Tales from the Finchbottom Vale – (73) Miss Kirby and the Curate

(Part 01)

Virginia Kirby was a ward sister at the Winston Churchill Hospital and she was a rather plain middle-aged woman just the wrong side of 50.
Virginia was five foot six inches tall and very trim, and stood an inch or so taller in her stout shoes, and her sisters uniform fitted her perfectly, tapered at the waist where the broad belt sat.
Her once black hair was now streaked with grey and bore what Catherine Cookson fans would recognise as the “Mallen streak”.
She was always smiling, but the ageing in her face wasn’t all due to laughter lines, life’s hardships and experiences were etched into her face as well, each line and furrow an event and for those who could read such signs it was like her résumé.
She was well-liked and respected at work but none of her colleagues knew her outside of work and assumed she was just a sad lonely spinster.
That was due in part to the fact that she was a private person and didn’t talk of her private life and also because those who had happened to see her outside of work reported back that she was a frump as she choose to dress in the twin set and tweed style because sartorially Virginia was a sensible shoes and utilitarian tights kind of woman.
Even people from the village of Dulcet St Mary, where she had lived for 20 years believed her to be a sad lonely old soul and many of them referred to her as “the prudish Miss Kirby” or “virginal Virginia” or “the dried up old spinster”.

But as more than one man had found out over the years to their surprise beneath the frumpy exterior lay a hidden warmth.
The other thing that tended to reinforce the stereotype was her heavy involvement with St Mary’s church but even the other congregants were unaware of her true nature.
Which was why when a new curate arrived at St Mary’s and was in need of lodgings Virginal Virginia was as always the obvious choice.
Being single and living in a four bedroom house she always had room for a lodger and being the epitome of respectability and a dried up old virgin to boot there was never a hint of impropriety.

So that was how it came about that the new curate, 34 year old Colin Ash, came to be knocking on Virginia’s front door one cold winters evening.
“Mrs Kirby?” he asked as she opened the door and she gave the curate an appraising glance, he was tall and lean with curly mousy hair and blue eyes and a nervous smile.
“Miss” she replied, and there was a moment’s hesitation as he digested the information that she was unmarried but Virginia Kirby was quite small and slim, much smaller than Colin, dowdy and frumpy looking, on looking her up and down he felt all was in order.
“I’m Colin Ash” he said “the new curate, I’ve come to look at the room”
“Yes do come in Colin” she said amiably “I’m all ready for you”
“Thank you” he said and stepped into the hall
“Go up” she urged “Turn left at the top of the stairs and it’s the second door on the right, I’ll follow you up”
“Excellent” he said and Colin started up the stairs and Virginia followed him.
He followed her instructions and turned left but he opened the first door on the right by mistake and just as he was about to step inside Virginia shouted
“No not that one”
But the call came too late because he stepped inside the moment he pushed the door open but the sight that greeted him stopped him in his tracks and took his breath away because standing in the middle of the room was an attractive young woman of a similar build to Miss Kirby, wearing a bra, pants and tights, and he had taken her by surprise before she’d finished dressing.

(Part 02)

The call from Victoria came too late, because Colin stepped over the threshold the moment he pushed the door open, but the sight that greeted him stopped him in his tracks and took his breath away, because standing in the middle of the room was an attractive young woman of a similar build to Miss Kirby, wearing a bra, pants and tights, and he had taken her by surprise before she’d finished dressing.
“Oh God” she said frantically looking around for something to cover her embarrassment and becoming more and more flustered every second
“I’m so sorry” he said, apologizing for his stupidity as well as for embarrassing her
“Here use this” he added and handed her his coat
“Oh God” she said again snatching the coat from his hand and covering herself.
“I really am sorry” he said feebly as she pushed him out the door
“Oh dear” he said and turned to look at Virginia
“You’ve met my niece then” Virginia said

Molly Kirby was 30 years old, quite small and slim like her aunt and pretty and was staying with her aunt for a few days while she was getting over a messy break up.
And apart from the fact she had been caught in a state of near undress by a complete stranger and a man of the cloth to boot, she was rather taken by the look of her peeper and he was very apologetic and behaved very gentlemanly when he offered her his coat.
“And he had a Nice bum” she thought to herself

After the informal meeting in her bedroom there was a quite natural awkwardness between them, the problem was that they lived in the same house, on the same floor, next door to each other.
It was a large Victorian house but it was very difficult for him to get to his room without passing her room and thus bumping into Molly was unavoidable.
Not that he didn’t like seeing her, he did, very much, and as to bumping into her, he thought of little else, in fact as a Curate he had very ungodly thoughts about her, and the image of her in her underwear was burned into his brain.

But the status quo would have been maintained indefinitely had it not been for two unrelated events that occurred on the same day.
The first event was Colin having to administer the last rites to his own grandmother which left him at a very low ebb and the second was when Molly discovered that her ex-boyfriend was engaged to her best friend, or at least her former best friend.
On receiving the news Molly repaired to the Cross Keys to drown her sorrows where she tried her best to get very drunk very quickly but the pub closed before she succeeded so she went home.
Once she reached the front door she tried in vain for some time to unite her door key with the lock but after a few minutes as she struggled to achieve her aim the door opened and Colin was standing there as he was heading in the opposite direction.
There was a moment’s delay when they just stared at each other before Molly, who was much smaller than Colin, surprised him when she leapt up and kissed him full on the lips and before he knew what he was doing he was kissing her back.
He wasn’t sure if a curate should have been indulging in such behaviour but he thought she was a very good kisser, so apart from pausing long enough to pull her across the threshold and close the door, he carried on.
And the kissing marked new beginnings for them both in the village of Dulcet St Mary where in time he would become the Vicar and she would become his wife.