Tuesday, 5 October 2021

Those Memories Made on Teardrop Lake – (96) Crazy in Love

 

Shallowfield sat on the southern edge of the Finchbottom Vale and was bordered on the other side by the Dancingdean forest and the town’s fortunes had always relied largely upon forestry and agriculture for its survival.

In the post war years with rationing and a shortage of work a lot of people moved away from the area and it only just survived and the community around Teardrop Lake fared even worse.

Only a few of the houses around the Lake were thriving, a lot of the houses had been rented out and those that hadn’t were in a poor state of repair, some too such an extent they were little more than ruins.

But by the 70s however things were beginning to change, thanks mainly to tourism as a result of an increase in leisure time.

This trend was reflected by the fact that the previously derelict Shallowfield Lodge, which had been inherited by a young couple from Lincolnshire, Rob and Sheryl Brown, was being turned into a Hotel.

From then on Shallowfield went from strength to strength which was echoed by the fortunes of the Claremont Hotel.

It was once the home of a wealthy Downshire family but like so many similar great houses in the county it fell into disuse as the fortunes of the owners suffered after the Great War.

It had had many reincarnations since then, particularly in the years between the wars and had been used for many things over the post war years but it wasn’t until the 60s that it became the Claremont Hotel.

However things had got tough in the Hotel trade with the success of Travelodge, Premier Inn and Holiday Inn Express and so places like the Claremont needed to offer something extra to attract the guests which was why Clara Davits was in Shallowfield, because she was an events manager and in December there was an awful lot of scope for such things and Clara was good at her job.

She was also exceptionally hard working, and that December she was working even harder than ever although that was due in no small measure to the fact that she needed distracting.

That was because her husband Owen was a sergeant in the Downshire Light Infantry and was currently on exercises with the regiment firstly in Brunei for jungle operational training and from there to Canada for battle training on the prairies of Alberta.

It was a three month absence which was passing agonizingly slowly for her.

She was able to skype him occasionally and he messaged her when he could but it wasn’t ideal, but it was better than nothing.

However the two back to back deployments meant she wouldn’t see him until the New Year and as that would have been their first Christmas together she had been very down, which is why she threw herself into her work.

Despite that however she was prone to bouts of daydreaming as she unpacked the Christmas table decoration.

She knew she should get busy on the rest of them to meet her target but she was overcome with tiredness so she decided to have a mug of coffee instead to try and wake herself up, so she sat down on one of the sofa’s to drink it and promptly fell asleep instead and had a long luxurious nap.

When she awoke it was two am and the place was in darkness, obviously someone had come along and thought the room was empty and turned out the lights.
She was still feeling tired so she decided to go outside for some fresh air so she donned her coat, hat, scarf and gloves and went outside.

The snow that had fallen on and off all day had petered out and when she looked up at the night sky she could see breaks in the cloud and the multitude of twinkling stars beyond.

Clara looked back at the hotel where her Christmas lights were visible and then up to the stars again and she addressed them curtly

“Yes I know you’re beautiful, but you’re just showing off”

She walked around the grounds for about half an hour through the fresh fallen snow and when she was done she made her way back towards the hotel when her phone vibrated in her pocket.

Even if she had been able to retrieve it from her pocket with her gloved hand she wouldn’t have been able to operate it so she waited until she had tromped back across the terrace to the warmth of the hotel before she removed her glove and checked her phone.

The source of the vibrating was a text message so with her un-gloved finger she selected “unread messages” and her heart skipped a beat when she realised it was from Owen.

The message seemed to take an eternity to open but when it did she couldn’t believe her eyes as she read,

“Just landed in London, exercise cut short, unexpected ten day leave, see you in 36 hours, counting the minutes”

“Me too” she said and hugged the phone before she ran back outside and she began to laugh out loud as she ran around like a child experiencing its first sight of snow culminating in her falling backwards into a virgin bank of snow.

 

Despite the lateness of the hour, she was seen by one of the guests on the second floor.

“Look at that crazy woman, making snow angels at this time of night” he said to his wife who agreed wholeheartedly that she was crazy.

And Clara would not have disagreed, she was crazy, crazy in love, and her love was coming home for Christmas.

LIVING IN THE SHADOWS

 

I finally looked into the shadows

And saw where you live

Because I’ve reached the end

I have no more to give

 

I really loved you

And I thought you loved me

But it wasn’t love

That you wanted from me

 

You wanted control, of

My every thought and deed

You brow beat me and bullied

Until you got me to conceed

 

You've always been there

Behind my tears

Belittling and undermining

Feeding off my fears

 

Deprecating me, correcting me

Telling me I’m wrong

Bleeding me until I am weak

Making yourself strong

 

But all those empty years

I just couldn’t see

I was blind to just how bad

You really were for me

 

But now my eyes are open

And I see the man within

Those dark days are behind me

And my new life can begin

LOVE STRUCK

 

It feels like only yesterday

That you first came in to view

And the world seemed to stand still

As I looked at you

It seems like only yesterday

That cupids arrow took flight

And struck me through the heart

And it was love at first sight

LIVING ON THE DEFENSIVE

 

She told me that she loved me

And I didn't know how to react

I’m afraid to say I love her

I want to keep my heart intact

Is it time to let down my guard?

Should I tell her how I feel?

What if she is false or insincere

My heart may never heal

Should I expose my feelings?
Even though I feel insecure

But if I keep my feelings secret

Or wait until I am certain sure

I risk undermining her love

Blemishing it at its very start

And I could lose her love forever

And that would break my heart

Monday, 4 October 2021

Those Memories Made on Teardrop Lake – (95) The Ice Breaker

 The fortunes of Shallowfield had always relied largely upon forestry and agriculture for its survival.

In the post war years with rationing and a shortage of work a lot of people moved away, to Abbottsford, Abbeyvale and beyond and it only barely survived, and the community around Teardrop Lake fared even worse.

Only a few of the houses around the Lake were thriving, a lot of the houses had been rented out and those that hadn’t been were in a poor state of repair, some too such an extent they were little more than ruins.

But by the 70s things were beginning to change, thanks mainly to tourism and an increase in leisure time.

More importantly these people had money in their pockets.

This trend was reflected by the fact that the derelict Shallowfield Lodge, which had been inherited by a young couple from Lincolnshire, Rob and Sheryl Brown, was being turned into a hotel.

Its completion formerly marked the rebirth of Teardrop Lake and the revival of the busy village of Shallowfield went hand in hand.

 

One of those houses that was just hanging on was Chapel House which was the family home of the Walker family and although only the older members of the Walker clan lived in the large rambling pile year round it was were the family gathered in numbers for special occasions and of course Christmas.

Among those drawn back to Teardrop Lake each year were the four Walker girls, sister’s Jane, Kathy, Margaret and the baby of the family, Liz.

And over the years the numbers grew with the addition of boyfriends, husbands and then for the older two girls, children.

And it was on the whole a very loving family and among their number were Paul Biggerstaff and Liz Bradshaw but they felt love of a very different kind.

The problem was they were not a couple, they were married however, just not to each other, and they were in fact brother and sister in law.

Paul had been married to Liz’s sister Margaret for over four years and they had been in love with each other for all of those and their mutual attraction was obvious to them both from the first moment they were introduced, but they knew instinctively that they could never act on it.

And for over four years they kept their feelings in check, at least until Christmas in 1970.

 

They managed to avoid each other most of the previous year, apart from the summer holiday and Christmas.

Because they kept each other at arm’s length they appeared standoffish to the rest of the family but appearances can be deceptive and beneath the surface they were in turmoil.

Because of what appeared to be an intense dislike of each other the rest of the family took great delight in pushing them together just to watch them squirm.

One afternoon after Liz had helped clear away the dinner dishes she had just exited the kitchen into the hall when she met Paul coming the opposite way, they paused not knowing which way to go when Aunty Vi pointed out quite loudly

“You’re under the mistletoe”

“You have to kiss” Aunt Edith added “its and bad luck not to”

“It’s actually against the law not to” Aunty Vi chipped in

“What law?” Liz asked

“Christmas law obviously” Aunty Vi replied

“Rubbish” Paul said

“Tosh” Liz agreed but by now the rest of the family and gathered and they spontaneously started chanting

“Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss”

Delighting in their discomfiture without understanding its nature.

Eventually with no escape Paul and Liz agreed to kiss, just to shut everyone up, and no one understood why they made such a palaver about one simple peck beneath the mistletoe, which was hoped might break the ice between them.

 

Once the crowd had dispersed, Paul and Liz went their separate ways and independently decided to assuage their embarrassment by overindulging in mulled wine, amongst other things.

 

Later that afternoon when those members of the family who had not decided on an afternoon constitutional, were asleep beside the roaring log fire, Liz drained her glass and tottered to the loo and when she emerged she met Paul walking towards her also slightly the worse for drink.

They paused in the middle of the hall and looked at each other

“Look!” she slurred pointing above her head “Mistletoe”

“Yes it is” he agreed

“We’re under the mistletoe” she slurred again “And you know what that means”

“We have to kiss” he responded “it would be bad luck not to”

“It’s actually against the law not to” She added superciliously

“Well if its Christmas law and its Christmas then we must” he concurred

So she stood on tip toe to face him and puckered up and gave him a Christmas kiss and as her lips touched his it was evident that it was so much more than a Christmas kiss or even a drunken expression of their lust.

The kiss lasted for a full ten minutes and might easily have gone on for another ten had they not heard the family return from their walk.

Fortunately they were loud and boisterous which gave the kissing couple time to go their separate ways unnoticed.

 

When they reflected on it later the nature of the kiss had surprised them both, once they started they didn’t want to stop, but stop they did, it was not just a perfect Christmas kiss, it was perfect on every level, and having broken the ice with a kiss, they wanted to repeat it.

But the next morning in the cold, sober, light of day, they felt guilty, really, really guilty, but not just for weakening, the guilt came because the kiss revealed that they were not just attracted by naked lust, after the kiss they realised it was love, so they avoided each other for the rest of the week.

 

They had both decided they would not get drunk in case they let their guard down on New Year’s Eve and kissed again.

But about half an hour before midnight they met again in the hall and there was a nervous tension accompanying them because it was the sight of their perfect kiss, a kiss which could easily have led to something else, and would certainly have gone on had they not been interrupted.

“Here we are again at the scene of the crime” he said trying to make light

“Do you mean the kiss?” she asked and he nodded

“I do”

“It was some kiss” she added wistfully

“Yes it was” he agreed and then they both stood looking around awkwardly, lost in remembrance of the kiss seven days before.

“It was only a drunken snog though” she said

“Do you think it was just the mulled wine then?” he asked

“Probably” Liz replied indifferently

“It might be nice to know for sure” Paul said after a moment’s thought

“Like an experiment?”

“Yes, just so” he agreed

“Well I suppose in the interest of science I suppose we could”

 She replied and like she had done the week before she stood on tip toe and touched her lips to his and the experimental kiss began.

It was a long kiss, a hot kiss, a passionate kiss and overall a perfect kiss, even more perfect than the previous one, a kiss against which every kiss that followed would be compared to.

After five minutes they heard a door open but this time neither of them were in any mood to stop so they just relocated to the boot room and kissed again.

That New Year’s Eve experiment proved two things conclusively, firstly that the drunken snog was not made perfect by the alcohol but by the participants and secondly that they were hopelessly in love.

IS IT THE RIGHT TIME?

 

I’m not sure I’m ready to say it

But I know I really feel it

So, I will tell you that I love you

And hope that you love me too

SHADOW DWELLER

I have always been content

To live in the shadows

Avoiding the limelight

Keeping out of the sun

Living on the fringes of life

Bathing in the reflected glory of my peers

Living life vicariously

Keeping the world at arms length

And keeping a low profile

Laughing at other peoples jokes

Rejoicing in other peoples good fortune

Cheering on other peoples success

Crying at other peoples weddings

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride

Always the uncle, never the father

Always the friend, never the lover

And why not? no harm no foul

It’s safe wrapping yourself in Clingfilm

Living a sterile life, protected

Against the pain and hurt

That fills the world

And I was more than happy to do it

And I thought myself the better for it

But now I realise

I am incomplete

I have lived a half-life

Taking no risks

Not opening my shell

By not exposing myself to the dangers

I have denied myself the pleasures

Well, no more will I be content

I will no longer inhabit the shadows

No more will I view life from the fringes

I want to be blinded by the limelight

I want to walk in the sunlight

Before it’s too late to live a full life