It was mid-September when recent divorcee Matthew Charlton moved into Flat 3 of East Cliff Lodge, overlooking Teardrop Lake.
The
view of the lake from his flat was spectacular, as he stood on his balcony and looked
down at the glassy teardrop shaped lake, he could see at once how the lake got
its name.
It
was a calm still day and the modest body of water, just over two miles long and
almost a mile at its widest point mirrored the surrounding ancient woodland of
the Dancingdean Forest on its surface.
Teardrop
Lake was truly beautiful and it certainly lived up to the hype and the
privately owned woodland surroundings made it both idyllic and peaceful.
He
thought as he drank in the view that he would be very happy there, he couldn’t
imagine a more perfect place to start a new life.
Of
course he hadn’t wanted to start a new life, he quite liked the old one.
Actually,
he hadn’t wanted a divorce, he loved his wife, in fact he still loved his wife,
but she apparently didn’t love him.
Although
she claimed that she did love him, but he wasn’t sure how that worked.
Apparently
he was too enabling, he wasn’t assertive enough, he was too accommodating, and
in short he was too nice.
Whatever
the problem was he didn’t understand it.
So
they divorced, quite amicably for what that was worth and when the house in
Roespring was sold he decided to make a new start, a completely new start at
the age of 32 in an entirely different part of the county.
It
was an old friend, who he’d known from Art School, Danny Pellegrino, who had
recommended Teardrop Lake.
He
said he had found happiness and love there only that summer and couldn’t speak
highly enough of the place.
Shallowfield
and the Dancingdean Forest were a long way from Roespring and his old life, and
his old wife.
Luckily
Matt was a graphic designer by profession and worked from home for the majority
of the time so it didn’t really matter where home was.
It
was a miserable wet day when his brother Owen helped him move in after which he
helped him get completely legless to christen the place.
In
fact they both drank so much they both slept through the arrival of the new
tenant in flat 4 the next day.
Emily
Waugh was also a recent divorcee who had moved to
Teardrop
for a new start and it was also on the advice of a friend.
Although
because she had no siblings and as most of her closest friends had sided with
her ex over the divorce, she had to leave the moving in to the professionals.
After
which she spent her first night in the flat drinking alone.
Emily
was 27 years old and diminutive at 4’ 11” with shoulder length brown hair streaked
with red and gold.
Like
Matt Charlton she too worked from home but her profession was editing for a
natural history publisher, although her degree was in biology, she enjoyed her
job though.
Matt
found that the only problem with working from home was that it made it very
difficult to meet people but he intended throwing himself headlong into life on
the lake and he felt sure he would soon make new friends, and if he was
struggling his friend Danny could always smooth the way when he returned from Australia
at Christmas.
He
knew that flat 4 was empty when he moved in but when Owen had left and his
hangover had passed he noticed signs of habitation.
This
was confirmed by Coleman Bowers who worked at the Shallowfield Lodge Hotel as
an odd job/handyman.
But
part of his duties was to take his hotel Skiff around the lake twice a week
delivering the mail and small parcels to the big houses on the lake.
He
was a proper country boy in his late fifties with white receding hair and a
matching wiry beard.
He
was also the font of all knowledge regarding the Lake and its inhabitants.
Coleman
told him that the upstairs neighbours were both away but Flat 4 was occupied by
a young single woman who in Coleman’s view was “a very attractive young-un”
So
with 1 and 2 both away he thought he could at least introduce himself to his
fellow newbie in Flat 4.
Matt
grabbed the only bottle of wine he and Owen didn’t drink and went next door and
knocked purposely on the door.
He
offered the bottle of wine when the door opened and began
“Hi
I’m…” but then he stopped as he took in fully the vision of the woman stood
before him to whom he had just presented a bottle of wine.
The
occupant of number 4, was indeed as Coleman described her “a very attractive
young-un”
“What
the hell are you doing here?” his ex-wife asked sharply
“I
live next door” he responded
“I
can’t believe it” she said “You followed me here?”
“Oh
don’t flatter yourself Emily” Matt said and turned to walk back to his flat.
“I
came here for a new start” Emily said and followed him
“So
did I” he said and slammed the door
Emily
knelt down and pushed open the letter box and shouted
“Well
you’ll have to move”
He
reopened the door and said slowly and deliberately
“I
moved in before you, so you can move”
Then
he snatched the bottle of wine from her hand and slammed the door again.
“Arghhhhh”
she yelled as she went back to her flat and slammed her door.
He
was furious, how cruel did life have to be.
Well
there one thing was for certain even if he turned out to hate that flat he
wasn’t going to move out before she did.
Emily
was equally angry but also surprised at his forcefulness she thought to herself
that if he’d shown that much gumption when they were married they might well
still have been.
They
both concluded independently that they would have to learn to coexist.
As
long as the situation didn’t interfere with their work they would just have to
make the best of a bad situation.
After
a week had passed and there had been no further confrontation Matt sat down one
day and started reading the local paper, the Shallowfield and Childean Chronicle,
it was fairly typical of its type, but it was quite engrossing.
Especially
the personals, he liked reading them as they made him laugh.
You
had to figure out the shorthand for example, WLTM was would like to meet, NS was non
smoker, LTR was long term
relationship, and GSOH was good sense
of humour.
They
weren’t all as easy to work out, he had to Google OHAC because it sounded a bit
exotic, but disappointingly it meant own
house and car.
Once
you knew the code you could decipher the ads.
Sue:
was looking for no strings fun.
Anna:
WLTM a man of any age and at any location.
Maria:
was broadminded.
Sam:
was looking for a discreet man for casual meetings and
Jane:
was interested in Adult fun.
Quite
a lot of them liked to dress up but it wasn’t patently clear what that meant.
He
wasn’t sure if they meant they liked to wear posh frocks or a suit of armour.
He
thought they were ones to give a miss to although he hadn’t read them because
he intended to contact anyone.
That
was until he read:
Pretty
Divorcee 25: Size 12, Loves going out, socializing, Country Walks, Meals out.
Looking
for like-minded man to fall head over heels in love with.
“I
like the sound of you” he said and picked up the phone.
A
few days later he was on his way to meet miss size 12 at a restaurant in
Shallowfield called the Brown Windsor which his go to guy for local info
Coleman told him was very good.
He
had a haircut that morning at Mazzone’s in Childean and then he treated himself
to a new shirt and jacket.
So
when he walked into the Brown Windsor he was looking as good as he possibly
could.
With
his neatly styled brown wavy hair, brown twinkling eyes and a well-groomed
close cropped beard.
And
with a new shirt and jacket what could possibly go wrong.
Mark
Roscoe, the restaurateur, showed him to the table where a diminutive young
woman was seated with her back to the door.
“I’m
sorry if I’m a little late” he said as Mark delivered him to the table
“That’s
o….” she began
It
was only at that moment the he made eye contact with his date.
“You
have got to be kidding me” he said to his ex-wife Emily
She
stood up and glared at him and then made straight for the door and Matt
followed
“I
take it sir and madam won’t be dining tonight” Mark said and opened the door.
As
soon as they were on the street she turned on him
“You
are determined to ruin my life” she said
“I’m
ruining your life? Well I like that” he retorted
“How
was I to know it was you, the girl in the ad sounded nice and there was not
mention of the fact she was incurably selfish and emotionally retarded”
Although
matt was short at 5’ 6” he still towered over her 4’ 11”.
But
she still managed to be intimidating.
“You
are unbelievable” she said but he turned and walked away
“Where
do you think you’re going?” she shouted “I haven’t finished with you yet”
Matt
turned around again and faced her.
“I
don’t have to listen to you anymore, we’re divorced remember?” he said and
walked away again.
“How
could I forget” she shouted “it was the happiest day of my life”
Matt
carried on walking but stopped briefly and called back over his shoulder.
“By
the way, you’re 27”
After
the Brown Windsor altercation he managed to avoid Emily for a few days and then
he had to go to Abbotsford for a few days after that to meet with his agency
and a client.
When
he got back he quickly got showered and changed because he had made a date for
a drink at the Woodcutters Arms at 8 o’clock.
He
was there with ten minutes to spare and sat at the bar and ordered a pint, he
sat on a bar stool and was halfway down his pint when she appeared and as soon
as their eyes met their hearts sank.
“Oh
no not again” Emily said “Will I ever be rid of you?”
She
sat on the stool next to his and he ordered her a drink.
“Large
white wine please” he said to the waiting barman.
He
ran through his mind the ad he had placed in the Chronicle to try and figure
out why this kept happening.
Genuine,
reliable, traditional, sociable NS man 32 WLTM loyal, warm hearted, female for
LTR.
The
pair sat at the bar in silence for a few minutes.
“This
really can’t go on like this” she said “you have to move”
“Well
I’m not going to” Matt said
“But
I really love it here” Emily said
“Hang
on I love it here too why should I move?” he asked
“Because
you don’t care where you live” she said “but I do”
“What
are you talking about?” he retorted
“In
five years of marriage you never once expressed a strong opinion on anything,
but now you definitely know you want to live here, you’re just being
vindictive” she said and got up and left.
Her
words still rang in his ears
“In
five years of marriage you never once expressed a strong opinion on anything”
It
was true that he was easy going, but he didn’t see that as a character floor,
it was just that he didn’t care whether they went on holiday to the Greek
islands or to Cyprus, he knew he would enjoy either one.
It
was true he had no strong opinion on the colour of the lounge carpet, the style
of sofa or whether the walls should be papered or painted.
If
he’d had a strong opinion he would have shared it and put her straight.
Choices
mattered to Emily so he let her make them.
On Halloween there was a big fancy dress party at Forest Lodge, everyone on the Lake was invited, as well as some from Shallowfield.
Apart
from Halloween, the party was for the host Peter Lutchford, the world renowned
film director, to show off his fiancé Claire to the neighbour’s.
It
was the first party Peter had held at the house since they had got together,
the next party he planned would be for their wedding.
Peter
was dressed as Herman Munster and Claire was his wife Lily and Peter’s actress
sister Amanda Flanders was dressed as a witch which her brother Peter thought
was type casting.
Because
Emily was so small she struggled to get fancy dress costumed so she had the one
costume which fitted her perfectly, a monkey costume, which she would
accessorize to suit the occasion.
For
Halloween she added vampire teeth and a cape and went as a Vampire Monkey.
Matt
went to the party dressed as Satan and he had a great time he even got to dance
with Amanda Flanders before he went into the conservatory to get another drink.
And
it was then that he bumped into Emily again.
“Oh
God not you again” she said “Are you stalking me?”
“Oh
lighten up Emily” he retorted having had just enough to drink to not take her
seriously.
“Lighten
up? Lighten up?” she exclaimed all shrill “everywhere I go you’re there”
“Perhaps
there’s a reason for that” he said “maybe the universe is trying to tell us
something”
“No
its not” she snapped “it’s not the Gods nor is it fate or providence and any
other bloody superstition, it’s just bad luck”
“I
think its serendipity” he said
“Oh
shut up and take me home” she barked
“No”
he replied and poured himself another drink
“Then
call me a cab” she said
“Call
your own bloody cab” Matt said and laughed
“Charming”
she said “you used to do things for me”
“Yes
I did and you called me a door mat and divorced me so if you need a bloody
taxi, call it yourself” he said
“My
father warned me about you” Emily said coldly
“It’s
funny you should mention your father” He said
“He
gave me some great advice on our wedding day, he said “Emily is my only
daughter and I love her with all my heart, but she can be a selfish little cow,
when she was little a spanked arse did the trick, it might still””
“You
wouldn’t dare raise a hand to me and you’re not man enough to put me across your
knee” she said and laughed in his face and that was the straw that broke the
camel’s back.
He
took her by the wrist and pulled her across his knee.
Peter
and Claire walked into the kitchen laughing and Amanda said
“What’s
so funny?”
“We
just saw Satan spanking the monkey in the conservatory” Peter said
“Eww
that’s disgusting” Amanda said
“No,
it’s not like that” Claire said
“There’s
a girl in a monkey suit and she’s being spanked by Satan”
“It
still sounds dirty to me” Amanda said.
With
the first slap on her plump cheek she wriggled and protested
“I
should have taken your fathers advice and done this years ago” he said and gave
her another good spank.
When
he had finished spanking her she had long since finished protesting he stood
her up and said
“Now
I’ll take you home”
“Ok”
she said meekly, rubbing her buttock with one hand and holding his hand with
the other.
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