Life with Dorcas

(Part One)
Uncle Ben’s Big Day

I had always been a contented person and altogether happy with my lot.
Though not a wealthy person by any measurement I had everything I wanted and all was well in my world.
I had a job that I enjoyed I had a family that I loved and got along well with and I lived in my own modest cottage in the pleasant English village of Bushy Down.
I had everything a man could want and I was content, that was, until a few weeks after my twenty ninth birthday when I met Dorcas Fox-Martin.

It was a glorious Sunday morning in June and the Village of Bushy Down was looking particularly picturesque.
I was on my way to St Lucy’s Church in the village, not somewhere I was completely unfamiliar with but somewhere I hadn’t been as often as I should have.
Though on that particular morning I had a more pressing need to be there other than the neglect of my spiritual wellbeing.
Because on that morning Ben Overton, that’s me, was to be Godfather to his nephew Connor.
My sister Helen was three years younger than me and was the baby of the family and now had a baby of her own who was about to be christened.

It was as I walked to the church, preoccupied by thoughts of pride at my impending God fatherhood that my life was changed forever.
Having caught sight of Helen on the Church steps I quickly crossed Church Lane and was brought rudely to my senses by the blast of a car horn.
I jumped out of the way and reached the safety of the footpath and braced myself to launch a tirade at the impatient shit on the other end of the car horn.
But when I turned to face the driver I was greeted by a beautiful smiling brunette.
Who mouthed the word “sorry” which completely disarmed me.

Helen and her husband Mark watching from the Church steps thought it was highly amusing that I had nearly been turned into road kill.
I turned around to give them a withering look and when I returned my attention back to the pretty vehicular assassin she had gone and that was that or so I thought.

It was at the end of the main service when the Reverend Hunter began the Baptism of my nephew Connor Innes into the faith that I saw again.
It turned out that “Penelope Pitstop” the beautiful, if dangerous brunette, was a close friend of my sister Helen and was also to be a Godparent to my nephew.

I have to confess as proud as I was to be Godfather I didn’t really follow proceedings as closely as I should have as my eyes were constantly drawn to the beautiful girl on the other side of the font.

But at the end I lost sight of her in the melee as everyone decanted from the Church and such was the affect this beautiful stranger had on me that I drove to my mum’s house in Kiddingstone full of trepidation that she was gone forever.

I parked in the street outside my Parents house and went in.
“Hey Ben” Helen said as I entered the kitchen “you got here safely then?”
“Very funny” I countered
“You’re obviously safer as a driver than you are as a pedestrian” She said and roared with laughter.
“Shut up and give me a beer lippy” I replied
She went to the fridge and took out a bottle, opened it and handed it to me.
“Thanks sis,” I said “have you got a glass?”
I didn’t like drinking from the bottle, I couldn’t stand it, and it was a bit of a joke within the family I thought it was common.
“You are so old” Helen said laughing
“I just have standards” I retorted pompously “Where’s Mark?”
“He’s in the lounge showing Gran the video” She replied.
My Gran was 91 and quite frail and wasn’t well enough to attend the Christening so the ceremony was videoed by my brother Danny and it was being played back for her so she would feel included in proceeding.
“You should go and watch it yourself” she added “as you missed most of it as you were ogling Dorcas”
“Dorcas?” I asked playing dumb
“Yes the pretty brunette you couldn’t take your eyes off” she said
“I think you’re imagining it” I answered as I left the kitchen
“I think you’re smitten” she shouted after me
I was about to unleash a witty retort in response but I was suddenly knocked sideways into the wall slopping my drink down my trousers.
“Sorry” she said “I wasn’t looking where I was going”
I turned around to face my assailant
“That’s…” and that was all I could say as I gazed upon the smiling face of the beautiful girl I knew to be, though we had not been introduced, Dorcas.
I don’t know how long I stood there staring at her or how long I would have continued to stare had she not broken the silence.
“This is becoming a bit of a habit” She said “my name is Dor…”
“Dorcas” I continued
“Yes” she answered “and you’re Ben”

And so the introductions were complete and from the first moment we met she bought something into my world that I hadn’t even noticed I didn’t have, love.
I was besotted with the diminutive young woman with the immense personality and a heart as big as the moon.

As I said when I began I was quite content with my lot and I had not felt my life suffered for the want of love, I had not craved it nor coveted it, I just thought it was something that was inflicted on other people and I was immune but once I tasted it I was hooked.

Had it not been for the fact that she had almost run me down and had fate not also decreed we both be Godparents to the same child I don’t think I would ever have spoken to her, let alone asked her out but ask her out I did and furthermore she said yes.

(Part Two)
Not For The Faint Hearted

Having plucked up the courage, at my Godsons Christening, to ask Dorcas Fox-Martin out on a date and bolstered by her positive response I very foolishly neglected to cement the arrangement there and then and furthermore left the Christening party without securing either a firm date for the erm….. Date or any contact details for her.
It wasn’t until I got home that the full extent of my stupidity dawned on me.
In my defense of course I was so taken aback by Dorcas’s reply and such was my elation that she had agreed to go out with me
Which is why I not only didn’t arrange anything but I had also left without any means of contacting her.
I had just reached the point where I was well and truly feeling sorry myself when the phone rang.
“Hello” I said forlornly
“Oh dear” Helen said unsympathetically “cheer up”
“Don’t joke” I said “I’ve done something really stupid”
“I know” she replied “you’re a plank”
“Oh don’t” I responded feebly
“Fortunately your wonderful sister has come to the rescue” Helen said “and I gave your number to Dorcas so she can call you”
“You’re the best sis” I said
“I know” she said immodestly “now don’t cock it up”

I had been so diverted by my foolishness that I hadn’t even given any due consideration to where I would take her.
Given that prior to that morning she had been a complete stranger to me I therefore had no idea what to suggest.
My normal first date experience, limited though that might have been, consisted of either a drink, a meal, the cinema or bowling.
Well a drink didn’t sound substantial enough for my liking and as I was somewhat nervous I imagined I would probably drink too much and make a complete dogs breakfast of it, so I ruled that out.
A meal on the other hand was fraught with dangers of its own, food preferences, allergies and intolerance’s.
It goes without saying that it was a given to rule out any food that required the wearing of a bib.
The cinema I had always found to be a difficult area date wise.
Sitting in the dark with a girl and spending most of the film weighing up the options of when it would be appropriate to move in for a cuddle or a kiss.
Not that that would be of concern with Dorcas, after all we were past the age of the back row groping.
No it was knowing her taste in film that was the issue there so I ruled out the cinema as well.
I also crossed off tenpin bowling but for no other reason than that I was crap at it.

After a couple of fruitless hours of deliberation I still had no idea where to suggest Dorcas and I should go on our first date and then the phone rang.
I took a deep breath and reluctantly picked up the receiver.
“Hello” I said timidly
“Ben?” a voice asked
“Speaking” I replied
“It’s Dorcas” she said
“Hi” I said weakly
“We didn’t make a date” Dorcas said hesitantly “At the Christening”
“No I...” I faltered
“Did you still… erm want to?” she asked
“Of course” I said firmly almost shouting
“Good” Dorcas said with a giggle
“I thought you might have changed your mind”
“No not at all” I stated “But...”
“But?” she said falteringly
“I don’t know where to suggest” I said
“Is that all?” she asked and laughed
She had had a similar struggle as I had to find a suitable venue/activity we had however reached totally different conclusion which I found out when she announced she had the perfect date in mind.
“A Tree Top Trail”
“What’s that?” I asked genuinely oblivious
“It’s a trail through the tree tops with Tarzan swings, rope bridges and Zip Wires” she said excitedly
“It sounds like great fun and I’ve always fancied a go”
Well I had no great expectation when I first asked Dorcas out and I thought she would soon tire of me after all I was one of life’s spectators while she was up there center stage.
But how wrong I was, she knew that we were cut from different cloth but she didn’t care that we were so different.
I had always been content to look on from the sidelines whereas Dorcas was in there participating with all her might, she was a “joiner in” while I was an applauder of other people’s efforts.
But no more, and despite the fact that the thought of walking through the tree tops 30 feet above the ground scared me to death I said.
“Me too”

(Part Three)
Stiff Upper Lip

It was a bright Sunday morning in June, just one week after we had first met, when Dorcas picked me up in her Mini outside the Railway Station in Bushy Down.
It was probably a little unconventional for the first date but after some discussion it was decided that she would pick me up as I lived in Bushy Down which was between her home in Finchbottom and our destination in the Dancingdean Forest.

Despite my apprehension I was very much looking forward to my first date with Dorcas and was praying it would go well.
My trepidation was quite apart from the normal first date nerves and it stemmed from the fact I had to contend with the death defying heights of the Tree Top Trail with all its incumbent hazards such as Tarzan swings, rope bridges and Zip Wires all at a height of 30ft.
I was not good with heights, I never had been, not that I suffered from vertigo or had an irrational fear of being up high.
In fact I liked high places, Airplanes, the London Eye, Canary Wharf or the Empire States Building, as long as there was something between me and oblivion.
What scared me to death was gravity and the belief that it would at any moment pull me screaming to the ground.
But I couldn’t show it, not to Dorcas, I had to put on a brave face for her benefit as I didn’t want her to think I was a wimp.

It was about an hour’s drive to the forest but the time seemed to pass by very quickly as we chatted about something and nothing.
Once we arrived my trepidation deepened as I looked up and realized exactly how high 30 feet was.
As if sensing my reservations Dorcas took hold of my arm.
“Come on then” she said steering me in the direction of a large timber shack.

There were 12 of us in our group, 11 first timers and one jovial leader called Gaz who was determined we all had a “great experience”
And on the whole I think we all did although there were moments when I was almost scared to death.
Though we were never in any real danger, we all had harnesses and protective gear but I was still scared up in the tree tops.
But at the end of it, thanks to Gaz, we all had a great experience but it was nice to get back to terra firma.
After divesting ourselves of our safety gear we all made our way to the café for a well-earned coffee.
As Dorcas and I sat either side of a picnic table discussing how much we had enjoyed the experience
“I wouldn’t want to do it again” she announced
“What?” I said with alarm
“The tree top stuff” she assured me
But she continued with more than a little smugness, knowing she had me hook line and sinker
“I’m up for another date though”
Then after a minute or two she suddenly said
“I have a confession to make”
“Oh” I responded fearing the worst
“I would have enjoyed it more if I wasn’t scared of heights” she confessed
“I only finished the course because I didn’t want you to think I was wet”
And I laughed
“It’s not funny” she said crossly
“I’m laughing because I was scared to death myself, I just gritted my teeth and got on with it because I didn’t want you to think I was a wimp”
I said and she laughed as well.
When the laughter had subsided we both concurred that it had been a good first date.

It was early evening when we finished our coffee and said fair well to our fellow adventurers and the weather was still lovely.
We were both getting peckish and as neither of us were ready for the date to end and as we were only half an hour away from the coast we headed off to Pepperstock Bay where we ended the momentous day eating fish and chips out of the paper on the sea front and talked about the day.

Our first kiss came in true romantic style as the sun slowly sank beyond the horizon and on the journey home we planned our second date.

(Part Four)
Punting On The Cam

Since our unusual first date back in June on the Tree Top Trail, Dorcas and I had spent a lot of time together on the full range of more conventional dates, country walks, museums, galleries, pubs, restaurant’s, cinemas and bowling alleys.
Over which time we had gotten to know each other and I discovered that quite apart from being gorgeous, which was plain to everyone, she was witty, intelligent, sensitive, loving and a totally rubbish bowler.

At the beginning of August one bright Friday morning we were driving up the M11 on our way to Cambridge to celebrate my Uncle Herbert’s 60th birthday.
By which time Dorcas and I were well and truly a couple.

It was to be a full on family weekend, which is something we do rather well I don’t mind saying but this was the rarest of occasions when absolutely everyone would be in attendance.
Apart from the birthday boy Herbert and his wife Alexandra, there was his elder brother Edgar, my eldest sister Abi and her husband Bijs were coming over from Holland, my younger brother Danny and his girlfriend Siti were driving across from the west midlands, baby sister Helen, hubby Mark and baby Connor were a few hundred yards ahead of us on the motorway and my Mum and Dad were about 50 miles behind us, despite the fact that we left home in convoy, because Dad never broke the speed limit.

Although Dorcas was a longtime friend of my sister Helen, she didn’t know all the players involved in the weekend’s events and was a little apprehensive about meeting them all, so on the journey I filled in any blanks in her knowledge of us.
“Have you met Abi before?” I asked as we approached junction 8
“Not really” she replied “She was in the back of your Dads car once, I think she was on her way back to Uni, but I didn’t meet her exactly”
It was hardly surprising really as she never really came home again after Uni.
Abigail met Bijs at University and went out to Southern Holland almost as soon as they graduated.
Now they both worked at the City Hall in S-Hertogenbosch and lived a few miles away in Rosmalen and only get back to the UK once in a while.
“You know Danny though” I said as I took the exit and drove towards Stansted airport
“Yes but then he is nearer my own age” she said
“And he asked me out once”
“I didn’t know that” I said surprised
“I said no” she assured me
“I’m pleased to hear it” I added
“How come we never met?” I asked
“I don’t know” Dorcas said thoughtfully “Just my good fortune I suppose”
“Bloody cheek” I said

Forty five minutes later we rejoined the M11 with my sister and her husband on board and we were still ahead of my Mum and Dad.
With the introductions done and Dorcas thoroughly interrogated by my sister we made steady progress towards Cambridge.
“You’ll like Uncle Herbert” Abi said either to Dorcas or Bijs I’m not sure which
“He’s Professor of Medieval Studies at Cambridge University” I said proudly
“Just like CS Lewis” Dorcas contributed
“That’s right” I said surprised “How on earth did you know that?”
“Well I’m not just a pretty face” she said
“Clearly” I concurred
“He’s at Magdalene College” Abi continued
“Also like Lewis” Dorcas responded
“Have you been swatting?” I asked suspiciously
“No I’m just a big fan” she replied
“Of Lewis or my Uncle?” I asked with a smile
“He is also a wit” Abi added
“A raconteur, a lay preacher and an all-round good egg” Abi and I said in unison and laughed as this was a well-worn phrase oft quoted by the family in relation to Uncle Herbert.
Bijs and Dorcas looked on in bemusement.

We drove onto the driveway of chez Cush just before one o’clock and I took a moment to take in the familiar vista before I took Dorcas inside to do the introductions.
The Cush brothers still lived in the ancestral pile built by my great great great grandfather at the height of the industrial revolution.
It had featured prominently throughout my life where all the family gatherings had taken place.
It was not a particularly esthetically pleasing structure but it was typically Victorian and it held fond memories for me.
The harshness of its hard lines had been somewhat softened over the years by the matured sympathetic planting which blended it into the unfussy landscape of the fens where many a long summer holiday had been spent.

Herbert was still at the college but Edgar had a light lunch prepared for us which we ate on the terrace.
We had just finished when Mum and Dad arrived followed shortly by Danny and Siti.
“Well better late than never” I said
“I thought we made good time” Dad replied
“Not you Dad” I responded “You’re actually early, I was talking to desperate Dan”
“I have just one thing to say to you bruv” Dan said punching me on the arm
“M42”
Enough said we all concurred

After lunch as we had a couple of hours to kill so we left the oldies and the baby to doze on the terrace and set off for a walk along the river.
What began with a huddled chattering group eventually spread out into a ragged strand.

Danny and I were at the back about 20 yards astern of Dorcas and Siti who appeared to be getting on like a house on fire.
Danny and Siti lived in Kidderminster where he was an Estate agent and she was a primary school teacher so I didn’t get to see him as often as I’d like.
It was only on these mass gatherings that we were able to catch up.
“How did you of all people manage to snatch up a gem like Dorcas?” Danny asked in disbelief
“She obviously fell for my charm” I said smugly
“I thought she had better taste” Dan continued
“She knocked me back you know?”
“I know” I replied
“Turned me down flat” he continued
“Which just goes to prove she does have good taste” I said and he tried to push me in the river.
The girls turned around to see what we were up to and they both gave us a look so we returned to our previous positions.
“Well you’ve got yourself a good one in Siti” I said
“I know” he said smugly

About half an hour later we were in sight of the university buildings and Abi shouted back from her place in the vanguard.
“PUNTS”
And Danny and I started jogging towards her.
“What’s going on” Dorcas said with alarm
“Were going punting” I said and took her hand and we ran hand in hand along the path
“But I’ve never punted” she exclaimed
The reason for all the excitement was that because of all the summers spent in Cambridge a disproportionate amount of time was spent Punting on the river Cam.

We hired 4 punts and divided up into our respective couples.
Now when the Overton take to the water the object of the exercise is not to get wet.
We had all been in the river at one time or another, some more than others, but when we were punting the winners were the ones who stayed dry.
If your pole gets stuck in the mud you let it go, if the situation arises then you stay with the punt and not with the pole it’s simple really.
Now when I say the object of the exercise is to stay dry in truth what I actually mean is that it is to get your opponents wet.
Once both occupants of a punt have been dunked then they can take no further part.
Now under normal circumstances hostilities wouldn’t begin until all craft were out of sight of the dock and the prying eyes of the boat keeper.
But on this occasion Bijs missed his footing and fell in the river without even setting foot onto his punt.
“God Bijs your whole country is below sea level” Danny shouted “you should be more at home on the water than any of us”

It wasn’t long before Abi, the least sea worthy of the Overton’s, succumbed to an early bath and we were down to 3 boats.
Once the flotilla had travelled sufficiently up stream so as to be out of sight of the boat station and hostilities could begin.

There had been a number of harmless skirmishes when Danny, who normally wins hands down, narrowly avoided a ramming by Helens punt only to find himself heading straight for a weeping willow.
Siti panicked and ran to the rear of the vessel and then she and Danny slid down the pole together.
During the ensuing laughter Mark and I collided, and he and I both got dunked.
Dorcas stood up and laughed like a drain before she shouted
“Abandon ship” and jumped in and joined me.
“I’ll save you captain” she said and wrapped her arms around me as we stood in the cool water, me up to my thighs and Dorcas waist deep and we laughed in the summer sunshine.
Which was when I fell in love with her.
As I stood in the waters of the Cam kissing my girlfriend, Helen noisily declared herself the winner.

She had never won before and she wouldn’t shut up about it on the walk back to the Cush’s so we picked her up threw her into the river.
Her last words before she hit the water were
“You can’t do that I’m a mother”

(Part Five)
Indecent Proposal

After the family Overton had done battle on the Cam we squelched our way back along the river bank to Chez Cush in high spirits.
As we got closer to the house we could hear a happy chatter and the sound of glasses chinking.
We walked around the side of the house towards the terrace and found the family gathered.
“Oh goodness you’re all wet” Mum said “You’re worse than you were when you were children”
“Aha the motley crew return” Uncle Herbert said jovially “Who won the Battle of the Cam?”
“I did” Said Helen triumphantly as she squelched onto the terrace.
“So why are you dripping wet?” asked a bemused Uncle Edgar
“They threw me in river” said Helen indignantly “because they’re mean”
This information was received with raucous laughter and not with the wave of sympathy she had been expecting so she flounced off to get changed.
The rest of us decided to have a drink on the terrace first.
During our absence a large white marquee had appeared on the lawn on the west side of the house in preparation of Uncle Herbert’s 60th Birthday party the next day.

Over the next hour everyone slowly drifted off in their ones and twos to get ready for the evening meal until there was only Dorcas and I left and we spent a romantic hour cuddling in the hammock watching the sun go down.
“This is nice” I said
“This is perfect” Dorcas corrected me

I was up early on Saturday morning, as was Mum, there was only the two of us, and everyone else was sleeping in after severe over indulgence at dinner the night before.
We sat in the conservatory having breakfast and watched a procession of vans arrive on the drive and disgorge their various cargo into waiting hands who transported them to the marquee or its environs.
“What do you think of Dorcas?” I said suddenly although Mum had known her longer than I had as she had been at school with Helen.
“She’s very nice dear” she replied as she stood up
“Of course she’s far too pretty for you to keep” she continued and left the room before I could respond.
“She’s far too pretty for me to keep” What on earth did she mean by that?

I spent the rest of Saturday morning wondering what she meant by her remark.
Did she mean Dorcas was too pretty for me? Not good enough for me? Or too good for me?
Anyway the conclusion I reached was that I loved Dorcas Fox-Martin and I was going to keep her, end of story.

At two o’clock people started to arrive and the party slowly got going with the garden quickly filling with familiar faces.
I was appointed one of the “meeters and greeters” which was a great opportunity to introduce Dorcas to all and sundry.
After about an hour she went off to babysit Connor so Helen was free to mingle and I had a chance to catch up with old family friends and acquaintances but as a result I hardly saw Dorcas all afternoon and I really felt her absence.

As the evening gave way to dusk all but the hardiest of us had moved into the marquee where shortly before the band started their set my kid brother Danny said he had an announcement to make and a murmur spread around the room in anticipation.
“I would just like to make a short but significant announcement”
Now I was reasonably sure it was not a marriage declaration as I knew Danny’s position on marriage very well indeed.
He loved Siti with all his heart but he would never marry her because he thought marriage was a nonsense.
I had no opinion on marriage myself as I never thought the opportunity would ever arise.
Although Danny was anti marriage I suspected he might change his mind if given sufficient incentive to do so, namely if there was a chance he might lose Siti.
So when the announcement was imminent I was certain sure it wasn’t marriage but wasn’t prepared at all for what he did say as he stood holding Siti’s hand.
“We are having a baby” he said excitedly and the tent erupted in cheers and then my Mum cried.

About an hour later I was on my way back from the bar when I walked behind my Mums table out of her line of sight.
“You must be very proud Eleanor” Aunt Alexandra said
“Yes all my children are married or settled down” She Replied “apart from Ben of course”
At that remark I stopped in my tracks.
“But he has a pretty little girlfriend” Alexandra corrected her.
“I know and she’s lovely” Mum said “but he’ll never keep hold of her she way out of his league”
There was a brief pause and then she continued
“He really needs to find himself a horsey type, not a pretty little brunette”
Well they say eaves droppers never hear anything good about themselves well that would teach me.
As I continued on my journey I was feeling absolutely gob smacked.
I approached our table and Helen slurred loudly
“Then they threw me in the river”
Everyone laughed, but I rather uncharitably thought “for god’s sake let it go”
I sat next to Dorcas who gave me a smile as I sat down, I smiled back but inside I wasn’t smiling.
It was only when we were on the dance floor smooching along to 10cc’s “I’m not in love” that I felt at peace and I thought to myself “oh yes I am”

It was the next morning when I was getting ready for church that I made the decision.
I had woken up that morning having had an epiphany.
I quickly finished getting dressed and rushed downstairs and into the kitchen.
“Where’s Dorcas?” I asked abruptly
“And good morning to you” Abi said sitting at the table still wearing her dressing gown.
“Have you seen her or not?” I asked
“She’s in the shower” she snapped
“Thanks” I said and turned on my heels and left
“And I’m next” she shouted after me

I went upstairs to the guest bathroom and pressed my ear against the door.
I could hear the sound of the shower running and tuneless singing.
So having detected it was Dorcas and not my mother I knocked on the door.
“I’ll be out in a minute” she called
“I need to talk to you” I called back
“I’ll be out in a minute hon” she said
The door was locked but it was an old house with a lot of the original fittings, including the door latch on the inside of the bathroom door.
I couldn’t wait a minute, what I had to say to her was urgent so as Dorcas wouldn’t let me in I had to let myself in.
So I used my credit card, sliding it between the frame and the door and lifting the latch.
I pushed open the door which squeaked as it opened.
“Who’s that?” she called in alarm
“It’s only me” I answered
Dorcas was just stepping out of the shower and hastily covered herself with a towel.
Although in the two months we had been seeing each other we had, to put it as delicately as possible, been intimate we were not at that stage of intimacy that allowed naked converse.
“Get out I’m not decent” she shouted
“I have something important to say” I insisted
“Can’t it wait?” she asked
“No it can’t” I said
“Well you can’t just barge into the bathroom when someone else’s is in there” Dorcas said crossly
“It’s not decent we’re not some old married couple you know”
“That’s just the point” I said
“What is?” she said still cross
“I want us to be” I explained
“You want us to be what?” she said with a puzzled expression
“Married” I said quietly “I want to marry you”
Dorcas just stood there looking at me with a vacant look on her face.
“Well what do you think?” I asked
“I think you should come over here and kiss me” Dorcas replied
“Is that really decent?” I queried
“It is now we’re engaged” she answered and we kissed

We decide not to tell my Mum until after church as we thought her head might explode.
We did tell Danny though but only as he happened to be passing the bathroom as we came out but we swore him to silence until lunchtime.
“I’d better be your best man” he said
“But you don’t believe in marriage” I replied
“That’s not the point” he said

(Part Six)
The Case Of The Disappearing Lingerie

In the weeks following the family gathering in Cambridge, to mark Uncle Herbert’s 60th Birthday, my mother was still in shock.
The news of my proposal and subsequent engagement to Dorcas had taken her completely by surprise.
She had apparently come to terms with the fact I would end my days as a bachelor and even though it had been confirmed and verified to be a “genuine engagement” she was still skeptical.
I have to admit there were moments when I didn’t believe it myself.
But we were engaged and everyone seemed to be as pleased about it as we were.

Though my mother was a confirmed skeptic on the subject, plans had already begun in earnest with both sets of parents jockeying for position even though a date hadn’t even been set yet.
Dorcas and I left them to get on with it for the most part as we had plans of our own to finalize, we would rein them in later when we were clear what we wanted.
We never thought at the time that we might live to regret our attitude of laissez-faire in this regard.
But there were more immediate things to occupy our attention, because although we hadn’t yet set a date for the wedding we had set another significant date on the calendar which was fast coming up on the horizon.
Dorcas was moving in with me.

By the time October came around she was already staying over at mind for three days a week so it seemed silly not to go the whole hog.
My place was bigger than hers so it made more sense for her to move in with me rather than the other way around.
We were going spend October packing up her place in Finchbottom so it was ready for renting from the 1st of November when she would move in with me, with as much of her possession as would fit.
When I asked her why she wasn’t selling her house, she said
“I want to keep it just in case”
“In case of what?” I asked
“In case you turn out to be a swine” she replied
Bloody cheek

As I said she had been spending a lot of time at mine and for the most part things went without a hitch but it wasn’t all plain sailing, there was one bone of contention.
That is apart from the age old chestnut, the toilet seat, what is it with women and their obsession with toilet seats.
Anyway I digress, my particular bone of contention was namely articles of underwear, that were particularly delightful when she was inside them but were very annoying when she was not.
They lost their allure somewhat when they were left hanging from the shower rail or draped over radiators.
When she wasn’t looking I would gather them up, in ones and twos, and put the wet ones in the airing cupboard or the dry ones in a drawer in the bedroom.
Dorcas didn’t seem to notice or if she did she didn’t say anything.
That is until the beginning of October when she enquired
“Have you seen my green knickers?”
“No hon, not since you were in them” I replied
“Are you sure?” she quizzed “I know what you’re like with your tidying”
She had noticed then.
“Definitely not honey” I answered
“I don’t understand it I’ve found the bra upstairs so I know they’re here somewhere but I can’t find the pants anywhere”
“They’ll turn up” I suggested
“That’s not very helpful” she replied
“There are some blue ones in the airing cupboard” I said helpfully
“I can’t wear blue pants with a green bra” she said crossly
“Honestly, what kind of a girl do you think I am?”
Over the next few weeks her green panties didn’t turn up and it transpired they weren’t the only items to disappear.
She went on to lose an assortment of knickers, three odd socks and a pair of tights.
Even my lucky pants did a disappearing act.
I had never experienced any loss of laundry all the time I had lived there so I was at a loss to explain the disappearance’s and could offer nothing but my stock answer of
“They’ll turn up”
Dorcas was unconvinced, as was I, and I’m sure she was beginning to think I was some kind of fetishist who had a secret stash of her knickers.
However any such suspicion’s she might have harbored would have been readily dispelled by a visit from my next door neighbour.

It was on Sunday morning, we had just returned home from church, when there was a knock on the front door.
When I opened it I was faced with a very shamefaced and embarrassed character holding a carrier bag out in front of him.
It was my long time neighbour John Elliot, a normally gregarious chap who on this occasion was stooped over like he had the whole world on his shoulders and was staring at his shoes.
“I think these might be yours” he said quietly thrusting the carrier bag in my direction.
“What is it?” I asked and took the bag
“Open it” He said shuffling his feet nervously
I did as he instructed and opened the bag and found inside sundry items of underwear.
“You’d better come in” I said

I had known John and his wife Carole for several years and we had always gotten on very well.
When I first knew them they had two cats, Madeline and Emily who were sisters, and they had them for several years but after Emily was killed on the road in the village Madeline ran away.
They were both huge cat lovers so they decided they would get a rescued cat from an animal rescue center.
Well what they got was a tabby called Tabitha who was a very sweet looking cat that unfortunately suffered with psychological problems.
It was a very nervous and timid creature who was very suspicious of everyone but what none of us suspected was its darker side.
While the humans of the village were all at work Tabitha roamed the local area indulging in her particular passion namely stealing from the neighbour’s.
She stole knickers, pants, socks, tights, handkerchiefs and the occasional bra as well as bibs and booties.
The troubled animal preyed on the unsuspecting locals stealing from washing lines, wash baskets and clothes airer’s though thankfully even with her psychological problems she only stole clean items, nothing soiled or un-fresh.
We were all oblivious to this dastardly crime putting the loss of missing items down to mischievous house elves.
The dastardly crime only came to light when John was clearing his spare room prior to decorating when he discovered a nest of other people’s underwear.
This could have been more awkward than it already was and John might well have had some explaining to do it Carole had found the pantie collection before he did.
When John told her of the stash he had found Carole thought it was very funny, she did however after sorting the not inconsiderable collection into bags for the prospective owners, dispatch him to return the items.
“I have never been so embarrassed” John said
“How many houses have you had to go to?” Dorcas asked
“You’re number 10” he said
“You poor thing” Dorcas said sympathetically the she looked at me and we both burst out laughing.
When we had regained control of ourselves he continued
“Luckily Tabitha’s is scared of her own shadow so she never strays more than a few houses either side of us, so it narrowed down the field”

After he had gone I looked at the contents of the bag
“You see I said they would turn up” I said
“Pah” Dorcas said unimpressed
“Still you’ve got to hand it to Carole she was spot on with her sorting”
I said
“And look even my lucky pants are here”
“Oh, it’s a shame they came back I threw them out once” she said
“You threw them out?” I asked
“Yes I did” she replied
“But they’re my favourite’s” I said indignantly
Dorcas chuckled and from the doorway she said
“Well you can either stay down here with your lucky pants or you can come upstairs and get lucky in mine” and she went out the room.
About thirty seconds later I got up and followed her, pausing briefly by the kitchen bin to dispose of my former lucky pants.

(Part Seven)
The Electronic Dice

Since I first met Dorcas, on that day when she almost ran me over, my life had been so different to the safe and comfortable existence I had known before.
I felt energized and fresh, which was just as well.

Because October had been an exceedingly busy month.
We spent evenings packing up Dorcas’s house in Finchbottom and slowly moving her stuff either into storage or into mine, I mean ours.
Then on the weekends there was decorating, gardening and car booting.
And all of the above had to be achieved while keeping busy in our respective jobs as we were saving our holidays for something else.
So it was with some relief that I received and accepted an invitation from my best friend Gary to attend a games night at his place on Saturday night.
We had been best mates since junior school, Gary, Stix, Evan, Clive and me, and our friendship endured.
It survived all the ups and downs of childhood and adolescence.
It survived sexual awakenings and the continual distraction of women thereafter.
It survived higher education, marriages, mortgages, divorces and redundancies.
Women had come and gone over the years but the friendship had survived.
Our friendship endured in spite of everything and part of that were Games Nights.
Games nights consisted of a takeaway followed by board games or cards, the food and game decided by consensus.
“You know what that means?” Dorcas asked
“Yes a weekend off” I replied
“I have to meet your best friends” she said gloomily
“I know” I replied “They’re all dying to meet you”
Then I continued
“And the other halves are anxious to meet the girl who has won my heart”
“Oh Great” Dorcas said despondently

I failed to pick up on her lack of enthusiasm but as we got closer to the night Dorcas seemed to be getting more and more withdrawn.
On Saturday morning we lay under the duvet cuddling she was very quiet which wasn’t like her at all.
I was a bit worried about her as she seemed a bit down.
“What’s wrong sweetheart?” I said
“Nothing” she replied
“Well I know that’s not true” I persisted “So what’s wrong?”
“I’m scared” Dorcas admitted
I wasn’t sure I’d heard her correctly, she was such a confident gregarious girl, and being scared didn’t fit her at all.
“Scared?” I asked
“Yes” she responded and rolled over and hugged me, burying her face in my neck and then she started crying.
“What are you scared about?” asked
“Meeting your friends” she sobbed “Your best friends”
It seemed she was really worried about making a good impression in front of my oldest and best friends.
“They are going to love you just like I do” I assured her
“Really?” Dorcas asked
“Well not quite like I do obviously” I said and she lifted her face from my neck and smiled.
I did feel for Dorcas when I took the time to think of what I was putting her through, it was a daunting prospect meeting my friends.
I didn’t have to go through that with her best friend as that was my sister Helen.
So we spent the next hour cuddling up under the duvet as I went through my friends and their respective partners one by one and the best ways to make a good impression on them.

My mate Gary was something of a figure of fun within our group, a fact to which he seemed completely oblivious.
We had known him since school and we had always teased him.
He was the type of kid who had a new hobby every week and this habit followed him into adulthood.
He also thought himself a whizz at DIY and he fancied himself as a bit of an engineer. But the one thing he could do without fail which endeared him to us was that he could take a joke.
His wife Elaine did not have a sense of humour, at all and she was the vainest woman walking God’s green earth and the only thing that she loved as much as her own looks was for someone else to compliment her on them.
“Stix” so named because his surname was Littlewood fancied himself as a bit of a ladies man and liked to flirt, Kylie his second wife knew he was all sausage and no sizzle so quite enjoyed watching him flirt before he crashed and burned.
Evan Thomas and his childhood sweetheart Cerys were foodies so if you got them chatting on the subject of food you were in.
Clive White and his third or fourth partner Tina were ultra-competitive so if they won whatever the game might be they were happy.

After I had finished putting flesh on the bones of those expected to be present she seemed more at ease.
“I love you Ben” she said
“That’s handy” I replied “because I love you too”
Dorcas smiled and kissed me tenderly and we made love.

I thought as Dorcas was nervous about meeting everyone, rather than arriving to a houseful and totally overwhelming her I would take her over to Gary’s early so I could introduce her to the hosts before anyone else arrived and that way she just had to meet one couple at a time.

So when we got there we stood on the porch and I gave her a kiss for good luck before I rang the doorbell.
Gary opened the door.
“Blimey” he said
“You’ll never believe it Elaine” he called over his shoulder “it’s Ben and…”
“Dorcas” I said
“… Dorcas” Gary continued
“Are we too early” I asked
“No not at all” he replied “Lovely to meet you Dorcas, come in, come in”
“Thanks Gary, likewise” she said and squeezed my hand.
As we walked into the lounge he said to Dorcas
“You’re obviously a good influence on him, Ben’s never the first to arrive”
Then he introduced her to his sour faced wife Elaine.
“Dorcas?” she said “that’s a strange name”
“It’s biblical” I answered “nice isn’t it?”
“Hmmm” was her only response
I gave her hand another gentle squeeze and Dorcas said
“I love your dress, I wish I could afford designer label”
Elaine’s expression softened immediately and a hint of a smile could be detected when she continued
“And your hair’s a fabulous shade of red”
“Two down, six to go” I thought to myself

Stix and Kylie were the first to arrive after us and with Dorcas being gorgeous and Stix being a letch he took to her straight away.
There was a moment’s frostiness from Kylie but as soon as Dorcas gave her a wink and she realized Stix was being played she quickly warmed.

By the time Evan and Cerys arrived the gregarious confident Dorcas was there to greet them and within five minutes they were deep in conversation about a new Mongolian restaurant in Kiddingstone, so much so that she almost missed my introducing her to Clive and Tina.
Dorcas continued discussing cuisine with Evan and Cerys while we devoured a rather mediocre Indian.

The games element of the evening began with cards and due to some creative cheating by Dorcas, a skill I hadn’t previously experienced from her, Clive and Tina were the resounding victors.
Deftly played by my wife to be.

We went on to play Trial Pursuit next which was when Gary chose to reveal his latest fad.
As I said earlier he fancied himself as a bit of an engineer and with the help of the Internet and RS Component’s he managed to fashion his latest pride and joy.
“It’s an electronic Dice” Gary said proudly
It was brown in colour, made of plastic, about three inches long and two inches wide and the same in depth.
With two buttons and an LED display on the upper side.
“Wow” everyone said with varying degrees of sarcasm except for Dorcas who said.
“That’s really interesting, how does it work”
“Well” said Gary thrilled that someone appreciated his efforts
“You press this first button and the numbers start randomising”
“Oh yes, I see” said Dorcas
“Then you press the second button and it displays your throw” he continued
“Wow that’s so clever” she said still enthusing
“And you made that?”
“Yes” he replied proudly “I did”
“Can I have a go?” she asked
“Absolutely” Gary said and handed it to her
“So I press this button first” Dorcas said
“Yes” Gary replied
“Then this one?” She said
“Yes” he said again
“And that’s my throw” she said just before she shook it in her hands and rolled it across the table.
Gary’s jaw dropped and the room erupted with laughter and Dorcas said to Gary.
“Got you” and he roared with laughter
In truth at that moment she had them all in the palm of her hand.

She held my hand under the table and squeezed it firmly and as she turned and gave me a smile I fell in love with her all over again.

(Part Eight)
Just Like Mama Used To Make

We spent most of the day after the games night at Gary’s slobbing around the house in our night clothes and watching old films on TV.
After all the recent exertion’s associated with renting out Dorcas’s house prior to her moving in with me, so it was really nice to have such a lazy day.
However we paid for it over the coming week as the deadline for Dorcas vacating her house loomed large and we spent every spare moment moving her and her possessions from Finchbottom to Bushy Down.
And so began a new chapter in our lives when we would no longer be two lonely single dwellers living half-lives but one loving couple sharing a house and home.

The Monday after our first weekend of officially living together was a normal workday for me but Dorcas had managed to book off a couple of days off work so she could unpack the last of her things and make herself at home.
A lot of her making herself at home seemed to involve rearranging the cupboards and taking over the majority of the wardrobes.
But despite that she certainly seemed to have spent her time productively and the house was looking more homely than it had ever done.
And as I walked through the front door on my arrival home on Tuesday evening I was greeted by the smell of home cooking.
“Hi Hon” I called “Something smells nice”
Her head suddenly appeared from around the kitchen door and said
“It’s me”
I walked down the hall to meet her and gave her a kiss
“No its not you” I said “I can definitely smell something tasty”
“Cheek” Dorcas said and hit me with a wooden spoon
“Ow” I said “what’s cooking then?”
“Bacon and onion dumpling” she replied then continued in a very bad Italian accent “Justa lika mamma used to maka”
“And is yours as good as mamas?” I asked thinking that if it tasted half as good as it smelt I was in for a treat.
“Better” she replied “now go and finish setting the table”
I did as instructed and then opened a bottle of wine, I returned to the kitchen just in time to see the suet delight coming out of the oven and I’m sure that the oven sighed.

As I sat and ate the heaviest most indigestible dumpling I had ever experienced along with lumpy mash, anemic gravy and over cooked veg I thought to myself
“How bad a cook is her mother?”
I persevered and ate most of it and when she said
“Well?”
I didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth
“Lovely” I said
It’s a good job I wasn’t marrying her for her cooking.

Fortunately I could cook and I generally got home an hour before her so I would get the evening meal on the go so as to minimize the risk of having to eat her offerings.

It was about a fortnight after the night of the dumpling when we were summoned to the Fox-Martins for Sunday lunch which I had to say I was rather looking forward to.
Her father Edward was very easy company especially if you restricted the conversation to sport while Marcia thought the sun shone from my every orifice.
But the main thing I was looking forward to was a Roast dinner I wished I could have one every week.
How does the old saying go? Be careful what you wish for.

We were in the car on our way
“Are you sure you don’t mind?” she asked
“Of course” I said “I like your folks and I’m looking forward to a great Sunday lunch”
“Oh” Dorcas said doubtfully “Good”
We arrived just after two and we found Edward in the lounge watching football.
“Hi Dad” she said
“Hello baby girl” he replied and gave her a kiss, then he shook my hand.
“Ben dear boy” he said “sit down, they’ve just kicked off”
“I’ll just say hello to Marcia first” I said and Dorcas led the way.
The aromas emanating from the kitchen were mouthwatering.
“Mum?” Dorcas called
“I’m in here darling” a disembodied voice called back.
I followed Dorcas into the kitchen and kisses and hugs were exchanged between them and then Marcia turned her attention on me.
“It’s lovely to see you Ben” Marcia said “I’m glad you could come”
“It smells delicious” I said “I can’t wait”
“Oh” she said all flustered “that’s a really nice thing to say”
Then Dorcas kissed me and dispatched me to keep her father company.
Edward had a freshly poured beer sitting on the table waiting for me.
“Are there you are” he said without taking his eyes off the screen.
“It’s one nil to City, completely against the run of play”

Marcia called us to the table about half an hour later and we sat down at the table.
Edward poured the wine and Dorcas and Marcia carried the tureens in, then when we were all seated she lifted the cover off the meat platter to reveal the charred remains of what would once have been a very expensive joint of beef.
The vegetables and the gravy were a similar disappointment, the insipidness of the gravy was clearly a family tradition.
As Edward unceremoniously hacked his way through the charcoal he slowly revealed the undercooked redness at its core.
And as I struggled politely through the hideous meal I was left to ponder how two such beautiful women could be such ugly cooks.

So it was with a full stomach and a bad case of indigestion that we drove off from her parents place.
“Did you enjoy your Sunday roast then sweetie?” Dorcas asked
“Oh yes” I replied “it was ….”
“Horrible?” Dorcas interrupted
“No, no” I protested
“Yes, yes” she corrected me “Mums even more rubbish at cooking than I am”
“You’re not rubbish hon” I said
“I am, you could have beaten someone to death with that dumpling it was so heavy” Dorcas said and laughed
“Well maybe not to death, but certainly into a coma” I said and she punched me.

(Part Nine)
Mouse About The House

In just a few short months my cozy little life had been turned upside down.
From the moment Dorcas breezed into my life on a bright June day when she almost sent me into the afterlife from behind the wheel of her car.
It was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me, and that changed everything in a heartbeat.
Once I plucked up the courage to ask her out the next step was to fall in love with her which took no effort at all.
Then I needed to summon the courage to propose, which I did and almost put my mother into a coma in the process.
So far so good, meet pretty young brunette, woo pretty young brunette, fall in love with pretty young brunette, propose to pretty young brunette and finally move in with pretty young brunette.
Well I say finally what I mean to say is so far.
There are many more chapters obviously.

The next one began after two weeks of us living together.
All was going well and we had settled into a comfortable routine and it felt as if we had been together forever.
We were sitting in the kitchen eating crumpets on a Sunday morning when Dorcas suddenly said
“Can we get a cat?”
“What for?” I retorted
“Because I’d like one” she said sweetly
“Do we have to?” I sighed
“Don’t you like cats? Dorcas enquired
“I have no strong opinion either way” I informed
“So you don’t dislike them?” she asked
“No not at all” I replied
“Are you allergic?” she queried
“Nope” I replied
“So can we?” she asked cutely
“I take it that you have a strong opinion about cats?” I asked
“Oh yes” she replied “I love them”
“They’re very lovely, they’re good company, they’re clean, they’re not demanding” she continued
“And they keep mice away” she added as if that one reason underlined all the others
“I don’t have mice” I stated
I had never had mice in the house in all the years I had lived there and was not at all unhappy with that fact and I didn’t need a cat to achieve that.
All through my childhood at my parents’ house we didn’t have a cat and we were mouse free so the point seemed moot.
“Please, please, pretty please” she begged
And I was helpless to resist
“Ok, ok” I conceded
“Yey” she screamed and jumped up and down before planting a kiss on my mouth.
“But” I interjected
“But?” she repeated
“There are certain conditions” I stated
“Which are?” she asked
“No Toms” I said “I don’t want spraying in the house”
“Check” she responded
“I’m the only alpha male in this house” I said pompously
“Ok tiger” she mocked
“No rescue cats, I don’t want to take any chances on getting a mental one like John and Carole did” I continued
“Check” she responded
“And no kittens” I added
“Ok” she agreed “Anything else?”
“No that’s the lot” I confirmed
“Good get your coat on” she instructed
“What for?” I asked
“I said we’d pick the cat up before 11 o’clock” Dorcas said cheekily
“And how did you know I’d say yes?” I asked
“Because you’re lovely” she replied “and you love me”
“Yes well just remember that cutesy stuff won’t work once you lose your looks” I told her as we were going out the door
“It’ll still work even when I’m old and wrinkled” she said cockily

We were going to Mrs. Brownlow’s house, just a few doors down from us.
She was a lovely lady, who sadly was having to give up her cottage and move into a sheltered housing scheme on the other side of the village.
Where pets of any kind were not permitted.
Doris had a sweet little two year old tabby female called Pandora for whom she was looking for a good home and we were it.

Well all went swimmingly with Pandora’s arrival, she quickly took to us and made herself at home and although I had misgivings about getting a cat I was happy that I had agreed.
Then the presents started to arrive.
I would wake up in the morning and make my way downstairs to make coffee and there it would be, a mouse, a vole, a bird and on one occasion a coy carp.
All either dead or very near death and all of them gifts, for me the alpha male, from the huntress.
Sometimes Pandora would be in attendance smugly guarding her latest trophy.
On one particular morning in late November I came downstairs to find a squirrel.
“My God Pandora what on earth have you brought me this time?”
As soon as my foot landed on the hall floor she started rubbing herself around my ankles making a series of chirruping noises as she did so.
Then she would go and circle the stricken Squirrel, look up at me then at her prey and then back at me as if to say
“Look what I did”
“Yes very good, well done” I said without enthusiasm although I had to admit I was impressed.
Then she returned to my ankles and repeated the whole process again.
Pandora had just got to the point where she was saying to me
“I did that that was me”
Then Dorcas came halfway down the stairs and hung over the bannister to enquire
“What’s going on?”
“Pandora brought in a squirrel” I told her
“A Squirrel?” she exclaimed “wow who’s a clever girl then?”
The cat responded to that by repeating the whole rubbing, chirruping and gloating sequence.
“Who’s a clever girl?” I said to myself as I slipped my unstockinged feet into a pair of wellies.
That was all well and good but she wasn’t the one who had to take the poor suffering twitching creature up the garden to finally dispatch it with a spade.

Of course finding dead offerings in the hall was far better than the alternative.
You see Pandora didn’t catch mice and such to display them as trophies or to supplement her diet.
She brought them into the house primarily as toys and she would play with them for hours, but sometimes they got away
Which is why I recalled what Dorcas had said about cats
“They’re very lovely, they’re good company, they’re clean, they’re not demanding” she continued
“And they keep mice away”
Well I had never had any mice to keep away, until now.
And now I have a cat.

(Part Ten)
Christmas Getaway (Part One)

We had been living together for just over a month and I found it difficult to remember the time I lived alone.
The only blot on the landscape was “The Wedding” and I don’t mean by that that I didn’t want to get married to her, I did, and very much so, it was just the subject of “The Wedding” that was getting us down.
It had become all consuming, we thought we had been quite canny, leaving it in the hands of our parents but they were driving us mad.
And the wedding had taken on a life of its own, and it was not a life form that we recognized.

We were constantly being pressed for a date and being told that the plans couldn’t proceed any further without knowing the date.
We thought once we got into December their focus would shift from the wedding to Christmas but no it seemed to get worse if anything and it was only the 1st day of the month.

We were both sitting in the lounge at home having both come off the phone with our respective parents engulfed by gloom.
“Why don’t we get away?” I said
“Get away?” Dorcas replied
“Yes, let’s get away for a week and escape the harassment”
Get away?” Dorcas repeated
“We’ll be back in time for Christmas” I continued “but until Then we can avoid all the talk of wedding plans”
Dorcas just sat looking thoughtful so I pressed on
“We’ve both got to holiday to use up”
She said nothing for a full minute and then suddenly she excitedly said
“Let’s go on line and see what’s available”
I switched on the laptop and she sat next to me as I opened the browser
“Do you want sun?” I asked
“No I’m not fussed about the sun” she said
“Ok, do you want activity?”
“Nah”
“America?”
“No to America and nowhere that’s more than two hours flying time” she said decisively
“So Europe then” I said
“I think so”
“So how about Natural beauty?”
“Nah”
“Well present company accepted”
“You’re so sweet” She said and kissed me
“Historic?”
“Hmm”
“Romantic?”
“Definitely”
“City break then”
“Oh yes a city break” she said excitedly “but it must be a city I’ve not been to before”
“How about….” I pondered I knew she had been to the usual places, Paris, Amsterdam, Brussels etc. so I cast my net a bit further.
“Berlin” I suggested
“Berlin?” she repeated “Oooh I haven’t been there”
“It has history, romance and a Christmas market to boot” I added
“Oooh a Christmas market” she said enthusiastically
“Ok then Berlin it is” I said
“Let’s find somewhere to stay” Dorcas added
An hour later we had a 9 night booking at the Regent Hotel and flights booked for the following Friday, St Nichols Day, 6th December.
And a return flight on the 15th, which would give us a full week to do all the last minute stuff and enjoy the run in to our first Christmas together.

So on the Monday morning we put in our holiday forms to our respective employers and the wheels were set in motion.
We did however have a minor panic when Dorcas couldn’t find her passport.
She thought she had it last when she lived in Finchbottom but after an extensive search of our house and her unpacked boxes proved fruitless the realization that it must be at her parents’ house dawned on us.
The simple thing would have been to ask her mum but that would have alerted her to our plans and would have led to increased wedding questions that would have to be answered before we departed and we didn’t plan on telling anyone we were going away until the last minute.
So she had to leave it until Wednesday afternoon, when she knew her mum would be at the Women’s Institute, when she could sneak into the house and search unmolested.
But all the sneaky subterfuge and stealth paid off and she phoned me from the house to say she had it.
That evening we asked John and Carole from next door to pop in and feed Pandora while we were away and then we were all set.
At that stage they were the only two, outside of work colleagues, that knew we were going away.
So we were feeling very pleased with ourselves when we reached the airport on Friday morning and we had shown the family a clean pair of heels.
But once we got through passport control we phoned Helen to let her know.
“Good for you” she said “I wouldn’t blame you if you got married while you’re away” she said “Have a great time”

We flew into Tegel Airport just after 11.00am and we arrived at the Hotel Regent about an hour and a half later and we were not disappointed by our choice.
It was absolutely beautiful, very luxurious.
We had a beautiful room and from the main window there was a wonderful view of the imposing dome of, what we found out later was the French Cathedral.
We were so very pleased with our lovely room that we didn’t leave it all afternoon.
In fact we only left it in order to go and eat then we went back to the room and had an early night.

We began our holiday proper on Saturday morning after an early breakfast we crammed in a lot on our first day.
We took full advantage of the unseasonably mild weather and did the Reichstag, the Brandenburg Gate, the Checkpoint Charlie Museum and the Glienicke Bridge in the morning and the Christmas Market at Charlottenburg Palace after lunch and into the evening.
When we woke up on Sunday morning we were exhausted after packing so much into our first day, so we decided that we should perhaps have a more relaxing day beginning with breakfast to be followed by church.
After speaking to the waiter we took his advice and got a taxi to the Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church on the Kurfürstendamm.
And when the driver turned onto the very broad, long boulevard full of shops, houses, hotels and restaurants he said proudly
“This is the Champs-Élysées of Berlin”
“Oh look” Dorcas said excitedly as we pulled up outside the beautiful blue church “they have a Christmas market here too”
As I handed the driver his money he said
“They have Christmas markets everywhere”
“Oh goody” she responded and he laughed
The service was lovely and the new part of the Church with the blue glass was spectacular with the winter sun shining through.
Afterwards we ate lunch of Frickadellen with fries and mayo from a “Schnellie” at the roadside.
After lunch we went to Wannsee and walked around the lakes in the sunshine enjoying the scenery until the evening fell and so did the temperature.

From Monday onwards there was very little sun to speak of and it was bitterly cold but we really didn’t mind as for the rest of the week we got to spend lots of time hugging.
it was an action packed first few days, we shopped at Potsdamer Platz, spent hours at Museums Island, had lunch at the rotating restaurant at the TV tower on Alexanderplatz.
Climbed the victory column in the Tiergarten, visited the Berlin Zoo, went Christmas shopping at the big department store, KaDeWe, and a attended a liberal sprinkling of Christmas markets, in fact you name it we did it.
It was when we were at the Gendarmenmarkt Christmas Market that life got interesting.
It was an incredibly cold afternoon and we had both over indulged on Gluwein when her phone rang.
Dorcas looked at the phone and pulled a face, it was not the first call that week to have caused that reaction.
“My mum just doesn’t give up” she said and rejected the call.
“I suppose that’s the price we have to pay” I said “if we want to get married and have the big wedding”
“But I don’t want to” she retorted
“You don’t want to get married?” I asked alarmed
“Of course I want to marry you hon” she said reassuringly
“But I don’t want a big wedding” Dorcas said
“I just want me and you” and then she kissed me
“Let’s do it then” I suggested “let’s do it today, right now”
“What about the family?” she mused “Oooh my Mum will be so mad”
“And mine” I said “But what are they going to do? Ground us?”
Dorcas looked thoughtful as she drank another Gluwein
“And we can have a blessing at St Lucy’s later for family and friends” I added
“Ok let’s do it” Dorcas said and hugged me
“Are you sure?” I asked
“Well I’m sure that I love you,” she said in reply “and I’m sure that you love me, so yes I’m sure”

(Part Eleven)
Christmas Getaway (Part Two)

Having made the decision to usurp our parents and have a quiet wedding of our own, on our own terms.
First thing the next morning we went to the British embassy to get the relevant forms required to marry in Germany, which was surprisingly easy.
After we left the embassy we went to a variety of bureaucratic offices and queued up to sit in front of a variety of bureaucrats until in true German style every forms had all the relative stamps and seals.
However when we went to the registry office we came up against a brick wall.
“You must wait for 6 weeks” the registrar said
“But we’ll be back in England in six weeks” I retorted
“I’m sorry” he said “but it’s the rule”
“but we’ve spent most of the day queuing in dreary offices getting seemingly endless forms endorsed with many and varied stamps and seals and none of the faceless bureaucrats once mentioned a six week rule” Dorcas stated angrily
“I really am sorry” he repeated “but I can’t help you”
Dorcas was about to go again but I intervened
“Thank you anyway” I said and guided an unhappy Dorcas towards the door
“However” the registrar called “I know someone who could possible help”
“Oh?” Dorcas exclaimed
“It would be conditional” he continued
“On what” I asked
“On you being Christians” he replied

Claus, The registrar, directed us to St Georges Anglican Episcopal Church in Westend and we were soon in a cab driving along Bismarkstrasse through Charlottenburg in the direction of Spandau.
It was a very pretty little church, modern looking with a high sloping tiled roof.
We looked at each other and both nodded our approval simultaneously and walked up the path to the doors.
Claus, had phoned ahead and made us an appointment with Pastor James Morgan, who turned out to be a very jovial Welshman not at all dissimilar to the late Harry Seacombe.
“Welcome, welcome” he said when we walked through the doors,
“You must be Ben and Dorcas?”
If we were impressed with the outside then we were doubly so with the interior.
It was light and modern but in a traditional way and was as far removed from St Lucy’s in Bushy Down as it was possible to get.
After the introductions were made we sat in the pews and the Pastor said
“Well I’m not sure I can be of any more help than Claus was, it’s just a bit short notice”
We went on to explain why we had come to the decision that we had and the pressures of the big family wedding that had built and built and finally led us to take the course of action we were proposing.
“We haven’t made our decision lightly”
Dorcas said
“Oh I’m not questioning your motives” he said “but it’s just not something we do,
It’s Thursday now and I understand you’re going home on Sunday, It’s just such terribly short notice”
Dorcas and I were both crestfallen.
“Come on both of you let’s have a coffee” he said

We were sitting in his office drinking a very decent coffee when he asked
“Where is home anyway?”
“We live in Bushy Down, it’s a small…..” I began
“Oh I know Bushy Down” the pastor said with delight “and St Lucy’s”
“Really?” I said “I normally have to explain where it’s near”
“I’ve been there many times, the Reverend Oliver was my Verger for five years before she got St Lucy’s” he said “we remained friends until the end”
“She was well loved” I said “and very much missed”
Katie Oliver had passed away earlier that year.
“So sad” he said with melancholy
“She was such a lovely person, I was in the Village for the funeral” He paused in order to gather himself
“Listen why don’t you both stay and have dinner with me and my wife Clair? She’s from Finchbottom by the way” he said his joviality fully restored
“So am I” Dorcas chipped in
“Excellent” he said “you’ll have lots to talk about then, let’s go and surprise her then”

We had a marvelous evening with the Morgan’s, good company, excellent food and a liberal amount of alcohol thrown in for good measure.
We were fair steaming by the time we got in the taxi.
But amidst the friendly banter, reminiscence and over indulgence Pastor Morgan agreed to marry us on Saturday morning.

When we woke up the next morning the realization of what we had done suddenly dawned on us as we lay cuddled beneath the duvet.
“We’re really doing it aren’t we?” Dorcas said as she hugged me
“Yes I think we are” I replied
“Cool” she said
After a few minutes she suddenly went rigid.
“What about witnesses?” she said with real alarm in her voice “or a bridesmaid?”
“Well…..” I began but she was already making a call and heading for the bathroom.
“Helen!” she said

After half an hour sitting in the bathroom with the door shut talking to Helen, Dorcas emerged and was much calmer.
“Helen was a great help” she said “I feel much better now but we need to go shopping”

So I took her to the Europa Centre where I sat watching the Water Clock as I drank a pint of Guinness.
I watched the glass bowls empty over and over again while she was buying a dress for the wedding which I wasn’t allowed to see and then she chose me a suit which I wasn’t allowed an opinion on.

On Saturday morning we were up early and got downstairs for breakfast as soon as they started serving.
And all the time we were there breakfasting Dorcas kept fidgeting and looking at her watch or fiddling with her phone.
She hardly ate a thing in fact I ate most of hers as well.
I guessed it was just pre wedding nerves so I didn’t say anything I just enjoyed the extra helping.
We had been in the breakfast room for about an hour and I had just poured myself another coffee when all of a sudden Dorcas leapt up and said
“Come along, things to do”
“What?” I replied “I haven’t finished my coffee”
“No time for that” she insisted “Let’s go”
Well, a lesser man may have thought that if that was a sample of what was to come he might be making a mistake, but not me, I just attributed her demeanour and tone to the same nerves that provided me with two breakfasts so I trotted out after the excitable little minx.
When I caught up with her in the reception I was just about to make myself comfortable on a luxurious sofa when my sister Helen and my best friend Gary came bustling through the front doors.
Dorcas squealed and ran to embrace Helen.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you”
She screamed as she kissed and hugged my sister
In the mean time I went over to Gary and asked
“What are you doing here? How did you….”
Then it dawned on me, Yesterdays long conversation in the bathroom between Dorcas and Helen.
They had obviously hatched this plan.
“We couldn’t miss it mate” Gary said accompanied by a man hug
“I even suffered the budget air redeye just to be here”
And much to his chagrin he would be returning that night by the same mode.
With all the squealing and giggling from Dorcas and Helen we had attracted the attention of Christophe, the hotel manager, who we had come to know quite well over the previous week.
I caught his eye and he had that look on his face that all Hotel Managers wear when something has occurred that he was not expecting.
So I spent the next five minutes explaining the circumstances of how we came to be in his reception and causing a commotion.
“You are getting married today?” he asked and vigorously shook my hand and then kissed Dorcas on both cheeks
“That is wonderful news”
Then he repeated the process with Helen and Gary, he couldn’t have been happier if we had been his own kin.
I went on to explain that my sister and my friend had only flown in that morning and would be returning to England that evening.
“Ach so” he exclaimed and raised a finger “Ein moment” and went over to the desk.
After a few moments converse with the receptionist he returned to us brandishing a key card.
“The groom must not see the bride before the Church, I think” he stated “So the gentlemen may use this room as a dressing room”
“Thank you so much Christophe” Dorcas said and kissed his cheek like he was a kindly uncle.

Gary and I left the hotel at 11.30am in one of the two cabs Christophe had secured on our behalf and made our way to St Georges Church in Westend.
When we walked in to the Church it was as I expected, largely empty.
Pastor Morgan and his wife Clair were standing by the altar, and there was an elderly man, who I presumed was the organist as he was seated at the organ, other than that there was only Gary and I.
I stopped suddenly and said
“Rings? I haven’t got any rings”
“Don’t panic” Gary said “I’ve got them, Helen picked them up from your house last night”
I relaxed again and we continued up to the altar where James and Clair welcomed us.
A tall gangly young man then came to join us
“Ah Sebastian” The pastor said “come and meet the groom and best man”
Then he turned to me and said accompanied by an inclination of the head
“Sebastian is going to video the service so you have something to show your parents”

By the time the organ started playing the bridal march a small congregation had assembled and I recognized a handful of familiar faces among them as being from the Hotel, one of them was Christophe.
Even the registrar Claus was there.
But my eyes were quickly drawn to my bride to be. Dorcas, and she looked absolutely stunning.
The ceremony itself seemed to pass by in an instant but at the moment we said I do I felt complete.

After wedding breakfast in the Hotel restaurant Helen and Gary had to leave for the airport which despite the fact we would be home the next day was a tearful farewell.
We returned to the bar for another drink before we retired and when we reached the reception desk Christophe was there waiting for us and said
“Mr. and Mrs. Overton, please accept with our compliments an upgrade to one of our deluxe suites for your wedding night, I have already taken the liberty of having your personal belongings transferred from your old room” and handed me a key card
“Oh wow” Dorcas said and planted another kiss on the cheek of the “kindly uncle”, before we went upstairs to consummate our union in a luxury suite.

I awoke first in the pale winter light of dawn with Dorcas cuddled into me with her head on my chest.
And when she stirred I said
“Good morning Mrs. Overton”
“Oh I like how that sounds” she said and kissed my chest
“It doesn’t sound as classy as Fox-Martin” I suggested
“No” she agreed “but I like it a lot”
“I love you Dorcas” I said
“I love you too” she replied
And we made love in the half light.

Later we reluctantly had to leave our luxurious suite and the comfort of our duvet and begin our journey home as Mr. and Mrs. Overton and break the news to our respective parents that there will be other things to talk about for the foreseeable future.
It was all going to make for a very interesting Christmas dinner at my mums.
Definitely worth it though.