Monday, 4 April 2022

Tales from the Finchbottom Vale – (05) Plain Sailing

 

Victoria Johnson Higham was in her late twenties and worked for

Lyndon-Sanders Properties in Shallowfield and it was on a grey overcast Friday in August that she had rushed around all morning to get everything done, because she was finishing at lunchtime for the Bank Holiday because her best friend Nerissa Gamboa was coming to town for the long weekend.

Victoria was Shallowfield born and bred and apart from her time at Abbottsford University she had lived nowhere else and had no desire to do so, she was perfectly happy, well maybe not perfectly but very, very close to it.

She and Nerissa had been friends from the moment they first met at nursery, and had been best friends ever since.

They also went to a private Girls School together in Kettlewell and then onto Childean College and Abbottsford University.

Nez was originally from Shallowfield herself but moved away after college and had lived in Finchbottom for close to eight years but she was coming back for the Bank Holiday and she was really looking forward to seeing her because she hadn’t seen her for about two months.

 

While Victoria was waiting anxiously at her office for her friend to arrive, Jeff Hammett was sitting in his car outside Shallowfield station waiting for his, namely Jonathon Samuel.

The reason his friend had taken the train from Finchbottom was because he never learned to drive, and it always made Jeff smile when he thought about it.

 

Victoria was watching out the window as Nerissa drove into the carpark and ran outside just as she pulled up outside Lyndon-Sanders.

Nerissa immediately jumped out of the car and the two girls hugged and performed a little jig.

Victoria was the younger of the two by a few weeks, five foot eight, red hair and a pale complexion and cutely freckled, while Nerissa was an inch shorter with Jet-black hair and dark dusky skin but the one thing they had in common was that they were still gorgeous.

 

Although Jeff and Jon were both Shallowfield boys they both left after leaving Childean College to make their way in the world, neither of them fancied University so they both got jobs in Abbottsford with Here, There & Everywhere, who did Domestic and Business Removals but after ten years Jeff was back in his home town as assistant manager of the Shallowfield branch, while Jon ended up at the Finchbottom Furniture Palace where he was now the store manager.

Jeff got out of the car when he saw Jon emerge from the station.

People who didn’t know them often mistook them for brothers as they were both over six foot tall dark haired and lantern jawed.

The pair did a brief man hug, exchanged jibes and got in the car.

 

Vicky and Nerissa drove in convoy to her house at the Childean end of the Village and after dropping her bags at the house they went on in Vicky’s car to Childean to have their hair done at Mazzone’s, because they were going to a wedding the next day.

 

After Jeff had driven Jon to his house they dropped his bags in the hall left the car and walked to The Woodcutters Arms and stayed most of the day because they were also going to a wedding the next day.


Saturday was a glorious day coming at the end of an unsettled week, perfect for an August wedding.

It was very warm, for that late in the summer but it was the type of day that Shallowfield and England was made for.

However apart from being a very pleasant day it was also a very special day at St Mary’s church because the Vicar Ben Shenton was marrying college sweethearts Jim McArthur and Jana Fuller.

Jim was a longtime friend of Jeff and Jon having been through the school system together from beginning to end followed by two years of college.

While Jana had known Victoria and Nerissa since nursery and went to the private Girls School with them in Kettlewell and then onto Childean College and Abbottsford University.

 

The Church was packed to the gunwales as the happy couple were both from Shallowfield and they were a very popular pair to boot and truly likeable people, the result of which was that it seemed like most of Shallowfield were there to celebrate the day with them.

 

Jeff Hammett and Jonathan Samuel were also friends of the bride as well as the groom, and had been since their school days, although they didn’t attend the same schools but they were well known to the Fuller family as they were neighbours.

 

The Fullers were a wealthy family in Shallowfield so there was a big reception on at the Claremont Hotel to celebrate the nuptials of her daughter and son in law but the numbers of revelers were much reduced from those in the church congregation however the numbers would swell again in the evening where there was a free bar so subsequently a good deal of alcohol would be consumed.

 

Victoria and Nerissa were bridesmaids so were among the first to arrive at the Claremont and were in the grounds having pictures taken when Jeff and Jon crossed the terrace.

Mother of the bride, Amanda Fuller was sitting at a table by the door of the terrace entrance, some people with money can be standoffish however she was not one of them she always made a point to make everyone’s acquaintance and spoke to everyone.

“Hello Mrs. Fuller” Jeff said

“Hello boys” she replied as she shot to her feet and launched herself at the pair for a rather untidy embrace.

“I’m a bit squiffy” she slurred “to tell the truth”

“Why shouldn’t you be” Jeff said “you should be so proud”

“Oh I am dear” she replied

 

After the wedding breakfast was over, there was an hour and a half to kill before the evening reception began.

The easiest thing to do would have been to sit in the bar but by early evening a combination of too much beer and not enough food would have taken its toll so Vicky and Nez were considering getting a cab home and getting changed but then another option presented itself.

 

As it was unbearably hot the boys decided to go back to Jeff’s and get changed out of their suits.

They had just stepped out onto the terrace when they were hailed by their ex-college friends Nerissa and Victoria, who were slightly the worse for wear, they turned to see them tottering towards them across the grass, shoes in hand dressed as bridesmaids and ever so slightly tipsy.

 

Jeff knew the girls had always been best friends, were quite inseparable and very obviously gorgeous, when they knew them at Childean College they were lovely but now they were in their late twenties they were even more so.

 

They were both really nice girls at college but they were in a different league to them so they were never more than friends, and looking the way they did now it would appear that they were still out of their league.

Victoria was the younger of the two by a few weeks, five foot eight, red hair and pale complexion and cutely freckled and was Jeff’s personal favourite though Jon preferred Nerissa who was an inch shorter than her friend and had Jet-black hair and dark dusky skin.

That day they were still both stunningly beautiful however they were also wearing low cut bridesmaid dresses.

 

The truth of the matter was that although Jeff and Jon considered the girls as unassailable at college both Victoria and Nerissa had crushes on them, so they considered them as unfinished business.

Although it was almost ten years since Victoria had last seen Jeff the moment she saw him at the church the old feelings bubbled back to the surface and she thought that maybe she could have “perfect” after all and as she was a little merry she thought she should throw caution to the wind.

 

They tottered up alongside the boys each taking an arm, Victoria slipping her skinny pale arm through Jeff’s while Nerissa took Jon’s and began flirting outrageously.

“Can we come back to yours Jon?” Nerissa said

“Well I live in Finchbottom, so it’s not really practical Nez” he replied

“So where are you going then?” she asked

“We’re going to mine” Jeff replied

“So can we come?” Nez asked “Come on we are house trained”

“It’s not like we’re drunk or anything” Victoria chipped in

 “Can we?” Nerissa said again

“Please Jeff?” Victoria begged

“Ok” he said, “as long as you behave”

“What will you do if we don’t?” asked Nerissa

“Will you spank us?” Victoria said and giggled

“I’m completely reassured” Jeff said

 

Victoria thought it was a bit of luck latching onto them when they did as Jeff’s cottage was only half a mile from the Claremont Hotel, while Victoria’s was at the Childean end of the village a good half an hour yomp in sensible shoes and neither she nor Nerissa were wearing anything remotely like sensible shoes, the fact that she fancied the pants off him was a bonus.

When they reached the cottage the two giggling flirts sat outside in the shade of a parasol, Victoria and bright sunlight did not mix, while Jeff made teas and coffee and Jon went upstairs to change.

 

“This is a stroke of luck” Victoria said

“I know” Nerissa agreed

“Let’s stick with them at the party” Victoria suggested innocently

“Oh ok” she replied and giggled

 

Jeff watched the two girls giggling through the kitchen window and his hand was shaking as he filled the kettle.

“Victoria Johnson Higham is sitting in my garden” he said to himself and smiled

Five minutes later Jeff put the coffees on the patio table and sat down next to Victoria.

“So where are you two living now” he asked

“Finchbottom” Nerissa said looking to see where Jon had got to

“Shallowfield” Victoria said

“Really? You’re back in Shallowfield?” he asked more interested in Victoria’s circumstances than her friend

“I never left” she replied

“Oh I didn’t know that” he said

 

Jon returned downstairs after half an hour and he was looking a little hot and bothered when he joined the girls on the patio.

Nerissa smiled broadly and Victoria’s head drooped as Jeff then went inside to get changed.

“So do you two not live in the village anymore?” Jon asked

“I do” said Victoria “but I’m down the Childean end”

“What about you Nerissa?” he asked

“I’ve got a flat in Finchbottom” she replied “But I’m staying with Vic for the weekend”

 

“Do you two want to freshen up before we go back for the party?”  Jeff asked when he returned.

“If you don’t mind?” Victoria said

“Me first” Nerissa said and ran into the house giggling

“She always does that” Vicky said resignedly

“Very cheeky” Jon acknowledged

“You could say that” she said

 

While Nerissa was in the bathroom, for the best part half an hour, Victoria sat on the patio and tried to think of something interesting to say in order to capture Jeff’s attention.

But in the end the only thing she could come up with was

“Do you mind if we leave our silly hats here?”

Thankfully Nerissa returned at that point and Victoria slipped away unnoticed to freshen up herself.

 

Victoria stood in front of the mirror and wished she was in her own bathroom so she could make the most of herself, she’d get rid of the hideous bridesmaid dress for a start, and do something with her hair.

But she was, so she would have to make the most of it.

 

“We haven’t decided yet” Victoria heard Jeff reply to an unheard question as she stepped back onto the patio, and he turned to look at her and a curious look crossed his face.

“What haven’t you decided yet?” Victoria asked

“I asked what plans they had for the rest of the weekend” Nerissa said

“Oh” she replied

 

They walked back to the Claremont Hotel as the shadows were lengthening but Victoria’s boldness had deserted her so she and Jeff were not arm in arm, and even flirty Nez was uncharacteristically restrained.

 

Victoria had hoped to have Jeff’s undivided attention for the evening but as the four of them had so many friends at the party they were all distracted at every turn and apart from an occasional dance she wasn’t able to get to grips with him as she would have liked.

As a consequence Victoria and Nerissa drank more than they planned or was good for them which resulted in them sitting in a corner for the last hour of the party in a state of inebriation.

 

“Come on you two” Jeff said “it’s time to go”

“Where are we going?” Victoria slurred

“Home” he replied and pulled her to her feet

“Oooh lovely” she replied

“Phwoah” Nerissa added

 

The temperature had dropped away during the course of the evening and as they left the Hotel Victoria and Nerissa both shivered so Jeff and Jon lent them their jackets for the short walk back to his cottage.

 

Once they got inside Jon was desperate to use the toilet so Jeff went upstairs to get some bedding for the girls but by the time he got back they were both asleep, one on each sofa, so he draped a duvet over each of them, turned off the light and went to bed.

 

On Sunday morning the dawn chorus was deafening, at least it was to Victoria, it also hurt her head.

Although dawn had broken, the room was still in semi darkness due to the heavy drapes.

She opened her eyes wide and focused on the glass shade on the ceiling light then she thought

“I don’t have a glass shade”

So she tried to figure out where the hell she was and who the owner of the glass shade was.

Firstly she lifted up the duvet and inspected its contents and was relieved to see that she was fully clothed, and was still wearing the hideous bridesmaid’s dress.

At least she hadn’t ended up in someone’s bed, she had never let herself down like that before and she was relieved to discover her perfect record was intact.

As she tried desperately to identify some point of reference in the room, she became aware of some very loud snoring, and she feared the worse.

She had gone back to a man’s house and was incapable of doing anything, which was possibly even more embarrassing.

She slowly turned her head towards the source of the snoring and said

“Thank God”

She was relieved see that it was Nerissa laying on the other sofa, head back, mouth open, and snoring like a pig.

Then she worried if she had turned lesbian overnight but she thought that highly unlikely and besides Nerissa was fully clothed as well.

So feeling reassured that there had been no funny business she returned her attention to where the hell she was.

The problem is that the brain processes what you can see and then fills in the blanks with things from your memory bank.

I.e. when your eyes become more accustomed to the darkness a sleeping dog on the floor becomes a dressing gown discarded the night before, or a sleeping child on the chair becomes a sweater dropped haphazardly.

Victoria was still struggling to identify any point of reference that would identify her location but to no avail so she lifted her head to get a better look.

“Ow” she exclaimed and it all came flooding back to her, the party, the free bar, the walk and Jeff’s cottage and then the passing out.

“Oh God how embarrassing” she said “You’ll never get him now you silly cow”

She got herself up, gingerly and took her frustration out on Nerissa by unceremoniously yanking the cushion out from under her head so it thumped heavily on the arm of the sofa.

“Ouch” she exclaimed

“Sorry Nez” Victoria said and tiptoed out to the downstairs loo.

 

When she returned to the lounge Nerissa was sitting on the sofa, and Victoria could tell by her blank expression she was struggling to ascertain any point of reference that would identify her location.

“We’re at Jeff’s” Victoria said and she watched her expression change as it all came flooding back to her, the party, the free bar, the walk and Jeff’s cottage and then the passing out.

“Oh” she exclaimed “Oh God have we blown it?”

“Probably” Vic replied

“Shit” Nerissa said

“Quite” Victoria agreed “Now get yourself moving”

“What time is it?” Nez asked

“5.30” she replied “So we might get home before all the decent people are up and about”

“Why would they care?” Nerissa said “It’s not like we’ve done anything”

“Yes but they don’t know that”

 

Victoria folded the duvets and put them neatly on the sofa while Nerissa went to the loo and then when she returned they let themselves quietly out the front door.

 

It was very quiet as they walked along the Childean road, fortunately everyone in the village appeared to have started the day late, they didn’t talk much and when they did it revolved around their missed opportunities, but at least they managed to get home without being seen by anyone of any consequence.

 

Victoria and Nerissa stepped through the formers front door just after 6.30am and the first thing Vic did was to put the kettle on while Nerissa chose to sit down in the lounge and when she walked into the lounge with a mug of coffee in each hand Nez was sat snoring in the arm chair.

She set the drinks down on the table and said loudly

“Wake up!”

And Nerissa woke with a start and said.

“Why did you do that? I was having a lovely dream”

“Really?”

“Yes Jon was just about to snog my face off” she said

“Unfortunately I think that ship has sailed” Vic retorted

“Oh don’t say that” Nez said “if they didn’t like us they wouldn’t have looked after us”

“They were just being nice” Vic remarked

“Because they are nice” Nez pointed out

“I know they’re nice, that’s why I’m so cross with myself” she replied

“We embarrassed ourselves Nez, and I don’t know if I could face him after that”

“I think you’re wrong, I don’t believe for a second they will think any less of us” Nerissa said very definitely and then she added “and now I’m going to take first dibs on the shower”

“I hope she’s right” Victoria said after Nerissa had headed towards the bathroom.

 

At about the same time that Nerissa stepped in the shower, Jeff Hammett was rudely awoken from an erotic dream by a phone call.

“Hello” he said wearily

“Mr. Hammett?” a voice asked

“Yes that’s me”

“Sgt Webb, Downshire Police” he said “we have been informed of a suspected break in at the premises of Here, There & Everywhere, Removals”

“Ok” he said suddenly wide awake

“We have an officer on the scene” the Sgt continued “Can you attend?”

“Yes of course” he replied “I’ll be there as soon as I can”

 

He didn’t have time to shower, just a quick wash and clean his teeth and then he went quietly downstairs and grabbed his keys, before he left he put his head around the lounge door but was surprised to see that his guests had left, so he closed the door and went out to the car, which then wouldn’t start so he had to walk the two mile to the yard.

 

Nerissa was in the shower for an absolute age and Victoria was beginning to think her friend had fallen asleep, she wouldn’t have been surprised in the slightest.

“That girl can sleep anywhere” she said to herself

By the time she finally arrived back downstairs Victoria was starving so she suggested to Nerissa that they have a cooked breakfast and she agreed.

 

They were both ravenously hungry so Victoria went the whole hog, egg, bacon, sausage, fried bread, mushrooms and tomatoes, and they polished off every last morsel and as soon as the last mouthful was consumed and the cutlery was laid noisily on the plates Nerissa said

“Right go and get showered and we can go to St Mary’s”

“I’m not in a mood to rush Nez” she said “you go ahead and I’ll see you there”    

 

“Are you sure hon?” Nerissa asked as she stood by the front door

“Yes, I want to have a leisurely shower and not have to rush around” she replied “I’ll be about half an hour behind you”

“Alright then, I’ll see you soon hon” she said, kissed Vic on the cheek and left.

 

At the same time Nerissa was getting into her car to drive to St Mary’s Jeff Hammett was just locking up at the yard after having checked the premises with the attending Police Constable before starting the walk home.

 

Victoria had the long leisurely shower she craved and when she returned downstairs half an hour later she was wearing a pale green t-shirt with white cotton clam digger shorts and a pair of white pumps.

She went into the kitchen loaded the dishwasher, picked up her phone and keys, nodded to her reflection in the hall mirror and left the house.

 

Victoria got in the car and set off down the road towards St Mary’s and as she was driving along the Childean Road, she saw something that made her do a double take.

 

Victoria couldn’t believe her eyes, she was driving down the Childean Road towards St Mary’s Church and she saw Jeff Hammett walking along the pavement ahead of her.  

She drove past him to make sure it was him before she embarrassed herself again.

Victoria was a bit confused once she knew it was definitely him, as to why he was walking back towards his house, where had he been.

Had he even gone back to his house the night before?

Was he doing the walk of shame from some slapper’s house?

Victoria had to drive a hundred yards up the road before she could turn round.

She had another good look at him as she approached him from the opposite direction and then had to go another hundred yard before she could turn around again.

“Hi Jeff, Do you want a lift?” she called through the open window

“Yes please” he replied “Thank you”

She wanted to apologize for the night before but she was more interested in where he had been and if it turned out he had been with some slapper she wouldn’t bother with the apology so her first question was.

“Where have been at this time of day?”

“There was a break in at the yard” he replied “the police called me out early”

“Oh dear that’s not good” she said feeling a little guilty for her unkind thoughts.

“It was more vandalism than robbery in the end” he said

“Why are you walking though?” she asked

“My car wouldn’t start”

“So you had to walk?”

“I’m afraid so” he confirmed “anyway I wasn’t up as early as you were, you must have been up bright and early yourself”

“Ah, well early anyway” she said “But that was embarrassment”

“Why embarrassed”

“Because I was drunk and incapable”

 

“I’m really sorry for my condition last night, I don’t know what you must think of me, I mean us, it really wasn’t normal behaviour for me, us”

“Don’t be silly you have nothing to apologize for Jon and I weren’t much better” he lied

“That’s kind of you to say so”

“So where were you off to before you picked me up?” he asked

“I was going to meet Nerissa at St Mary’s”

“Really? Jon’s there as well”

“Is he?  How funny, so are you going yourself?” she asked hopefully

“That was the plan”, he said

“Are you a…” she began

“A what? A regular or a Christian?”

“Well both I suppose”

“Fairly to the first part and very much so to the second” he replied

“Much like me then” she said feeling rather encouraged until a thought popped into her head.

“You said that “was” the plan” she pointed out “So what’s the new plan”

“Ah yes well I rather thought as it’s such a lovely day I would go sailing instead” he said

“Oh I see” she said forlornly

“You could join me” he suggested

“Oh I’ve never been sailing” she said a little flustered

“Well there’s a first time for everything” Jeff remarked

“Am I dressed appropriately for it?”

Jeff gave her a long appraising look and said

“You’re perfect”

Which caused her to blush.

“What about Jon?” she asked “Won’t he mind?”

“No he doesn’t sail”

“Doesn’t he like it?

“No it’s not that” he replied “Jon can’t swim”

“Oh ok then I’d love to” Victoria said

 

After agreeing to go sailing with Jeff, Victoria pulled up outside his house.

“Do you want to come in while I get changed?” he asked

“Yes please” she said and switched off the engine “I really need to pee”

“Well now’s a good time” he said “Once we’re out on the water there’s nowhere to go”

While she was waiting for him to change Victoria texted Nez,

“Hi Hon, change of plan, going up to the lake, see you later Vic xxx

As he walked down the stairs Jeff sent a text to Jon

“Going sailing, Jeff”

When he arrived in the kitchen he was similarly dressed to her though he was tanned and toned and looked altogether more comfortable in shorts the she did with her white spindly limbs.

“Where do you go sailing exactly?” she asked after she had regained her composure.

“Teardrop Lake” he replied

“Teardrop Lake?” she exclaimed “Isn’t that private?”

“Yes but I have permission”

“Who from?” she asked suspiciously

“Peter Lutchford”

“What the film director?” she asked in disbelief

“Yes” he replied

“No honestly who?”

“Peter Lutchford” he repeated “he’s one of our biggest clients, and we got talking one day and I mentioned that I liked to sail and so he invited me up to the lake one Sunday and now he lets me use his dinghy whenever I want”

“Really?”

“Yes I just have to let him know when I want to sail and he says yay or nay”

“Oh I see”

 

As Jeff’s car was a non-starter, so to speak, they went in Victoria’s Fiesta

“Ok let’s go sailing” Jeff said 

“I don’t know where I’m going, so you’ll have to direct me, I know where Teardrop Lake is obviously, who doesn’t? But I don’t know where on the Lake we’re going or which house” she said at a hundred miles an hour.

“There’s no need to be nervous” he said “Sailing really is fun you’ll enjoy it a lot”

“It’s not the sailing that I’m nervous about” she said to herself

“Ok” she said

“I’ll direct you once we get close” Jeff said   

They drove through Shallowfield and turned into the lane that passed the Shallowfield Lodge Hotel and crossed the River Brooke as it flowed from the head of the lake and on towards Shallowfield, Mornington and beyond, and then the Lake was suddenly in front of them.

 

The lake was shaped like a teardrop, hence its name, and surrounded by the ancient woodland of the Dancingdean Forest.

It wasn’t a huge body of water, just over two miles long and almost a mile at its widest point.

But he thought it was simply beautiful and it remained relatively un-spoilt which was what made it so special.

The lake was surrounded by a perimeter road which gave access to the 12 significant dwellings that surrounded the lake.

Peter Lutchford and his half-sister Amanda Flanders lived at Forest Lodge on the southern side of the lake.

“Go right here” Jeff said

“Ok” she said

“It’s the 4th House” he added

“Will he be there today?” she asked “Mr. Lutchford”

“No he’s away for the day” he replied

“That’s a shame I would have liked to meet him”

“Well there’s always tomorrow” he remarked

“Why what’s happening tomorrow?”

“There’s a party at his house, fancy dress” He said

“This is it, Forest Lodge”

 

Victoria parked the car on the Lutchford’s drive and they both got out.

“Ok Victoria” he said and smiled,

“You look lovely by the way, I should have mentioned that before”

“Thank you” she said and blushed

“How are you feeling?” he asked

“I’m a bit nervous to be honest” she admitted “As I said I’ve never sailed before”

“Well just put yourself in my hands” he said

“I will when the opportunity presents itself” Vic said inside her head

“I’m very experienced” he continued

Victoria’s imagination began to run amuck about being in his experienced hands but her imaginings had nothing whatsoever to do with sailing.

They walked down the path from the car and then along the jetty and Jeff climbed down into a small single sail Dinghy and then he took Victoria’s hand to help her step in.

“Come aboard” he said

“Aye, Aye captain” she replied and gave him a salute.

“Excellent salute shipmate, you can be my first mate” 

“Yes please” she thought

“Can you swim?” he asked

“I thought we were going sailing” she said and laughed nervously

“If you’re nervous you can wear this” he said as he offered her a bright yellow buoyancy aid.

Victoria looked at it and its unflattering, unfeminine shape and decided that drowning would be preferable to wearing something that would give her the shape of the Michelin man.

Now she had finally got him on her own she was not prepared to present him with a shapeless silhouette.

“I’m a strong swimmer but if I do fall in you can rescue me” she said

 

It was a beautiful bright afternoon, the sun was hot and the breeze was quite stiff and she watched him deftly handle the boat getting the most out of the breeze until they were racing along.

 

Victoria had never been sailing before and nor had she ever been out on Teardrop Lake in any kind of vessel and the lakeside scenery was spectacular.

It was quite exhilarating with the wind blowing through her red hair and the spray cooling her face, and of course a gorgeous man at the tiller, that was even more pleasing to the eye than the scenery.

She really liked the latter even though they were at opposite ends of the boat but after about thirty minutes he called to her

“Are you having fun?”

“Yes it’s great”

“Well come down here and you can have a go?” he asked

“Can I?” she replied excitedly

Although the dinghy was small it was still of sufficient size to enable both of them to sit at the stern.

This meant Jeff could supervise her and give advice and guidance and more importantly from both their points of view it meant there was some bodily contact.

They spent the next two and a half hours out on the water together at the tiller skimming across the shimmering surface until they returned to the Lutchford’s jetty.

Jeff was the first one onto dryland and took Victoria’s hand and helped her out.

“I had a marvelous time” she said

“Me too” he said and suddenly they were face to face in the August sunshine when they were on the brink of a kiss, they both wanted to, but Jeff lost his nerve, fortunately Victoria was desperate to pee so all of a sudden she seized the moment and kissed him.

 

Jeff secured the dinghy and then Victoria drove him back to his cottage, where they had a long measured farewell kiss before she drove home hell for leather to share her good news with Nerissa. 

 

“Nez!” she called as she walked through the front door

“You’ll never guess what’s happened”

“Nez!” She repeated and then went into the lounge where she found her asleep and snoring in the armchair so she gave her a good shake.

“Wake up sleepy head” she said excitedly “Guess who I’ve been with today and guess who kissed me?”

“You’ve been snogging?” Nez asked rubbing her eyes “Who?”

“Jeff Hammett”

“That’s not fair, you’ve been snogging Jeff’s face off while I’ve been taking a siesta, you lucky swine” Nez said

“Well if you snooze you lose”

SWEETHEARTS

 

Put you trust in me my love

I will never let you down my dear

My darling, dry your tears

My angel set aside your fears

Our life together will be sublime

Sweethearts till the end of time

Sunday, 3 April 2022

Tales from the Finchbottom Vale – (04) The Reverend Edwards Daughter

 

Katie Edwards was the daughter of the Vicar of St Hilda’s in Forestdean and Mark Holt was the village “Jack the Lad” and apart from them both being 28 years old, they had nothing in common whatsoever.

Katie was a good Christian girl, whose life revolved around her widowed fathers Church and the associated parochial duties, Mark on the other hand was an agnostic, albeit a church going agnostic, but above all he was an unashamed hedonist.

Katie was steady, diligent, and chaste and was an innocent but Mark had no morals whatsoever but to his mind that was more than compensated for by a belt full of female scalps.

 

However all of that however seemed set to change when Mark was walking through the village one rainy morning.

“Hi Katie” he said

Katie Edwards was a very attractive young woman by any measure, with a warm open manner, a willowy figure, and shoulder length brunette hair, intelligent green laughing eyes and a broad toothy smile and altogether a very pleasant demeanour.

“Hello Mark” she replied “What’s brought you out into the rain”

Mark was tall, dark and muscular with wild gypsy eyes. 

“I’m avoiding mum,” he said trying to keep a straight face, Katie gave an understanding nod

 “And you?”

“The Miss Devonshire’s” she replied “it’s their turn to do the flowers” and she bowed her head with shame.

“I think we need to be fortified,” he said

“The Royal Oak?” she suggested

“I thought you were barred for calling the landlord a godless heathen,” he queried

“A simple misunderstanding” she assured him “I’ve forgiven him”

 

Due to the inclement weather the pub was almost deserted so they sat and unloaded their burdens on each other.

Mark detailed the haranguing his mother gave him for getting home at 3 am in a state of inebriation and she talked about how the Miss Devonshire’s were making her life a misery.

To make her feel better Mark revealed some rather unsavory gossip about her protagonists which made Katie feel much better as did the Guinness.

The alcohol also aided Katie to reveal more and more about herself and the more she drank the more she rambled.

The Guinness helped her speak a lot about time and sand running through her fingers and choices and not knowing.

He couldn’t really follow her train of thought all the time, the drink wasn’t helping and as neither of them had eaten since breakfast the beer took its toll very quickly and two hours later they were fortified as newts and he had to steer her through the pouring rain to the vicarage, and thankfully the rain was falling so hard that no one noticed their drunken progression.

Once he reached the front door he had to wedge her against the wall while he opened the door, unfortunately as the door swung open she fell into the hall.

Mark instinctively reached out and grabbed her in an effort to prevent her from hurting herself.

Unfortunately in trying to avoid grabbing anything intimate he only succeeded in falling to the floor before she did.

As a result Mark landed on his back and she landed on top of him.

“You know Mark if I wasn’t the Vicar’s daughter I’d shag you” she slurred before planting an almost Labrador like kiss on his mouth.

“And if I wasn’t a gentleman” he said after extricating himself from her embrace “I’d let you”

And then he struggled to his feet and helped Katie to do the same but as soon as she was vertical she said

“But you’re not a gentleman so there’s nothing stopping you”

And launched another assault on him and even put his hand on her breast before Mark regained control and steered her through the hall and into the sitting room and plopped her into an armchair and she immediately grabbed him by the lapels and planted another kiss on his mouth, a much more controlled and unhurried kiss than before.

He wondered as he was starting to reciprocate if she thought that having sex with a philanderer like him was sin free, making him like a vegetable in a slimmer’s diet plan, and then he broke away from her embrace again.

“But you are the Vicar’s daughter” he replied and kissed her on the forehead

“And you’re drunk” he added

“What’s that got to do with it?” she slurred

“Everything, because you wouldn’t want to shag me if you were sober”

“Oh yes I would” she said after he left.

 

On the short walk home Mark had mixed feelings, he felt rather proud of himself, after all Katie had offered it to him on a plate and he had turned it down, and not because he didn’t fancy her, on the contrary, and he also reflected on the wonderful kiss and how much he enjoyed it.

Katie ticked a lot of boxes for him and he was not possessed of any high moral principles, so why didn’t he take advantage of her was a mystery.

He didn’t have the foggiest idea why he didn’t accept her invitation to canoodle, it certainly wasn’t a lack of attraction on his part or even being put what she was wearing, he liked uniforms and outfits, and vestments certainly didn’t put him off.

Nor did he think it was because she was the Vicars daughter after all he had made many immoral choices in the pursuit of sexual gratification, so he was left with only one possible conclusion.

However having come to that conclusion he immediately dismissed it, it was the obvious conclusion but it had never happened before, so he wasn’t sure how to proceed in the new territory.

It was a strange feeling that he was experiencing which had hit him right out of the blue.

But strange though it was it was impossible to ignore because the genie was very much out of the bottle and there was no putting it back.

Mark never imagined in his wildest dreams when he escaped his mother’s scathing tongue that morning that bumping into Katie Edwards would turn his entire world upside down.

“Thank you the Miss Devonshire’s” he said aloud “Thank you for taking your turn to do the flowers”

But after his revelation he didn’t know where to go from that point.  

And more importantly he didn’t know if she would still be receptive to him without the aid of several pints of Guinness.

It was an interesting position for him to find himself in, caring whether or not a girl would come to her senses in the cold and sober light of day.

 

So when Katie knocked on his front door he knew it was a game changer.

“Hi” he said

“Hey Mark, I’m sober”

“So I can see, come in” he said “But I’m still not going to shag you”

“Really?” she said as she followed him inside

“Really” he confirmed

“But why?” she asked “it’s what you do isn’t it?”

“And that’s why I’m not doing it to you” he said

“I don’t understand” she said and sat down heavily on the sofa

“You’re better than that” he said “you deserve better than that and I’m not going to let you settle for less than you deserve”

“What does that mean?” she asked

“It means we are going on a date”

“A date?” Katie asked

“Yes, a date” he replied “and after we have dated for a while we can talk about the other stuff”

“Oh” she responded and then he kissed her

LOTHARIO

 

Just let me gaze into your eyes

His words did not disguise

His unsubtle advances

Of flirtatious talk and furtive glances

But I fell victim to his charms

And he held me in his arms

But I held him in mine as well

And then had him under my spell

As I gazed into his eyes

I had the lothario hypnotized

Saturday, 2 April 2022

Tales from the Finchbottom Vale – (03) In an Overstuffed Armchair

 

It was late when Alan Nelson travelled the short distance from Finchbottom to his home in Lower Gracewood.

It was the final leg of a journey that had begun 11 hours earlier with a taxi ride to Tegel airport from the Berlin Hilton.   

Thus followed a 2 hour delay at the airport, a 2 hour flight, two trains and another taxi from Finchbottom Station.

So when his house came into view through the windscreen of the cab, it was greeted with a feeling of relief, he had been away for 5 days and he was so pleased to be back home.

Alan paid the cab driver and carried his case to the house, there was a light on in the hall but it was late and the rest of the house was in darkness, so he let himself in.

He dropped his bag quietly in the hall, and opened the lounge door and when he walked into the room he saw her, and his heart soared.

She was wearing her favourite fleecy pink dressing gown and was curled up in his favourite arm chair with her little feet tucked beneath her.

Celia was hugging a cushion, almost as big as she was and her tiny delicate frame was almost lost in the overstuffed chair and instantly an unabated wave of love washed over him and he immediately wanted her.

He had missed her so much while he was away, but there she was, a scrawny little thing barely a hundred pounds soaking wet but in his opinion worth her weight in gold.
Alan had seen her that way many times, sleeping cuddled up in his chair but he loved her totally, with every fibre of his being, even after ten wonderful years of marriage.
And furthermore she still excited him and making love to her was electric, from the first time to the last it was like being plugged into the national grid.
The first time he saw her he thought she was the sexiest girl he’d ever seen and he thought so still.

He stood over Celia and stared affectionately down at her for the longest time, as she slept so soundly.
He didn’t really want to wake her, he should have let her sleep, but if he had she would not have thanked him, in fact she would have been very miffed.
So he knelt beside her and roused her gently and as she stirred from her slumber her eyes slowly opened and then widened

“Hello Baby” he said and when she saw him she smiled him her come to bed smile.

“I waited up for you”

“You didn’t have to” he said

“I did”

“Why?”

“Because I’m feeling fruity” she replied

“Are you?” he asked and kissed her

“Hmmm” she responded “I’ve missed you”

“I missed you too” he replied and with his sexy girl roused and aroused he took her in his arms and carried her to bed.

WANT

 

I want you every day

In each and everyway

With every breath I take

I want to inhale you

I want to consume you

I want to undress you

Slow and controlled

I want to peel you

Like a piece of fruit

Whose consumption

Is to be anticipated

Each layer more revealing

Exposing the sumptuous flesh

Ripe in its perfection

A sight to be savoured

A delight to be relished

I want to touch you

Feel the warmth of you flesh

Sense it tremble beneath my fingers

Feel the beating of your heart

Beneath your perfect skin

Listen to your breath sounds

Altering with each touch

I want to caress the shape of you

Touch the heat of your passion

Feel your moistness

I want you every day

In each and everyway

With every breath I take

But to you I don’t exist

Friday, 1 April 2022

Tales from the Finchbottom Vale – (02) Paige Turner’s

 

Paige Rawlins had worked in the same bookshop in Finchbottom for twenty years, but it wasn’t one of those trendy and clinical impersonal places that seemed to spring up everywhere during the eighties, O’Brien’s was a proper old fashioned book shop, full of tall wooden book cases crammed with dusty well-loved second hand books. 

Paige had started working at the book shop straight from school and now it was hers lock, stock and barrel.

It wasn’t her chosen path, what she actually wanted was college and University and to write books of her own.

But on the eve of her bright future, as quite often happens, life got in the way of her well laid plans.

Firstly her father was killed aboard the RFA Sir Galahad during the Falklands War when she was only 15 and then on the day of her 16th birthday her mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

 

In the beginning Paige just worked part time at the shop, in between grieving for her dead father and caring for her terminally ill mum at home in Finchbottom while also limping her way through two years of college.

She had no siblings to share the burden and no cousins or aunts, uncles, grandparents or even a boyfriend to turn to for support, she was completely and utterly alone and had to cope with the whole painful mess all on her own.

In 1984 when she finished college she watched all her friends excitedly planning for the future and then one by one they went off to University and that drew a line firmly under those friendships and she took the only course that was left open to her and she went to work full time at O’Brien’s.

Her mum subsequently underwent surgery to remove the tumor followed by a course of radiation, but it came back, so she had rounds of Chemotherapy together with radiation which kept it at bay but the treatment was almost as bad as the disease.

 

Each passing year, full of days spent in the shop and evenings and weekends at home caring for her dying mother, drained the very life from her.

Eventually her mum’s cancer metastasized, and she was told the average life expectancy after a diagnosis with metastatic disease was just three to six months, her mum lasted two years, and by the time her mum finally succumbed Paige was as dry as the pages of the books she tended.

 

After the funeral, in order to fill the void in her life, Paige gave herself totally to the shop, she became its life blood, which was why five years later on her death, Maureen O’Brien left the shop to Paige shop, stock and vellum, which she decided to rename Paige Turner’s.

     

Year by year her life consisted of the shop, book auctions and house clearances, book fairs and car boot sales and other than that she had no human interactions outside the book trade at all which was why as a result, at the age of thirty six Paige was a cold grey dowdy frump.

However she was not for all that, an unattractive woman, the blue eyes behind the spectacles were striking and the trim figure beneath the tweed suit were more than agreeable, if anyone chose to look that closely, but they didn’t, and were she to have worn her brunette hair down instead of scrapped back they would have looked harder.

 

When she first took over the running of it, the shop was struggling to stay afloat, in a sea of apathy in which the world had seemingly fallen out of love with quality literature and it took all of Paige’s wit and guile to make the shop pay.

Generally she was quite old fashioned in her outlook but she did make one concession to the modern world and the modern publication by giving over one window and a whole corner of the shop to new titles.

She figured that if she could lure the magpies into the shop with the bait of shiny new books she could actually get them hooked on the old classics.

Also, over the years she developed the internet side of the business, which Maureen had dismissed as a fad, but Paige rather liked it as trading that way she didn’t have to deal face to face with human beings.

It wasn’t so much that she wasn’t a people person it was just that happy smiling people were a constant reminder of what life might have been for her had things been different.

 

It was on a rainy Friday afternoon in May when, Harry Edwards, a rather tall gaunt looking middle-aged man in an ill-fitting rain coat entered Paige Turner’s and stood dripping on the doormat.

The raincoat was ill fitting because he had to borrow it from a colleague when he realized it was raining so hard.

He stood on the mat for about a minute with the rain dripping off him before venturing further.

He was immediately struck by the fact that, although it was 2003 the overall ambiance of the place felt much, much older.

When he moved he took no more than three steps and then stopped again as he looked around at the rows of shelves full of old musty old tomes and sighed with resignation at the enormity of the task ahead of him.

“Oh hell” he muttered

“Can I help?” Paige said flatly accompanied by a weak smile

“I do hope so” Harry replied brightly

“I’m looking for a leather bound copy of “The Coral Island” by R M. Ballantyne”     

“We have several copies of that” She said “Did you have any particular date of publication in mind?”

“Anything from the 19th century” He replied

“I have a nice clean late Victorian copy that might suit” Paige said and went off to retrieve it.

“Here we are 1890, red leather binding, very good condition”

“Excellent” he said handling the book “How much?”

“£150” She said without emotion.

He thought she was probably overcharging him but he didn’t care, it was exactly what he was looking for and it was well within his means.

And it was his Uncle’s birthday the very next day and given the inclement weather he didn’t really fancy going in search of another bookshop.

Also there was something about her that he liked behind the mannish spectacles and frumpy tweeds, he wasn’t sure what it was but he thought there was more to her than the dust jacket suggested.

“Great I’ll take it” he said

 

Harry Edwards had lived and worked in Finchbottom all of his life and after getting his Law degree he started working at his Uncle Henrys firm of solicitors, where he was now a partner.

It was fairly unexciting work, involving quite a lot of conveyancing, wills and minor boundary disputes but he liked it well enough.

Incidentally Barrowman, Clarke, Braithwaite and Edwards were the executors of Maureen O’Brien’s will and although that has no relevance to the story it does add a certain symmetry to it.

 

Harry was forty five years old and had himself suffered tragedy in his life, his father died suddenly when he was at University, his mother was struck with early onset Alzheimer’s and was now in a care home and the previous year he had lost his wife Celia to breast cancer, but unlike Paige he didn’t lock himself away from the world, but then he did have a network of family and friends to draw comfort from.

 

On the Monday morning after a big family weekend to celebrate Uncle Henrys seventieth birthday Harry was feeling a little jaded and in truth was almost relieved to get back to work for a rest.

By lunchtime however he was feeling a little more human so as it was a bright warm spring day and as his office was only a ten minute walk from Paige Turner’s, the notion popped into his head to call in and tell the proprietor how delighted his uncle had been with his gift.

He wasn’t quite sure why the notion entered his head nor where it came from but he still thought it a good idea.

 

The shop door opened and sunlight spilled deep into the shop, Paige was at the back cataloguing some new acquisitions while Karen and Iris, students from Finchbottom College, were putting the new stock on the appropriate shelves.

She had to rely heavily on students to staff the shop as there was only her and Graham in the shop on a permanent basis.

She had inherited Graham from Maureen’s time but now he was slowly cutting down his hours as he headed towards retirement.

 

While she was cataloguing, Graham was out the back packing some books for delivery.

She looked up from what she was doing and briefly studied the new arrival.

Paige recognized the man instantly as the man who paid over the odds for a copy of “The Coral Island”

The ill-fitting (borrowed) raincoat of Friday had gone and he was now sporting a well-tailored double breasted blue suit.

She had thought about him a lot over the weekend and had felt more than a little guilty at fleecing the dripping wet untidy looking man, but now she saw him in his handmade suit that guilt soon melted away.

“He’s quite a handsome man though” she thought to herself, shaking her head at such an unaccustomed thought. 

 

He walked further into the shop and was surprised at just how big it was, it had seemed much smaller in the gloom of Friday afternoon but on that day with the sun streaming through the windows it looked huge.

He could see there were three or four other customers milling around and a couple of young girls stacking shelves and then he caught sight of the young frumpy woman at the back of the shop so he strode off in her direction.

 

“Oh God he’s coming this way” she thought to herself. “He’s going to complain about the book, he’s probably checked on line and knows I over charged him”

She hurriedly replaced the book she was holding and tried to slip away but she had inadvertently trapped her foot and as she tried to extricate herself he was on her.

“Hello again” he said

“Oh hello” she said abandoning her escape attempt.

“I just wanted to say that my Uncle loved the book” he said

“Well that’s what we do” she responded flippantly and then inexplicably giggled

“In fact he was so impressed with it, he has a request” Harry said fishing in his jacket pocket and removing a piece of note paper which he handed to Paige.

“My Uncle collects book from his past, they are like special memories to him”

On the paper was written The Pathfinder by James Fennimore Cooper. (Third book of the Leatherstocking Tales pentalogy)

“That shouldn’t be too much of a problem” she said “I know we don’t have one in stock but if you come back tomorrow I should have it”

“Excellent” Harry replied “I’ll see you tomorrow then”

“What name should I reserve it under?” Paige asked

“Harry Edwards” he replied “Miss…?”

“Rawlins” she replied “Paige Rawlins”

 

After he left the shop she chastised herself for lying, she knew very well that she had a copy of “The Pathfinder”, and it would definitely have suited.

Why on earth had she lied,

“What on earth has gotten into you” she said to herself

 

As Harry walked back to the office he had an unaccountable spring in his step and he was actually glad she didn’t have that book in stock as it meant he didn’t have to make an excuse to go back the next day.

 

On Tuesday he found the morning passed by interminably slowly in fact at one point he thought the clock had stopped.

But despite that, eventually the morning passed and the moment the clock struck twelve he was out the door.

“I’m taking an early lunch” he said

“Ok Mr. Edwards” his PA said

He walked briskly along the street towards Paige Turner’s and was surprised by the presence of butterflies in his stomach.

“How ridiculous” he muttered to himself

 

Paige had been kept very busy all morning as she was alone in the shop on a Tuesday but she was well aware that lunchtime was approaching.

She had her back to the door and when she heard it open she took a deep breath and turned around with a smile.

“What are you looking so pleased about?” Graham asked

“Oh no reason” Paige replied “it’s just such a lovely day”

“You don’t normally smile when the sun shine’s” Graham said “come to think of it you don’t normally smile”

“I smile” Paige said defensively

“Not often” he answered as he went to the back of the shop

“I do smile” she said to herself crossly as she turned and watched him.

“I know” Harry said

 

Paige was speechless when she turned around and saw Harry standing there and for a moment felt like she was fifteen again.

Before she stuttered and stammered her way through a sentence.

Harry laughed at her discomfiture before saying

“I’m sorry if I startled you”

“No its fine, really” she said

 

Harry left the shop half an hour later minus the book that he’d gone in for but he didn’t care, he was just pleased to have seen her again.

It was the first time since his wife’s death that he had even noticed another woman and as he enjoyed the spring sunshine he was blissfully unaware just how significant that was.   

 

Paige had told him the book wouldn’t be in until the next day and didn’t even feel guilty for lying to him this time as it meant she would see him again.

Then she realized she’d have to give him the book eventually or he’d stop coming anyway.

 

For Harry the rest of the afternoon was spent very unproductively as he tried to reason in his mind why he was so drawn to a dowdy young bookworm.

“Well younger than me anyway” he said out loud

She wasn’t even his type at all and she had cheated him on that copy of “The Coral Island”.

 

The next day Harry couldn’t make it to the shop as he was at the magistrate’s courts in the morning and had two funerals in the afternoon.

Paige however was unaware of the reason for his failure to appear and thought herself a fool and chastised herself for lowering her guard, she didn’t smile at all that day.

 

On Thursday morning Harry left his office about 10 o’clock and ran through the rain in his borrowed ill-fitting raincoat to the shop.

He had not mentioned his movements the last time he was in the shop and had no reason to think his absence would be noticed.

But strangely it meant something to him that he had missed seeing her.

 

At Paige Turner’s, Karen, Iris and Graham were bemoaning the return of the unsmiling Paige who had awoken that morning with fresh resolve to return her life back to its previous unadventurous course and not allow herself to be disappointed again. 

 

Having reached the shop Harry just stood outside and stared at the rain streaked windows wondering what the hell he was thinking.

Why would this young woman see him as anything more than just another customer?

“You’re being ridiculous” he said to himself and turned around and started back towards work.

But he only took a few paces before he stopped and returned to the shop.

He stood again looking at the shop and taking a deep breath he said 

“Nothing ventured nothing gained” and pushed open the door

 

Paige was feeling wretched and made everyone’s morning miserable.

She had placed the copy of “The Pathfinder” by the till and resolved that should he come in again she would give him the book and that would be an end to it, after all he was just another customer.

 

Paige sighed and headed towards the back of the shop, Karen and Iris kept their heads down as she passed them and when Graham appeared from the store room and saw her coming his way he performed an immediate U-turn, then she heard the door open behind her and she sighed again and prepared to deliver a withering look upon the person responsible for the intrusion.    

 

“Harry” she said when she saw him and instantly her sternness melted away “er Mr. Edwards I mean”

“No please Harry is fine” he replied and returned her smile

“I have your book” Paige said producing it like an exhibit in a court case.

“Oh great” he said “I’m only sorry I couldn’t come in for it yesterday Miss Rawlins”

“Please call me Paige,” she said coyly

He then went on to explain in depth all the ins and outs of his previous day and why he hadn’t come to the shop.

Which was all done in the inner sanctum of her office over a mug of coffee.

“She’s never had a guest in her office before” Iris whispered as she and Karen listened through the door.

“And she’s laughing” Karen said in disbelief

 

An hour after he arrived he left the shop and walked back towards his office with the book tucked under his arm and more importantly than that, a date with Paige for the following evening.

 

So it was on a bright Friday evening in May, just one short week after his first rain soaked visit to the antiquated bookshop that was Paige Turner’s.

When inside the bookshop he had found the dusty tome that was Paige Rawlins, just like any other dusty tome amidst many others on the shelf

But she had been rebound and the dowdy bookish young woman was transformed.

Harry took her hand and led her from the shop and she stepped out from the narrow confines of her stale and musty domain and rejoined the world of infinite possibilities with her heart full of hope and not a little trepidation.

Thanks to Harry it was now her turn to live life rather than to read about other peoples.