Uncanny Love Tales – (029) The Church Weekend

 

It was springtime and the sap was rising, and so were Colin Capel’s spirits.

He and his sister Jane were driving through the countryside of the Finchbottom Vale to the Dancingdean Spa Hotel in Childean for a church weekend.

But it wasn’t the thought of seminars and inspirational talks that had 44 year old Colin full of vim and vigour, it was the thought of Angela Purcell that had him loaded and ready to fire.

She was 12 years younger than he and they had recently declared their love for each other.

It had begun in the St Dunstan’s church stationary cupboard one Sunday morning with a prolonged kiss and was continued two weeks later on her sofa where she was nursing a badly sprained ankle.

He wasn’t a womaniser by nature, but Colin had always had a roving eye, and quite unashamedly ogled woman at every opportunity, but he was never a player just a lustful voyeur.

However once he had tasted the forbidden fruit of Angela Purcell’s lips he was hooked and he wanted more.

 

Angela stood a towering 4 feet 11 in her stocking feet and when he saw her face with those large saucer sized eyes and a warm mesmerizing smile, it was a pivotal moment for him.

They hit it off immediately and he was instantly attracted to her, a love at first sight kind of thing, and that was before he’d even heard her speak in her posh Carrington Chase educated voice.

Carrington Chase being Downshire’s version of Roedean, although those in Downshire thought it was the other way around.

He’d always been turned on by well-spoken women and turned off by common ones.

For him there was no greater turn off than to see a spectacularly beautiful woman open her mouth and speak in a rough colloquial accent. 

But sexy as her accent might have been and as remarkably beautiful as Angela’s face was, her figure on the other hand was singularly unremarkable.

She had short chubby legs, a flat chest and a barely distinguishable waist.

Although her bum was an altogether different proposition and each buttock was beautifully defined inside her khaki cargo pants and      

Angela dressed like a tomboy in cargo pants, t-shirt and plaid shirts and he loved every inch of her.

 

Unfortunately since the afternoon they kissed on her sofa while she was convalescing in her pyjamas while laid up with a sprained ankle, they hadn’t been able to repeat the experience and he didn’t hold out much hope for that weekend either.

Angela would be there, but she was sharing a room with her flatmate Judith and Colin was with his sister Jane and the Hotel would be full of people they knew so the chances were slim of them being able to sneak a kiss.

It had occurred to him that it was the chance of being caught that heightened the state of excitement, such was the side effect that came with liaisons dangereuses but he would have been happier if everyone had known.

And he had a cunning plan.

 

Colin and his sister Jane checked into the Hotel just after 4pm on Thursday afternoon and they were the first of their party to arrive.

It was a nice place, well equipped, something for everyone, swimming pool, golf course, spa treatments, gym, sauna and country walks.

After depositing their bags in their room and unpacking they returned downstairs to have coffee in the lounge and spent a pleasant hour watching the comings and goings of their fellow guests.

Where he gleaned the information that, Angela and her roommate Judith were only booked in for the Friday and Saturday night and wouldn’t be arriving until Friday morning.

This was disappointing news for Colin as it severely narrowed the window of opportunity for him to have some stolen moments with Angela.

 

The next day Colin breakfasted early and then loitered in reception hoping to see Angela’s arrival, but his vigil ended abruptly when Jane came down with a detailed itinerary of their day and so his chance had gone.

 

It was late morning when he and Jane next passed through reception and there Angela was sat in one of the huge chairs with her stocking feet on the table reading her kindle.

Jane went upstairs to her room to freshen up before lunch and Colin sat down opposite Angela

“Hello” he said “you look comfortable”

“Hi Colin” she replied “I am”

“Do you have any plans for the afternoon?” he asked

The mornings were structured, with seminars and study groups and the like but every afternoon was a free period and there were a range of activities for guests to do.

“No I’m not signed up for anything” she replied

“Good, meet me by the car at 2 o’clock” he said and then he squeezed her knee and added “wear your girl clothes”

 

A group of Angela’s friends arrived and so Colin excused himself and went upstairs.

He and his sister arrived back down and walked briskly into the restaurant.

The restaurant was a self-service buffet affair, so they queued up and Jane was very enthused throughout, even during lunch as they both ate a very palatable Mushroom Stroganoff.

“So what are you going to do in the free period?” he asked Jane as they finished their desert.

“I’m going to annihilate the vicar’s wife on the croquet lawn” she replied and guffawed “What about you?”

“Nothing quite so brutal, something more suitable for a man of delicate sensibilities” he said and chuckled

“Something wimpy you mean” she replied and guffawed again

 

At two o’clock on the dot Angela was standing by his car wearing a blouse, skirt, tights and smart shoes and Colin arrived a minute later and he was equally smartly dressed and carrying a large brown envelope.

“Where are we going?” she asked “and why have you made me dress like a girl, in the daylight?”

“Get in the car and explain on the way” he said

“On the way where?” Angela asked

“Get in sweetheart and I’ll explain” he said

 

“So where are we going?” she asked as they drove out of the car park and in response he handed her the brown envelope.

“Look in there and then you’ll know”

Angela tipped the contents of the envelope onto her lap and a minute later she looked at him and asked

“Are you sure?”

 

It was late afternoon when Colin and Angela returned and he parked in the most private part of the car park where he could kiss her goodbye with no on lookers and then he drove her to the quietest entrance so she could slip into the Hotel relatively unnoticed.

They didn’t see each other for the rest of the day because some bright spark thought it would be a good idea to divide the guests into four groups for the evening activities and they put Colin and Angela in different groups. 

 

The next morning Colin breakfasted early and then loitered at his table in the restaurant hoping to see Angela arriving for her full English.

His vigil ended abruptly when his sister Jane appeared instead with another one of her detailed itineraries of their day and so his chance had gone.

It was such a very full itinerary that it was late afternoon when he and Jane passed through reception again and he was delighted to see Angela sitting there in one of the huge chairs with her stocking feet on the table and she was chatting with friends.

“Order some coffee Colin” Jane said “I just need to take a tablet”

Colin knew that “A tablet” meant she was getting one of her heads which if she could catch early enough would not become a migraine.

“Ok” he said

He ordered coffee and then went over to where Angela was sitting.

“Hello” he said “you look comfortable”

“Hi Colin” she replied and gave him a beaming smile

“We walked too far and now my feet are sore”

One or two of her friends had already made a move so there were some empty seats, so he took the nearest one to Angela.

“You need a hot bath” her friend Judith suggested

“Yes I’ll have one when I go up” she said

“Well I’m going for one now” Judith said and picked up the key card from the table.

“Ok I’ll see you up there” Angela replied

“Goodbye Mr Capel” she said

“Bye Judith”

“Do you want me to rub your feet?” he asked when they were alone

“Perhaps I can rub the ache away”

“Yes please” she said and put her feet on his lap   

“But you know very well that’s not where the ache is” she whispered

“And it’s a long way away from where I want your hands to be”

Before he had a chance to answer Jane arrived.

“Ah there you are Colin” she said “Hello Angela, have you been walking?”

“Yes” she replied

“Sore feet?” Jane added, to which Angela responded with a nod and Jane was in complete simpatico without further explanation.

He didn’t participate in the conversation which allowed Colin the time to rerun their conversation in his head, particularly the last part.

He liked it when Angela talked dirty, he always thought things sounded twice as dirty when a posh girl said it, and it was doubly dirty when a posh Christian girl said it.

It aroused him greatly as her words echoed inside his head despite the fact he was sat in between his sister and the woman he loved.

After a few minutes Angela picked up her shoes and stood up.

“Well I’m for my bath” she said “Hopefully I’ll see you later”

“Yes indeed” Jane replied although Colin knew it was directed at him.

 

When they came down for dinner that evening he didn’t see Angela anywhere, although in truth she was so tiny she was easy to miss in a crowd.

On the pretence of mingling Colin wandered around the reception looking for her in every nook and cranny but there was no sign.

When it came time to go through to the restaurant he positioned himself in proximity to the door so he could check the faces in the crowd but she wasn’t there.

 

After a very enjoyable dinner, Jane had to excuse herself as her headache of earlier had indeed become a migraine.

Colin accompanied her up to the room, as when she got a bad migraine she often got visual distortion, when she was safely in the room he returned to the dining room for the after dinner speeches after which he discreetly searched for the lovely Angela in the many rooms and lounges.

Anyway when he had looked everywhere twice he made his way upstairs.   

“About bloody time” she said as he walked down the corridor causing him to almost jump out of his skin.

When he regained his composure he turned around to find Angela standing by an open door and she was wearing girl’s clothes, but not from her wardrobe it was clearly something she had borrowed for the occasion.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you” he said

“I fell asleep” she confessed “and I missed dinner”

“You must be starving” Colin said sympathetically “do you want to get something to eat”

“Hunger isn’t the appetite I need to satisfy” she said and took his hand

“Where’s Judith?” he asked

“She’s in her boyfriend Roger’s room getting a rogering” she said and giggled at her joke

“So are you inviting me in?” he asked

“Do you need an invitation?” she asked nonchalantly, raising the hem of her skirt tantalizingly up one thigh, leaving him in no doubt what was on the menu.

“Well it’s nice to be asked” Colin responded

“Well come and get it then” Angela said and dragged him into her room.

 

It was five o’clock when he reluctantly slipped out of the sleeping Angela’s bed and crept back to his own room.

But he was seen leaving by Mrs Patmore who was just leaving her room to go for an early morning swim and by 8 o’clock when he walked into the restaurant Mrs P had spread the word so that everyone present was privy to the information and the room went absolutely silent.

“Good morning” Colin said, completely unphased by his reception and went straight to the hot breakfast buffer counter and put together a plate of hot food and went and sat down at a vacant table.

“You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself” Mrs Patmore said “And what poor Jane will think when she hears about your antics”

“She already knows” he said and just at that moment Angela walked in and made a bee line for Colin

“Morning everyone” she said brightly

“And look at you, you brazen hussy” Mrs P said

“Our secret is out” Colin said

“So it would appear” she said and kissed him “Judith gave me the heads up”

“You’re absolutely shameless” Mrs Patmore expressed and Angela drew herself up to her maximum of 4 foot 11 inches and retorted

“I’ve done nothing to be ashamed Mrs. Patmore, I merely shared my bed with my husband”

And she punctuated her statement by thrusting her left hand under Mrs P’s nose so she could see her wedding ring and the whole mood of the room changed and Mrs Patmore got lost in the crowd of well-wishers with a barrage of blessings and questions.