Why do I love you hon?
I
love you most because you
Don’t
realize why I do
Wednesday, 30 June 2021
THE WISDOM OF MY MIDDLE YEARS # 1
In life there are people
Who
love you dearly
But
just don't know how
To
show it clearly
Those Memories Made on Teardrop Lake – (17) Parenthood
Paul Cooper proposed to Lynn Fletcher in a quiet corner of a new Beefeater Restaurant, The Mallard, in Childean and after Lynn accepted they got on his Yamaha and went off so Lynn could chose a ring.
There just happened to be one that she
particularly liked in a shop in Abbottsford so he left his bike at the station
and they got the train.
While they were there Paul took his
fiancé into the Downshire and District Building Society and changed his savings
account in a joint account and then when they left the shop he presented the
pass book to Lynn.
“Right you’re in charge of the coffers”
he said “That’s our nest egg”
“What do you mean?” she asked
“You’re in charge of our future” he said
and she hugged him.
As they walked towards the jewellers
Lynn had tears in her eyes.
She could not express what Paul’s
gesture with the savings meant to her but it felt like he had proposed all over
again.
Before he left Shallowfield for Police
College he transferred all of his personal property from the house into the
Fletchers Garden Shed, the plan being when he was home he would sort through it
all and sell what he could.
At the same time Paul went off to the
Police College Lynn decided to apply for a job at the Shallowfield Doctors
Practice.
She had been told by one of her regular
customers that there would be a vacancy opening up and that it hadn’t been
advertised as of that moment in time.
The position was for a receptionist, for
which she had no experience, but then she had no experience when she started at
Addison’s.
Her boss Elsie Addison wrote her a
wonderful recommendation, so Lynn applied for it and she got it.
She was so pleased, but she wasn’t
leaving Addison’s because she was unhappy it was just that now she was engaged
and the keeper of the nest egg she needed every penny they could scrape
together which was why she went for the receptionist’s job.
And she also carried on working at the
Addison’s Tea Rooms on the weekends.
Ironically as a probationer Paul was
posted to Nettlefield which was the garrison town of his Fathers Regiment, the
Downshire Light Infantry and he spent much of his time arresting squaddies.
He didn’t get to see a lot of Lynn
during that time but they were both well versed at writing love letters, after
all they had been doing it for years.
One
night when Lynn was missing him terribly so she went outside to the shed and
opened one of his many boxes and she could immediately smell him and when she
picked up one of his sweaters and hugged it, she thought it was almost like
hugging him.
Then as she was repacking the box she came across something that
made her cry, tied up in ribbons were her love letters to him going right back
to the very first one when he was at Boarding School.
When Paul’s probation was over he put in
for a transfer to Childean, he did consider trying for Shallowfield but he
calculated he would probably have to wait longer for a suitable opening there
as it was a smaller station.
In the meantime he put his time in
Nettlefield to good use and got as much experience as possible and equally as
much overtime.
It was 1979 when his transfer finally
came through.
His start date was in the same week as
Lynn’s 21st birthday so there was a considerable amount of
celebration.
In addition they also set a date for the
wedding, August the 3rd.
The hardest part was finding somewhere
to live, that they could afford.
So Lynn stayed with her parents and Paul
stayed in the section house in Childean, it wasn’t ideal but it did mean they
could carry on saving.
The wedding was a simple affair at St
Marys Church, it was all very cheap and cheerful compared to what their
children would expect.
The wedding car was Alf Mason’s taxi,
Lynn wore her mother’s Wedding Dress, Elsie Addison provided the Cake and the
buffet, Lynn’s Godmother was a florist so she provided the flowers and
reception was in the village hall.
Everything done on a shoestring but the
day was every bit as memorable as if it had cost a King’s ransom.
They spent their first year and a bit of
their married life at her parent’s house in Lynn’s bedroom.
Not ideal but they made the best of it.
It
wasn’t until February of 1981 that they finally moved into their own home and
their married life could begin in earnest.
Even
with all their savings the mortgage really stretched them so they had to wait
before they could start a family.
The
following spring the War for the Falkland Islands began and as they sat and
watched the pictures on the news they saw Paul’s Father, now a Major General,
embarking with his men.
Neither
of them said anything but they both saw and despite the fact that he had to
make his own way in the world because his father had disowned him, he still
followed the reports of the conflict very carefully.
Harry Cooper survived the war unscathed,
but not all of his command were so lucky.
The 5th anniversary of their
mortgage, also coincided with Paul’s promotion to sergeant so he and Lynn
decided to start trying for a family.
And they tried very hard, and very often
but they appeared to be trying in vain.
But they continued to try anyway and
they finally got their reward after four years of devoted and concerted effort
when Lynn fell pregnant.
However as delighted as everyone
concerned was that was not the only significant family news that year.
In August, Coopers Villa, which had not
had a human presence for 13 years was occupied again.
Major General Harry Cooper, retired, was
in residence.
Their first child, a daughter, was born
in February and was the cause of much celebration.
When she was christened there was
another pair of eyes watching proceedings from the vestry.
Harry had been at school with the Vicar
and was able to sneak in unseen to watch the ceremony.
He did the same thing three years later
when Katherine Cooper was christened.
By the time daughter number three was
born Paul had taken his inspectors exam and passed and had been transferred to
Shallowfield.
Harry missed Karen’s Christening because
he was away with the Territorials on an exercise, which was part of his duties
as a reservist.
His missing that Christening would prove
to be significant.
Paul and Lynn’s family was now complete,
due to some severe haemorrhaging after Karen’s arrival she was unable to have
anymore.
But they were happy with what they had,
Paul thought it was ironic that despite
being raised in a home devoid of women, apart from the sergeant major nanny, he
was destined to live in a home in which he was the only man.
But he didn’t mind that, life was good,
he was even promoted to Chief Inspector that year so everything in his universe
was peachy.
However the problem with a peachy
universe was that it was normally a prelude to blight and so it proved to be
this time.
A few weeks after Karen’s christening she
was very unwell, she was constantly irritable and drowsy.
And
when Lynn was changing her into her night clothes she noticed a rash.
She
immediately called the surgery and spoke to Dr Collins who was knocking on the
door ten minutes later.
She
was satisfied that Lynn was not being a hysterical parent and insisted that she
would drive mother and babe to the hospital, Paul was on duty so Lynn’s mum
watched Jane and Kath.
It
wasn’t a long journey and it passed quickly and in silence, both women starkly
aware of the gravity, and when they reached the hospital Paul was already
there.
There
were no words as Dr Collins led the way and Paul, Lynn and the babe followed in
her wake.
Although
no one had mentioned the name it was clear they suspected meningitis.
So
the first thing they planned to do was a lumbar puncture in order to diagnose
or exclude it.
Only
one parent was allowed to stay during the procedure so as Paul couldn’t bear to
watch a needle inserted into the spinal canal of his tiny daughter, he left the
room and paced up and down the corridor.
“How
is she?” a voice asked
Paul
turned around and saw a figure both familiar and unfamiliar in the same moment.
“Hello
Dad” Paul said to the man he last saw in person twenty years earlier.
He
was at the wrong end of his sixth decade with whitening hair, he was a proud
looking man who still carried himself with military bearing but there was a
forlorn look about him.
“It’s
been a while”
“It’s
been too long” Harry said
“Perhaps”
said Paul and sat down and after a few moments added
“They’re
testing her for Meningitis”
“Oh
God” Harry said and sat down opposite his son
“Why
are you here?” Paul asked
“Why
did I stay away is more to the point” he replied
“So
why did you stay away?” Paul asked
“Shame,
pride, fear” he replied
“Fear?”
Paul asked “Fear of what?”
“Rejection”
Paul
nodded as he too had the same feelings, he too regretted what occurred during
that long hot summer 20 years earlier.
The
angry words and even worse those which were coolly calculated to hurt.
“I
have no excuses for my behaviour” Harry said quietly “I too had a wife and
family but I lost your
mother when you came into the world”
“You blame me?” Paul asked
“No” Harry said quickly “I blame no one,
it was just cruel bad luck”
Harry paused for a moment before
continuing
“For everything else I blame myself, I
lost one son through my vanity and the other one through my arrogance”
“I said some cruel and unforgivable things” Paul said
“We
both did” Harry said “But that is all in the past”
The
sample of cerebrospinal fluid was quickly tested and Lynn waited anxiously by Karen’s
bedside for the result.
The
Doctor picked up the phone and performed a series of nods and grimaces and said
“Ok
thanks for that” and hung up
“The
test was positive for meningitis” He said
“Oh
God” Lynn said
“Don’t
worry” he reassured her “we’ve caught it really early and a course of IV
Antibiotics will see it off”
“Honestly?”
Lynn asked
“Absolutely,
we’ll have to keep her in for a few days, but yes she will be fine”
The
feeling of dread had left her and so she decided to go and share the news with
Paul and as she turned the corner into the corridor she saw something that
gladdened her heart even further.
When
she was greeted by the sight of Paul and his Dad hugging
“Well
it’s about bloody time” Lynn said as she walked towards them and joined the huddle.
“Is
she ok?” Paul asked
“She
will be” she relied “in fact everything will”
IF I KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW - ANNE
If I knew then what I know now
I
would not have hesitated for a second
I
would have asked out Anne
Lovely
self-conscious Anne
Who
never saw the beauty in herself
The
brunette hair that framed her face
Her
fabulous legs which she often kept covered
Her
intoxicating laugh
The
little scar on her cheek
That
went red when she was tipsy
Anne
who never saw what we all saw when we looked at her
Who
always thought herself ordinary
Nothing
could have been further from the truth
If
only I’d asked her
But
I dithered and I was too late
And
I lost her to another
So
instead I ended up dating her younger sister
Just
to stay close, which was torture
And
if I knew then what I know now
That
night after the dance
When
I sat alone with her in the lounge
With
Marion asleep in her bed
I
would have crossed the room
And
rummaged in that awful baggy caftan
That
she always wore wrestling her out of it
And
I would have spent every precious minute
Caressing
her naked flesh
Playing
her body like an instrument
While
my girlfriend slept above
If
only I’d known then what I know now of life
WHY DO I LOVE YOU HON? # 1
Why do I love you hon?
Because
you don’t know the answer
To
your own question
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