MISSED OPERTUNITIES AND CONQUESTS

 

It is said that a woman

Never forgets the men she could have had

While a man

Never forgets the women that he couldn't

I’m not sure that’s true

Well not in my case anyway

For me I never forget the girls I could have had

I’m not sure either if too much soul searching is good for a person

Looking back always tends to be done through rose tinted spectacles

So it’s probably best not to dwell too much

On missed opportunities

If I knew then what I know now

I would have asked out Brenda

Braw Brenda from the glens

With the roundest most perfect bottom

I have ever seen

If I knew then what I know now

I would have asked out Stephanie

Stunning little Steffie

Her small buttocks incased in her jodhpurs

The most beautiful creature I ever held in my arms

She would hug me and bury her head in my chest

The smell of her hair was heaven

If I knew then what I know now

I would have asked out Lisa

Lisa with the perfect combination

Of come to bed eyes and a gaping blouse

If I knew then what I know now

I would have asked out Joanne

Jo the brunette from marketing

With the perfect tan

And the beautiful white toothed smile

All of these wonderful girls

Could have been mine

But at the time I couldn’t read the signs

My eyesight now has began to fail

Along with my appeal

But no regrets

Because decisions made

Rightly or wrongly

Made me who I am today

And anyway it wasn’t all bad

I haven’t led a celibate life

There were girls in my life

Little Clair at the disco kissing in the dark

When we left we made love in the park

Nicky all tits and dimples from the golf club

Reassuringly curvaceous in all the right places

We made love on the eighteenth green

Fiona more mature than her years

Jacky the older woman twenty years my senior

Seducing me in a Dublin hotel

Jail bait Gaynor the horny little cow

Jo with the deep voice but no Adams apple

Big mo with the well filled blouse

Joan the Irish fun bundle

Joanne a Willowy woman

Willing and welcoming

With the 18 inch waist

And the 40 inch bust

Dawn from Glasgow who I couldn’t understand

The only word I could make out was yes

Denise my best friend’s stepsister

Yvonne cute and naive

Doreen who people unkindly called plain

Plain and freckled with the chestnut hair

And the eyes that smiled

Debbie well everyone’s had a Debbie

Pat in the stockroom

Sue the slapper just about everywhere

Ellie at the Christmas party

And the three sisters who must remain nameless

So I haven’t had an empty life