We step through the door
To enjoy
the seasonal fare
Chestnuts
roasting in the fire
The smell
of cinnamon is in the air
I watched a
snow flake melt
On her glistening
auburn hair
As we held
hands in the soft light
Of the
Christmas candle glow
Then I gave
her a little parcel
Tied up in
ribbon with a bow
And I
kissed my first love
Snow
spattered, unseen, against the steamy glass
As the
train rattled out of the station
It was a
fairly crowded train, but not full
With weary
shoppers, shopping bags bursting
And
commuting workers the weeks work done
Journeying
homeward at the dark days end
A cheerful
crowd though
Pleased
with themselves bright faced and hearty
Full of
seasonal cheer anticipating the holiday
Seemingly
oblivious to the drafty carriage
I sat alone
and felt lifted by the quiet jolliness
Contemplating
the collective countenance
Of the self
satisfied passengers
Then she
appeared and I was lifted higher
There she
was larger than life vivacious and self assured
Covered
with snowflakes and laughing to herself
My snow
angel, with snow covering her like sugar on a doughnut
Wrapped up
against the cold in a woolen hat and coat
And the
long knitted scarf draped about her neck
She shook
her head and her light brown hair danced about her shoulders
And the
snowflakes melted away from her soft curls
There was a
rosy redness on her cheeks
Almost
matching the hue of her coat
Either from
the cold winter evening or a liberal taste of Christmas spirit
A little of
both probably
She made
her way down the train between the seats
Leaving wet
snowflakes in her wake
Full length
coat swishing side to side
She moved
almost gracelessly, which suited her well
As she tottered
a little in her high boots
Perhaps due
to the lurching motion of the train
Or the
Christmas punch and eggnog
She was
still laughing softly to herself which also suited so well
And then
she saw me, and her eyes lit up like beacons
She stopped
and stood momentarily open mouthed
Then her
smile illuminated the carriage
My heart
soared at the sight of her
I returned
her smile and she flushed a little deeper red
It had been
almost a year since I last saw her
My lovely
lost love, Linda
I had
locked all my feelings away but now they were back
Like a door
had opened in my heart and they all rushed out
And I
missed her so much I didn’t know just how much till that moment
We were
never lovers, only ever friends
But very
special friends very close friends though no more
We laughed
a lot together, shared confidences
Best
friends but no more than that,
Though I
wanted more, so much more
But I
didn’t want to lose what we had so I said nothing
I loved her
so much, but she was not free for me to love
And Linda
was not free to love me even if she wanted
So I
contented myself with our special friendship
My
unrequited love remained so
If that was
all then better that than nothing
I was happy
to love her unconditionally
Then
circumstances changed, my father died
I had to
move away and I didn’t see her again, until now
Now she was
in front of me, my angel, larger than life
Smiling,
blushing, laughing and so lovely
I stood up
and smiled at her again
She threw
herself at me and she hugged me so tight
I smelled
her hair as I held her and was intoxicated by her scent
All the old
feelings flooded back over whelming me
Yet could
it be my love was not unrequited
We sat down
on the lumpy seats in the rattly carriage
And were
completely alone
We sat
looking at each other not wanting to lose sight of one another
In case the
spell were broken
She removed
a glove and put her hand on mine
As if
testing it was not a dream then she slipped her hand into mine
Her
delicate fingers so small in my grasp
For the
remainder of the journey we reveled in each other’s company
We caught
up with the lost months filled in the gaps
Still
oblivious to our companions
It was as
if we had never been apart
Then the
train shook to a halt as all too soon we had arrived
Our fellow
travelers rushed off to their Christmases
Reluctantly
we left our seats and disembarked arm in arm
Then hand
in hand we walked slowly along the platform
Still
talking and laughing and then out onto the street
Where the
shops were now closing and the town was relatively quiet
From one
pub Noddy Holder screamed “it’s Christmas” to the world
Only the
pubs and restaurants seemed to hold any attraction to most
But we
joined a small group gathered round the Salvation Army band
And joined
in with the carol singing in the town square
Before
strolling towards the taxi stand
As the snow
again fell onto Linda’s soft curls
We took our
place in the queue of travelers eager to be home
I wanted to
be nowhere else but with her
Smiling she
turned to face me and kissed me gently on the lips
Such a warm
sensitive and tender kiss
When our
lips parted she smiled at me coyly
And flushed
a deep shade of pink
Then I
kissed a snowflake off her nose
And cupped
her flushed cheek in my palm
Then I slid
my fingers beneath her hair
Caressing
the soft downy hair on her nape
And pulled
her sweet lips to mine and returned her kiss
Her arms
enveloped me holding me so close, so tightly
Not wanting
to let go, not wanting to lose what we had found
Not wanting
to lose me again
We stood
locked in our embrace as the snow fell softly on the scene
She pulled
away for a moment then buried her face in my neck
And spoke
“I’ve missed you so much, I’ve missed your love for me”
I had
waited so long for this moment waited so long to here those words
To hear my
love returned then we kissed again
Cabs
arrived and departed through the slush
The queue
around us just kept moving as if unaware of our love
After a
while we moved from the queue sat on a bench and talked
My love was
not unrequited she felt the same for me
She had always
done so yet still she was not free
She was
torn between the two of us
Torn
between the comfortable familiarity for a good man
A loyal and
dependable man, safety
And the
passion she felt for a soul mate
It wasn’t
fair on him he hadn’t done anything wrong
So our love
had to be a forbidden one
Best
friends no more, I wanted more, so much more
And could
not content myself with a special friendship
Now I knew
my love was not unrequited
There was
no going back, now Pandora’s Box had been opened
But at least
now I knew she loved me
With the
same depth as I loved her
We walked
back to the taxi rank and kissed again in the snow
All too
soon she got into a taxi
And through
the winter wonderland departed taking my love with her
With her
palm pressed against the glass she craned her neck to keep sight of me
Through the
snow spattered window until the very last moment
Till the
cab had gone out of sight
She was
gone from my arms, gone from my view, gone from my life
But a
Christmas happening had changed my life forever
A brief
encounter, fleeting, here and then gone
Her scent
still in my nostrils, the taste of joy on my lips
My soul
mate gone forever, yet forever in my memory, forever in my heart
I would
never see her again and moved away in the New Year
Making a
life elsewhere but I never forgot her
And when on
a winter’s night I hear the “Sally army” play
Or when the
snow falls during Christmas time
Or I feel a
snowflake on my skin
I feel her
small hand in mine and then she is once again in my arms
And I smell
her soft brown hair and the taste of her is on my lips
I hear her
say “I love you” and she is mine forever
In the
small but thriving English county of Downshire people go about the tasks of
their everyday existence in ways that range from the mundane to the
extraordinary as their forebears had done for centuries before, in the varied
and diverse landscape, from the Ancient forests of Dancingdean and Pepperstock,
the craggy ridges and manmade lakes of the Pepperstock Hills National Park, the
rolling hills of the Downshire Downs, to the beautiful Finchbottom Vale and the
short but beautiful coastline to the east.
But it’s in
Purplemere where Paramedic Lizzie Green lived in a flat she shared with her
younger sister Sammi.
She was 29
years old, four years older than her sister with flame red hair, which was
appropriate because she was like a wildfire.
The very
epitome of a party girl, and what a party girl she had become, a real “burning
the candle at both ends” and toxing her socks off kind of party girl and was
the complete opposite of her timid sister Sammi.
But after
12 years of high octane living, she was beginning to tire of it, and she had
developed a bit of a crush on her new partner, Matt
Beveridge, and no one was more surprised than her to discover it, because on
the surface they were like chalk and cheese.
Matt was tall, sandy haired, polite, and
quietly spoken, and she was a feisty red head.
Despite
that however she still had a crush on him, and it began on the first day they
met at the ambulance station.
“Matt” he
said and held out his hand to shake, which she took, his handshake was firm,
his handsome face was warm and open, and his voice was like honey on her ears
and responded
“Lizzie”
The pair
only released each other’s hands when a door slammed, and the moment was
broken.
Despite her
undoubted crush she didn’t do anything about it for three months and when she
did it almost happened by accident as they were returning to the station after
a shout.
“What are
you doing on your day off?” she asked
“Well, the
closed season ends today, so I’m going fishing” he replied
“You’re
going to waste your day off sitting on a riverbank” she said mockingly
“Lake” he
corrected her
“What?”
“I prefer
lakes to rivers”
“Ooooh Mr.
pedantic” she teased, “It’s still a waste”
Before he
had a chance to respond, a call came over the radio, about a man who was found
semi-conscious in the bin store of Stephenson Supermarket in Purplemere.
Having been
diverted to attend the call they received an update while on route, and the
unconscious man was known to them and his name was Peter Cooper, a long time
alcoholic.
“Oh no not
stinky Pete” Lizzie whined, and Mark laughed because it was her turn to take
the lead, which meant she would be up close and personal.
“It’s not
funny, it’s going to ruin my days off, I’m going to have that smell in my
nostrils for two days” she continued which made him laugh even harder.
“Please
swap with me” she begged
“Why would
I want to do that?” Mark asked
“Because
you are the kindest person I know” she groveled
“That’s
true enough” he agreed
“So, you’ll
swap then?”
“No”
“Oh, please
Mark” she begged “I’ll do anything”
“Anything?”
“Yes
anything” she agreed before adding “Within reason”
After a few
moments he said
“I will do
a deal with you”
“What kind
of deal?” she asked suspiciously
“I will
swap with you; on one condition” Mark said
“What
condition?”
“That I can
take you fishing” he explained
“Fishing?”
she retorted
“Yes,
fishing”
“I would
rather go to the pictures” Lizzie responded “How about dinner, or dancing
maybe”
“No, it’s
stinky Pete or Fishing”
“I’d rather
go fishing” she said and sighed
“So, we
have a deal?”
“Yes, we
have a Deal” she said with resignation
By the time
they had dealt with the patient and delivered him to The Royal Downshire
Hospital their shift was at an end, so they returned to the station.
“Thank
goodness that’s over” Mark said “So I’ll pick you up tomorrow at nine”
“Nine?” she
said, “What in the morning?”
“Yes of
course in the morning” he asserted
“Oh, ok
what should I wear?” she asked unenthusiastically
“It doesn’t
matter you’ll look great whatever you wear” Mark replied “But no heels”
There were
only three small bodies of water left in the Vale by the 21st Century, one in
Mornington, one in Childean and third of course was in Purplemere, and it was
Purplemere that they headed for, it was his favourite of the Mere’s and he
always fished from his favourite pitch at Purplemere.
It was a
warm sunny June day by the mere so he set up the folding chairs on the little
peninsula where they could fish beneath the shade of his favourite old oak
tree.
Once they
had set up, Mark showed her the basic principle of casting and let her have a
few practice casts before he said
“Come and
stand in front of me and look towards the water”
Lizzie did
as she was told, and he was stood behind her holding the rod in his right hand
but before he could show her anymore, she turned around and kissed him and
after a full minute she said
“Look what
I caught”
In response
Paul dropped his rod and wrapped his arms around her and returned her kiss.
If I had only known
It would be the last
time
That I would ever see
you
I would have stayed
A moment longer
And lingered at your
bedside
As I said goodbye
And told you once
again
How much I loved you
Our love, once sturdy
Like granite against
the storm
Has been eroded
By elements of
distrust
Unspoken discontents,
And bitter jealousies
Corroding like acid
Doubts and suspicion
Growing like cancers
Until they become the
terminal
Silent killers of love
