Friday, 20 May 2022

Tales from the Finchbottom Vale – (78) It Happened One Christmas

 

Sharpington-by-Sea is a traditional seaside resort complete with a Victorian Pier, seafront hotels, crazy golf, the Palladium ballroom, well maintained gardens, promenade, theatre and illuminations, all the usual things to have a great time by the seaside, as well as amusement arcades and of course the Sharpington Fun Park.

The Fun Park was the first purpose built amusement park to open in Britain, which had an assortment of rides, like the Rotor and the Wild Mouse, The Cyclone and the Morehouse Galloper, all very tame compared to 21st century roller coasters, but still fun.

It was also a popular resort for retirees and boasted a number of static caravan parks and one of them was the Whitecliff Hill Caravan Park which overlooked the town.   

 

Kirsty Wishaw was petite and had beautiful straw coloured hair and at 27 years old she worked as the manager of the onsite Stephenson’s general store.

Stephenson’s had supermarkets and convenience stores all over Downshire.

Kirsty was a resident of Sharpington and had worked at the shop since she was at school.

Of course she had help in the shop in the form of a small group of part timers whom she knew she could trust which she needed because she had other demands on her time, namely her terminally ill mother who she had to care for, so the last thing she needed was another distraction which on one day in the middle of October came in the form of Phil Spurgeon.

Her eyes were drawn to him the moment he entered the shop, he was tall and slim with thick brown curly hair just long enough to cover his collar, with brown eyes and a toothy smile which lit up the whole shop.

 

Phil was a couple of years older that Kirsty and he was a writer who lived in one of the caravans on the far side of the park.

He was in the shop for about ten minutes and she caught him sneaking a look in her direction but when he eventually went to the counter with a basket full of essentials she was serving someone else, which she later thought was for the best really, she didn’t have time for such distractions, even very good looking ones.

So she did her best to ignore him which was difficult because he was gorgeous but she convinced herself it really was for the best.

 

Phil would have heartily agreed with her, he was finding writing his novel difficult enough as it was without the added complication of losing his heart to the lovely girl with the corn coloured hair.

He was an accountant by profession but after his marriage ended he decided he was going to give up his job and write a novel before life passed him by.

 

Phil’s neighbours up at Whitecliff Hill Caravan Park were the Taylor family, who unlike Phil had not chosen to be there because when they least expected it, life slapped them in the face and then it kicked them when they were on the ground.


The slap came when Michelle Taylor was diagnosed with breast cancer in January the previous year and needed surgery followed by chemo.
Her husband Martyn was a self-employed builder at the time with plenty of steady work and was able to increase his hours to cover for the shortfall.

Then came the first kick, at the end of February when Martyn was in a car crash and broke his leg.
In June there was another kick, when he needed surgery on his leg after he got an infection, but most painful kick came in October, when with bills going unpaid and Martyn still on crutches and Michelle unable to work for several months because of the surgery and two courses of chemo and with mounting debts and their savings long gone and no money for the mortgage they lost the house.

 

So in December Martyn Taylor, wife Michelle, 9 year old son Sam and seven year old twins Ben and Mark moved into a caravan at Whitecliffe and they had a bleak Christmas.


Over the following eleven months the Taylor's worked hard to rebuild their lives, Michelle was declared cancer free and returned to work, and got a job in Sharpington.
Martyn found another job, not as a builder and not bringing home as much money as before the accident but it was steady and seemed to be more secure.
The boys did their bit as well by washing cars, cleaning windows and doing odd jobs on the park.
So by December they had managed to pay off the remainder of their debts and even had a bit left over for Christmas.
They were doing so well that in another six months they would be able to think about moving back into a house but then on the 20th December life kicked them again.

 

It had been a bitterly cold weekend with an icy wind blowing off the sea, all of which made it a very uncomfortable experience to live in a caravan.

So the Taylors had to employ additional heaters to combat the cold but during the night one of the electric heater in lounge area burst into flames and the fire rapidly spread.

 

Fortunately for the Taylors, Phil Spurgeon had been to a Christmas party at his cousin’s flat in Jubilee Court which was just down the hill in Sharpington and thanks to an over indulgence of family hospitality he walked along the prom to clear his head before going home, otherwise the caravan would have started spinning the moment he lay down.

Subsequently he didn’t get back to the caravan until a little after 4am to find the Taylors caravan well ablaze.

His first action was to phone 999 and his second was to raise the alarm with the occupants and the neighbouring homes which could quite conceivably have caught fire as well.

 

“Fire! Fire!” he shouted and banged on all the windows in turn frantically trying to raise the occupants, when a face appeared at the window.

The fire had engulfed one end of the caravan and had made the doors inaccessible so the big window at the opposite end became the route to safety.  

The only problem was that the window only swung open about three inches before the catch was fully extended, so Phil had two choices, either smash the window or break the catch, so he looked around him to see if there was anything handy that might fit the bill, but he couldn’t see anything strong enough to break the glass or rigid enough to lever the catch, and then he spotted the rotary clothes dryer and quickly uprooted it from the metal socket in the ground and used it as a lever to break the lock and then propped it under the open window and a grateful and relieved Martyn Taylor started handing the kids out, and concerned neighbours whisked them away to safety just as wailing sirens could be heard in the distance, thankfully everyone was rescued safely but the Taylor's had lost everything.

 

Kirsty Wishaw walked up the hill from Sharpington just after six o’clock as she did every morning and she was normally the only soul heading through Jubilee Park at that time on a winter morning but she had seen several people that morning but she thought nothing of it nor did she give the acrid smell in the air a second thought it was only when she got into Whitecliff Hill Caravan Park that she noticed blue lights in the distance and her first thought was a break in at the shop so she quickened her stride.

She soon realised that the blue glow from the lights was nowhere near the shop so her curiosity got the better of her so she went to investigate.
Which was when she saw Phil Spurgeon sitting on the back of an ambulance with a blanket wrapped around him.

Her heart sank immediately and all the feelings she had for him that she had been trying to suppress burst free and she ran towards him

“Oh my God are you alright?” she blurted “What happened, are you injured?”

“I’m fine” he said and when he saw how concerned she was for him he knew his novel wasn’t so important, he wanted her to be a distraction, in fact he wanted her to distract his socks off.

“Are you sure?” she asked with real concern

“Yes he’s good to go” Paramedic Andy Mason confirmed and slapped him on the back in fact over the next ten minutes a lot of people patted him on the back as they ambled along towards the scene of the fire, including several firemen.

 

The Taylor’s Caravan had completely gone but the homes either side were relatively unscathed, a bit black and sooty but nothing major, Phil couldn’t get back in his at that stage because the Firefighters wanted to make sure there was no damaged to the gas fittings.

As they stood looking at the mess Kirsty shivered and in response Phil put his arm around her and she liked how it felt, and a few minutes later they were joined by another resident Ken Baily 

“Well done Phil” he said and shook his hand

“Well done for what?” she asked “Why does everyone keep patting you on the back?”

“Didn’t you tell her?” Ken asked him and Phil shook his head

“Young Phil hear raised the alarm and got everyone out”

“Really?” she asked “Why didn’t you say something?”

He didn’t reply but then it was a rhetorical question really, she knew the answer, he was just that type of person who acts without thinking and doesn’t believe he’s done anything special because he thinks he has merely done what any other human being would have done.

He was just thankful that everyone got out safely but he was desperately sad because the Taylor's had lost everything.

Being their neighbour he knew how hard they had worked to get back on their feet after having such torrid times and as they watched one firefighter raking through the ashes while another doused the embers it was truly evident that they had lost absolutely everything to the fire, smoke and water, including all the children’s clothes and the Christmas presents.
All that remained amidst the ashes were a few scraps of melted toys, half-burned books and scorched and tattered clothing.
“How cruel” Phil said

“What do you mean” Ken asked

“I just think it’s cruel for a family who had worked so hard to be dealt such a blow” Phil said.
“This would be bad enough to endure at any time but just before Christmas just compounds the cruelty”

“Well I for one will not be standing for it” Kirsty said resolutely “Come on”

“Where are we going?” he asked as she took hold of Phil’s hand and led him away but she didn’t reply because she had turned her attention to her mobile phone.

 

Kirsty took him with her to the shop, she didn’t know what use he would be but as she had allowed her feelings free rein in his regard she wasn’t letting him go. 

She opened the shop and put him to work making a hot drink while she opened the shop.

Once the drinks were made she settled him in her office, which was actually just a common room, where he sat in the easy chair in the corner and was instantly overcome be fatigue and fell asleep, so Kirsty put her coat over him and got on with the task in hand.

When she was on her mobile she was calling for reinforcements in the shape of two of her part timers, firstly because she knew it was going to be a busy day in the shop and secondly because she had a lot of phone calls to make.

 

One call was to a close friend of her late father, Bob Philips, who was a freelance journalist who worked predominantly for the Abbottsford Chronicle but he also had a well-read blog.

He was a heavy smoking, hard drinking down to earth man in his early fifties with a long suffering wife, Toni, who managed to bring up their three children virtually single handed and “what you see is what you get” summed him up as good as anything.

Despite all his faults though it was very difficult not to like him even if he could drive you to despair.

Bob was a chain smoker who on more than one occasion had almost set his car alight and apart from the smoking he was also a very heavy drinker.

He was often heard to say he had driven home because he was too drunk to walk, though in truth his friends never gave him the opportunity to be so rash.

Another of his well-worn sayings was that if he read about the evils of drinking he would give up reading.
His main diet was fast food and bar snacks in fact he thought that the three basic food groups were caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol.

His personal faults aside however, what was undoubtable was that he was a good writer even if he may have spent more time socializing than he should have done.

He was also a more intelligent man than he would have people believe, because he found that if people thought him an idiot they were more likely to open up than if they thought they were dealing with somebody who was more switched on.

His wife, Toni, had long ago given up on the chance of Bob writing “the Great Novel” that he spoke of in his youth.

Bob’s favorite quote was “Literature is the art of writing something that will be read twice; journalism something that will be grasped at once”.

The second call that Kirsty made was to Melville’s Holidays who had almost two dozen empty holiday caravans on the site and persuaded her old school friend Natalie Melville that it would be a very effective PR exercise to let the family use one of them for the Christmas period.

“Ok stop” Natalie said “You had me at “melted snow” and “smouldering wrapping paper”

I’ll check with maintenance which ones are ready to use and drop a key off to you this afternoon”

“Thanks Nat”

 

The third call was to another old friend, Jenny Rawlings, who she knew would get the word around, after all the three best forms of communication were Television, Telephone and tell Jen.

And her final call was to Richard Stephenson at the company headquarters to get his permission to donate some food from the shop and she was very persuasive and took her less than ten minutes to get him to agree, so by the time Phil awoke from his surprisingly comfortable sleep in her “office” everything was arranged.

 

Natalie was good to her word and duly arrived at Whitecliff Hill just after 2 pm and gave Martyn and Michelle the key to one of the Melville holiday caravans on the park which they were welcome to use until the end of March, free of charge, which would give them time to get back on their feet.

The Taylors were overcome by Melville's generosity but that was only the beginning because Jenny had done her part and put the word around and in the space of a day-and-a-half, friends, family and strangers helped the family.

They brought clothing, footwear, bedding, crockery, cutlery, towels and all of the basics as well as a Christmas Tree and decorations.

 

Phil just stood open mouthed and looked on and when he could speak he asked

“When did you arrange all of this?”

“When you were asleep” she replied

“Really?” Phil said in amazement “You’ve worked wonders, you are a force of nature”

“Not really, I figured out what was wanted and made a few phone calls and ask nicely”

“And what do you do when there is something that you want?” he asked

“I ask nicely” she said slipping her hand in his “and hold his hand”

 

So due to the generosity of friends and strangers alike the Taylor's were able to enjoy their Christmas after all and look forward to a hopeful New Year just five days after they thought their Christmas dreams had gone up in smoke.
This heart-warming story just goes to prove without any shadow of doubt that the Christmas spirit truly dwells within the hearts of mankind.

And because of Kirsty’s generosity of heart and Phil’s heroism they decided that love wasn’t a distraction after all.

 

But Kirsty and Phil’s involvement with the Taylor’s Christmas continued right up until Christmas Eve, where after having spent much of Christmas Eve in each other’s arms, crept through the darkness, and left a Christmas sack on their doorstep.

So come Christmas Day the Taylor boys had more presents to open, toys, games, a Scalextric set, puzzles, footballs and signed football shirts for their favourite football team the Abbottsford Knights while Phil and Kirsty spent Christmas Day with her mum for what was to be their first and her mums last.

Tales from the Finchbottom Vale – (77) The Roespring Verger in the Vicarage Garden

 

Downshire is a relatively small English county but like a pocket battleship it packs a lot in, a short but beautiful coastline, a channel port, the Ancient forests of Dancingdean and Pepperstock, the craggy ridges and manmade lakes of the Pepperstock Hills National Park, the rolling hills of the Downshire Downs, the beautiful Finchbottom Vale and farm land as far as the eye can see from the Trotwood’s and the Grace’s in the south to the home of the Downshire Light infantry, Nettlefield, and their affluent neighbour’s, Roespring and Tipton in the north and our story begins in the affluent village of Roespring.

 

As Mark Adams took an extended recuperative walk around his neighbourhood in Roespring he was walking ten feet tall.

He had been in and out of hospital for the previous ten years following a bad car accident just after his 15th birthday.

But the reason he walking with such a spring in his step was because of a change in his treatment, a very medicinal treatment in the form of Abigail Evans, who was the verger at St Catherine’s where her Uncle, James Hall, was the vicar.

She was a beautiful red head with pale skin and freckled cheeks with whom he had fallen in love and the special medicine stemmed from the afternoon when they had given each other their innocence and in the month that followed they shared further intimacies and their love had deepened.

The purpose of the walk that afternoon was however less about recuperation and more about killing time until it was time to see his girlfriend Abigail again.

And after about forty minutes he could wait no longer so he headed off towards the vicarage to see her.

On the way he met Reverend Hall coming the other way, he liked the Vicar and although he was desperate to be elsewhere he spent about 10 minutes in conversation with him.

 

When he arrived at the vicarage he let himself in through the back gate and he found Abigail sitting on a blanket on the lawn reading a book, wearing a green bikini top and on her lower half was a floral sarong, which he presumed was hiding the partner to her bikini top.

Mark approached her on her blind side

“Hello sexy” he said and she almost jumped out of her skin

“Hello” she said blushing as she tried to catch her breath.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said

“Well you did” she retorted

“Yes I did” he admitted “I was trying to scare the pants off you”

“Shush” she replied “Uncle James will hear you”

“It’s ok, he’s gone to the church, I just passed him in the lane” he corrected her

“Oh, ok then give me a kiss”

 

After a long sustained kiss he said

“Be careful you don’t catch the sun again”

“I have sunscreen on” she replied “but you can always top me up”

“You know what happened the last time I put cream on your back?” he reminded her

“I don’t mind taking a risk” Abigail said and lay face down on the blanket and Mark knelt down next her and perused her pale young body.

Abigail had her head turned to one side and was facing away from him.

He squirted some cream on her back and began to gently rub in the lotion.

“How does that feel?” he asked

“Lovely” she replied

“I need to undo your bikini top honey” Mark said “so I can do it properly”

“Ok” she said dreamily, so he undid it and pulled it softy away from her skin and then he slowly rubbed in the surplus lotion until it was all worked in to her pale freckled skin like a long relaxing massage.

When he had worked in the last of the lotion he gave her a playful slap on her bum cheek and said

“All done”

“Thank you”

“That’s ok it’s the least I could for the girl I love” he said

“What?” she said turning her head to look at him

“I said it’s the least I could do” he repeated

“No the other bit” she asked earnestly “you said the “girl I love””

“Yes that’s right, I love you Abigail Evans” he said proudly

“You do?” she asked

“Yes”

“I love you too” Abigail said and rolled onto her back and pulled him down so she could kiss him.

 

Abigail was laying on the blanket looking like the cat that got the cream while Mark looked at her.

“You’d better make yourself decent before the vicar gets back from matins” he said wishing they could stay there forever.

Eventually she did make a move and Abigail was just straightening her clothes when her uncle, the vicar, opened the back gate.

Tales from the Finchbottom Vale – (76) Miss Kirby and the Stranger

 

Virginia Kirby was a ward sister at the Winston Churchill Hospital and she was a rather plain middle-aged woman just the wrong side of 50.

Virginia was five foot six inches tall and very trim, and stood an inch or so taller in her stout shoes, and her sisters uniform fitted her perfectly, tapered at the waist where the broad belt sat.

Her once black hair was now streaked with grey and bore what Catherine Cookson fans would recognise as the “Mallen streak”.

She was always smiling, but the ageing in her face wasn’t all due to laughter lines, life’s hardships and experiences were etched into her face as well, each line and furrow an event and for those who could read such signs it was like her résumé.

She was well-liked and respected at work but none of her colleagues knew her outside of work and assumed she was just a sad lonely spinster.

That was due in part to the fact that she was a private person and didn’t talk of her private life and also because those who had happened to see her outside of work reported back that she was a frump as she choose to dress in the twin set and tweed style because sartorially Virginia was a sensible shoes and utilitarian tights kind of woman.

Even people from the village of Dulcet St Mary, where she had lived for 20 years believed her to be a sad lonely old soul and many of them referred to her as “the prudish Miss Kirby” or “virginal Virginia” or “the dried up old spinster”.

 

But as more than one man had found out over the years to their surprise beneath the frumpy exterior lay a hidden warmth.

The other thing that tended to reinforce the stereotype was her heavy involvement with St Mary’s church but even the other congregants were unaware of her true nature.

Which was why when a new curate arrived at St Mary’s and was in need of lodgings Virginal Virginia was as always the obvious choice.

Being single and living in a four bedroom house she always had room for a lodger and being the epitome of respectability and a dried up old virgin to boot there was never a hint of impropriety.

 

So that was how it came about that the new curate, 34 year old Colin Ash, came to be knocking on Virginia’s front door one cold winters evening and he found the Hospitality in the Kirby household to be much warmer than he was expecting when he fell in love with Virginia’s niece Molly.

Which was why, when a blizzard closed the local roads and 50 year old Sharpington resident Tony Malley couldn’t get home, and was stranded in Dulcet St Mary with nowhere to stay for the night, Colin Ash knew the solution to his vagrancy.

Colin knew that his landlady had the cure for his predicament as he had been on the receiving end himself.

“Come with me” he said “Miss Kirby will fix you up”

“Are you sure?” Tony asked

“Very sure” he replied

 

Colin Ash and Tony Malley trudged their way together from the church to Virginia’s house through the falling snow.

“Here we are” Colin said as he unlocked the door

“I just need to change, if you wait in the lounge I’ll join you shortly”   

“Ok” he concurred and he opened the door to the lounge as Colin climbed the stairs smiling broadly as it gave him the opportunity for a quick 5 minutes with his fiancé.

 

When he entered the room he found a skinny middle aged woman with a pretty face, blue eyes, soft shoulder length brown hair, wearing a black cocktail dress, thick black tights and heels.

“Miss Kirby?” he said

“Yes” she replied with a smile

“Oh” he exclaimed

“Oh I see, I’m Not the “Virginal Virginia” you were expecting” she said

“No”

“Are you disappointed?” she asked

“Not at all” he replied

“Well I don’t normally look like this” she said and he raised an eyebrow

“I’ve been to a drinks party” she explained

“Well you look very nice” Tony said

“Thank you” she said and kicked off her shoes and sat on the sofa with her legs up.

“I’m Tony Malley by the way”

“Virginia” she responded and shook his hand “I take it you are looking for a room”

“Yes Colin said you might be able to help” He explained “You are apparently a local treasure”

“Well yes I do have a room” Virginia said “But I am unable to offer you an evening meal”

“That’s not a problem” he said “I could get us a chip supper”

“Oh that would be lovely” she said and smiled

 

Colin was just coming down the stairs as Tony left the lounge and he said

“Everything ok?”

“Yes, I’m just off to find the chip shop” Tony replied turning up his collar

“Excellent I’ll keep you company and show you the way” Colin said amiably

 

As he returned to the house with 3 fish suppers, he reflected on his good fortune at being a guest of Miss Kirby who he supposed, from what he had heard to be an old maid, who’d been left on the shelf, and was a dried up old spinster, but had turned out to be a different prospect all together.

 

He very much enjoyed his enforced stay at Miss Kirby’s while the heavy snow fall kept him in Dulcet St Mary for two days, but her amiable company kept him there for a further two days after the roads had reopened.

And in the months that followed he became a frequent visitor to Virginia Kirby’s house because they had fallen in love.

Tales from the Finchbottom Vale – (75) Oh Claire

 

Claire Jarvis went to the University of Downshire where she studied English at Abbottsford and it was for her, like many girls of her age, a life defining time.

She was the only child of well to do parents, who divorced when she was seven and as a result she had been thoroughly spoilt and was given everything her heart desired, except the one thing she craved most in all the world, their love and as a result she withdrew into her own world.

Although Claire was the oldest of the four girls in her dorm she actually looked the youngest by some distance.

Despite the fact that she had the body of a mature woman she had a baby face but she was destined to bloom into a very beautiful woman.

 

She was in halls for the first year and she shared with three other girls Amy Coates, a tall big busted redhead, Alison Holmes, a skinny girl with a bad case of OCD and Carole Bean a tall, beautiful and kindly girl who like herself was a brunette.

All four of the girls were studying English in one form or another and apart from their studies they also had in common the fact they were all natives of the Finchbottom Vale.

Claire was from Purplemere, Carole from Childean, Alison from   Finchbottom and Amy from Shallowfield.

But being in the close company of the three girls brought her out of herself and the friendship that resulted from, on the face of it, 4 very different characters coming together, lasted for their lifetimes.

And as they got on so well the four of them decided very early on to rent a house between them for the second and third years.

However of all the girls Claire found herself drawn most to Carole Bean.

The fact that the two of them had more lectures and seminars together than the other two partly aided their closeness but it was mainly because they got each other, they shared a sense of humour as well as having similar tastes in music, a love of pizza and old romantic comedies and when it came time to go home to the Vale they normally travelled together, however when the Easter holidays came around during their first year Carole went home for a week but Claire decided to stay in Abbottsford.

But alone in their dorm Claire began to regret her decision to stay because she felt desperately lonely from the moment she woke up the day after the others left.

But she channelled all her loneliness into he studies and she had a very productive week completing a creative writing piece which was basically just committing the contents of her day dreams to paper.

By the end of the week though she had ran out of distractions so she decided to drown her sorrows and by the end of the night she was dancing naked around the lounge until she passed out.

 

When Claire woke up the next day she was laying on her back draped along the sofa, she tried to lift herself up but the pain in her head persuaded her otherwise and she closed her eyes and went back to sleep and dreamed romantic dreams.

 

Carole Bean decide to return to University sooner than intended as she had work to finish and there were too many distractions at home, It was a warm day when she let herself into the flat and it was very stuffy so the first thing she did was open the kitchen window and let some air in.

She was about to call out and announce herself when she noticed Claires door was open so she assumed she must have been out so she went straight into her own room and dumped her bags.

Carol then returned to the kitchen and made herself a drink which she took with her as she opened the door to the lounge.

She casually stepped inside and Carol couldn’t believe her eyes as they settled on where Claire was laying stretched out naked on the sofa, her jeans, shirt, knickers and socks strewn all around the room.

Carole began to retreat back the way she came and she knew that was what she should have done, just walked away and respected Claires privacy, she would have hated to have been observed like that if their roles were reversed, so her head was screaming at her to leave but something inside her over ruled her head and so she watched her young flatmate in all her naked glory.

It was the sexiest thing she had ever seen, she had seen naked women before, but only glimpses and never anyone she knew and loved.

She was so absorbed by the beautiful vision before her that she almost spilt her coffee and just at that moment it slopped onto her hand she gasped. 

 

Claire was startled by the sound of Carole’s gasp and opened her eyes to see who it was, but when she saw it was Carole she just smiled.

She should instantly have covered her modesty, and had it been anyone else she would have, but she didnt because it was Carole who she had been dreaming about, and who had filled her dreams all week, day and night.

“I’m sorry” Carole said and turned away but Claire pleaded

“Don’t go”

and she reached out her hand and added

“Please”

Carole again had an internal battle between her head and her lust and the latter won again as she found herself taking Claires hand.

Still holding her hand she knealt on the floor beside the sofa and her eyes consumed every inch of Claires body like a child in a sweet shop not knowing which bon bon to eat first.

Claire watched her intently and when their eyes finally met they both giggled and Carole kissed her naked friend and carressed her flesh.

 

Allthough neither of them could quite come to terms with the fact that they might be gay it didn’t prevent them from adding to their lesbian experiences throughout their University years.

But after they graduated University they both ended up marry men and had to content themselves with being friends instead of lovers, most of the time.

Tales from the Finchbottom Vale – (74) The Roespring Verger

 

Downshire is a relatively small English county but like a pocket battleship it packs a lot in, a short but beautiful coastline, a channel port, the Ancient forests of Dancingdean and Pepperstock, the craggy ridges and manmade lakes of the Pepperstock Hills National Park, the rolling hills of the Downshire Downs, the beautiful Finchbottom Vale and farm land as far as the eye can see from the Trotwood’s and the Grace’s in the south to the home of the Downshire Light infantry, Nettlefield, and their affluent neighbour’s, Roespring and Tipton in the north and our story begins in the affluent village of Roespring.

 

As part of his recuperation Mark Adams took an extended walk around his neighbourhood in Roespring and after about forty minutes he began to tire so he headed towards home.

He had been in and out of hospital for the previous ten years following a bad car accident just after his 15th birthday.

As he got close to home he turned into Bridge Farm lane which led past the back of St Catherine’s Church and that was when he met Abigail Evans coming the other way and his heart fluttered because he was in love with her.

She was the verger at St Catherine’s where her Uncle, James Hall, was the vicar.

She had her curly red hair tied up and hidden beneath a broad floppy hat and was wearing a green summer dress and a pashmina around her shoulders.

Abigail didn’t see him because she was looking at her sandals as they were shuffling and scuffing down the lane, if she had seen him her heart would have raced, but she just ambled along and she almost walked into him.

“Oh hello Mark” she said when she finally looked up

 

He really liked Abigail, he had got to know her during his years of recuperation, and she had been very kind in providing assistance to his family, respite care, parochial support and pastoral care.

They were similar ages, and got on very well, but despite that in many ways they were chalk and cheese.

Abigail was a very confident young woman, in fact she was ultra-confident and self-assured.

While he was shy, socially awkward and riddled with self-doubt especially around the opposite sex.

For ten years his only contact with woman were nurses and doctors so he was completely inexperienced in their regard.

She was also pretty which made him even more conscious of his own inadequacies.

Although they had become good friends, Abigail was the driving force in their friendship, she was bold and bubbly and pushed him along which made him feel more confident, and she gave him the daring to do things he would never have done on his own.

And he would have been perfectly happy living life on her coat tails because without her he would founder.

The problem was he had absolutely no idea how to move thing along however or even if she would want him to.

“Hi Abigail” he responded

“So what have you been up to?” she enquired

“Just walking” he replied “What about you?”

“I’ve been to a BBQ at aunt Sian’s” she answered, “I left early because I caught the sun a bit”

She lifted the pashmina off her shoulder so he could see.

“Oooh” he said “is it sore?”

“A little”

“Have you put something on it?” he asked and Abigail shook her head

“That’s going to burn if you don’t,” he told her

“Well come to the vicarage then and you can do it for me”

“Ok” he replied cheerfully “You have the wrong complexion for sitting in the sun”

“I know”

“You need to be careful with your lovely pale skin” he added and blushed when he realized he had said it out loud.

They went inside the house and she removed her floppy hat and said

“Make yourself at home I’ll just get the after sun”

 

It was about ten minutes later when she returned and the pashmina had gone and she had untied her hair glorious red mane.

“Where would you like me?” she asked

“In my arms” he replied in his head, but out loud he said

“On a dining chair I think”

Mark stood behind it as Abigail sat on the chair and let the straps fall off her shoulders so he had access to all the affected area.

The sunburn was nowhere near as bad as it first looked but he didn’t tell her that because he wanted to touch her, he longed to touch her, he just hoped he could prevent his hands from shaking while he did it.

“This might hurt a little, but let me know if you want me to stop” he said

“Ok” she answered meekly.

Mark squirted some cream on her back and began to gently rub in the lotion.

“How does that feel?” he asked

“Oooh lovely” Abigail replied as she thought the lotion was cool on her skin but as he rubbed it in it made her feel hot and her imagination went into overdrive so after a few minutes she turned and looked up at him with pleading eyes, but although he made eye contact with her he was clueless what to do next.

Abigail realized in that instance that he was not going to act so she grabbed his wrists and pulled him down towards her so that his mouth was in range and she kissed his mouth.

“At last” she thought and after a few moments she suddenly leapt up out of the chair so she could get a proper hold on him.

 

The kiss became frenzied and haphazard as their hands explored and caressed until Abigail took hold of his hand and said through hot panting lips

“Come to bed”

“What? No” he retorted

“Make love to me Mark” she implored

“But what about the vicar?” he asked still holding her hand

“Make love to me” She repeated as she pulled him towards the door “He won’t be back until late”

“But…” he began

“Shush I want you to take me to bed and make love to me”

“Ok,” he said meekly

“Come on then,” she said forcefully and Abigail led him by the hand all the way upstairs and into her bedroom.

She walked to the other side of the room and drew the curtains and then standing with her back to him she quickly divested herself of her dress and scrambled under the covers.

From where she then removed her pants and dropped them on the floor and then her eyes peered at him over the top of the duvet as he did the same and then as he slipped under the duvet she cuddled up close to him.

“I’ve never done this before” she said

“What in the vicarage you mean?”

“No, I’ve never done “this” before” she said quietly “I’ve never done “it””

Abigail suddenly looked quite childlike and unsure, the complete opposite of her normal demeanour, he assumed because she was so ultra-confident and self-assured that she was experienced, in all the ways that he was not.

“Nor have I” he said and laughed

“Really?” Abigail said “I’m so glad”

“You don’t mind?” Mark asked

“No, it makes this extra special” she replied “and you won’t notice how rubbish I am”

“Nor me” he remarked

“I think it will be perfect” she whispered

“You’re perfect” he responded and kissed her lips softly.

 

As they lay entwined together beneath the covers on a hot June afternoon they were feeling very pleased with themselves as they basked in the afterglow of the their first time.

Although they didn’t know it at the time what they had just experience wouldn’t even make it to the best one hundred times in the not to distant future but on that afternoon they were very happy.

Tales from the Finchbottom Vale – (73) Miss Kirby and the Curate

 

Virginia Kirby was a ward sister at the Winston Churchill Hospital and she was a rather plain middle-aged woman just the wrong side of 50.

Virginia was five foot six inches tall and very trim, and stood an inch or so taller in her stout shoes, and her sisters uniform fitted her perfectly, tapered at the waist where the broad belt sat.

Her once black hair was now streaked with grey and bore what Catherine Cookson fans would recognise as the “Mallen streak”.

She was always smiling, but the ageing in her face wasn’t all due to laughter lines, life’s hardships and experiences were etched into her face as well, each line and furrow an event and for those who could read such signs it was like her résumé.

She was well-liked and respected at work but none of her colleagues knew her outside of work and assumed she was just a sad lonely spinster.

That was due in part to the fact that she was a private person and didn’t talk of her private life and also because those who had happened to see her outside of work reported back that she was a frump as she choose to dress in the twin set and tweed style because sartorially Virginia was a sensible shoes and utilitarian tights kind of woman.

Even people from the village of Dulcet St Mary, where she had lived for 20 years believed her to be a sad lonely old soul and many of them referred to her as “the prudish Miss Kirby” or “virginal Virginia” or “the dried up old spinster”.

 

But as more than one man had found out over the years to their surprise beneath the frumpy exterior lay a hidden warmth.

The other thing that tended to reinforce the stereotype was her heavy involvement with St Mary’s church but even the other congregants were unaware of her true nature.

Which was why when a new curate arrived at St Mary’s and was in need of lodgings Virginal Virginia was as always the obvious choice.

Being single and living in a four bedroom house she always had room for a lodger and being the epitome of respectability and a dried up old virgin to boot there was never a hint of impropriety.

 

So that was how it came about that the new curate, 34 year old Colin Ash, came to be knocking on Virginia’s front door one cold winters evening.

“Mrs Kirby?” he asked as she opened the door and she gave the curate an appraising glance, he was tall and lean with curly mousy hair and blue eyes and a nervous smile.

“Miss” she replied, and there was a moment’s hesitation as he digested the information that she was unmarried but Virginia Kirby was quite small and slim, much smaller than Colin, dowdy and frumpy looking, on looking her up and down he felt all was in order.

“I’m Colin Ash” he said “the new curate, I’ve come to look at the room”

“Yes do come in Colin” she said amiably “I’m all ready for you”

“Thank you” he said and stepped into the hall

“Go up” she urged “Turn left at the top of the stairs and it’s the second door on the right, I’ll follow you up”

“Excellent” he said and Colin started up the stairs and Virginia followed him.

He followed her instructions and turned left but he opened the first door on the right by mistake and just as he was about to step inside Virginia shouted

“No not that one”

But the call came too late because he stepped inside the moment he pushed the door open but the sight that greeted him stopped him in his tracks and took his breath away because standing in the middle of the room was an attractive young woman of a similar build to Miss Kirby, wearing a bra, pants and tights, and he had taken her by surprise before she’d finished dressing.

“Oh God” she said frantically looking around for something to cover her embarrassment and becoming more and more flustered every second

“I’m so sorry” he said, apologizing for his stupidity as well as for embarrassing her

“Here use this” he added and handed her his coat

“Oh God” she said again snatching the coat from his hand and covering herself.

“I really am sorry” he said feebly as she pushed him out the door

“Oh dear” he said and turned to look at Virginia

“You’ve met my niece then” Virginia said

 

Molly Kirby was 30 years old, quite small and slim like her aunt and pretty and was staying with her aunt for a few days while she was getting over a messy break up.

And apart from the fact she had been caught in a state of near undress by a complete stranger and a man of the cloth to boot, she was rather taken by the look of her peeper and he was very apologetic and behaved very gentlemanly when he offered her his coat.

“And he had a Nice bum” she thought to herself

 

After the informal meeting in her bedroom there was a quite natural awkwardness between them, the problem was that they lived in the same house, on the same floor, next door to each other.

It was a large Victorian house but it was very difficult for him to get to his room without passing her room and thus bumping into Molly was unavoidable.

Not that he didn’t like seeing her, he did, very much, and as to bumping into her, he thought of little else, in fact as a Curate he had very ungodly thoughts about her, and the image of her in her underwear was burned into his brain.

 

But the status quo would have been maintained indefinitely had it not been for two unrelated events that occurred on the same day.

The first event was Colin having to administer the last rites to his own grandmother which left him at a very low ebb and the second was when Molly discovered that her ex-boyfriend was engaged to her best friend, or at least her former best friend.

On receiving the news Molly repaired to the Cross Keys to drown her sorrows where she tried her best to get very drunk very quickly but the pub closed before she succeeded so she went home.

Once she reached the front door she tried in vain for some time to unite her door key with the lock but after a few minutes as she struggled to achieve her aim the door opened and Colin was standing there as he was heading in the opposite direction.

There was a moment’s delay when they just stared at each other before Molly, who was much smaller than Colin, surprised him when she leapt up and kissed him full on the lips and before he knew what he was doing he was kissing her back.

He wasn’t sure if a curate should have been indulging in such behaviour but he thought she was a very good kisser, so apart from pausing long enough to pull her across the threshold and close the door, he carried on.

And the kissing marked new beginnings for them both in the village of Dulcet St Mary where in time he would become the Vicar and she would become his wife.

Tales from the Finchbottom Vale – (72) Francesca’s Garden of Delights

 

Twenty eight year old Paul Ingram was involved with an older woman, a forty year old woman to be precise, who was a beautiful unhappily married, soon to be divorced Carrington Chase educated woman, called Francesca Carrington-Webber.

Paul and Francesca both lived in the village of Forest Dean situated equidistant between Shallowfield and Childean, she lived in a huge house that backed onto the The Forest Ridge Golf Club, and coincidentally Paul worked for the Golf Club.

 

They became involved after three chance meetings, two on a train and the third more significant one was on the Promenade in Sharpington, where he came upon her small huddled figure on the bench ahead of him in some distress and after some tender moments of consolation lead to them making love in his caravan.

 

Since that night they had had a non-physical relationship and on the rare occasions that they managed to get to spend some time together they always made the most of it, sometimes they had to create opportunities and sometimes they just happened and sometimes one of them managed to surprise the other but the biggest surprise came on the Halloween weekend when she arrived at his caravan dressed as a witch and announced that not only was she divorcing her husband David but that she was staying the night.

 

On the rare occasions that they managed to get to spend the night together they always made the most of it but sometimes they had to create opportunities and on occasion it took planning.

But there were even rarer occasions on which there was a combination of the two.

 

Such as the time they met at the Clayton Manor Hotel on the night of her sisters 4th wedding.

Which began with him gate crashing the wedding reception and ended with him knocking on the door of Francesca’s door and when he was sure the coast was clear.

“Room service” he called and the door opened

“Yes please” she replied and pulled him into the room by his belt and the second the door closed behind him she pinned him to the door and kissed him.

 

They were still in her bed at 11 am the next morning and would have stayed there all day had she not had to get back for the children.

“That was a masterly piece of planning madam” he said and kissed her as they cuddled under the duvet.

“Do you like all the sneaking around?” She asked

“I like the prize I get for all the sneaking around” he replied

“Do you find it exciting?” Francesca asked

“I suppose so” he said “What about you?”

“I do find it exciting but it’s the anticipation of you that’s the most exciting” she replied

“Why do you ask?” he said

“I need to know if you’d still want me if we didn’t need to sneak” she said and then there was slience

“Are you suggesting we tell everyone?” He asked

“Yes” she said quietly averting her eyes

“I want that more than anything” he replied “I want everyone to know, I want to shout it from the roof tops”

“Really?” she asked with surprise “truly?”

“Don’t you?” he asked and she started to cry

“Whats wrong?” he asked

“I want that too” She sobbed

 

Two weeks later, exactly one year to the day after they first met, the long secret affair was no longer a secret as Paul and Francesca told their friends and family.

An announcment which didn’t go down at all well as the news was not well received by anyone.   

Her friends, though secretly jelous of her having a toy boy, told her she was behaving foolishly, her family universal condemend her as ridiculous and her ex husband said she was an embarrassment.

Only her sister Adrienne was at all understanding, but she was on her fourth husband and so her judgement regarding relationships was considered iffy at best.

Paul faired little better, his mates all congratulated him for scoring with a milf but told him in no uncertain terms what a dick head he was for dating someone 12 years older than him and someone with children to boot.

His Dad thought he was a bit of a lad and his Mum thought he was digusting.

As a result of the reaction they got, their social circle was severely reduced so they had to be content with each others company, which was no hardship.   

But on the plus side Francesca’s children were delighted with the situation and took to Paul imediately and so they became an instant family.          

 

As the months went by and it became self evident that their relationship was not just a passing fad they were gradually accepted, albeit grudgingly, but it was almost a year before they were able to have a weekend to themselves thanks to Francesca’s mum taking the kids for the weekend.

But as luck would have it he had to go into work on Saturday morning, much to their annoyance, but he was expected to be home by two oclock at the latest.

 

It was a glorious day and very hot, especially for midday but not as hot as he thought the love of his life Francesca was.

He was more than an hour earlier getting to the house than he expected, so he let himself in using his front door key, which not for the first time made him smile.

He was glad he was home early he was looking forward all morning to making love to her and along with his feeling of love he felt immensely proud to be her boyfriend, and wanted to be even more.

 

He stepped inside and said hello but got no reply so he figured she must be outside in the garden so he walked towards the open French doors.

Paul stood on the threshold and looked out at the beautiful garden but it was not the manicured lawn and well stocked beds that drew his eye.

He could see Francesca on the patio lying face down on a sun lounger wearing a blue bikini.
She had her back tilted towards him and he was about to announce his presence but as his eyes surveyed the glorious body of the woman he loved, the curve of her hip, her waist and the sensual curve of her buttocks, he also noticed that her shoulders were shaking which he deduced indicated she was crying.

 

He stepped inside and said hello but got no reply so he figured she must be outside in the garden so he walked towards the open French doors.

Paul stood on the threshold and looked out at the beautiful garden but it was not the manicured lawn and well stocked beds that drew his eye.

He could see Francesca on the patio lying face down on a sun lounger wearing a blue bikini.
She had her back tilted towards him and he was about to announce his presence but as his eyes surveyed the glorious body of the woman he loved, the curve of her hip, her waist and the sensual curve of her buttocks, he also noticed that her shoulders were shaking which he deduced indicated she was crying.

“Whats the matter?” He asked and Francesca jumped and then looked over her shoulder.

“Oh Paul” she exclaimed and got up and hugged him

“Whats wrong sexy?”  he asked

“I’m not though” she said hiding her face

“You’re not what?” Paul asked

“I’m not sexy” Francesca said softly

“Well I think you are” he asured her

“Really?” she asked unconvinced still hiding her face

“Really” he replied

“You don’t think I’m dirty?” she asked

“No” he said firmly

“You don’t think that I’m a slutty milf?” Francesca asked

“No, never, why would you even ask that?” he asked and Francesca didn’t reply

“Has someone said something?” he added and she nodded

“Who was it?”

“It doesn’t matter who it was” she replied quietly

“Well screw them whoever it was” he said “because I’m in love with a beautiful woman who just happens to be 12 years older than me and she is the sexiest woman I have ever known, so they will just have to get used to it because I’m not going anywhere”

Francesca slowly lifted her head and looked up over her shoulder at him and smiled.

“Hi beautiful” Paul said and gave her a long gentle kiss

“Do you really think I’m sexy?” she asked

“Very sexy” he said and kissed her passionately and when he had finished he asked

“Do you feel sexy yet?”

“Hmmm” she murmured

“I was hoping you would” he said

“What else are you hoping for?” she asked coyly 

“Well firstly I would like to make love to you” he said and kissed her again

“I might be agreeable to that” she said

“And then I would like to become your second husband” he said and kissed her mouth.

“What?” she asked

“I would like you to become Mrs Francesca Ingram” 

“You want to marry me?” she asked aghast

“Yes, very much” he said “So what’s the answer?”

“Well” she said and as she walked towards the French doors she discarded her bikini, and as she stood on the threshold with her beautiful body on display

“I think we should go upstairs and discuss our engagement” she said and ran inside giggling.

“I take it that’s a yes then” he called as he ran inside after her.