LOVE EQUATION

 

There is a simple equation

That has confused a few

Where the amount of love

Someone feels for you

Is inversely proportional

To how much that you

Love them, and I think

You’ll agree that is so true

I LOVE HER

 

I love her with every fibre of me

I love her so much it hurts

I love her in baggy trousers

And I love her in short skirts

I love her when we’re alone

And when we’re with friends

I love her when the day begins

And I love her when it ends

I love her when we’re together

I love her when we’re apart

I love her when we hold hands

And when love making starts

I love her when she’s sexy

I love her when she’s coy

I love her when she makes me mad

And when she brings me joy

I love her at the first caress

And in the afterglow

I love her when we say goodbye

And when we say hello

I love her when she laughs

I love her when she cries

I love her now that I’m alive

And I’ll love her till I die

THE LOOK OF LOVE

 

Let’s face it life just isn’t like it is in books

I chose my wife because she was stately

Yes, I married my wife because of her looks

I chose correctly and I still love her greatly

So, I married my wife because of her looks

But not the one she's been giving me lately

BENEATH THE CLOCK

 

Beneath the clock I’m waiting expectantly

Awaiting my blind date, a little nervously

He’s late but I don’t mind, at least not yet

He’ll have a good reason no doubt, I bet

He’s here at last and only an hour late

A good-looking man it was worth the wait

A kiss on the cheek and a smile how terrific

Oh, but his breath could stop the traffic

But nobody’s perfect and he has a kind face

And he’s booked a table at an exclusive place

The restaurant looks fine, very expensive

Let’s hope appearances are not deceptive

The food is poor, and the service shambolic

His conversation is dull and monosyllabic

He drinks too excess and slobbers his food

His table manners are nothing short of rude

His drinking is driving me around the bend

I really can’t wait for the evening to end

The bill arrives and I’m asked to pay half

My immediate reply “you’re having a laugh”

He leaps to his feet and explodes with fury

Then falls backwards into the shrubbery

I throw him a look of contempt and disdain

Embarrassed I leave saying “never again”

How could I have known it would go so amiss?

I just can’t believe I shaved my legs for this

SHE

 

She smiles

And I undress her with my eyes

She laughs

And I'm naked with her

She looks at me

And my heart pounds

She smiles at me

And I orgasm

I really must get out more

I DON’T WANT

 

I don’t want silk lingerie

Or delicate handmade lace

I don’t want designer frocks

Or makeup for my face

I don’t want French perfume

Or expensive jewellery

I don’t want a penthouse flat

With luxurious foolery

I don’t want foreign holidays

Or bouquets of every hue

I don’t even want a sports car

I just want a man that’s true

THE L WORD

 

Often inappropriately used

The word love is everywhere

Forced into every utterance

Used almost like a panacea

Some who find themselves in love

Use the L word to death

As if underlining their insecurities

It is uttered with every breath

Though while some use it liberally

Some have an aversion to saying it

But whichever camp you fit in

If you have to say it - mean it