Uncanny Love Tales – (11) Serendipitous

 

I drove into the small staff car park and saw that there was only one empty space left so I headed towards it and parked the car.

After switching off the engine I reached down into the foot well to retrieve my book, which had fallen off the seat and I detected in my peripheral vision someone heading in my direction, and he was a small smartly dressed man, casual smart rather than business smart.

When he reached the car he thrust his head through the open window and said abruptly.

“Can I help?” in a very aggressive and unhelpful tone.

“No, you’re ok” I replied as I returned to the upright position

“Which company do you work for?” he demanded

“What in this complex?” I asked

“Yes” he barked

“I don’t work for any of them” I retorted

“Well you’re on private property” he said

“Yes I understand that” I agreed

“Then you can’t park here” he said still in an aggressive tone, so I took a deep breath and explained calmly

“I don’t work here, but my wife does and I’m picking her up”

“Well there’s no need to be aggressive” he snapped brusquely

“I’m not being aggressive, I’m just being honest, you’re the one who’s being aggressive getting in my face and throwing your weight about” I pointed out

“You’re being aggressive” he repeated

“Look, my wife works here and I’m picking her up, end of story” I said dismissively and opened my book and turned my full attention to it as he walked off muttering something northern.

“Unbelievable” I think he said but I couldn’t make out anything else, he was very northern after all.

Of course when I said I was picking up my wife that wasn’t strictly true, Elaine was my ex-wife but he didn’t need to know that, and I was disinclined to share.

Elaine and I had divorced the year before but it was a completely amicable split as after eight years of marriage we both realised it wasn’t really working.

In fact we carried on living under the same roof for nine months until we sold the house and it wasn’t really very different to when we were married, and it really should have been if we belonged together as a couple, so we knew we had made the right decision.

So despite the divorce we were still very good friends which was why I was still picking her up from work.

 

A few minutes after the pompous northern git went away muttering, Elaine arrived down the steps behind me, though I didn’t relay the tale to her, other than to say I had been quizzed about parking there, and that would probably have been the end of it had it not been for the fact that the ridiculous little man, who it transpired was the de facto landlord, had made a complaint to the Facilities Manager, of the company my wife worked for.

 

It was very embarrassing for Elaine when she was summoned before Suzy Ford, the Facilities Manager, to be told that her husband had verbally abused the landlord, or at least his representative.

“Ex-husband” she interjected

“What?” Ms Ford retorted

“He’s my ex-husband” Elaine explained

“But he still picks you up from work?” Suzy queried

“Yes” she replied

“Is he still carrying a torch?” The FM asked

“No” Elaine replied “he’s just a good man”

“I wish mine was” Suzy confided “the bastard”

“Ah” Elaine responded

“Anyway Mr Connolly has alleged your ex-husband was aggressive and abusive” Suzy continued “Shouting and swearing at him”

“Nonsense” Elaine said

“Excuse me?” replied the FM

“Dave has never raised his voice in anger to anyone in his life and as for swearing that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard”

 

After the meeting Elaine phoned me and she was not a happy bunny.

She told me that Ian Connolly had accused me of shouting at him and swearing at him and I was banned from picking her up in that car park in future.

To say that I was incandescent with anger when I found out would have been an understatement.

“I promise you that not once did I swear at him or even raise my voice.

I may not have paid him the due deference that he was clearly expecting but that was all, in fact if anything he was the aggressor”

“It’s alright I’m not mad at you, but I had to find out your side of the story”

When she relayed my version of events to Ms Ford, the FM said

“I have heard that about him from other sources, but unfortunately we have to obey the landlord’s instructions”

I didn’t mind not being able to pick her up there that was a minor inconvenience however lying was something I could not abide, nor was it something I would forget.

However every cloud has a silver lining because the road I was forced to use to pick Elaine up from was in fact better for her than the car park, as it was nearer the entrance she used to come out of in the evening.

 

One evening, about a week and a half after I started parking in Church Hill Road I was sitting in the car when a little blue Renault Clio began reversing into the space behind me and hit my car, well nudged it really, but the girl driving the Clio immediately jumped out and ran around to my side of the car and was absolutely horrified at what she had done, not that I thought she had really done anything, but at her urging I got out of the car for an inspection.

She had jet black curly hair and was in her mid to late twenties, attractive if not beautiful and she was wearing a tailored business suit.

Also I noticed she had really nice legs and was very curvy, I like curvy, but that wasn’t what I was meant to inspect, so I looked at both bumpers and save for a scuff there was no damage.

“I’m so sorry” she said very flustered

“There’s no harm done” I replied

“Let me give you my details” She said reaching over from the driver’s side and rummaging in the glove box.    

“There really is no need” I said admiring the roundness of her buttocks as her movement tightened the fabric of her skirt.

Once she had found what she was looking for she began scribbling something and then said

“Here you are”

As she handed me a business card with her insurance details written on the back and assuming that she hadn’t written on the back of someone else’s card, her name was Laura Grew.

“There’s no damage” I said “Honestly”

“We have to do things properly” she insisted

“Do you have many accidents?” I asked already knowing the answer

“No” She said “This is my first”

“I thought so” I said “and actually this doesn’t really count so you still have a perfect record”

She seemed to calm down once I had accepted her details and then she completed her manoeuvre, locked the car and walked off down the road managing to apologize once more before she walked off, and what a walk it was, but just as I was getting an eyeful my mobile rang, it was Elaine

“Hi” I said

“Hey Dave” she replied “I’m running late”

“No problem” I responded “how long?”

“About an hour” she replied “But you don’t need to wait, I’ll get a cab”

“No problem, I’ve got no plans” I said “I’ll meet you in the Choristers Arms”

“Brilliant” she said “You’re a star”

 

Once inside the “Choristers” I got myself a drink and sat in a relatively quiet corner and then opened my book and I had only read about four pages when I heard

“Oh hello again”

So I looked up and saw it was my vehicular assailant.

“Hello Laura” I said

“I just wanted to apologize again” she said

“There really is no need” I replied “but you can buy me a drink”

Which really meant please stay and have a drink with me.

“It’s a deal” she said “and I’ll join you if that’s ok, as long as I’m not imposing?”

“Not at all” I said

As she turned and walked to the bar I had another opportunity to admire her generous curvy form with her buttocks rolling and reshaping within her skirt with every step.

“Very nice” I said under my breath and I continued to watch and admire all the while she was at the bar and when she had got the drinks I watched her again as she walked back towards me and I was mesmerised by what I saw.

When she got to the table she leant forward and put a drink in front of me although I only had eyes for the front of her, she caught me looking and smiled and then sat down.

“Are you meeting someone?” she asked

“Yes I’m waiting for my ex-wife” I replied and she looked confused, so I explained at length the arrangement Elaine and I had and Laura looked less confused. 

“What about you?” I asked

“Well I was supposed to be meeting my sister but she’s still at Waterloo” Laura said

“So you are doing me a favour keeping me company until her train gets in”

“I feel so used” I said feigning hurt

“Very funny” she said

“So what were your plans with your sister?” I asked

“Pictures” Laura replied

“Oh yes” I said “Bruce Willis or Keira Knightley?”

“Knightley, I’m afraid” she replied “Helen’s choice”

“Well I fancy the other one myself” I said “Perhaps…”

“I’d love to” she interrupted

“Great” I said “It’s only on until Saturday”

“Saturday it is then” she said just as her phone rang.

She stood up to answer it and stepped outside to get better reception.

“That was my sister” she said when she came back “I have to go”

“Well I’ll see you Saturday then, shall we meet here?” I said

“Yes” she said “7.30”

“Ok” I replied

“Thanks again for being so understanding” Laura said

“Wait a minute is that how you get all your dates?” I asked

“Pretty much” Laura replied “Bye”

Then I feasted my eyes on her again as she walked away.

“Who was that?” Elaine said

“Just someone I bumped into” I replied

“It looks as though you wouldn’t mind bumping into her again” she said

“Funny you should say that, I’m seeing her on Saturday” I said proudly

“Good for you” Elaine said and meant it

“I’m sorry I’m so late, it’s been a pig of a day”

“That’s ok” I assured her “Do you fancy a drink?”

“Oh yes please” she said “as long as I’m not holding you up”

“I wouldn’t have offered if it was a problem” I insisted “as I said I don’t have any plans tonight”

I went and got her a large white wine and myself a coke and returned to the table

“What about you?” I asked

“What?” she said

“Plans for tonight” I explained

“No nothing” she said

“Why don’t we eat then” I suggested “the foods pretty good in here”

“That would be really nice, Dave”

 

So we ordered from the bar and spent a couple of hours on a proper catch up.

When we split up even though it was amicable and we remained friends ourselves, some of our friends felt it there duty to take sides.

So it was about the people we as the enemy had lost touch with that filled most of the conversation, then we moved on to more personal stuff.

Elaine had been reluctant to tell me but she had been seeing someone for a couple of months, his name was Peter and she met him at work.

“That’s brilliant Elaine, I’m really pleased for you” I said “but why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I don’t know really” she said “it seemed a bit insensitive”

“Well for future reference you can tell me anything” I said

“But you haven’t told me” she said in her defence

“There hasn’t been anything to tell” I said “I’ve been on a couple of disastrous blind dates and that’s all”

“Until today” she added

“Yes until today” I concurred and smiled

 

I dropped her off about 9.30

“Thanks Dave” Elaine said “Enjoy your date on Saturday”

“I will” I replied and drove the short distance home.

 

On Saturday I sat at the same table I had occupied a few days earlier which gave me a good view of the door but I still missed her when she came in, I had been watching out for a hot girl in a business suit and black tights.

“Are you looking for me?” a voice said and when I looked up it was Laura.

“Oh hi” I said “I didn’t recognise you”

She was wearing tailored trousers a shimmering top and a short tunic.

“Wow you look great” I said

“Thank you” she said and actually blushed, I thought to myself then that Laura Grew was a keeper.

I suggested eating somewhere afterwards so we decided to catch the earlier performance so we didn’t have time for a drink.

I let Laura go through the door first, not because I’m a gentleman but rather because I wanted to see what her bum looked like in those trousers, and I was not disappointed.

 

The film was average, the meal was better but the company was sublime and as first dates go it was the best for me by far.

It ended with a goodnight kiss by her car and the securing of another date, the following Saturday.

I have always found that Second dates are always trickier, because there is an expectation which is not present on a first date and all week I was worried about it, but when Saturday came all my fears and apprehensions melted away when I saw her and by the end of the night I thought it had even surpassed our first date.

It again ended by her car, this time with a more prolonged kiss.

“Next Saturday?” I said hopefully

“Yes” she said coyly “if you can wait that long” 

“And if I can’t?” I asked

“You can come to a BBQ with me tomorrow” she said

“You can pick me up” she said “I’ll text you my address”

 

I picked Laura up as instructed and on the journey she filled me in on the family politics of which there wasn’t much to report other than the fact her and her sister hated their stepfather Ian.

“He’s a pompous, obnoxious, unpleasant little man who isn’t even nice to mum” She ranted

The BBQ was to celebrate their mum’s birthday which was the only reason she and her sister were going.

Eleanor had only been married to Ian for two years but he had managed to alienate everyone who was important in Eleanor’s life and Laura and Helen were very unhappy about it.

However for their mums sake they always bit their tongues so as not to upset there mum and that Sunday was no exception they wouldn’t do or say anything to spoil mums birthday.

I parked the car outside the house as indicated by Laura.

“Deep breath, big smile” she said and I gave her hand a squeeze.

“Give me a kiss for good luck” she said and I obliged

 

We were just about to go through the side gate when there was a call from behind.

“Wait for us” and I turned around and saw a carbon copy of Laura jogging towards us.

“Hey Helen” Laura said and they kissed and then introductions followed before we proceeded through the gate.

There were a small group of people milling about on the patio, another group on the lawn and a lone man attending to the BBQ.

While I was looking around there was some sudden squealing on the patio from which I deduced the sisters had located their mum.

Neither Helen’s boyfriend Ray nor I had met the family before so we hung back until the hullaballoo subsided.

When it had we were summoned by our respective girlfriends to be presented.

“I’m pleased to meet you” I said shaking Eleanor’s hand

“Likewise” she said “I’ve heard a lot about you”

“The sausages are ready?” the man called from the BBQ

“And that is my husband” Eleanor said and waved a despairing hand in his direction.

I turned around to say hello just as he did the same.

“Oh” I exclaimed “we’ve already met”

It was Ian Connolly the lying sack of shit who had accused me of swearing at him and my new girlfriend Laura Grew was the pompous gits step daughter.

“I suppose you’re going to verbally abuse me again” he said

“I didn’t verbally abuse you the last time” I replied

“What did you do?” Eleanor asked her husband

“Oh trust you to take their side” he said 

“My apologies Eleanor but I think I need to go” I said

“That’s it run away” Ian called after me

“Oh do shut up Ian” Laura said

“As for you, how dare you turn up on your mother’s birthday with a married man you little Trollope” He said venomously

“That’s enough Ian” Eleanor said

“He’s not married you pompous arse” Laura shouted “he’s divorced”

“Oh really is that what he told you?” Ian said with distain

“Then answer me this, what kind of man still drives his ex-wife around?”

“A better man than you obviously” Laura said

“That’s enough you selfish little cow” he said “You’re ruining your mother’s birthday”

“No you’re ruining my birthday” Eleanor said

“What do you mean?” Ian snapped “I’m just trying to do something special for your birthday”

“The most special thing you could do for me would be to get out”

Eleanor said

“What?” he said aghast

“I want you to leave” she reiterated

“If I go then I won’t be coming back” he threatened

“Good” she said almost spitting the word at him

Ian went a very funny shade of purple and a vein in his temple started to throb, I thought his head might explode but it didn’t and he turned on his heels and went in the house.

Helen and Laura ran immediately to hug their mum and they stood in a scrum on the patio and there were a few tears.

They may have stayed there longer but the huddle broke when Ian came back out of the house carrying a small bag and his jacket, then without speaking he left through the side gate followed by a few of the guests, clearly more his friends than hers.

“Now the party can really start” Eleanor said

There was another brief hug fest from the Grew women and then Eleanor said

“Dave, can you take charge of the BBQ?”

“Leave it to me” I said

Laura stopped me before I got there

“Thank you honey” she said and kissed me very provocatively

 

After an excess of alcohol I ended up staying the night, albeit on an uncomfortable sofa.

There was a good deal of talk about Ian Connolly as the alcohol flowed and

I was amazed to find out what a mean spirited man he really was, he wouldn’t even allow his step daughters to park in the office car parks.

It was apparent that Ian Connolly was a bitter unfulfilled little man who made everyone’s life an absolute misery, but that said I would be forever grateful to him because had her stepfather not been such an arse I would never have met her, or fallen in love with her, so it was extremely serendipitous. 

Uncanny Love Tales – (10) The Girl in the Yellow Dress

Peter Nesbitt sat on the sun-drenched terrace looking at the girl in the yellow dress, with her brunette hair cascading onto the sun kissed skin of her shoulders.

The girl wearing the pretty yellow dress was Sarah, who he found deliciously attractive, especially in that dress, but then that may have been because he knew that she was wearing matching yellow underwear beneath it, and the reason Peter knew what underwear was beneath the dress was because he had watched her getting dressed that morning, twice, because after the first time he undressed her again and they made love.

And as he looked at her in the sunshine, he looked forward to slipping them off her again, very soon.

 

Yet only a year previously the brown-haired beauty had been to all intents and purposes a dowdy frump and her name was Sarah, Hallam, as was, but that was before she married Peter. 

They had met in the fog on a Cumbrian hill side in the Lake District when they were both on a walking break.

On the day they first met, Sarah was dressed in stout old-fashioned brogues, long argyle socks, grey tweed skirt and a shapeless sweater of indeterminate colour, one word would have summed it up, drab, and her hair was tied in a bun beneath a tweed cap that matched the skirt and she appeared to be dressed for the 1930s and looked about forty.

It was only as they shared her provisions in the fog that he saw and fell in love with the girl beneath the drab façade.

He discovered that beneath the frumpy exterior his soul mate was hidden and in the year since that day on the hill they had been the happiest either of them had ever been.

 

On that warm summer’s day, they were back in the Lake District once again only further south this time as they had rented a house on Windermere.

Apart from Peter and Sarah, in the party were Peter’s brother Johnnie and his wife Patti, and Patti’s sister Rose and her partner Christian.

He was smiling as he watched his gorgeous wife her and when she looked up she smiled at him and blushed and the reason she blushed was because she knew what he was thinking.

Peter was thinking about how he had undressed her and ravished her that morning, and now so was she.

Sarah also knew that he was going to do it again as soon as the opportunity presented itself, and she couldn’t wait for that moment either and her whole body tingled just thinking about it.

It was a year to the day since they had first met and the thought of making love with him still made her quiver with anticipation.

 

“Let’s go out on the boat” Johnnie suddenly suggested, though Patti wasn’t at all impressed by the idea and threw him a glare, she had just got herself settled on a lounger after clearing away after lunch, however despite her disapproval the general consensus was in favour.

So, having almost everyone agreeing with Johnnie’s suggestion Sarah was excitedly gathering everything together off the terrace as the group slowly made their way to the jetty, she loved going out on the boat, and it was her idea to rent it along with the house.

As she finished Peter stopped her in her tracks and took hold of her hand

“Haven’t you forgotten something?” he said, so she had a quick look around the terrace

“I don’t think so” she replied

“I do” Peter insisted

“What?” Sarah asked a little confused

“Well, you know how breezy it gets out on the water?” he asked cryptically

“Yes” she replied still confused, and then a look of comprehension spread across her face.

“I’ll get a cardie” she said, and Peter laughed

“I wasn’t thinking of that”

“What then?” she giggled

“Well, you’re out on the windy water wearing your pretty yellow dress” he said

“Yes” she replied proudly

“And underneath it?” he added

“Oh” she exclaimed finally comprehending

“Everyone will see my knickers”

She chuckled and gave him the armful of bits she had gathered and rushed off to change.

Peter followed her into the house a few moments later and dropped the pile of items she had given him on the first surface he passed and went upstairs.

When he opened the bedroom door Peter found Sarah sitting on the end of the bed in her yellow underwear pulling a pair of shorts over her ankles.

He sat on the bed next to her and as she leant forward, he unhooked her bra.

“We haven’t got time for that” she said with a giggle

“I would hope we will always have time for that” he said running his hand across her naked back and Sarah sat up and kicked off her shorts.

 

Holding hands, Peter and Sarah ran headlong down the lawn towards the jetty.

Sarah was now wearing pale blue shorts and a matching top which also matched everything else.

“Where have you two been?” Patti shouted crossly as they ran onto the jetty.

“Sarah needed to change, and I was attending to security” Peter said as he helped Sarah on board the Cabin Cruiser and then squeezed her buttock as she passed him, and she turned around and kissed him before heading to the bow to join the other girls who were already sitting on towels sunning themselves.

“All that time for a couple of windows and a door?” Rose asked tongue in cheek

“Peter’s very thorough” Sarah replied and blushed

“I bet he is” Rose added

Peter meanwhile had joined the menfolk in the cockpit

“I admire your diligence” Christian said as he reversed the 26ft cruiser away from the jetty “security is so important”

“I know what you were attending to Pete” Johnnie said “and it wasn’t security, you dirty pair”

And their laughter echoed across the water.

Uncanny Love Tales – (043) Meeting Ruby Hardy

It was late morning on a bright Spring day in Shallowfield as Daniel Jane limped into the Dancingdean Heath Centre.

After a few taps on the touch screen in reception he was checked in and walked uncomfortably into the waiting room where he sat down.

He was about ten minutes early because he wasn’t sure how long it would take him to hobble to the centre and as the appointments always seemed to run approximately twenty minutes late he decided to kill some time by indulging one of his guilty pleasures and began to people watch, by perusing his fellow patients.

He immediately identified three of the nine as worthy only of a frown, as they were all using their mobile phones, despite the abundance of signage demanding the opposite, he didn’t like that, probably because he was an actor and mobile phones in the theatre were one of his pet hates, so he consigned them to the “unworthy of further consideration” category and moved on in the hope of more interesting fare.

Alas the next two offered little to whet his appetite so he moved on again to a forty something woman in a smart suit and a Fedora hat who seemed, at least on the surface, to be interesting, but then her corpse like companion, some years her senior, said something amusing and she let out a laugh reminiscent of a drowning hyena and all of a sudden she wasn’t interesting anymore.

Having relegated “Fedora” to the dull list he moved on to his 8^th companion who kept his interest for longer than the previous seven combined, though only because he reminded him of an actor, which he could neither remember the name of, or any of the programs or films he may have been in, which was particularly galling as he was in the business, and it might even have been someone he worked with.

Dan would have continued on his quest to trawl the corners of his mind until his identity eventually dawned on him, but then something about the actors neighbour caught his eye.

It was a girl’s foot, or more precisely, a girls trainer, which was wiggling furiously, but after that he noticed the six inches of naked, lightly tanned, flesh between the top of her Barbie Pink trainer sock and the navy blue cotton of her trousers, and that was enough to pique his interest and prompted him to further investigation.

By the time his gaze began the ascent up her skinny limb to where her legs crossed, two of their number had been summoned by the disembodied voice over the PA and then his view was temporarily obscured by “Fedora” and “Skelator”, but when his eyes finally reached the summit he noted that the upper leg, from the knee down, swung and her foot continued to wiggle as she concentrated on the book laid open on her lap, periodically a small hand turned the page, each finger adorned with vivid multicoloured nails, not vulgar silicon talons, but neater and more stylish, not to mention practical.

Above the waist she had reverted to pink again in the form of a scoop necked top beneath a camel coloured fur trimmed faux sheepskin coat.

He couldn’t see her face as her eyes were fixed on the book as her soft brown curls hung forward.

Another victim was called by the mystery voice leaving only four patients, two of the “unworthy of further consideration” mobile phone users at one end, and Daniel and the mystery girl at the other, and just as their fellow patient had passed between them she looked up and smiled and he got his first look at her face, which was pretty and framed by her shoulder length brunette hair.

He had always been rubbish at judging ages, but he surmised mid to late twenties, so not far off his own age.

Daniel returned her smile and noted the title of the book on her lap for the first time, Bleak House by Charles Dickens.

“Ah a Dickens fan” he said his eyes flicking toward the book.

“Yes, very much” she replied in soft velvet tone

“Me too” Dan said

“Oh really?” she said doubtfully “So which is your favourite?”

“That’s a very difficult question to answer” Dan replied

“Isn’t it” she retorted doubting his sincerity but then he added

“The ones I’ve reread most are the Novellas. The Signalman, Cricket on the Heart and of course, A Christmas Carol, but of his Novels it would have to be Great Expectations”

“So you are a fan” she said closing her book and leaning forward

“Absolutely, I love his characterising and the social commentary but also his dry humour” he said as another patient was summoned

“Example?”

“Well one of my favourite quotes is “I think the Romans must have aggravated one another very much, with their noses….”

“Perhaps, they became the restless people they were, in consequence” she interrupted “it’s nice to meet a fellow devotee”

“Mr Jane?” a middle-aged woman queried

“Yes, that’s me” he said and struggled to his feet, almost stumbling, but he got his stick in place just in time.

“Steady” the mystery girl said, “You don’t want another calamity” and then she chuckled

“Don’t get up, the Doctors not ready for you just yet” the receptionist said handing him a form “we just need a few more details for our records”

“Ok no problem” Daniel said as he sat back down again and as he did so he noticed the girl was still chuckling

“What’s amusing you?” he asked good naturedly

“Calamity Jane” she replied and laughed out loud as the final patient was called

“You shouldn’t mock the afflicted” he said and laughed as well

“What happened to you anyway?” she asked

“I fell off the stage” Daniel replied

“What? You mean you fell off the Deadwood Stage?” She said and laughed loudly

“No, the Yvonne Arnaud Stage Guildford” he retorted and they both laughed and then the call came over the PA

“Mr Jane! Room 4 please”

“It can’t be my turn; you were here ages before me” he said as he got unsteadily to his feet

“Oh I’m not here for an appointment I have an interview, I was just super early”

“You don’t look like an interviewee” He said looking at her casual attire

“I know” she agreed “my interview wasn’t supposed to be until tomorrow evening, but they asked me if they could bring it forward” she explained

“I agreed but as I didn’t have time to get home and change I said they would have to take me as I am”

“Mr Jane! Room 4 please” the PA instructed again

“I’d better go” he said “It was lovely to meet you…”

“Ruby”

“It was lovely to meet you Ruby” Dan said as he began to walk away

“And you are?”

“Daniel” he said “Good luck with the interview”

“Thank you” Ruby responded “Bye Calam”

 

When he had finished with the Doctor, he put his head round the door of the waiting room hoping to find Ruby still sitting there, but he was disappointed.

He left the Health Centre and sighed because he’d just remembered that he’d walked there and now faced an uncomfortable return trip.

His thought process earlier in the day was that a short walk would give his knee a bit of gentle exercise and loosen things up a bit, however he was wrong.

Daniel decided against walking back immediately and as it was lunchtime, he would have a pub lunch and a couple of pints of muscle relaxant, after which if he didn’t feel up to the walk he would get an Uber.

There were three pubs at the Health Centre end of Shallowfield, The Woodman’s Axe, The Woodcutters Arms and The Foresters, and the names clearly reflected Shallowfield’s dependence on forestry over the centuries, the pubs at the other end of town had more of an agricultural flavour in their naming, the Wheatsheaf, the Plough and the Farmers Tavern, but he went to the closest which was the Woodcutters.

After demolishing a very acceptable Steak and Ale pie and two pints of Mornington Ale he was sat at the bar and was just deliberating whether to have a third or to make a move, when he saw a sight that almost put his pain to the back of his mind, Ruby the Dickens girl.

It was the first time he had seen her full figure, which was small, neat and slim, and he liked what he saw, and then a smile of recognition as he came under the gaze of her warm brown eyes.

“Hello again” he said “I might be mistaken but it looked like you were expecting to see me”

“I saw you limping up the steps as I was going in for my interview” she replied with a smile

“Talking of which, how did you get on?”

“I got the job” she replied and beamed

“That’s great, pull up a stool and tell me all about it” he said and as she climbed onto the adjacent stool he added “Would you like a drink?”

“A diet coke please and I could murder a sandwich” Ruby said and gave him a cheeky grin

“Well, they do an excellent Crab salad in granary that I can highly recommend” he suggested

“Oh lovely”

Daniel ordered her sandwich and two diet cokes and then said

“Great news about the job”

“Yes, I’m so pleased” Ruby retorted “I was very nervous”

“Is that why you kept wiggling your foot?” he asked

“Yes, I do that when I’m nervous” she admitted

“Like you are now” Dan pointed out

“Ah yes but I’m nervous for a different reason” she replied and blushed

“So, tell me about the job” he asked changing the subject to hide her embarrassment, “you never mentioned what the interview was for”

“You are looking at the new Dancingdean Heath Centre practice nurse, phlebotomist, master clinic organiser, home visitor and all-round tour de force”

Just then the waitress arrived and put the plate in front of her containing a huge sandwich a pile of crisps and a mixed salad.

“My goodness” she exclaimed “it’s almost as big as me”

“Perhaps we should adjourn to a table, with you perched on a stool I’m not sure who’d win if it decided to fight and it has the height advantage” he said, and she was chuckling delightfully as she slithered off the stool.

 

After moving to the nearest empty table, he chatted to her as he sat and watched her hoover up every scrap of food from her plate.

“That was so good” she exclaimed as she wiped an errant smudge of dressing off her lip.

“That was a good choice”

“You seemed to enjoy it” he said and then winced as he adjusted his position on his chair

“A fine Nurse I am, I didn’t even ask how your knee is?”

“Hurting like hell” he admitted with a wince

“Cortisone injection?” she queried

“Yes, two”

“You’ll feel the benefit later” Ruby reassured him

“I do hope so” he said

“Well, that’s my Angel of Mercy duty fulfilled and now I could use your local knowledge….” She began

“Oh, I don’t really have any” he interrupted “I only moved here about 3 weeks ago”

“Sorry I thought you were a local” she said “Don’t worry”

“I wish I could help, but being laid up with this” he said squeezing his knee “I only really know the Health Centre, the Pub, Gunasekara’s General Store and the Lake”

“Teardrop Lake?” she said excitedly

“Yes, that’s right”

“That’s what I need to find” she said, and he raised his eyebrow in response, so she explained

“The Health Centre has a few properties near the Lake and one of them is vacant which I can take if I want”

“What? like tied accommodation?” he asked

“Not really, it’s not part of my package” She replied “it’s probably a bit naff anyway”

“There are no naff properties by the lake” Dan said “Far from it”

“Really?” she asked “it really would be handy, and I wouldn’t need to commute from Purplemere everyday”

“You’re from Purplemere?”

“Yes, why?”

“So am I” he said “Hill Side, my parents still live in Oakham Crescent”

“Mine are in Cherry Tree Avenue” she said and then added “and I still live at home”

“Have you ever left the nest?”

“No” she admitted

“Oh dear, you really need to look at that property” he said and chuckled

“I do don’t I” she admitted and pulled a face

“So, can you show me the way to the Lake?”

“Of course, I can”

“Thank you” Ruby said and drained her glass “Where are you parked?”

“Up by the Lake” he replied with surprise

“You mean you walked to the centre?”

“I did” he confessed

“You stupid man” she snapped “What were you thinking”

“It seemed like a good idea at the time” he said sheepishly

“It’s no wonder this is hurting” she said and put her hand on his knee, then she blushed after she left it there longer then she intended.

“You’ll have to ride shotgun then” she added and removed her hand

 

“So what’s the address?” He asked after they had both got in her car, and in response she delved in her handbag

“It’s quite Dickensian sounding” Ruby responded and then fished out a piece of paper

“Number 3 Folly Cottages”

“Folly Cottages? We’re going to be neighbours then” he exclaimed “My flat is across the road in Dancingdean Hall”

“That’ll be lovely” she retorted rather too enthusiastically and felt herself blush again

“Ok let’s go” he said to cover her embarrassment  

“I don’t know where I’m going, so you’ll have to direct me” She replied

“Turn left out of the car park and you’ll see the sign for Teardrop Lake on the right”

They drove the short distance along the road and turned into the lane which took them past the Shallowfield Lodge Hotel, then they crossed the bridge over the River Brooke which flowed from the head of the lake and on towards Shallowfield, Mornington and beyond, and then the Lake was suddenly in front of them.

“Wow” she said and brought the car to a halt at the end of the lane, to take in the view.

The lake was shaped like a teardrop, hence its name, and surrounded by the ancient woodland of the Dancingdean Forest.

It wasn’t a huge body of water, just over two miles long and almost a mile at its widest point.

“Lovely” she added

“Very” he agreed but he wasn’t looking at the lake

In front of the Shallowfield Lodge Hotel the lane joined the perimeter road which encircled the lake, but they needed to take the northern side.

“Go left here” Dan said

“Ok” she complied

“Mine is the 4^th House on the right” he added “and yours is on the left”

“It must be lovely to live here” she said

“Yes” he agreed “it’s just a shame I haven’t been able to get out and enjoy it”

“So how did you come to live here?” she asked “Is Dancingdean Hall a convalescent Home for clumsy actors?”

He had to wait for her to stop guffawing before he could reply but he was laughing as well to be fare.

“It’s my friends’ apartment, he landed a part in sci-fi series in the States,” he said “So he said I could make use of it while he was away”

“So, it’s only temporary?” she asked unable to keep the alarm from her voice, which didn’t go unnoticed

“Yes” he replied and left a long pause before adding “If you consider two years to be temporary”

“You swine” she exclaimed and gave him a playful punch

“Ow, what kind of an Angel of Mercy are you?”

“Have you heard of Nurse Ratched?” she retorted and they both laughed

“That’s me just ahead” Daniel remarked “That lane on the left leads up to the Cottages”

“Ok I see it”

“If you drop me here, you can come in for a coffee when you’ve finished viewing, I’m in flat C, I may actually have climbed the stairs by then” he said and chuckled

“Aren’t you going to come with me?” she asked in her alarmed voice, which confirmed to him that he had made as much of an impression on her as she had on him.

“I don’t want to intrude” he said

“You won’t be, please come,” she begged “Then we can go back to yours for coffee, and I can help you up the stairs”

“Ok then, if you’re sure” he said trying to exude indifference, which was the complete opposite of what he felt inside.

“You need to go up this little lane on the left”

As directed, she drove up the narrow lane, which wound its way through the forest until they emerged into the open and came to a stop outside a row of three cottages situated high above the northern perimeter road in a pleasant rocky glade.

Although it wasn’t obvious to the casual observer there were originally six dwellings, but after conversion there were only three terraced cottages, the two end ones had two bedroom and the one in the middle had one.

Once upon a time they were home to humble peasants who worked the woods, but now many of the old woodsman’s skills were no longer required, and if they were the peasantry wouldn’t be able to afford to live anywhere near the lake.

Dan and Ruby got out of the car and gave the cottages a cursory glance before taking in the surrounding scenery and the view of the lake was spectacular, much of the modest body of water was obscured from view from their vantagepoint but it was beautiful, even though they couldn’t see it all, or discern the teardrop shape that gave the lake its name, but the view of the surrounding ancient woodland of the Dancingdean Forest was nonetheless majestic.

They stood viewing the vista ahead of them in silence for a full five minutes as they drank in the view.

“So beautiful” Ruby said wistfully

“Absolutely” he agreed but he was no longer looking at the lake, and she blushed when she realised, so to spare her blushes he added

“It will be a real shame if the cottage turns out to be a hovel”

“I don’t care, if I get to see this view every day” she said and took hold of his hand “Let’s go and inspect the hovel”

 

They walked to the door of number 3 with Ruby holding his hand tightly and clearly refusing to relinquish it as she put the key in the lock with her free hand, she then turned it, and when the lock yielded the door swung open to reveal the hallway.

Reluctantly she released his hand and stepped inside, there was a staircase on the right-hand side, with an under stairs cupboard, and two doors, one directly ahead and another opposite the stairs, to the left.

“It doesn’t look much like a hovel so far” she said and opened the first door, which it turned out led to the kitchen, which was a good size and looked pristine, so Dan commented

“It doesn’t look like much cooking was done in here by the previous tenant”

“There won’t be much done by the new one either” Ruby said and left the room

“Don’t tell me you can’t cook” he said and followed her

“I’ve never needed to” she said defensively “My mum is an excellent cook”

“So is mine, but I still learned to cook” he pointed out “And anyway your mums culinary prowess isn’t going to help if you’re living here”

“You can cook for me” she said cheekily and kissed his cheek before opening the door at the end of the hall.

“Wow” she exclaimed as she walked into the lounge/dining room

“This isn’t like a hovel at all”

“Definitely not Dickensian” he added

It was a large, unfurnished room, with French Doors that opened out onto a patio in a small sun trap of a garden.

After inspecting the little garden, she ran back in the house and through the lounge.

“Where are you going now?” he asked

“I want to check upstairs” she shouted over her shoulder

“Ok, I’ll wait here”

Daniel elected to stay put as knee wasn’t up to the climb so he sat on a stone bench in the garden to rest his leg.

He sat there looking at the very epitome of an English country cottage, with the addition of fitted carpets, net curtains, and drapes throughout, it would be very cosy once it was furnished, and the setting was simply idyllic.

He just hoped she would take it, the cottage would suit her very well, and it mattered to him that she would be so close, as he had fallen for her.

He was amazed as he’d barely known her anytime at all, and it was not typical behaviour for him, he was ordinarily a cautious person, but Ruby was not ordinary, in fact she was extraordinary, he just hoped   she had fallen in love with the cottage and its location as much as he had fallen in love with her.

He also hoped she found Teardrop Lake as idyllic and peaceful as he did, although he had trouble sleeping for the first few days as there was little or no noise pollution, but he loved it, with any luck Ruby would too.

He was still musing on the incredible turn the day had taken for him when Ruby bounded out through the French doors like an excited Tigger.

“I love it Daniel” she exclaimed excitedly “I really love it and I really want to live here”

And she bounded up to him as he got to his feet and hugged him enthusiastically but broke off abruptly.

“Sorry, I got a bit carried away”

“I’m not complaining” he retorted, and she smiled but was blushing scarlet as she turned back towards the house.

“I think you will be very cosy here once you move all your things in” he said as he followed her, and in response she suddenly stopped in her tracks and as she turned around to face him she had her hands on her face which was wearing an expression like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone.

“What’s the matter?” he asked with concern

“I haven’t got any” she replied

“Any what?”

“Things, furniture and stuff” she explained “I still live at home remember”

“Oh, I see” he said sympathetically

“I have a bit of savings, but not enough to furnish a whole house from scratch” Ruby said sadly “And I can’t afford to buy it all on credit, not on my Nurses salary”

“You don’t need to” Dan said taking hold of her hands

“Firstly, you don’t need to furnish the whole place and second you don’t need to buy new, O’Sullivan and Springthorpe in Shallowfield sell good quality second hand furniture, or there’s that Old Department Store in Purplemere that’s been taken over by one of the Charities”

“I hadn’t thought of that” she said quietly

“So, you could get the essentials now and add bits or trade up as your finances allow” he added

“You know you’re quite sensible for a clumsy actor prone to falling off the stage” Ruby said and giggled

“But you’ll have to come with me and help me move in”

“So not only do I have to cook for you, I’m also your personal shopper and delivery man” he pointed out

In response Ruby gave him a beaming smile and then she kissed him slowly and deliberately and when she had finished, she said.

“I’m not sorry for doing that”

“So why have you stopped” Dan retorted, and they kissed again

Uncanny Love Tales – (042) Scratching an itch

 

Ben Williams and Peta Westphal were colleagues, but by no means friends, in fact they really didn’t like each other, so no one was more surprised than they were that they ended up in her Hotel room on the night of their company’s Summer Ball.

“So, that was surprising” Ben said as they lay in bed

“I can’t argue there” she agreed

“I didn’t even think we liked each other” Ben said

“We don’t, didn’t” she said and pulled a face

“Well we must like each other a bit” he suggested “On some level at least”

“Well, maybe not “like”” she said as they sat in bed drinking wine

“How does that work?” He asked

“Well it’s like this” she explained, “my work is my life, for now anyway, and I enjoy my own company, and I’m not really a sexual being”

“I can’t say I noticed that” he pointed out

“Well every now and then I get an itch that I need someone else to scratch” she confided

“And the rest of the time?” he asked

“The rest of the time I do my own scratching”

“That I’d like to see” he said, but she just gave him a look, then after another glass of wine she elaborated

“When I first met you, I knew instantly that you were a man who wouldn’t be looking for ties and I found that very attractive”

“I’m not sure if I should be flattered or not” He said

“Be honest isn’t that what she thought when you first met me?” Peta asked

“Pretty much” Ben replied after a moment’s thought

“Good because I’m not looking for a life partner, just a “friend” with benefits”

“Oh” he exclaimed and then Peta drained her wine glass and said

“Now I think I would like another go with your scratcher”

Uncanny Love Tales – (041) Still waters run deep

The village of Brocklington was about six miles downstream of the River Deighton and was where Marian Yacoub was the post mistress.

She was a rather plain middle-aged woman just the wrong side of 40, who was quite small and slim, choosing to dress in all black, and was a very stern looking woman, who rarely smiled, with Short brown hair and wire rimmed spectacles over which she peers superciliously at all and sundry.

The general consensus in the village was that she was a dried up old spinster, but Pete Smith, landlord of the Mulberry Tree, knew that still waters ran deep and that there was more to the harsh faced Post Mistress than met the eye, because she was also his mistress.

He knew what lay beneath the drab exterior of her black attire, though everyone believed she wore thick black tights, he knew she only ever wore stockings, and her underwear, when she chose to wear any, was always black and always sexy.

Pete also knew you should never judge a book by its cover and if the poisonous clique in the village knew her as he did they would have known there was nothing cold, or dried up about her, but having said that he would not want any of them to share her bed, or her heart, as he did.