Sibilant whisperings
Greeted me
For it was
I
Who stole
their glee
The
gathering
Looked
upon me
As the architect
Of their
misery
They could
barely
Keep their
hate inside
At this
wedding
Without a
bride
It was all
my doing
With my
petty jealousy
And with
it in me
I had made
her flee
Happiness was the harbinger
Of my doom
Happy
laughter echoed
In every
joyful room
But we
were too happy
That was
our crime
The God’s
couldn’t bear
To see us
happy all the time
So they
sent the angels
To take
you from my side
They took
your life
And left
me dead inside
Sadness
envelops me
As I kneel
by your grave
I try to
keep back the tears
I try my
hardest to be brave
But they
come anyway
My grief
is unconfined
My dear
sweet angel,
Resides
with others of her kind
I curse
the selfish Gods
For their
spiteful jealousy
And pray
to them also
To come
soon and take me
Though some thought her unworldly
I thought she was cute
I think not
being wise in the ways of the world
Is an
attractive trait
It left
her with an air of innocence
Untainted
by convention
Some
thought her a mere frippery
I thought
her beyond price
But I was in a minority of one
And to my great relief I found
She was overlooked by the rest
Which left this sweet curiosity
Exclusively to me
She was my Tulip in an onion field
My Daisy in a Rose bouquet
She is now my constant companion
The love of my life
Shallowfield sat on the southern edge of the Finchbottom Vale and was
bordered on the other side by the Dancingdean forest and the town’s fortunes
had always relied largely upon forestry and agriculture for its survival.
In the post war years with rationing and a shortage of work a lot of
people moved away from the area and it only just survived and the community
around Teardrop Lake fared even worse.
Only a few of the houses around the Lake were thriving, a lot of the houses
had been rented out and those that hadn’t were in a poor state of repair, some
too such an extent they were little more than ruins.
But by the 70s however things were beginning to change, thanks mainly to
tourism as a result of an increase in leisure time.
This trend was reflected by the fact that the previously derelict
Shallowfield Lodge, which had been inherited by a young couple from
Lincolnshire, Rob and Sheryl Brown, was being turned into a Hotel.
From then on Shallowfield went from strength to strength which was
echoed by the fortunes of the Claremont Hotel.
It was once the home of a wealthy Downshire family but like so many
similar great houses in the county it fell into disuse as the fortunes of the
owners suffered after the Great War.
It had had many reincarnations since then, particularly in the years
between the wars and had been used for many things over the post war years but
it wasn’t until the 60s that it became the Claremont Hotel.
However things had got tough in the Hotel trade with the success of
Travelodge, Premier Inn and Holiday Inn Express and so places like the
Claremont needed to offer something extra to attract the guests which was why Clara Davits was in
Shallowfield, because she was an events manager and in December there was an
awful lot of scope for such things and Clara was good at her job.
She was also exceptionally hard working, and that December she was working
even harder than ever although that was due in no small measure to the fact
that she needed distracting.
That was because her
husband Owen was a sergeant in the Downshire Light Infantry and was currently
on exercises with the regiment firstly in Brunei
for jungle operational training and from there to Canada for battle training on
the prairies of Alberta.
It was a three month absence which was passing agonizingly slowly for
her.
She was able to skype him occasionally and he messaged her when he
could but it wasn’t ideal, but it was better than nothing.
However the two back to back deployments meant she wouldn’t see him
until the New Year and as that would have been their first Christmas together
she had been very down, which is why she threw herself into her work.
Despite that however she was prone to bouts of daydreaming as she
unpacked the Christmas table decoration.
She knew she should
get busy on the rest of them to meet her target but she was overcome with
tiredness so she decided to have a mug of coffee instead to try and wake
herself up, so she sat down on one of the sofa’s to drink it and promptly fell
asleep instead and had a long luxurious nap.
When she awoke it was
two am and the place was in darkness, obviously someone had come along and
thought the room was empty and turned out the lights.
She was still feeling tired so she decided to go outside for some fresh air so
she donned her coat, hat, scarf and gloves and went outside.
The snow that had
fallen on and off all day had petered out and when she looked up at the night
sky she could see breaks in the cloud and the multitude of twinkling stars
beyond.
Clara looked back at
the hotel where her Christmas lights were visible and then up to the stars
again and she addressed them curtly
“Yes I know you’re
beautiful, but you’re just showing off”
She walked around the
grounds for about half an hour through the fresh fallen snow and when she was done
she made her way back towards the hotel when her phone vibrated in her pocket.
Even if she had been
able to retrieve it from her pocket with her gloved hand she wouldn’t have been
able to operate it so she waited until she had tromped back across the terrace
to the warmth of the hotel before she removed her glove and checked her phone.
The source of the
vibrating was a text message so with her un-gloved finger she selected “unread
messages” and her heart skipped a beat when she realised it was from Owen.
The message seemed to
take an eternity to open but when it did she couldn’t believe her eyes as she
read,
“Just landed in
London, exercise cut short, unexpected ten day leave, see you in 36 hours,
counting the minutes”
“Me too” she said and
hugged the phone before she ran back outside and she began to laugh out loud as
she ran around like a child experiencing its first sight of snow culminating in
her falling backwards into a virgin bank of snow.
Despite the lateness
of the hour, she was seen by one of the guests on the second floor.
“Look at that crazy
woman, making snow angels at this time of night” he said to his wife who agreed
wholeheartedly that she was crazy.
And Clara would not
have disagreed, she was crazy, crazy in
love, and her love was coming home for Christmas.
I finally looked into the shadows
And saw where you live
Because I’ve reached the end
I have no more to give
I really loved you
And I thought you loved me
But it wasn’t love
That you wanted from me
You wanted control, of
My every thought and deed
You brow beat me and bullied
Until you got me to conceed
You've always been there
Behind my tears
Belittling and undermining
Feeding off my fears
Deprecating me, correcting me
Telling me I’m wrong
Bleeding me until I am weak
Making yourself strong
But all those empty years
I just couldn’t see
I was blind to just how bad
You really were for me
But now my eyes are open
And I see the man within
Those dark days are behind me
And my new life can begin
It feels like only yesterday
That you first came in to view
And the world seemed to stand still
As I looked at you
It seems like only yesterday
That cupids arrow took flight
And struck me through the heart
And it was love at first sight
She told me that she loved me
And I didn't know how
to react
I’m afraid to say I
love her
I want to keep my
heart intact
Is it time to let down
my guard?
Should I tell her how
I feel?
What if she is false
or insincere
My heart may never
heal
Should I expose my
feelings?
Even though I feel insecure
But if I keep my
feelings secret
Or wait until I am
certain sure
I risk undermining her
love
Blemishing it at its
very start
And I could lose her
love forever
And that would break
my heart
