Wednesday, 17 November 2021

GONE ARE THOSE JOYFUL DAYS

 

Gone is that joyful day

When we stood before God

Humble in his blessed presence

And we were joined as one

Everything ahead of us

 

Gone are those joyful days

Full of love and laughter

Days of tender moments

And heady nights of passion

Everything ahead of us

 

Gone are those joyful days

When we walked along the shore line

Sunlight glinting on the water

The sea breeze blowing through our hair

Happy and carefree, hand in hand

Everything ahead of us

 

Gone are those joyful days

When God blessed our union

And delivered perfect joy into our lives

As our little family grew

And we had everything we desired

 

Gone are those joyful days

When your smile lit up my life

And my heart brimmed over with love for you

Before it was broken in two

And you were still here with us

 

Gone are the joyful days

Since you have gone ahead of me

Now God has you by his side

And I will miss you deeply until that day

When God has reunited us

 

I look forward to that joyful day

When we stand once more together

But though my heart is broken

I must delay our reunion

Our sweet children need me

And I must love them double now

Downshire Diary – (60) A Christmas Tradition

 

Downshire is a relatively small English county but like a pocket battleship it packs a lot in, a short but beautiful coastline, a channel port, the Ancient forests of Dancingdean and Pepperstock, the craggy ridges and manmade lakes of the Pepperstock Hills National Park, the rolling hills of the Downshire Downs, the beautiful Finchbottom Vale and farm land as far as the eye can see from the Trotwood’s and the Grace’s in the south to the home of the Downshire Light infantry, Nettlefield, and their affluent neighbour’s, Roespring and Tipton but our story begins considerably further south in the former industrial power house of Northchapel where the Hayward clan were gathered for Christmas, with the exception of Christina Hayhoe but plans were afoot in that regard.

 

Principally the plan involved one member of the family driving to collect the absentee and Jack Hayward thought he had drawn the short straw when he had to drive from the family home in Northchapel to pick up his 2nd cousin Christina Hayhoe from the village of Roespring in the far northeastern corner of the county on December 23rd.

However it was the long standing family tradition for the clan to gather together at Christmas in the ancestral home and even though everyone thought Cousin Christina was a pain in the arse she had to be got and that year it was his turn.

Although they were the same age, 35ish, were both single and shared a great grandfather, they had nothing in common whatsoever because he was an outgoing, personable and fun loving guy, whereas Christina was a dried up old witch, in the opinion of most in the family at any rate.

Jack on the other hand had always felt a bit sorry for her and had always tried to engage with her.

 

Christina lived alone in a big house, which she once shared with her deceased brother and parents, she didn’t socialize, she had never had a boyfriend as far as anyone in the family was aware or even a girlfriend for that matter and it was true that apart from the annual sojourn to Northchapel for Christmas she was a bit of a recluse.  

She wasn’t really liked within the family in fact she was barely tolerated, but in the spirit of the season she had to be included.

But the truth of the matter was they didn’t really know her and made little or no attempt to rectify that situation, so no one knew what went on behind the façade that she presented to the world.

 

As he left Northchapel it started to snow, just lightly in the wind at first but it didn’t stay light, and the snow that had fallen ten days earlier was still evident on the ground so the fresh fall quickly settled.

He wasn’t keen on driving in the snow, and he didn’t like driving to Roespring either, doing it in the snow just made it worse so he drove very cautiously. 

It was apparent that the snow was coming from the direction he was heading because as he was driving between the Oakham’s and Nettlefield the snow on the road was getting significantly deeper so he went even more cautiously until he finally arrived in Roespring.

 

Jack parked the car on the drive and knocked on the door and when Christina opened it she looked the same as usual with her fine brunette hair scraped back off her face giving her a severe “Croydon facelift” appearance. 

She also wore the familiar black pinafore dress over a grey blouse and black wooly tights.

There was a polite though monosyllabic exchange of words on his arrival but he urged haste on the basis of the weather and she quickly locked her front door while Jack put her case in the car.

“I’m not sure how long it’s going to take to get to Northchapel in this mess” he said as they set off

“I like the snow” she remarked

“Me too” he agreed “but not for driving in”

 

The road back to the Expressway was impassable so they tried the cross country road to the Oakham’s, however they only got as far as Millmoor and they had to turn back.

There was another route that involved taking a very circuitous route but the likelihood that it was anymore passable was severely in question.

“It looks like we’ll have to stay at yours and try again in the morning” he said

“Ok” she responded and looked out of the window and smiled

 

When they got back to the house he couldn’t get the car all the way up the slope of the driveway so he had to leave it where he came to a stop.

It was only ten yards from the car to the front door but the snow was calf deep so by the time they reached the sanctuary of her house the snow had got into their footwear and Christina’s thick woolly tights were wet through.

“Make yourself at home” she said and ran upstairs

Jack took off his coat and wet shoes and walked into the lounge and took out his phone.

“Where are you?” His sister Karen asked crossly “we were getting worried”

“I’m at Christina’s” he replied

“What still?”

“Yes, the roads are blocked so I’m staying here for the night and we’ll try again in the morning”

“So you’re spending the night with Cruella?” Karen said and laughed

“I hope you’re going to behave yourself”

“Very funny” he retorted

“Good luck” Karen said

Just then he heard Christina descending the stairs so he said

“I’ll see you tomorrow”

Christina walked into the room and she had lost the “Croydon facelift” look as her hair had been shaken out and was tumbling onto her shoulders.

She had also lost the black pinafore dress, the grey blouse and black wooly tights, instead she had on a full length pink fluffy dressing gown, pink socks and pink bunny slippers, an altogether more frivolous version of Christina than he had ever seen before.

In her arms she was carrying some clothes.

“It’s only joggers and socks” she said “they were Clive’s, he was about your size”

Clive was her brother, who died in the same car accident that took her parents.

“Thanks” he said still reeling from the softer pinker Christina.

But despite the fluffy exterior she was still the same monosyllabic woman as before.

At least that was the case until she opened the first of several bottles of wine and then she didn’t stop talking.

 

Christina was still the same monosyllabic woman as before at least that was the case until she opened the first of several bottles of wine and then she didn’t stop talking.

 

Due to the snowy weather, which was showing no sign of abating, he was a captive audience as she sat and drank wine and as she did so she slowly revealed herself.

After Christina opened the third bottle of wine she proceeded to reveal more and more about herself with every drink, but the more she drank the more she tended to ramble and she spoke a lot about time and sands running through her fingers and choices and not knowing, but he couldn’t really follow her train of thought very easily as the alcohol had taken its toll, so before she could open a fourth bottle of wine he took the initiative and decided to steer her up to her room.

 

Once they reached her bedroom door he had to wedge her against the door jamb while he opened the door, unfortunately as the door swung open she fell into the room.

Dave instinctively reached out and grabbed her in an effort to prevent her from hurting herself but he unfortunately overreached and fell to the floor before she did and landed on his back just in time for Christina to land on top of him.

“If you wanted to kiss me all you had to do was ask” she slurred before planting an almost Labrador like kiss on his mouth.

“I’m too much of a gentleman” he said after extricating himself from her embrace and struggled to his feet and helped Christina to do the same before steering her into the bedroom.

“But you’re not a gentleman” she said as he plopped her onto the bed “so there’s nothing stopping you”

And she grabbed him by the lapels and planted another kiss on his mouth, much more controlled and unhurried than the first one and he started to reciprocate.

 

He had noticed before that despite the façade she presented to the world Christina was actually an attractive woman, but until the day he hadn’t realised quite how lovely she was and beneath her stern exterior she was a warm open person, with an altogether pleasant demeanour.

She was not the person that he and the family all thought she was, she was not the persona she projected to the world.

 

Christina began unbuttoning her dressing gown and her kissing became more intense and she snorted through her nose.

Jack couldn’t believe he was in Cousin Christina’s bedroom, kissing her while she was undressing herself, and enjoying it.

He thought his sister Karen would have laughed her socks off if she’d known he was snogging the “dried up old witch” and enjoying it.

But as he held her in his arms it didn’t feel to him like he was holding a witch, she was too warm, soft and tender, but he had to call a halt to proceedings before things went too far.

 

As soon as his lips left hers she sighed and said

“I thought this day would never come”

And then she kissed him again.

After a few minutes, and only due to his strength of character he stopped again, it would have been the easiest thing in the world to take advantage of her, but she wasn’t worldly and wouldn’t have been fare so he broke away.

“No don’t stop” she exclaimed

“I think we should” he said “before we go too far”

“But I want to go too far” she said

“I thought you liked me”

“I do that’s why we have to stop” he said

“That doesn’t make any sense” Christina said “you just don’t want me”

Christina got up and went into the bathroom and while he waited for her to come back he paused to gaze out of the bedroom window and the snow was still falling fast and then he sat on the edge of Christina’s bed until she trudged forlornly back towards him.

“Why are you still here?” she asked bluntly

“Because I want to make sure you’re alright” he replied and he stood up and held her and she gave a rather smug self-satisfied sigh as he cuddled her.

“Did you really not want to stop?” she asked

“I really didn’t want to,” he replied “and I enjoyed kissing you”

“When can we do it again then?” she asked with her head on his chest.

“Tomorrow” he replied “if you still want to”

“Why wouldn’t I still want to?” she asked

“You may feel differently in the cold light of day” he pointed out “Without any wine”

“I won’t” she assured him

“How can you be so sure?” he asked

“Because…”

“Because?” he queried

“Because I’ve always wanted you” she replied as she looked up at him

“In which case we can do it all day” he said and kissed her

“But we have to drive to Northchapel tomorrow” she pointed out

“It’s still snowing so we won’t be going anywhere tomorrow”

“What about the Family Christmas Tradition?” she asked

“I suppose we’re just going to start our own tradition” he said

Christina lifted her head from his chest and looked at him coyly and said

“Then I hope it snows until twelfth night”

 

That Christmas the roads to Roespring were impassable until the day after Boxing Day and by the time they finally reached Northchapel Jack and Christina were very much a couple and the rest of the clan had long since dispersed for another year so they got straight back in the car and returned to Christina’s house and they stayed there, just the two of them, until the New Year.

THE SEASONS OF LOVE

 

Our love was born with the lambs

In the freshness of spring

And like the lambs we stepped unsure

Uncertain of what life would bring

 

When spring turned to summer

We had caught cupid’s eye

Our hearts danced like flowers in the breeze

As he shot his arrows at you and I

 

When summer waned into autumn

Love changed colour like the leaves

Life draining away dying leaf by leaf

And began to drift away on the breeze

 

When autumn gave way to winter

Love lay bleeding in the snow

Each flake of snow buried it deeper

Nothing of our love was left to show

I HAD FORGOTTEN HER

 

I had forgotten her

I had forgotten

The way she looked

With her bright elfin face

And brown soulful eyes

I had forgotten

The sound of her voice

With its soft honeyed tones

And her infectious laughter

It had been hard

But I had forgotten her

I had forgotten

The smell of her hair

The taste of her lips

The touch of her skin

I had forgotten her

She was off my radar

My senses were free of her

Free of her intoxication

Free of her narcotic

It had taken months

Going cold turkey

To cleanse myself

To detox

To shake her from my consciousness

And exorcise her from my soul

I changed jobs

Decorated the house

Rid myself of everything that reminded me of her

And I was free

My life was once more on an even keel

The stormy seas had been quelled

All was calm and safe

Such comfort there is in safe

The wounds had healed

Though the scars remained

I had peace of mind

Since I had forgotten her

Well I had forgotten her

Until that fateful day

When I found a button

Down the side of the sofa

A small pearl button

Such an innocuous item

Evoked such potent memories

Of a violet lamb’s wool sweater

That accentuated her breasts so well

The button was a casualty of an encounter

Discarded in our passionate haste

And in that instance of recognition

She was all at once back with me

My senses reawakened

Her scent was in my nostrils

I could feel her lips on mine

Her caress on my cheek

I could hear her infectious chuckle

And I saw her sitting beside me

Close enough to touch

And as the wounds reopened

I realized I had not forgotten her

I had just shut down

Disabled my interface with the world

Hid in my castle and pulled up the draw bridge

And created my own world within

I held the button in my fingers

As my castle walls fell

And the world flooded in

That little pearl button

Spoke to me in volumes

And I knew I loved her still

PICKING FROM THE MENU

 

Looks can be so deceiving

When searching for a lover

If you make an instant judgment

Just hope they can deliver

 

So ladies beware when choosing

The macho over the wimp

If you expect to get king prawn

You may end up getting shrimp

Downshire Diary – (55) Heatherlands – Doctor on Call

 

Downshire is a relatively small English county but like a pocket battleship it packs a lot in, a short but beautiful coastline, a channel port, the Ancient forests of Dancingdean and Pepperstock, the craggy ridges and manmade lakes of the Pepperstock Hills National Park, the rolling hills of the Downshire Downs, the beautiful Finchbottom Vale and farm land as far as the eye can see from the Trotwood’s and the Grace’s in the south to the home of the Downshire Light infantry, Nettlefield, and their affluent neighbour’s, Roespring and Tipton in the north but our story begins slightly further south equidistant between Nettlefield and the Oxley’s, in the beautiful village of Heathervale.

 

When Chris Palmer moved to Nettlefield from Purplemere following a very acrimonious divorce he had sworn off women for good.

But he was a relatively good looking man who was fast approaching his 40th birthday, with a good physique and short sandy hair, greying at the temples and was possessed of piercing blue eyes, so he didn’t go unnoticed.

 

His reason for moving to Nettlefield in particular, over all the other places he might have chosen either in Downshire or beyond, was the Heatherlands District Health Centre.

It was a large practise that serviced a large area, covering Nettlefield itself, Oxley Green, Heathervale, Oxley Ridge and Tipton and Chris had been fortunate enough to land the job as practice manager and he also found himself a nice little flat in Nettlefield.

 

The senior partner, and Chris’s boss, at the Health Centre was Dr Clarisse Lowe, a tall statuesque woman who dressed in tweed, with Chestnut hair, a voluptuous figure, lovely long legs and a generous frontage, who was in her mid-forties and was just the kind of woman Chris would have fallen for in his previous life.

 

Clarisse had been married to Edward Lowe, who had been an eminent surgeon in Downshire, he had also been twenty years older when he married her and he had two children from his first marriage, Josie being the oldest.

The marriage was a happy one but only lasted five years because Edward died suddenly on the Tipton Twelve Trees Golf course after suffering a heart attack.

 

She had been a widow for 10 years when Chris arrived in her life, her widowhood had left her lonely but also afraid of risking her heart on someone who might end that loneliness

But apart from the fact that she had vowed not to risk her broken heart again she also had instigated a policy at the practise forbidding fraternisation between members of staff, so even if she were so inclined toward Chris she wouldn’t be disposed to go against her own edict.

But the heart wants what the heart wants which was why two people who despite their reluctance to expose themselves to love again and who were very definitely not looking for a relationship, let alone love, found it anyway.

 

And as a bi-product of the loving relationship she scrapped the “No Fraternizing policy” which meant that the surgical gloves were off in regard to work place relationships.

 

As a bi-product of the loving relationship between Chris and Clarisse, she scrapped the “No Fraternizing policy” which meant that the surgical gloves were off in regard to work place relationships which was just what the doctor ordered for 34 year old Linda Bowles who had the hots for one of the clerical staff, Peter Butler.

 

She was pretty, stick thin, flat chested, seriously ginger and tall so she looked like an unstruck Swan Vesta.

She was known rather unimaginatively as ginger Linda and she wanted nothing more in life than to be Peter Butler’s significant other the problem was that Peter was scared of her.

Not that he didn’t like her or find her attractive, he did, very much so, but she scared him, because she was everything that he was not.

 

She was a confident, outgoing and feisty woman of the world whereas he was timid, mild and extremely naïve about life, and in particular women.

Peter had lived a very sheltered life and had spent much of his 32 years looking after his elderly and invalid parents so all he had ever known was work and caring from the time he left school.

And it was from school that he first joined Heatherlands, although it wasn’t called that then, and nor was it a health centre, it was just an orthopaedic outpatients clinic.

But when it took on its present guise, he was one of the few who made the transition.

 

Peter was an only child and his parents had him late in life, his mother was 44 when she gave birth and his father was ten years her senior.

Neither of them were in good health while he was growing up, his mother never fully recovered from her traumatic labour, Peter had just turned 25 when her heart gave out and five years later his father lost his long battle with cancer.

For the two years that followed he lived alone in what had been the family home all of his life, he seldom went out, with the exception of the Heatherlands Christmas Party as Clarisse wouldn’t take no for an answer on that one, and he had no friends outside of work, and his job at Heatherlands was the only pleasure in his life.

That was until Dr Linda Bowles arrived just after Christmas and he had something else to look forward to every working day, seeing Linda.

He thought she was beautiful, especially when she smiled at him, but he couldn’t talk to her when she said hello because his knees turned to jelly and his mouth went dry.

She was gorgeous and terrifying in one moment, she was so direct and bold and fearless and she left him quivering, but he adored her more than anyone he had ever known but because of his shyness he knew he would never find the courage to speak to her.

So he resigned himself to the fact that he would just have to watch her from a safe distance.

 

When singleton, Linda Bowles, first joined the Heatherlands District Health Centre, she was hoping it would be the last time she would be the newbie.

She had spent the previous three years as a locum, drifting in and out of various surgeries in the four corners of Downshire as well as the bit in between.  

It had been a bit of a gypsy existence and she had been unable to put down any roots, but when she applied for the permanent position at Heatherlands, and got the job she hoped that she would finally have a normal life, her own home and someone to share it with.

 

In the short term she was able to rent a house in the village of Heathervale, or more precisely the granny flat in the garden of a house in the village, but it suited her needs very well. 

But having secured a permanent job and suitable accommodation she was not prepared to lose her heart to a good looking man on her first day in her new job.

 

It happened while the senior partner, Clarisse Lowe, was introducing her to the staff around the building, and when they entered the administration office and she saw Peter Butler standing by the photocopier she felt cupid’s arrow strike home.

 

Peter was an inch or two taller than Linda was, and she was almost six foot tall, with a kind face, blue eyes and a mop of mousy hair and what endeared him to her even more was his shyness, she thought it was cute.

     

Having found someone for her to lavish her love upon she had to curb her desires because of the “No Fraternizing” rule but after Easter when Clarisse and Chris Palmer got together and she scrapped that particular edict Linda tackled her crush in the same way she dealt with everything in her life, head on.

She let him know in no uncertain terms what her intentions were and what her desires consisted of, namely him,

Or at least she thought she did, but if she had then her advances had fallen on stony ground.

For almost eleven months she flirted with him outrageously and flaunted herself unashamedly at every opportunity, but to no avail.

“He’s just not noticing me” she said to herself one day

 

Peter had noticed her, he couldn’t fail to notice her, she was always there smiling and looking good enough to eat he was just too scared to react, because he didn’t know how to act with a woman, especially one as lovely as she was.

 

By the autumn she was getting a little despondent so when in in November she was invited to a dinner party at Clarisse Lowe’s house she took her chance, when she got her alone to confide in her that she really fancied Peter.

“Well everyone in Heatherlands knows that” she retorted and laughed

“Really?” Linda said

“Well you’re not subtle Linda”

“Well Peter hasn’t noticed me or worse he has noticed and he’s horrified” she said and grimaced

“Oh he’s not horrified, he really likes you, he’s just scared of you” Clarisse said

 

By the autumn she was getting a little despondent so when in in November she was invited to a dinner party at Clarisse Lowe’s house she took her chance, when she got her alone to confide in her that she really fancied Peter.

“Well everyone in Heatherlands knows that” she retorted and laughed

“Really?” Linda said

“Well you’re not subtle Linda”

“Well Peter hasn’t noticed me or worse he has noticed and he’s horrified” she said and grimaced

“Oh he’s not horrified, he really likes you, he’s just scared of you” Clarisse said

“Scared? Why? I’m not going to hurt him” Linda asked

“You have to understand that he has led a very sheltered life”

Clarisse said and then explained about him having to care for invalid parents and missing out on his childhood and a normal young man’s social experiences.

“It’s like he’s lived his whole life in monochrome and then you turn up and you broadcast directly to him in technicolour” she said

“You are larger than life Linda and Peter is a shadow dweller who is happy to be anonymous, which of course he wouldn’t be if he was with you, and that’s why he’s scared”

“So what should I do?” Linda asked

“Well if I were you I would wait until the Christmas Party” she replied

“Will he go to the Christmas party?” she asked “I wouldn’t have thought it was his kind of thing”

“It’s not, but he goes because I tell him to” Clarisse replied

“Why?”

“Because he’s scared of me” she said and laughed

 

It was true that Clarisse did tell Peter that he had to attend the party and because of that that was what he was going to do, but not out of fear he did what she asked out of respect.

 

So over the course of the year Doctor Linda Bowles had set her cap firmly at shy and naïve Peter Butler but she had struck out but then in December there was light at the end of the tunnel in the shape of the

Heatherlands District Health Centre staff Christmas Party which was held at The Foothills Hotel in Oxley Ridge.

 

Clarisse had been married to Edward Lowe, who had been an eminent surgeon in Downshire, he had also been twenty years older when he married her and he had two children from his first marriage, Josie being the oldest.

The marriage was a happy one but only lasted five years because Edward died suddenly on the Tipton Twelve Trees Golf course after suffering a heart attack.

On his death however he had left her extremely well off so at Christmas Clarisse always laid on transport for those who had to get back for baby sitters after the part or alternatively they could stay overnight at the Hotel.

 

Unfortunately on the day of the party Linda was on call until midnight and therefore couldn’t indulge herself in the pursuit of Peter Butler.

And when Linda had to go to Nettlefield for a suspected case of Meningitis at 10 o’clock she thought she was going to miss her chance altogether.

 

However half way to see the patient she got a phone call to say that an ambulance had been called as there had been a deterioration of the patient’s condition and she was now critically ill and the ambulance beat her to the patient by 15 minutes which meant she was not required to attend after all.

And as Linda did a U-turn and headed towards Oxley Ridge she chastised herself for being relieved and felt guilty because it was an outcome that benefitted her.

She would have felt even worse if she’d known that the critically ill patient had died on route to hospital.

 

It was a little before midnight when she walked through the doors into the foyer of the Foothills Hotel and was greeted by Clarisse.

“Linda darling let me get you a drink” she suggested

“That will be lovely” Linda replied “But I’m still on clock for another ten minutes”

Just at that moment there was a commotion in the hall which prevented a slightly tipsy Clarisse from telling her not to worry about ten minutes and to get a drink down her neck.

They looked around and saw Chris Palmer and his brother Darren carrying Peter Butler between them who was holding his left foot.

“What’s happened?” Clarisse asked

“He tripped over his own feet” Chris replied and laughed

“I’m fine, I just twisted my ankle” Peter said

“We’ll be the judge of that” Linda said “After I’ve examined you”

“You can use room 104” The night manager said

“Perfect” Linda said “And can you arrange for some ice?”

 

“Time to get him into my consulting room” she whispered to Clarisse as she followed the casualty

“Just be gentle with him” Clarisse retorted and laughed

 

When she reached room 104 the door to the room was open and Chris and Darren had Peter laying on the bed waiting for her and he had already shed his shoe and sock.

“Right let’s have a look at you” Linda said

“It’s just twisted” he said

“Really? Remind me which one of us is the Doctor?” Linda asked

“Sorry Doctor” he said meekly

 

“That should reduce the swelling”

She said as she packed the bags of ice around his ankle

“And now if we can have some privacy I’ll give you a proper examination” she said

“We’ll leave you to it then” Clarisse said and went out the door with Chris but they didn’t close the door completely and stood peering in.

“Right then let’s start with your blood pressure” she said

“Why are you undoing my trousers?” he asked with alarm

“Are you sure that you’re a proper doctor?”

“Just relax” Linda said

“But I don’t think that’s the way to check blood pressure” he said

“Trust me I’m a professional” She said “you’re in safe hands”

“Whatever you say doc” he answered and closed his eyes.

“Well there’s definitely nothing wrong with your blood pressure”

She said

“Oh my” Peter exclaimed

 

“Well I think we can safely leave them to it” Clarisse said and quietly closed the door

“He doesn’t know what he’s in for” Chris added

“All his Christmas’s have come at one” she said and they both laughed

 

The next morning, those who made it down to breakfast were a sorry looking lot, severely hungover with bloodshot eyes and thumping heads, and among them were Clarisse and Chris.

But the exceptions to the rule were Linda and Peter who were both bright eyed and bushy tailed and smiling from ear to ear.    

 

 

 

ADDICTED TO LOVE

 

I have given her only love

And tender affection

In return I get only contempt

In its equal measure

I cannot cut the bond

The unseen umbilical

That binds me to her

I am a slave to her will

Chained and imprisoned

By a dominating mistress

Cruel and controlling

In an invisible metaphor

Her words are like whips

That lash me with cruelty

Each word laced with

Bile and poison

That cuts into me deeply

But never scars my flesh

If only one word

Bore but a hint of kindness

I would be uplifted

But I remain down cast

My hopes and dreams

Have faded into ether

Enslavement has led

To a foul dependency

Now I am addicted

To her poisonous love

The stuff of nightmares