Mornington-By-Mere – (44) The Guilt of the Survivor

(Part 01)

When the Mornington Estate exercised its option to purchase Mornington Field from the MOD it also acquired all the buildings and infrastructure on the airfield itself as well as 29 houses in the village formally used as quarters for military personnel.
Plans were immediately drawn up to optimize the newly acquired assets the moment the property was formally handed over on the 1st of June 2014.
The guardians of the estate are the St George family and the head of which is Baron Gabriel St George.
His architect Scott Collier was tasked with designing appropriate conversions to maximize the potential returns, and Ray Walker, who dealt with all things estate maintenance wise, was responsible for getting the old Air force housing stock occupied ASAP,
Ray worked tirelessly to that end to have not just the first six houses ready within the month as originally promised, but eight, which were handed over on the 6th of July, two days earlier than forecast.
Gabriel was then able to instruct Lyndon-Sanders Properties of Shallowfield to find tenants.
Priority was to be given to local people or people with ties to the area or those who worked in some capacity for the estate such as agriculture and the brewery.
Other than that they were to be rented with the only condition being that it had to be the tenant’s primary residence.
Gabriel was always conscious of creating a ghost town of professionals who live and work in Town all week and only return to the village on the weekend.

One such family to benefit from Gabriel’s policy were the Boddingtons who moved into number 7, Military Row.
The Boddington’s had a number of butcher’s shops in the Vale, including the one in Mornington.
They also had a pig farm, Saddleback Farm, near the hamlet of Fallowacres, which was as near as damn it the center point of the Vale, though only geographically.
All of the Boddingtons were employed either at the pig farm or in one of the many Butchers Shops, with the exception of 20 year old Nicola who was in every respect a Boddington, the looks were unmistakable, classically good looking with thick black curly hair and wild gypsy eyes, dark, mysterious and sexy.
She had obviously worked in the family business’s at some point but not for a while and she differed from her kin in one fundamental respect and that was because she was unhappy with her life and was contemplating ending it, because six months earlier in the lanes around Fallowacres she was the sole survivor of a tragic car crash which claimed the lives of her boyfriend Tom Gramstadt, his brother Callum and her best friend Jenny Grillo.

It happened one Sunday afternoon about half an hour after the Gramstadt’s had picked the girls up from Shallowfield where they worked as bar staff at The Wheatsheaf where they had been working the lunchtime shift and they were less than a mile from Saddleback Farm when Tom took the corner on the approach to the village much too fast, lost control, clipped a wall, left the road and flew into a nearby field where the car rolled multiple times before coming to a halt.
It was an event that had haunted her day and night ever since because she survived the accident relatively unscathed.
Nicola suffered several rib fractures, a broken arm, a broken collar bone and extensive cuts and bruises and a concussion.
But the most overwhelming injury she suffered was psychological because she was plagued with the guilt of the survivor.

(Part 02)

Although her physical injuries had healed, the physiological ones had not, and she hadn’t been able to work since she left hospital and she also found talking to people extremely difficult.
So she spent much of her time in her own company and when the house was full she took herself away and wandered in the environs of Mornington and thought of all the ways she could end her miserable life.
Which was how she came to the attention of Craig Jones.

Craig was the younger brother of the village copper Sgt Dave Jones and he was spending a couple of months in Mornington at the Police House helping out while his sister in law Peta was recovering after breaking her leg.
Craig had just finished his third year at University and was looking forward to doing nothing for a few months only a few days before Peta fell down the stairs and broke her leg.
And without needing to be asked he volunteered to help out while she literally got back on her feet.

Despite the fact that there was a nine year age gap Craig and Dave had always been very close and he loved the kids and his sister in law Peta was like an actual sister to him.
So it was no hardship for him to help his family and he had been a very frequent visitor to Mornington and he could see himself living there once he had finished his Masters and determined what to do with his degrees.

His services weren’t required all the time as Dave insisted he bear the burden when he was off duty so there were plenty of opportunities for him to have time to himself and as he was a keen runner he often took himself off for a run out in the fresh country air.

So it was early one morning in the middle of May on Dave’s day off, while he was doing the breakfast routine that Craig left the police house to go for a run.
He turned left and set off along the rough path along the Northern Bank of the River Brooke with Mornington Field on his right and Manor Wood across the water on his left.
After the Wood stood the famous Mornington Brewery and immediately before the river changed direction, Dulcets Mill one of the last three remaining Mornington Mills.
There was only Mornington Field on his side of the river after Dulcets Mill while on the opposite bank was a row of five terraced dwellings, called Brooke Side Cottages, which were separated from another five terraced houses, called, West Gate Cottages, by the recently rebuilt West Gate Bridge.
But after that it was countryside and farm land for mile after mile until he reached the Dulcets Road Bridge.
He crossed the bridge and headed back to the village on the opposite side of the river and it was after about a mile when it happened.

He was running at a steady pace while enjoying the scenery when he saw a dark haired figure jump into the full flowing river.
The river was swollen with the abundant spring rains but fortunately it wasn’t particularly deep or fast flowing but she was clearly struggling so he broke into a sprint and dived in after her.

(Part 03)

He could see her thrashing about and could hear her screams and as he reached the spot where she went in he jumped in without hesitation and swam towards her.
He wasn’t sure what had possessed her to jump in, in the first place but by the way she was splashing around in such distress, she clearly couldn’t swim and she certainly didn’t appear to want to drown.
Craig was in no doubt that she had tried to kill herself, it was perfectly obvious to him, but judging by her frantic struggling she had had a change of heart.
He was breathing hard from the running as he closed the distance between them and as she struggled to stay afloat the water splashed all around her.
He swam as fast as he could, but even though he was a strong swimmer he seemed to be going too slowly, but despite that he managed to reach her just in time.
But that proved to be only half the problem as reaching his initial goal only brought fresh problems, the first was having to avoid her flailing arms and the second was getting her to the bank.
He got a good hold on her but as she was fully clothed she was heavy, so it was with some difficulty that he swam her to the bank.
When he eventually got her to the riverbank the weeds on the river bed clutched at his ankles and he nearly lost his grip on her.
Fortunately a couple of anglers, who Craig had passed earlier when they were a few hundred yards downstream, had been alerted by the sound of the commotion and ran to their aid, and they leant a helping hand and dragged them both from the water.

“How on earth did you fall in, Nicola?” one of the anglers asked them as they sat dripping on the bank.
“Don’t tell them” she whispered “Please”
“She wasn’t watching where she was going and slipped on the muddy bank” he lied “luckily I saw it happen”
“Yes that was lucky” the second angler said and put his jacket around the shoulders of a shivering Nicola
“I’ll pick it up from yours later luv”
“Thank you” she said quietly
“Come on” Craig said “I’ll walk you back to the village”

He knew she was from Mornington as he had seen her around the village several times, always on her own, and looking perpetually sad.
“Thanks for your help” Craig said and shook both fishermen by the hand.

Craig and Nicola walked slowly back towards the village and were in sight of the West Gate Bridge before the silence was broken and it was her who broke it.
“Thank you” she said quietly
“That’s ok, it was quite refreshing after a five mile run” he said although he knew that wasn’t what she was thanking him for.
“No I meant for not saying anything”
“I know what you meant” he said “but I have to ask why?”
“I just get dark moods” she replied but she didn’t elaborate

(Part 04)

As Craig and Nicola continued to walk soggily beside the River Brooke in the direction of the village the only sounds were from the flowing water and the squelching of their footwear.
But Craig decided he should break the silence when he asked
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
“Not really” She replied
“But will you?”
“Yes” she replied, she didn’t want to but she thought it was the least he deserved, but it took a few minutes before she spoke again by which time they had reached the west gate bridge
“I was in a bad car crash” she began
“My God, What happened?” he asked
“My boyfriend Tom, his brother Callum and my best friend Jenny were killed” she snapped “That’s what happened”
“But what caused it?” he persisted
“Well Tom liked to drive fast, too fast to be honest” she said
“I used to tell him not to but he never listened, and now he’s gone”
And with that statement of finality she completely broke down and the tears she had tried so hard to contain flowed out of her unrestrained so Craig held her as she sobbed her heart out on the riverbank beside the bridge.

When she had composed herself they sat on the grassy bank and she told him the rest of the that day’s events which left Nicola with several rib fractures, a broken arm, a broken collar bone and extensive cuts and bruises and a concussion after Tom took the corner on the approach to the village much too fast.
He lost control, clipped a wall, left the road and flew into a nearby field where the car rolled multiple times before coming to a halt.
It was an event that had haunted her day and night ever since especially because she survived relatively unscathed.
“And that’s why you feel guilty” he said
“Wouldn’t you?” she asked him
“No,” he said “I would thank God for sparing me and you should too”
“That’s easy for you to say” she said thrusting her chin out defiantly
“Look Nicola you have your whole life ahead of you” he said “you should try to be positive, banish the dark thoughts from your mind and stop feeling….”
“Suicidal!! is that what you were going to say?” she said “I'm not suicidal, that was just a blip”
“I'm sure it was” he said “No one who wants to die would have fought like fury to live, like you did”
Nicola didn’t say anything but nodded and gave him a weak smile.
“What I meant was that feeling guilty about surviving is killing you” he continued
“What makes you such an expert?” she asked
“Well my first class degree in phycology helps” he said “but I’m just very perceptive”
“I should go” she said and stood up
“Did it help?” He asked
“What trying to kill myself?” she asked with a weak smile which he returned
“I meant talking about it” he said
“Yes” she replied surprised at her answer “It did”
“Perhaps we can talk again” he suggested but she didn’t answer and walked up the steps to the road that lead up to Mornington Field, which offered her the shortest route home, but before she disappeared from view she turned and shouted
“Yes”

(Part 05)

More than a week had gone by since Nicola had opened up to him beside the river and she had agreed to tell him more.
He had seen her around the village a few times, and had even stopped to exchange pleasantries but the opportunity to have the long awaited talk never presented itself.
That was until one day when his brother Dave was off for the day and had decided to take the children for a walk.
So he was sitting in the garden of the police house trying to decide what to do with the time he had on his hands when he was interrupted.
“Hello” a soft voice behind him said and when he turned around he saw it was Nicola.
“I’m ready to talk”
“And I’m ready to listen” he said “I’ll just make us a drink”

“Can you tell me about the accident?” he asked her after he made them both a drink
“Too be honest I don't remember very much really” she told him “not about the crash at least, it all happened so fast”
“Tell me what you do remember then” he encouraged her
“We were driving along laughing and joking just like every other time we had driven down that lane” she said “And then all of a sudden we weren’t laughing, and we were being bounced around like rag dolls and there was noise and screams and then we stopped”
She paused to drink her tea and he said nothing and just let her go at her own pace.
“I remember I was in the car and I was trapped in the back, Jenny was lifeless beside me she must have died after the first roll and Tom’s brother Callum had been thrown through the windscreen and lay dead in the field less than thirty feet away”
“What about Tom?” Craig asked and she turned to look at him with tears in her eyes as she replied
“I watched him die”
“I can’t imagine how that must have been” he said and took hold of her hand
“It was terrible, he kept crying out for his mother” she said and more tears filled her eyes.
“I wanted to comfort him but I couldn’t move, I tried, I really did but it was no use, I couldn’t even hold his hand”
The tears streamed down her cheeks
“He was such a big strong man begging for his mum, but she wasn't there. He only had me and I could do nothing for him, I still have nightmares about it”
“I would be very surprised if you didn’t” Craig thought
“I don’t know how long it was before someone came to help us but it wasn’t soon enough and so I just had to sit there helpless and watch my boyfriend die”
“After that I don’t remember much I was in a daze I have a vague recollection of the fire brigade cutting me free, and paramedics putting me in the ambulance, but that’s all” she said “it must have been the concussion”
“Or the trauma of what you had seen” Craig said

“Do you ever blame him?” she asked
“What?” she said
“Do you ever blame Tom for the accident?”
“Sometimes” she replied “I always warned him about driving too fast but he never listened, he just laughed it off, but mostly I just blame myself because I’m alive and he isn't”
Just at that moment Dave returned with the children.
“Oh hello” he said “its Nicola Boddington isn’t it?”
“Yes” she muttered “I have to go”
And before Craig could protest she was gone.
It was a real shame Dave returned when he did because she had opened up to him without very much prompting from him and he felt they had made real progress.

(Part 06)

The night after Nicola had opened up to him he sat up until the early hours with Dave drinking whisky and with Craig’s encouragement whilst in his cups his brother let something slip.

The knowledge obtained through the application of excess amounts of whisky was very enlightening and gave Craig considerable food for thought.
Though he wasn’t sure if he should use the information or not and while he wrestled with his conscience the days slipped away and all of a sudden the Mornington Beer Festival was upon them.

Craig had the weekend off even though Dave was on duty all weekend because Peta and the children had gone to stay with her parents for a few days.
So he was free to track down Nicola and continue from where they left off.

Nicola had been dreading the Mornington Beer Festival, as the whole of the Boddington clan were descending on the village and she was expected to be among them.
As was the norm the Beer Festival was being held in the grounds of Mornington Manor.
They had been sitting around the table in the main marquee for about an hour before she got up and mumbled to the group.
“I need a breath of fresh air”
She made her way out of the tent into the sunshine and as she stood on the threshold her mother came up behind her
“Is everything alright Nicola?” she asked, unable to hide the concern in her voice.
“I'm fine mum,” She replied “I just need to get out for a while and
clear my head, it’s very hot in there is all”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure, I think I'll just go for a walk” Nicola said
“Well don’t wander too far” she said “And don’t be too long”
“Ok mum”
“I mean it” Mrs. Boddington said
“I won't be too long” Nicola assured her and walked off through the crowd.
She walked as quickly as the crowds would allow and as soon as was possible she slipped between two marquees and across the grounds to the cool tranquility of Manor Wood.

When she was sitting in the beer tent with her family, dark thoughts began to fill her head again but as she made her way through the cool woods they began to fade.

Once she was in the sanctuary of the wood she ambled through to the other side until she reached the riverbank, and then turned left and followed the river towards the Brewery and Dulcets Mill but stopped and sat on the first bench she came to.
“I hope you’re not planning another swim” a voice said from behind her “I’ve got my favourite trousers on”
Despite the silence she had been so lost in her own thoughts and she hadn’t heard his footsteps as he approached.
“What are you doing here?” she asked
There was no need for her to turn around to know who the voice belonged to, it was a voice she recognized very well, it was Craig Jones.
“I just fancied some peace and quiet” he lied, in truth he had seen her walk into the woods and was concerned about her intentions.
“So what about you?” he asked as he sat down beside her
“Much the same” she replied

(Part 07)

Craig had seen Nicola walk into the woods and was concerned about her and her black moods and what her intentions might be.
He was relieved when he emerged from Manor would to see her sitting on a bench.
“I hope you’re not planning another swim” he said jokingly
“I’ve got my favourite trousers on”
“What are you doing here?” she asked
“I just fancied some peace and quiet” he lied.
“So what about you?” he asked as he sat down beside her
“Much the same” she replied
“Do you want a drink?” he asked as he reached into his bag and when his hand reappeared it was holding two bottles of beer, then he put his hand in his pocket and took out a bottle opener.
She nodded so he removed the cap off one bottle and handed it to her and then he opened one for himself.
“I have a confession to make,” he said
“I’m not just here because I fancied some peace and quiet, I was looking for you”
“You mean you still want to practice your psychology on me” she said
“No that’s not it” he said crossly
“Isn’t it?” She snapped
“No it isn’t” he retorted “Because I don’t want to be you’re therapist or your psychologist, I want to be your boyfriend”
He had fallen in love with her on that first day when he fished her from the river although he didn’t know it at the time.
“Oh” she exclaimed
“But before I can do anything about it there is something I need to tell you” he said enigmatically
“I know something about the accident” he said
“What?” she asked urgently
“I’m not sure I should say, it might make you feel better or at the very least less guilty about surviving, or it may make you feel worse”
“That's impossible” she said “what could possibly make me feel worse than I do already, so tell me”
“Well you know my brother is a policeman?”
“Yes, I remember him from the accident, He was there when the firemen got me out”
“Well, he told me something” he said
“What was it?”
“It was some evidence about the crash that wasn’t disclosed at the inquest” he said
“What evidence?” she said and bit her lower lip as if she was summoning up the courage to hear the worst.
Craig meanwhile was concerned about revealing something that might scupper their relationship before it began
“When they did the post mortems on Tom and Callum” he said “They found that they were both high”
“That's not possible” she said, refusing to believe it. “I would have
known if Tom was on drugs, wouldn’t I?”
“I don’t know about that” he said “But there’s more”
“What else could there be?” she said
“They got the drugs from Jenny” Craig said
“Jenny?” she asked
“Her cousin was a dealer” Craig said
Nicola tried desperately to remember back to the day of the accident to try and recall if there had been any clue that she missed, which if she had been alert to might have saved their lives, but she couldn’t.
“How bad were they?” he asked him as tears began to sting her eyes
“My brother told me that Tom would have been severely impaired to drive, Callum also, Jenny was clean, and there was no evidence that she was a user”
“Just a supplier” she said and her voice cracked and she began to sob, so Craig put his arm around her.
The sobs came slowly at first but were soon became uncontrollable heaves.

(Part 08)

As Craig and Nicola sat on a bench between Manor Wood and the river her sobs came slowly at first but soon became uncontrollable heaves.
He kissed the top of her head and could smell her perfume as her head lay against his chest
“I'm sorry” he said “I shouldn't have told you, but I didn't want you to keep punishing yourself”
“It wasn't your fault that you survived honey” he said “please don’t feel guilty for being alive”

When Nicola stopped crying she wiped away her tears with her sleeve.
“How did they do it?” she asked
“How did they do what?”
“Suppress the evidence”
“Apparently Jenny’s Uncle is a Judge and a lodge member so it wasn’t difficult for him to influence decisions” Craig replied
Then she was quite for a while as she mulled over the new evidence, it all suddenly made perfect sense and it explained why Tom's parents avoided her at the funeral and why Jenny’s mum wouldn't meet her eyes.
Nicola had been torturing herself that they were like that because they somehow resented her because she was alive, while all the time it was because they all knew that Tom, Callum and Jenny were all complicit in their own demise and they had nearly taken her with them as well.
The tears began to fall again but she got control of herself.
“I'm sorry” she said “it was such a shock”
“You don't need to apologize” Craig said “I'm the one who should be sorry for telling you”
“No, I’m glad you told me the truth, you’ve given me my life back” she said and hugged him tightly.

They continued sitting on the bench, Craig with his arm around her shoulder and her head against his chest long after the tears had stopped.
“I suppose we should discuss the boyfriend thing now” she said without lifting her head, he realized why shortly afterwards when she did show her face because she clearly looked like she was blushing.
“I agree” Craig said
“Why would want to be my boyfriend?” she asked “I’m a mess”
“I don’t think so” he said and leaned his face towards her and touched his lips gently with hers.
It was a sweet and gentle kiss and when it was over they smiled at each other and then she said.
“I am a mess though”
“The heart wants what the heart wants” he retorted
“But you admit I am a mess though” Nicola said triumphantly
“No, but I will admit that I fell for you when you were at your most…”
“Messed up” she interrupted
“Vulnerable, disheartened and dripping wet” he corrected her
“So I have seen you at your worst, and I’m not put off”
“What about when I’m no longer interesting to a psychologist” she asked
“I’m interested in “you” he said “the psychology just made me more interesting to you”
No sooner had he finished talking than Nicola stopped him from speaking again by kissing him.
A much more urgent, passion filled kiss altogether, than the first which seemed to draw a line under any further speculation.

After the kiss they remained on the bench holding each other in silence for about ten minutes when Craig spoke.
“Let’s go back to the festival” he suggested but she shook her head
“Why not?”
“I don't want to” she told him
“Even if we go together?” he asked
“A first date kind of thing”
“I’d rather just go for a walk” she explained “I’m not ready to face the family yet”
“Ashamed of me eh” he said
“Obviously” she said and they kissed again.