It was Saturday night
in Mornington-By-Mere and goods friends Roxanne Kincaid-Smith, Lindsay Cooper
and Rosie Parsons were sitting in the bar of the Old Mill Inn discussing their
plans for the Bank Holiday.
All three of the girls
were born and bred in the village but since starting out on their chosen
careers they didn’t get together as often as they would have liked due shift
patterns for Rosie and Roxy and the on call Rota for Lindsay.
At 26 Lindsay was a year
older than Police Woman Roxy and a year younger than Nurse Rosie.
She lived in The Close
at number 4, with her parents Roy and Sally and two younger brothers John and
David.
She was a Veterinary
Nurse with the Jeffrey and Teague Veterinary Practice which had been fulfilling
the Veterinary needs of the Finchbottom Vale inhabitants since God was a boy
and it was still going strong.
She split her time
between the Vets in the village, the Hospital in Shallowfield and assisting
Vets on farm visits.
She liked working in
Mornington because it was only a five minute walk to work and more importantly
because she had a bit more discretion and latitude to make decision than she
did in Shallowfield.
Of the two senior
partners in the practice, Robin Jeffrey was now retired and living in Dulcet’s
Mill, one of the three remaining Mornington Windmills.
Which meant for the
most part it was just her and the other senior Ian Teague who she liked very
much and Hayley Gwilym who was becoming a close friend.
The only downside to
her dream job happened to be that her on call Rota meant she didn’t get to see
her best friends regularly enough for her liking.
But a three day window
opened up in which all three friends were off duty and furthermore without any
other commitments in their diaries, an event rarer than hen’s teeth, so they
all decided to make the most of it.
The fact that the
three days happened to fall over the Bank holiday weekend was just the icing on
the cake.
They had already eaten
a sumptuous meal at the Old Mill Inn and followed that up with a significant
amount of alcohol which influenced their decision making significantly.
But a decision had to
be made, as they had signed up for the Sharpington Day Parade on Bank Holiday
Monday.
It was a Charity event
which raised tens of thousands of pounds every year much of which was collected
by volunteers rattling tins along the route.
And traditionally the
majority of volunteers took part in fancy dress and it was that element of the
Parade which was vexing the three friends as they didn’t know what to go as.
“It needs to be
something different” Lindsay said
“It needs to be
something memorable” Roxy added
“I know just the
thing” Rosie Parsons suddenly announced
“What?” the other two
asked
“Golliwogs”
“What?” the two
repeated
“Brilliant eh” Rosie
said
“Are you mad?” Roxy
asked with alarm “I’m a serving Police Officer”
“So?” Rosie asked
“It’s a bit “out
there”” Lindsay pointed out
“Where’s your sense of adventure?”
“Adventure?” Roxy said
“They’ll hang me out to dry”
“Oh God just because
you wear blue serge knickers doesn’t mean you can’t have a laugh” Rosie said
“Besides who’s going to recognise you under the makeup?”
“Oh I don’t know” Roxy
said doubtfully
“We could carry
tambourines so people will think we’re minstrels” Rosie suggested
“I’m not sure people
will see the distinction” Lindsay added
“Oh come on you two
it’ll be fun” Rosie said encouragingly
“I’ll remember that
when I’m working as a security guard for Quid Busters” Roxy retorted
“Don’t be such a drama
queen” Rosie said
“So are you two in or
not?”
“Count me in” Lindsay
said with bravado and turned her eyes on Roxy
“Ok I’m in” she agreed
reluctantly
In the cold light of
day when they surfaced on Sunday afternoon the girls had serious doubts about
the wisdom of dressing as Golliwogs for the Sharpington Day Parade but none of
them voiced their concerns as they didn’t want to appear wimpy in front of the
other two.
The drive over to
Sharpington to register was completed largely in silence as they were so
hungover from the night before.
Unfortunately it was a
trip they had to make, as volunteers for the fundraising effort for the Parade
had to register on Sunday afternoon where they would also pick up collection
tins.
Fortunately those
participating in fancy dress were not required to notify the organisers in
advance what they planned to dress up as or to provide a photograph either
which was just as well really due partly to the Non PC nature of what they had
in mind but mainly as they didn’t know the precise details themselves.
As they walked quietly
along the promenade towards the organizers marquee in Jubilee Park the three of
them still had great unvoiced misgivings about the costumes.
“I really don’t think
we should be doing this” Lindsay said to herself, she was particularly
concerned because of the fear of losing peoples good opinion of her, it was
very important to her what people thought of her.
But as they turned up
one of the lanes they spotted something that put all their minds at rest.
They came upon a shop
selling a mixture of the usual seaside novelties along with a selection of
fancy dress items such as clown masks and reversible wigs.
“That’s perfect” Rosie
said holding a clown mask in her hands “No one will see the black makeup under
this”
“And these are just
what we need” Lindsay said picking up a wig which was black on one side and red
or white on the other.
“I think we might just
get away with it” Roxy said and as they left the shop with their purchases
their collective mood had lightened appreciatively.
They continued their
walk up to Jubilee Park and duly registered and were quite surprised at how
quickly it was all completed and it was only just over an hour later when they
were heading back down the lane again carrying their collection tins.
The journey home was
much more typical for them than the earlier one was with all three of them
having found their voices again and for the most part they were all speaking at
the same time.
But amidst all the
incessant chatter, during which it would have appeared to the casual observer
that they were all talking and no one was listening, they formulated a plan.
They would drive down
from Mornington to Sharpington at “sparrows fart” as Rosie described it and go
straight to the Whitecliff Hill Caravan Park where Lindsay’s Aunty Lynn had a
static caravan, which she seldom used, but then she did live on the Shore of
Teardrop Lake in the Dancingdean Forest, so why would you leave that for a
caravan in Sharpington.
Lindsay had already
spoken to Aunty Lynn and got her permission although she didn’t say what she
and the others were planning to do.
Sharpington-by-Sea is
a traditional seaside resort complete with a Victorian Pier, seafront hotels,
crazy golf, The Palladium ballroom, well maintained gardens, promenade, theatre
and illuminations, all the usual things to have a great time by the seaside, as
well as amusement arcades and of course the Sharpington Fun Park.
Which was the first
purpose built amusement park to open in Britain, which had an assortment of
rides, like the Rotor and the Wild Mouse, The Cyclone and the Morehouse
Galloper, all very tame compared to a 21st century roller coasters but still
fun.
But on Bank Holiday
Monday the town was taken over by the Sharpington Day Charity Parade.
The road leading to
the coast was very busy and even leaving Mornington at the crack of dawn didn’t
speed their journey any, as a lot of the roads in Sharpington were closed to
the public which slowed their progress, until they reached the outskirts of the
town where they turned off and circled around and then up to Whitecliff.
When they had finished
changing and had made their faces up they put their clown masks on and the red
or white side to their wigs, Roxy plumped for the white while Rosie and Lindsay
chose the red.
The clown masks were
made from latex and were designed to fit right over the head but because it was
still summer and they were wearing nylon wigs they decided to cut most of the
back out and put some strategically placed holes in the face.
They were concerned
that if their heads sweated too much the black face would run, they needn’t
have worried.
To avoid having to
black up everywhere they all wore long sleeved tops and gloves and bright red
silk scarves around their necks.
The wigs covered their
ears so they didn’t need to do them and the clown mask covered everything else.
They were all dressed
in Red, White and Blue of some description but Lindsay was wearing a blue
t-shirt, a red flared skirt and white tights.
Lindsay was a girlie girl
and liked to dress like one whenever possible because in her work her clothes
were very utilitarian and quite unfeminine.
In addition they all
wore substantially sized bum bags to carry some essential items for the day.
Lindsay the biggest of
all of them despite her being the smallest, and hers was full to over flowing
with beauty products because she had no idea what harm the black makeup was
doing to her skin.
When they joined the
parade they were about six or seven floats from the front and Roxy was hoping
they could get round without having to expose themselves as Golliwogs.
The atmosphere was
amazing and they were really enjoying themselves, and they had almost forgotten
what they had planned to do.
But as they approached
the Pier Rosie gestured to the other two and they stepped through the crowd and
went into the ladies and when they immerged five minutes later their clown
masks had gone and their wigs had been reversed and they all looked like Al
Jolson.
“What the hell am I
doing?” Lindsay asked herself as they ran back through the crowd
Their arrival was
greeted with a huge cheer from the throng as they took up their positions and
they collected as much money in ten minutes as Golly’s as they had all the while
they were clowns.
But their success was
short lived because after about one hundred yards the procession passed by the
end of what was known locally as pub crawl alley because in that street, that
lead from the promenade to the outskirts of town, had a totally of 27 pubs and
clubs in it.
And it was from one of
those pubs that a small group of inebriated afro Caribbean patrons saw them and
took exception at what they saw and amidst shouts of abuse and threats of
physical violence Rosie decided that discretion was the better part of valour
and shouted to her friends
“Quick leg it”
When the balloon went
up, the three girls all ran in different directions and unknown to them the
group of pursuers were halted in their tracks when the appreciative crowd put
themselves between them and their prey, but not being aware of that fact, as
they never looked back, the girls just ran hell for leather like startled deer.
Lindsay was small and
slight and was possessed of whippet like speed and of the three of them she was
the most confident that she wouldn’t be caught and furthermore she knew
precisely where she was going.
She sprinted onto the
Pier and ran the full length until she reached the steps that led down to the
fishermen’s deck which she knew would be deserted at that time because the tide
was out.
Lindsay sat on a bench
and opened the zip on her bum bag and with the aid of a compact mirror, cotton
wool and her cleansing lotion she made quick work of the black face makeup.
Once that was achieved
she set about remaking up her face again to complete the transition from one of
the Black and White Minstrels into pretty white girl.
The latter taking
little effort as she was a pretty girl and Lindsay was a girlie girl who always
liked to dress like one whenever possible because in her work as a veterinary
nurse her clothes were very utilitarian and quite unfeminine.
There was only so much
you could do in green wellies and waterproofs.
Admittedly it took a
little more effort now that she was twenty six than it did when she was twenty
five.
Not that she was
particularly vain it was just that she didn’t think she would catch Mr Right
wearing moleskin trousers and wellies and she was looking for Mr Right but had
as yet had no success.
Once her face was done
and she’d made the best she could of her blonde hair under the circumstances,
she attended to her clothes.
Unfortunately she had
snagged her white tights on the way down the steps so they had to go.
The red flared skirt
was fine but her blue t-shirt was a bit sweaty from her run, luckily she had a
white vest top in her bag so she changed into that, then all that was needed
was a squirt of perfume and she was done.
Her discarded tights
and the used cotton wool all went in the bin and everything else was returned
to her voluminous bum bag.
After that she just
had to wait for one of the others to ring her.
She had texted them
both but as yet had not got a response so she just kept waiting and after half
an hour her patience was rewarded when Rosie called.
Rosie had spoken to
Roxy already and so they arranged to meet up by the entrance to the Pier.
When she reached the
entrance Rosie was already there waiting and Roxy was approaching the Pier hand
in hand with a man.
“Lucky cow” Lindsay
said as she gave Rosie a hug then Roxie left the mystery man on the periphery
and the three reunited girls silently hugged and then they found their voices
and for the most part of the next five minutes they were all speaking at the
same time.
When the chattering
huddle broke up Roxy introduced Lindsay and Rosie to her man, Richard and as
the last of the floats had gone past they all walked together up to Jubilee
Park to hand in their collection tins.
Roxy and Rosie had to
be back at work the next day so they drove back to Mornington that night but
Lindsay had the rest of the week off so she stayed on at her Aunty Lynn’s
caravan for a few extra days.
Roxy wasn’t really
comfortable leaving her on her own but as she worked at Sharpington Station she
pledged to check up on her during the week but just to be on the safe side she
gave Lindsay her pepper spray just to be on the safe side.
Lindsay didn’t feel at
risk, she had after all stayed in the caravan on her own on many occasions and
she knew the people in the vans either side of her.
One of the reasons
Lindsay wanted to stay on at the caravan after the Bank Holiday was to have
some quiet time to herself away from the hubbub in the Cooper household.
As much as she loved
her family, to spend four days on her own in a caravan was bliss.
Even if she spent the
time catching up with her reading with the only thing for company being the
sound of the September rain beating on the roof, which it did for three days.
On Friday the weather
improved which was just as well as the other reason she had stayed on in
Sharpington was because she was had been invited to the 30th birthday party for
one of the vets she worked with, Hayley Gwilym, at the Palladium Ballroom on the
promenade.
She spent most of
Friday afternoon getting ready, but was still late leaving and set off from the
caravan just after 8.00pm.
It was a safe walk
down to the town of Sharpington from Whitecliff as it was along a well-used
road which was busy during the day and very well lit at night.
Lindsay entered
Jubilee Park a little after 8.30pm, she was apprehensive about walking through
the park at dusk but she was late for the party so she had no real choice.
She walked hurriedly
and that brisk pace was as a result of her tardiness and her unease in equal
measure.
Her invitation to the
party stated, which sat in her bag, in no uncertain terms that the theme for
the evening was a simple one.
Entry to the Palladium
Ballroom, even with an invitation, would only be granted providing the bearer
was wearing pink and the more pink the better.
Which was why Lindsay
was wearing a pink dress, pink shoes, had a pink ribbon in her hair and carried
a pink handbag, she was even wearing pink underwear but she didn’t intend
showing that to all and sundry.
Chris White was
heading in the opposite direction to Lindsay on his way home from work and
couldn’t help but notice the girl in the pink dress.
He always noticed pretty
girls, especially blondes, and he guessed from the colour of her outfit exactly
where she was headed.
He had seen a lot of
similarly dressed men and women in and around town and a lot of them where
heading into the Palladium Ballroom.
As he passed her on a
parallel path she reached into her bag for her mobile phone and as she pulled
it out she also pulled out a small pink envelope with it, which fell silently
to the floor.
As Lindsay strode
purposely on through the park she was totally oblivious to the fact that she
something had fallen from her bag.
So Chris hurried to
the point where he had seen the envelope fall.
He picked it up and
saw it was addressed to Miss Lindsay Cooper, 4, The Close, Mornington.
“That’s interesting”
he thought, she only lived two doors away from his Uncle Andy.
He didn’t look at the
contents of the envelope but thought quite understandingly that if she was
carrying it in her handbag it must be of some importance to her, so he set off
to close the distance that had opened up between them.
His prey was a small
slight young woman but she covered the ground quite quickly regardless, Chris
was a foot taller with longer legs and yet he was still struggling to catch
her.
Lindsay had noticed
the man as they passed by, and she thought him quite handsome, and was at the
time a little disappointed that they weren’t going the same way.
But when she noticed
that he had changed direction and was following her, she didn’t think him quite
so handsome.
As pretty as she was
from the front he had to say she had a very nice rear aspect and those busy
little legs of hers were really very attractive.
As Lindsay walked
faster so did he and she was walking as fast as her little legs could carry her
and she thought she would easily reach the exit from the park where there would
be more people around before he caught up with her.
But then her legs
began to tire and suddenly it was like she was walking through treacle and he
was gaining on her with every stride.
Chris called after her
as he got closer but she had earpieces in so she couldn’t hear him.
She glanced over her
shoulder and was alarmed to see in her peripheral vision that he was muttering
to himself as he got closer.
Each small faltering
step she took moved her closer to the gate and safety but she could feel his
presence more and more as each second passed.
Feeling really anxious
Lindsay fumbled in her handbag and was in sight of the gate just as Chris got
close enough to put a hand on her shoulder and she turned around and sprayed
him with Roxy’s pepper spray.
“Get away you pervert”
she screamed
“What the fuck did you
do that for?” he shouted as the spray began to burn his eyes
“Because you’re a
pervert” she said
Chris was rubbing his
eyes while still clasping the envelope.
“I was trying to give
you this” he said waiving it in her direction “it fell out of your bag”
“What?” she exclaimed
and snatched the envelope from his hand, she quickly read the address and then
the full realisation dawned on her
“Oh God my invitation”
she said “I’m so sorry I thought you were…”
“A pervert” he said
“yes you did mention it”
Lindsay felt terrible
after rewarding the man’s act of kindness with a face full of pepper spray.
“Don’t rub them you’ll
just make them worse” she advised and then produced a small bottle of water
from her bag
“This will help” she
said and splashed water in his enflamed eyes “it also helps if you blink a lot”
“What helps is not
getting sprayed in the first place” he corrected her
“Yes, sorry again” she
said “but I was scared, it looked like you were chasing me”
“I had to chase you,
you were like a whippet” he said
“And you were
muttering to yourself” she said defensively
“I wasn’t muttering to
myself” Ken said “I was trying to speak to you but you had earphones in”
“Oh dear” she said “I
really did get it wrong didn’t I?”
“That will teach me to
mind my own business in future” he said
“Oh don’t say that”
she implored “It was really sweet of you to try”
And she gave him the
most dazzling smile which even through bleary eyes made up to some degree for
the discomfiture.
“Let me make it up to
you” she said “let me buy you a drink”
“I thought you were
going to a party” he reminded her
“Oh yes, you’re right”
she agreed “I am, I forgot”
“It’s not a problem”
he said “I’ll be fine”
“I can take a plus
one” she said
“No really you don’t
have to do that” Chris said
“Not that I would be
allowed into the Palladium anyway”
“Why? Have you been
barred?” she asked
“No nothing like that”
he said “I’m not wearing anything pink”
“Well that’s not
strictly true” Lindsay said with a giggle “You haven’t seen your eyes”
“You should see them
from this side” he said and winced
“So will you come?”
she asked
“That depends” he
replied
“On what?”
“A couple of things”
Chris explained
“Which are?”
“Firstly on whether or
not you have any more weaponry in that bag of yours” he said
“No you’re quite safe
I’m all out” Lindsay said with a laugh “and what’s the second thing?”
“Will you hold my arm
because I really can’t see very well?”
“Oh God what have I
done” she exclaimed “yes that’s the least I can do”
“Ok then it’s a deal”
he said amiably
As they walked arm in
arm down to the Palladium Lindsay felt rather pleased with herself, she had a
great looking guy on her arm, in fact a really good looking guy, a real head
turner.
Although in truth the
head turning might have had something to do with his pink eyes but nonetheless
he was turning heads.
And on top of being
handsome he was a gentleman and she didn’t meet many of them.
She would have had to
admit it was an unconventional way to snag a man but “all’s fair in love and
war”.
Thank God for Roxy and
her pepper spray.
All she had to do now
was use her charms on him to make sure she got a more conventional date with
her pink eyed good hearted Gentleman who she hoped could be her Mr Right.
