deserts when her mobile phone rang.

“Hello!” she said

“Mr Mault?”

“Excellent news”

“Yes”

“I’ll pick it up this afternoon”

“Thank you, goodbye” she said and hung up.

“Well my car has been repaired” she said putting her mobile back in her bag

“I can get under way just as soon as I want” she said

“The world is my oyster, well as long as it’s in this country because I didn’t bring a passport”

Daniel was just looking down at his feet

“Where are you going?” he asked

“I don’t know exactly” she replied “but I’ve got 3 weeks to get there”

She took a sip of her drink

“Why don’t you come with me?” Rose suggested

“What just like that?” he said

“Why not?” she asked but he didn’t answer

 

He drove her back to Deighton and dropped her outside Mault’s garage.

“Come to mine tonight” he said “we’ll have a takeaway”

“Ok” she said “but think about what I said, it could be fun”

And then she leant over and kissed him.

 

It started to rain as she was getting ready so she decided to drive up to Daniels.

There was not a repeat of the late night of Friday they just ate their Chinese takeaway and watched a movie and the conversation was sparse with both of them avoiding the elephant in the room but eventually just before she left Rose said

“I’m having coffee with Richard and Caroline at the vicarage tomorrow morning, and I’ll be leaving at eleven if you want to come with me meet me there”

 

Next morning Rose checked out of the Coachman’s Arms for the second time and drove to the vicarage.

“I’ve had a wonderful week here” Rose said “and I only planned to stay one night”

“I think it was divine intervention” said the Vicar

“You might well be right” she agreed “But enjoy it I certainly have, and I hope I’ve made lasting friendships”

“I hope so too” Caroline said

“And Daniel?” Richard asked

“Well I asked him to go with me” she said

“And?” Caroline enquired

“Well he’s not here so I guess it’s a no” Rose replied

“Will you come back and see us on the way home Rose?” She asked

“Yes I think so” Rose replied and looked at her watch

“Well I had better get on my way”

Rose had her back to the outdoors as she said goodbye to the Turners

When Richard said “It looks like it’s a yes then”

“What?” Rose exclaimed and Richard nodded beyond her, so she turned around and saw him standing by the gate with a holdall in his hand. 

SEE EMILY PLAY

 

It is said that Beauty

Is in its beholders eye

Then surely in Emily’s case

Our vision must be singular

Any man with a heartbeat

Must see as I

In order not to mislead

I should state that Emily

Is not on the cover of vogue

She is no airbrushed goddess

She is a normal girl

Perhaps even ordinary

But she is beautiful all the same

She does not see it

In her self-effacing way

She sees only her flaws

But in my eyes

Her beauty is enhanced

By her imperfections

And not diminished by them

She is not a perfect beauty

And so, to me she is perfection

She see’s many imperfections

But I don’t see any

For example, her hair

Which Emily wears long

Is straight and is of that

Undignified shade of mousy

Her ears are small, almost delicate

But they do protrude

Allowing her to hook her hair

Behind them effortlessly

Emily’s nose is a little Aquiline

But cute all the same

Her eyes are a startling pale green

And quite hypnotic

They are punctuated

With thick eyebrows

In the Brooke Shields style

Her lips are full, without a pout

And the corners turn up

Cutely innocent

The colour is pink

At its darkest hue

But all of this is merely,

Window dressing

I look at her in awe

Such is her loveliness

But the secret to her beauty

Is that she is natural

On the day I first met her

On that summers day

When her mouth opened

And those full pink lips

Turned into a smile

They illuminated the room

Her face seemed to radiate

A light so divine

And her countenance

Was at once angelic

And at that very moment

Emily captured my heart

I stood open mouthed

Staring at this goddess

Then when see noticed me

Her cheeks discoloured

To a shade of claret wine

And I knew cupid had struck

Two hearts pierced by a single arrow

Tuesday, 1 February 2022

Pretty In Pink

My name is Gary Devonshire and I first met Emma Lillis at the Intercontinental Hotel in East Berlin in 1973, or more precisely outside the hotel.

I was then and still am a writer by profession, a sportswriter to be precise, and my reason for being in East Germany was the World Cup.

It was being held in West Germany the following year and the East German team had qualified for the finals.

Furthermore they would end up being drawn in the same group as their western cousins and would actually go on to win the group.

We didn’t know any of that at the time of course.

And we didn’t know very much about them either.

So I had applied for and been granted a 12 week visa to experience East German football at first hand, and follow some of their star players in their domestic league.

But on the day I met Emma my twelve weeks were up and I was going to cross into West Berlin later that afternoon.

I was wearing my last but one clean shirt, the hotel had managed to lose three and over starch a fourth rendering it unwearable.

Still I would be back in the West soon and KaDeWe would sort me out, it was my favourite department store in the whole of Europe. 

 

I was outside the hotel looking up at the slate grey autumn sky and thinking to myself about my time there.

East Germany was often grey and drab like their weather but its football and its people’s appreciation of it was rainbow coloured.

I was even sorry to be leaving, though I wouldn't be sorry to lose my secret police escort who had followed me everywhere but despite their intrusive attentions I had enjoyed my stay and the football.

All of this was going through my head when she bumped into me.

The girl I would come to know, as Emma was dressed from head to toe in dull autumn colours and looked as drab and gloomy as our surroundings.

And her countenance was equally gloomy as she said without expression

“Sorry”

“No reason to apologize” I said as I stooped down to pick up her bag.

“My fault entirely”

“Thank you” she said and smiled, and the effect of the smile on her smile was like the sun had come out on a dreary day, such was the difference before she then went quickly on her way.

 

Later that day I crossed over the boarder at Checkpoint Charlie.

I took a cab to the checkpoint and then crossed on foot.

At the barrier a sour faced border guard with a machine gun barked at me

“Passport”

I held it out to him.

“Show me page one,” he demanded

I duly obliged

“I said show me page one mister” he yelled and pointed his gun at me

I looked at the page I’d opened it to and showed it to him again, open at the same page.

And this time he waved me through apparently my bit of intimidation was over.

Once I had crossed into West Berlin I got another cab and I was instantly struck by the stark contrast as the cab drove me through the vibrant and colourful city on the way to the Ritz-Carlton.

 

It was at the Hotel where I saw Emma for the second time.

I was just finishing my breakfast the next morning when she walked in still dressed in Autumnal hues again and sporting a winter expression to go with it.

She didn’t notice me however she was too busy staring at her feet as she walked behind an older couple and seemed to me she was trying not to be noticed.

The group proceeded to their table in convoy led by a rather imposing woman in her late 50s, quite elegant with a regal stature who was immaculately dressed.

Behind her was a slightly younger man of military bearing except when he was fawning over the woman.

And then came the girl, twenty something I ascertained, I presumed her to be the daughter of the couple although there was no warmth between them.

My journalistic eye was denied the opportunity to analyse the threesome any longer by the arrival in reception of a friend from the Berlin news bureaux.

 

Samuel Krzeminski and I had been friends since University and we always got together for lunch whenever we found ourselves in the same city.

But our friendship went deeper than that I was also best man at Sam and Trudy’s wedding and their eldest child, Otto, was my godson.

We would doubtless see quite a lot of each other in the coming year as the Olympic Stadium in West Berlin was one of the venues for the 74 World Cup.

Which is where we were headed that morning as we had a tour arranged at the Olympic Stadium and the new facilities before lunch.

That evening I was having dinner at their Spandau home but lunch was catching up time for Sam and me.

Afterwards I went to my favourite department store, The Kaufhaus des Westens, which translates into English as "Department Store of the West", usually abbreviated to KaDeWe.

 

Which was where I saw Emma Lillis for the third time. 

I had just bought myself some new shirts and was looking for a new coat to go with them when we had our second collision in as many days.

“Sorry, sorry” she said

“It was my fault,” I said and I was once again stooping down to pick up her bag.

“I wasn’t looking where I was going”

This time however she stooped down as well, as the contents of her bag had spilled onto the floor and she blushed deeply as she scooped her brightly coloured silky items back into her bag.

“Are you ok?” I asked

“Yes thank you” she said and gave me a brief smile, which was when I realised it was she.

“This is the second time I’ve crashed into you,” I said

“Let me buy you a tea or a coffee as recompense”

“There’s really no need,” she said as she got to her feet.

“I insist” I said and steered her towards the lift

“I’m Gary by the way”

“Emma” she said meekly

         

We sat in the café and gave our order to the waitress.

“It’s very strange how we keep bumping into each other,” I said

“Don’t you think so?”

She just stared at some imagined imperfection on the tablecloth

“Well I think three times in two days is noteworthy” I persisted

“Three?” she said lifting her eyes for the tablecloth for the first time

“Yes breakfast this morning at the Ritz,” I elaborated

“Are you staying there?” she asked

“Yes” I replied

“Was that your parents that I saw you with?”

“Yes and no” she answered intriguingly

“Oh I see,” I said, “so the immaculately dressed tour de force is?”

“My mother” she replied with a smile “Donna Lillis-Prillman, I like to call her Belladonna because she really is quite poisonous”

“And the military type? The fawning sycophant?” I asked and she laughed

“My Stepfather, Martin Prillmann” she replied

Just then the drinks and pastries arrived so there was a break in the conversation

“What took you to the East?” I asked

“A funeral, one of Martins uncles” she replied, “He is one of the Prussian aristocracy, a minor one and totally impoverished however which is why he married my mother”

“She isn’t impoverished then?” I asked 

“God no she’s filthy rich” she replied “but she’s a snob, and a minor aristocracy is better than no aristocracy at all”

“I see” I responded “Hence the Ritz”

She nodded

“So where do you live when you’re not ensconced in luxury hotels?”

I asked

“Well our house is in London but we are hardly ever there” Emma replied

“I like travelling though”

“But?” I said

“But, I wish I could do it without being under Belladonnas watchful eye” she said

“Why don’t you then?” I asked

“Mummy dear controls the purse strings and I only get a small allowance, so I am totally dependent on her” she replied bitterly

“You’re obviously not happy about it,” I said

“That’s because I’m 27 years old and I’m still getting pocket money from my mother” she said

She was on the verge of tears so I chose a different tack.

“What about your father? Your real father”

“He died when I was 15” she replied

“I’m sorry,” I said

“Its fine” she said brightly “What about you, how come you are staying at the Ritz?”

“Just a treat I’m afraid, I don’t normally ride quite so high on the hog” I said

She looked at me in a way that urged me to say more so I elaborated

“I’ve been working in East Germany for three months and such deprivations deserved a reward”

“What were you doing over there? Are you a spy?” she asked and laughed

“No I’m not a spy, I’m a sportswriter” I replied

“Really?” she asked brightly “Would I know you?”

“You might” I replied

 “A sportswriter named Gary” she mused

“Hang on are you Gary Devonshire?” she asked

“Yes I am” I said surprised she knew my work

“I’ve read your reports,” she said, “So what have you been working on? Something related to the World Cup I bet”

“Spot on, I’m impressed” I replied

We then spent a very pleasant hour discussing sports of every type.

I have to admit that the scared little mouse I had bumped into took on an entirely different persona when she spoke, with a great depth of knowledge, on sport.

She was still in full flow when she glanced at the clock and announced that she had to go.

“I didn’t realise it was so late” she said, “Mother will be miffed”

“I’m sorry I kept you so late” I said

“Don’t be, I rarely get to discuss football with anyone other than taxi drivers” she said

“If you’re going back to the Ritz we could share a cab”

“That would be great,” I agreed and we were able to continue our discussion on the journey.

When we arrived at the Hotel the Titan was seated in reception

“Ooops” Emma said and pulled a face

“Sorry again” I said

“It’s ok, it was nice talking to you” she said and walked over to where her mother was waiting

“You’re late” Belladonna said

“Sorry I lost track of the time” Emma said

“Apparently so” her mother said a gave me a withering look

 

When I went to the desk to retrieve my key I found a message waiting for me to say that the meal with Sam and Trudy was cancelled, as their youngest child Sebastian was ill.

Although we would do it the following night instead it meant I was then at a loose end that evening.

I decided to have a word with Max, the concierge, to see if he could get me ticket for something, anything, for that evening.

He came back to me an hour later, with two tickets for Herta Berlins match at the Olympic stadium against Hannover 96. 

Unfortunately he had misunderstood, I only wanted one ticket but he had scalped me a pair.

I paid him the money and just hoped it would be worth it.

 

Before I went to the match I decided to get a beer in the hotel bar first.

In the end I had two and as I sat at the bar I noticed the formidable Mrs Lillis-Prillman and her lapdog crossing the foyer in all their finery and I started to wonder where Emma was.

I was a hard bitten thirty five year old sports hack who had managed to stay single into middle age, though in truth it hadn’t always been by design, but I shouldn’t have cared tu’ppence.

But it was funny that since I had bumped into Emma for the third time that afternoon how I found myself wishing to bump into her again. 

And as I left the bar after finishing my third drink I got my wish.

“Oh hello” she said

“Emma!” I exclaimed “I was just thinking about you”

“Oh?” she said and blushed

“Yes I just saw her ladyship and her lackey leave the hotel and I wondered why you weren’t with them” I said

“They’ve gone to an Embassy reception” she replied “not really my cup of tea”

“In which case I think I have something that might be” I said

“Really?” she asked intrigued

“Yes I’m off to the Olympic Stadium” I began “Herta are playing…”

“Hannover” she responded

“Correct” I said slightly patronizingly

“And I have a spare ticket”

To my surprise she didn’t respond to my unspoken invitation but I left the silence unfilled for a minute before I said

“So would you like to come?”

“Me?” she asked like she’d never been invited anywhere in her life

“Really?”

“Yes you” I reiterated

“I’d love to” she said “have I got time to change?”

   

I waited in reception for about 10 minutes while she changed into something more suitable for an October evening in Berlin.

As I watched her exit the lifts and cross the foyer I was struck by two things, firstly how much more strident and confident she was when not in her mother’s wake, her brown hair bouncing in unison with her purposeful step.

And secondly how attractive she was.

I had briefly noticed her pretty smile on our first meeting but that was very fleeting   

Now I had a chance to look at the girl and not the drab little mouse.

Emma also appeared to be taller than she was before as she wasn’t hunched over staring at her feet.

Her clothing however was still autumnal as before, she was wearing a long drab coloured skirt, knee high boots and a long leather coat, brown.  

I knew she liked colour, I had seen the evidence spill from her bag in KaDeWe.

But she still managed to look pretty despite the drabness.

As she got closer she saw be looking and her freckled face blushed but she still managed a smile.

 

Max the concierge hailed us a cab and we got in.

“I’ve never been to a Bundesliga game before” she announce as the cab pulled off. “I’m quite excited”

“I’m afraid they’re only standing tickets,” I confessed hoping it wouldn’t curb her enthusiasm.

“What on the terraces?” she asked

“I’m afraid so” I admitted

“Even better” she squealed “Thank you so much for bringing me”

“You don’t mind then?” I asked

“Not at all, normally if I’m lucky enough to go to sports events we’re in the Directors box or sitting in the posh seats with people who know nothing about what they’re watching” She said

“I’m going to be on the terraces with the real fans”

“I know what you mean” I said “I’m normally in the press box with a bunch of cynical old hacks, who have no passion for what they’re watching”

“This is as close as I can get” the driver said

“No problem” I said and paid the fare

 

Once on the pavement I said to Emma

“We’ll have to walk from here”

“Great, we can soak up the atmosphere” she said brightly and meant it.

 

At the end of a thrilling match Herta were victorious, winning 4-2.

“That was brilliant” Emma shouted enthusiastically almost hoarse.

We were being guided along the street by a group of Herta fans we had met on the terraces to their favourite bar to celebrate the victory with their new friends namely us.

We went in for one and stayed for three and were both feeling a little light headed when we left as neither of us had eaten.

That was soon remedied when we found a little Hungarian restaurant only a little way along from the bar.

 

After our welcome satisfying repast we hailed a taxi for the ride back to the Ritz.

It was quite late by then and the journey passed relatively quietly as we began to feel the effects of the football, beer and goulash; it was a comfortable silence however.

Once back at the Ritz we picked up our keys from reception and rode up in the lift together, still in relative quiet.

We reached her floor first and being a gentleman I delivered her to her door.

“Well here we are milady, I have delivered you safely to your door” I said with a bow

“Thank you kind sir” she replied and performed an ungraceful curtsy

“Seriously though, thank you so much again” she said “I had a great time”

“No need for thanks, you were excellent company” I responded

“Which reminds me I’m having dinner in Spandau tomorrow night with friends and I wondered if you would like to join me? Although it won’t match the excitement of tonight’s game I can promise it will be enjoyable”

And before I could add anything else her mouth was on mine, which I took to mean yes to dinner and judging by what followed she had clearly gotten her second wind.

 

The next morning, while Emma showered, I was dressing myself from the discarded items of clothing from the floor in her room when I spied her underwear underneath a chair; I had only briefly glimpsed them the night before as I hurriedly removed them from her lower portions.

They were a warm shade of deep pink with contrasting bows of pale pink ribbon and looking at them aroused me.

I don’t know why I was aroused, as we had only made love half an hour earlier.

I could hear her in the bathroom as my gaze was fixed on her knickers, which were of a hue that was in such stark contrast to her drab outer garments, she really was pretty in pink.

Just as she came out of the bathroom wrapped in white towels I said

“Show me what you’ll be wearing today”

“Ok” she said as a look of confusion spread across her face and she walked over to her wardrobe and took out two items

 “I’m going to wear my beige top and a russet coloured skirt,” Emma said

“That’s not what I meant,” I said

“I don’t understand,” she said looking even more confused

“Show me what you will be wearing, underneath,” I explained

“Oh” she said and was no longer confused

“Now do you understand?” I asked

“Yes” she said

“So?” I pressed

“I’m not saying” Emma said adamantly

“Why not? I asked

“Its private, personal” she said coyly

“We made love twice last night and again this morning” I said “it doesn’t get more personal than that”

“I know” she responded and blushed “but that was different”

“Was it?”

“Yes” she said in a tone that seemed to draw a line on the conversation but then she asked

“Why do you want to know?”

“Well when I see you walk into breakfast with your overbearing mother, Bella Donna and her Prussian ponce of a husband, I want to be the only one in the room, other than you, to know what you are wearing against your precious skin beneath your russet skirt”

I explained

“But more importantly I want to know, so I can picture them with perfect clarity as I look forward to taking them off you later”

“Are you going to take them off me later?” she asked quietly

“I would very much like to” I confessed

Without hesitation Emma walked over to her chest of drawers and pulled the top one open

“Then I will be wearing these,” she said holding up a pair of scarlet silk panties.

 

At breakfast I was in the dining room before Emma arrived and positioned myself at a table where I could observe her and be observed by her.

As previously the group proceeded to their table in convoy led by the imposing Mrs Lillis-Prillman, “Belladonna” following closely bbehind her was her sycophantic husband Martin Prillmann and bringing up the rear came Emma but not stooped over and staring at her shoes as she had the day before.

She walked in straight backed and smiling broadly.

She was trying not to make eye contact with me, but couldn’t resist and she blushed redder than the scarlet silk panties she was wearing.  

Her mother noticed the smiles that passed between us and gave me a disapproving look.

 

That afternoon when I did indeed remove her scarlet knickers it would have driven Donna to distraction.

She would definitely have disapproved if she’d seen me undressing her daughter in my room that afternoon and again that night in Emma’s where I liberated her from a pink lace pair after we had dined in Spandau at Sam and Trudy’s.

 

The next day after breakfast I was summoned to Donna’s suite, I was of a mind to disappoint her and I told Emma as much but to my surprise she urged me to meet her.

I knocked on the door and after a moment it was opened by the sycophant who with typical Prussian arrogance silently looked me up and down.

“I was summoned,” I said and he stepped aside to let me in.

Donna was seated at her desk with her back to me and without turning around she said brusquely.

“You may sit”

“You’re too kind” I said factiously

“You’ll do well not to adopt an attitude with me Mr Devonshire”

She said still with her back to me

“I don’t think I need a lesson in manners from someone who doesn’t even have the courtesy to look at the person they are addressing” I said annoyed at myself for losing my temper but it did have the desired effect as she turned around to face me.

“I am superior to you in every conceivable way Mr Devonshire and I therefore have no need to show you anything other than contempt” she said 

“Is that the only reason you summoned me? To tell me how superior you are”

I said and stood up

“I summoned you to tell you to stay away from my daughter,” she said without expression

“Well you’ve told me” I said and walked towards the door

“Don’t go without what you came here for,” she said

“This should satisfy you” she added and held out a cheque

I took it from her and she smiled an ugly grimace, then I tore it up and threw the pieces at her.

“That was my only offer,” she said, “and you never see a penny of Emma’s money”

“I’m not interested in your daughter’s money” I said angrily “I work for a living”

I left the room slamming the door behind me; I was so angry that I stormed out of the hotel and was gone for an hour.

When I returned I found Emma waiting anxiously in reception and it was apparent she had been crying and she was on the verge of crying again so I took her in my arms. 

When we saw her mother exit the lift and start walking towards us we ran out of the door and jumped into a cab. 

We drove around the city for about half an hour before we finally alighted at the Europa Centre and spent an hour in the Irish pub and stared at the water clock as we made our plans for the future.

 

These plans involved to a large degree my friends Sam and Trudy.

We had decided not to return to the Ritz but I needed to check out of the hotel and Emma needed some of her clothes and some items of sentimental value.

         

We stayed at a small Guesthouse on the edge of the Turkish quarter that night and the next day arranged to meet Emma’s mother and stepfather at midday at Berlin Zoo.

While they were out of the hotel Trudy bluffed her way into Emma’s room and packed her an overnight bag, comprising mainly of the contents of her underwear draw and jewellery box and of course her passport. 

Meanwhile Sam had settled my bill and collected my things from my room.

Emma went into the zoo but remained out of sight and kept Donna and Martin in view while I waited by a pay phone at the entrance.

I looked at my watch and was beginning to get anxious and then the phone rang

“Ja!” I said and I still don’t know why I said it in German, but I did.

“Mission accomplished” Sam said

“Really?” I said

“Yes” Sam confirmed, “Now get your ass over to Tegel”

“Ok, see you soon” I said and hung up

I paid for my ticket and went in to find Emma which wasn’t difficult as she was a rubbish spy, I found her wearing a floppy hat and hiding in the gift shop.

She was staring out the window and giggling, as she watched her mother and stepfather arguing. 

I crept up behind her and goosed her and she let out a yelp, so loud there was a very real danger her quarry may have heard so I took her hand and we ran for the gate as if the devil was on our heels and jumped into the first cab we found.

 

We reached Tegel airport and met up with Sam and Trudy.

When hugs and handshakes had been shared I said

“We will never forget this”

“It’s a pleasure” Trudy said, “I was beginning to think you would never fall in love”

“Well it’s happened,” I said

“You didn’t tell me that” Emma said and punched me

“It’s been a busy day” I said feebly and kissed her

“Here are your tickets” Sam said, “Now get a move on”

We said our goodbyes at the gate and flew to London.

 

Once in London Emma took me to the family home in Mayfair and we spent the night there, making love in her mother’s bed.

Early next morning Emma packed a suitcase and we took a taxi first to Fleet Street where I submitted my piece on East German football to the editor at the Times and then onto my flat in Isleworth where I packed a case of my own.

From there we took a plane to New York and my next assignment on American Football.

Emma loved it, we got to travel around America, from motel to motel watching all kinds of sport, it wasn’t the kind of accommodation she was used to but if she was unhappy about it she never mentioned it or complained about it.

Her knowledge of sport was quite astounding, and I don’t mean for a woman either, and apart from the fact I was in love with her she was also invaluable to me as an editor, a critic and a sounding board.

She also managed our finances, and kept us solvent.

Our American journey came to an end with Super Bowl VIII on January 13, 1974 at Rice Stadium in Houston, Texas when the Miami Dolphins defeated the Minnesota Vikings 24–7. To win their second consecutive Super Bowl, and I proposed to Emma.

 

On the back of my Times piece on East German Football and my work on American Football and Soccer in America I was offered a job by the New York Times to cover the 1974 World Cup and as it meant our having to be in Berlin for some of the group matches we got married while we were there, with Sam and Trudy in attendance obviously.

Donna was invited but she declined, she never forgave her daughter for disobeying her wishes and Emma never forgave Donna for not being at her daughter’s wedding.

 

Over the years Emma travelled with me around the world from event to event, World Cups, Olympics, Commonwealth Games, Rugby, Cricket and Horse Racing and we are still together and you know what, she’s still pretty in pink.

DO I LOVE YOU?

 

Do I love you?

How could I not

When I touch you

My heart beats as yours

You are the one

My other self

My virtual twin

When I breathe out

You breathe in

You are the other half of me

That makes me whole

We fit each other

Like machine cut pieces

In a puzzle of love

When I hold you

The edges of our forms blur

And we are one being

We are symbiotic

Hearts beating as one

Thinking each other’s thoughts

Speaking each other’s words

Sharing the same shadow

When I hold your hand

Our fingers merge

And become indistinguishable

We are conjoined

Do I love you?

You know I do

I always have

And always will

What else can a soul mate do?