Wednesday, 1 June 2022

Downshire Diary – (08) First Impressions

 

When the Mornington Estate exercised its option to purchase Mornington Field from the Ministry Of Defence, it also acquired all the buildings and infrastructure on the airfield itself as well as 29 houses in the village, formally used as quarters for military personnel.

Plans were immediately drawn up to optimize the newly acquired assets the moment the property was formally handed over on the 1st of June 2014.

The guardians of the Mornington Estate were the St George family and the head of both the family and the estate was Baron Gabriel St George.

His architect, Scott Collier, was tasked with designing appropriate conversions to the buildings and infrastructure on the airfield to maximize the potential returns for the estate, and Ray Walker, who dealt with all things estate maintenance, was responsible for getting the old Air force housing stock up to standard and occupied ASAP.

Ray worked tirelessly to that end to have not just the first six houses ready within the month, as originally promised, but eight, which were handed over on the 6th of July, two days earlier than forecast.

Gabriel was then able to instruct Lyndon-Sanders Properties of Shallowfield to find tenants.

Priority was to be given to local people or people with ties to the area or those who worked in some capacity for the estate such as agriculture and the brewery other than that they were to be rented with the only condition being that it had to be the tenant’s primary residence.

Gabriel was always conscious of creating a ghost town of professionals who lived and worked in Town all week and only returned to the village on the weekend.

One such person was Lianne Martin who worked at the Mornington Dental & Orthodontic Surgery two days a week.

 

The Doctors, Dentists, Orthodontists and Pharmacists were all based elsewhere and provided a skeleton service to the village of Mornington.

The Doctors presence was maintained by the Dancingdean Health Centre in Shallowfield and one of their number, Locum Doctor Kelly Spearman lived in one of the Military Row houses.

The Dental and Orthodontic staff came from a large specialist practice in Finchbottom, Downshire Denticare. 

The Shallowfield, Robert Harvey Pharmacy in Oakwood Road filled any prescriptions and delivered them to the surgery every day.

The Norman family, who also ran the general store and post office provided Lily Norman and her son Robbie to staff the chemist shop for its limited opening times.

 

The Doctors Surgery, the Pharmacy, and the Dental & Orthodontic Surgery were on the opposite side of The Street from the Old Mill Inn and the reception area for the Doctors, Dentist & Orthodontic Surgeries sat in an extension between the two buildings.

Because Mornington was such a small village none of the practices were open full time but Baron St George, the head of the Mornington Estate heavily subsidized all three as well as the small Chemist shop, which shared the Doctors premises, but there weren’t enough patients to warrant full time staffing so in order to make appropriate use of the facilities the doctors surgery was made available to other practitioners in the afternoons and evenings, such as Chiropractors, Hypnotherapists, Acupuncturists etc. but villager Claire Pollard, a Chiropodist was the only regular the others tended to be a bit more sporadic in their attendance.

 

32 year old Dentist Lianne Martin moved into number 2, Military Row with her younger sister Kirsty and her six year old niece Sasha on the 18th of July.

Lianne worked in Finchbottom for Downshire Denticare and divided her time between there and Mornington. 

After her sister Kirsty and her boyfriend split up she and her daughter moved in with Lianne but it was a bit cramped in her flat so when the opportunity of a house in Mornington presented itself she snapped it up. 

 

Lianne had always loved the village and had often dreamed of living there but never dared hope that it might actually happen.

She couldn’t imagine why no one else was prepared to work there but she didn’t think about it often after all their loss was very much her gain.

She wasn’t unhappy in Finchbottom but deep down she was a country girl at heart and the added strain of having her sister and niece living with her in a flat design for one was telling.

So a three bedroom house in Mornington was manna from heaven and they all loved living there.

Sasha was looking forward to starting at the village school in September and Kirsty hoped to get part time work up at Mornington Field once the premises were let.

The only downside for Lianne living in Mornington was having to journey to Finchbottom three days a week and battle through the rush hour traffic on the Expressway.

She would have liked to work all week in Mornington but there just wasn’t enough dentistry required for that.

But her tortuous journeys turned out to be relatively short lived as at the beginning of November she was asked to work at the Highfinch practice for three days a week instead of Finchbottom and she didn’t need asking twice.

It was further to drive than Finchbottom but it was a much easier one.

 

The reason for the change was because three of the existing staff in Finchbottom had been in a lottery syndicate and won the jackpot.

Good fortune for them and as it appeared, good fortune for Lianne.

 

Because it was a greater distance the company had agreed to provide bed and breakfast accommodation in Highfinch which meant for Lianne that for her three days she would be able to stay over for two nights on expenses, so she thought she had really landed on her feet.

 

It was early on morning of the 3rd of November when she set off from Mornington and she was very excited at the prospect of starting at a different practice in a village she had never been to before and of course meeting new people.

 

On her arrival she was greeted by the practice manager, Rachel Bradley, and another dentist Jonathan Walters.

Jonathan was also a newbie, from Sharpington, although he had a two week head start on her, he was tall, dark and handsome with penetrating blue eyes, a square jaw and a dimple, perfect skin and a marvelous smile.

He stood tall and proud and his physique was slender, he was well-toned, athletically sculpted and was very well groomed.

And the very moment he said

“Hello Lianne” she took an instant dislike to him.

 

The very moment that Jonathon Walters said

“Hello Lianne”

She took an instant dislike to him.

He was everything that she was not, he was tall and she stood 4ft 10 in her socks, his hair was dark and luscious and hers was mousy and wayward, he had penetrating blue eyes while hers were grey and a bit squinty, he had a strong square jaw and a dimple, she had a pointy chin with a mole on it.

Jonathon had perfect skin and a marvelous smile Lianne had a face full of freckles and her smile was lopsided.

He had a sportsman’s physique and was built like an athlete, Lianne was not, she was slim though and despite her imperfections she was not unattractive but she was not sporty by any stretch of the imagination.

And finally he was well groomed without a single hair out of place and she, despite having spent longer than normal on her appearance, looked like she’d been dragged through a hedge backwards.

 

However Lianne’s savage self-assessment would not have struck any cords with Jonathon because he saw someone altogether different to the person Lianne imagined herself to be and his first impression of her was a very positive one.

 

Because they were both newbies, Practice manager Rachel Bradley, tasked Jonathon with showing Lianne around the practice and doing the introductions and then showing her the places of interest in the village finishing off at the end of the day at the Greenwood Guesthouse and introducing her to landlady Janita Front. 

“Good evening Jonathon” she said warmly “And who have we here?”

“Hi Janita, this is my new colleague Lianne” he said

“Smarmy git” Lianne thought to herself

“Pleased to meet you Lianne” Janita said warmly and shook her hand “I’ve put you across the landing from Jonathon”

“Oh lovely” she said but in her head she continued

“As if it’s not bad enough that I’ve had to put up with the condescending ponce all day strutting around like he’d been there for years, now I find we’re staying at the same B&B”

 

She avoided him at dinner that night by making an excuse about visiting and old friend and hid in the Church for a while and then drove around until she found a pub that did food.

Breakfast however was a different story but she decided that nothing was going to come between her and a full English so she just had to put up with him.

It got better for Lianne after that first week when they were both there together, because they settled down into a fixed routine, she was there Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday while he was there Wednesday, Thursday, Friday so she only had to tolerate him one day a week and one breakfast.

 

Over the following few weeks and months everyone told her what a lovely man he was, a gentleman, thoughtful, kind and considerate.

But she couldn’t see it, she just saw a smarmy condescending git.

 

On her first day in Highfinch when she was desperately trying to avoid Jonathon, she ducked into St Martin’s church and got talking to the Curate, Jenna Lawton and although she was not a practicing Christian or even any kind of a Christian for that matter they became firm friends.

And furthermore she made a good many friends in the village as she got close to her first anniversary in Highfinch, all of whom continued to tell her what a wonderful man Jonathon was.

 

After six months of temping Jonathon Walters was offered the position full time and it took him thirty seconds to accept and he even moved from Sharpington to the village and had a small house between the village and Kingfisherbridge just a stone’s throw from the guest house.

Lianne still found him annoyingly friendly and smiley and she still thought he was smarmy but even with him being at the practice full time she had managed to keep contact with him to minimum.

 

One evening in mid-September Jonathon was sitting in his house at the end of the day wondering just what he had to do to break down Lianne’s Defences, he had been nothing but pleasant to her, he was always friendly, polite, helpful, kind and he smiled a lot but she was unmoved.

Everyone told him what a warm friendly person she was but he hadn’t seen that side of her, but was still hopeful.

However that didn’t stop him from being in love with her, and it had been a year since cupids arrow struck and he was still no nearer a resolution.

He had asked her out countless times and she always brushed him off but he wasn’t prepared to give up on her.

 

While Jonathon sat in his house wondering how he could get through to Lianne, she was sitting in her room at the Greenwood guest house after having had a conversation with her landlady Janita Front who spent ten minutes extolling to her the virtues of Jonathon bloody Walters.

“Everyone loves Jonathon” she said

“Except me” Lianne said

“Why is that?” Janita asked with a quizzical look on her face “He’s so nice”

“So everyone keeps telling me” she said

“But he is” Janita said

“I can’t help it I just don’t like him” Lianne snapped and went to her room.

Once she was inside she heard Janita’s question repeating in her head

“Why is that?”

And in truth she walked away because she couldn’t answer that simple question, she didn’t know why she didn’t like him, she just didn’t.

She couldn’t put her finger on the reason, Jonathon had never uttered a single bad word to her in the ten months that Lianne had been working in Highfinch and nor had he done any deed that would have her incurred her wrath, he had always been “nice” in all their interactions, he was pleasant, friendly and polite, but when he was nice to her it made her dislike him even more.

About half an hour into her reflection her train of thought was broken by the telephone ringing and she cursed under her breath about the interruption before she answered it.

“Hello” she said flatly

“Hello Lianne, it’s Jenna” said the curate, although by then she was the de facto Vicar of St Martins while the Reverend Mortimer was recovering from a heart attack.

“Jenna Lawton”

“Hello Jenna, Jenna Lawton” she said lightheartedly Jenna always had that effect on her.

After a brief chuckle she continued

“The reason for the call is that I’m having an informal dinner party at the vicarage, well when I say dinner party I mean a takeaway curry, I can’t cook to save my life” she paused briefly “so if you’re free on Saturday night, it’s just beer, curry and Trivial Pursuits and you’ll know most of the others” 

On Saturday night she would be in Mornington and wouldn’t have contemplated travelling back to Highfinch on the weekend and would have politely refused but for two crucial reasons, firstly her 7 year old niece was having three friends to stay for a sleep over and secondly Jenna mentioned Trivial Pursuits, and Lianne loved Trivial Pursuits.

“I would love to Jenna” Lianne said, “Should I bring anything?”

“Only if you can drink it” she replied, “come about eight, bye”

 

After she hung up the phone she went downstairs to find Janita so she could book a room for Saturday night as it was obvious that driving back to Mornington would not be an option.

 

It was a lovely sunny summer afternoon as she left Mornington on Saturday and headed out into the country towards Highfinch and was looking forward to a stress free journey through the beautiful countryside of the Vale, which was beautiful enough but as she got closer to the Pepperstock Hills she knew it would get even more so.

The village of Highfinch sits just on the edge of the Pepperstock Hills and the Lily Green Hollows Golf Club separates the village from the Hamlet of Lily Green, and the combination of those two and Kingfisherbridge made up the parish of St Martins where Jenna Lawton was curate.

 

When Lianne arrived at the Vicarage, bang on 8 o’clock she was surprised to be told that she was the last.

“Come in” the Vicar said and handed her a menu “we’ve all chosen”

Lianne felt positively tardy.

Jenna Lawton had said that Lianne knew almost everyone and she was not wrong.

Jade Flowers, was the local Doctor and her practice manager

Lorraine Weaving, who was completely bald.

The two redoubtable village good eggs, middle-aged buddies Vicki Paulding and Julia Thomas, and their best friend Cressida van Meeuwen.

Local celebrity TV presenter Nick Faulkner, furniture maker Farron Sutherland and to her utter disbelief Jonathon Walters.

They were a mixed bunch, varying ages and occupations, a mix of the Godly and the heathen, the old and the young the sublime and the ridiculous.

The only one of the party she was annoyed to see was Jonathon Walters but she decided to put him out of her mind and concentrate on enjoying the evening.

 

Lianne was sure that once the wine had flowed a little she might mellow towards him or alternatively slap him in the face with a Nan bread.

They had an excellent curry and a liberal quantity of beer and wine was consumed, apart from Jade who was on call.

The conversation ebbed and flowed and the overall atmosphere was very congenial and as the evening wore on the Trivial Pursuit appeared to universal acclaim.

Sadly after about an hour and with Lianne’s team winning Jade was paged and had to leave and also took Lorraine with her, then just after midnight Cressida called it a night as she needed to get back for the sitter and Farron offered to walk her home so he left as well.

That left Vicki and Jenna on her team and they were narrowly in the lead over Julia, Jonathon and Nick and when both teams needed only one cheese she looked at the clock and saw it was 2 o’clock.

“Have you seen the time Vicar?” Lianne said “don’t you have work in the morning?”

“Ah no” she slurred “this week there is a combined service at St Bartholomew’s in Springwater and they don’t start until 6 pm”

Jenna gave a huge grin and raised her glass.

“Happy days” she said and took a drink most of which went down her chin.

“Now let’s finish the game” she said wiping her mouth on her sleeve.

“Oh yes I remember now” Jonathon said “are we all going?”

“Yes there’s a coach laid on” said Julia

It was 3.15am when Julia answered the winning question to great rejoicing.

“Well done” Lianne said “on behalf of my team and myself”

One of her team, Vicki was asleep on the sofa beside her and feeling no pain and Jenna was still missing her mouth with her wine and didn’t even realize the game was over.

“Home time” Julia said

So everyone said goodnight to the Vicar and Julia and Nick guided Vicki homeward, and after about fifty yards Nick exclaimed

“Damn”

“What’s wrong?” Asked Julia

“I never did ask Lorraine why she was bald” he replied

“She fell out of a tree when she was six” Julia answered

“Oh” he responded and was about to speak

“And she’s bald down there as well” Julia interrupted

“I wasn’t going to ask that” he protested

“But you were curious” she continued and he nodded.

 

Meanwhile Lianne and Jonathon slightly the worse for wear, were just leaving the vicarage and the moment the night air hit her so did the alcohol and she wobbled on her feet.

“Come on I’ll help you back to Janita’s” He said

“Why are you always so nice?” she slurred

“Because it’s less effort than being mean” he replied curtly and steered her towards the guest house, although it was further than his house it wasn’t too far out of his way, and he couldn’t leave her to her own devices in her condition.

 

Lianne awoke early in the darkness to the sound of the Beach Boys emanating from the clock radio, and she could just make out in the half light, a large hand reaching out from below the duvet and silencing it, but then something occurred to her.

“I don’t have a clock radio” she thought so she tried desperately to figure out where the hell she was and who exactly the owner of the large hand was.

She tried desperately to identify some point of reference in the room, anything that might yield a clue to her location.

The problem was that the brain processes what you can see and then fills in the blanks with things from your memory bank.

For example if you she an indistinct shape in the gloom your brain compares that shape to your memories and chooses the nearest one and then that is what you see but when your eyes become more accustomed to the darkness a sleeping dog on the floor becomes a dressing gown discarded the night before, or a sleeping child on the chair becomes a sweater dropped haphazardly.

But even being aware of that she was still struggling to identify any point of reference that would identify her location which was all to no avail, but then why would she it’s not as if she had made a habit of waking up in strange bedrooms over the years.

But just then a head emerged from beneath the covers and Jonathon Walters face appeared above the duvet and he smiled and said

“Good morning, I hope you slept well, I know I did”

“Oh my god” she exclaimed “What have you done?”

“Would you like breakfast?” he said

“Breakfast? Breakfast?” she yelled “So much for Mr. “Nice” guy, what kind of a man are you, taking advantage of a Defenceless woman”

“A hungry one” he replied and threw back the covers

“Urgh I don’t want to see you naked” she yelled

“Really you were happy enough about it last night, in fact you insisted and to encourage me you got naked first” he said

“Oh God I got naked” she simpered and lifted up the duvet to look at herself and did a double take “Ha! I’m not naked”

“Of course you’re not naked” he said walking across the room to the door in his PJ’s “Because I am not the kind of man to take advantage of a Defenceless woman”

“Yes but you got me into your bed and hoped you’d get lucky though” she shouted as she followed him out the door

“No” he snapped

“What do you mean no?”

“I put you in my spare bed, because you were too drunk to walk the rest of the way to the guest house” he explained “but you climbed into bed with me in the middle of the night because you were cold”

“But…” she began and then it all came flooding back to her, he had settled her in the spare room, but after no more than half an hour she had slipped out of the spare room and tried to slip into his bed, Lianne even begged him to let her get in bed with him and when he said yes she snuggled up to him.

She thought the fact that he had kept the more embarrassing details to himself was very much to his credit.

 

They sat at the kitchen table and ate breakfast in silence, although in truth it was lunch time and eating a fried breakfast at that time of day he in his dressing gown and she in the clothes she wore the night before, was all very decadent.

The silence was broken when there was a knock on the front door.

“Who’s that?” Lianne asked with panic in her voice and a look on her face like a startled rabbit.

“I don’t know” he replied “I’ll find out”

He closed the kitchen door and walked down the hall and he could tell by the shape through the glass it was his neighbour Frank so he opened the door.

“My God” Frank said “you do know it’s the afternoon” 

“Shut your face” he responded “I had a late night”

“I bet you did” he said “You lucky dog”

“I’m afraid not” Jonathon said “No princess for me”

“Oh well, better luck next time son” he retorted

“Maybe” he said “Anyway what can I do for you Frank?”

“Oh yes I almost forgot, I’m going to cut my front grass, do you want me to do yours at the same time?” Frank said

“That would be great thanks”

“Ok lad” he said as he walked away “I’ll be a couple of hours finishing off”

“Thanks Frank” Jonathon said and closed the door

 

Lianne had been listening to the conversation and the suggestion by his neighbour that he had brought back a conquest shocked her and although Jonathon had protected her honour she was still alarmed and ran upstairs.

 

Jonathon went back into the kitchen to find it empty so he went upstairs to find Lianne pacing around the spare bedroom.

“What am I going to do?” she said panic stricken

“Well don’t panic for a start” he said

“It’s alright for you” she shouted “everyone in this village thinks the sun shines out of your arse”

“Almost everyone” he said to himself

“What was that?” she asked as she continued pacing

“Nothing”

“What will people think” she ranted “if they see me leaving your house in what I’m wearing, in what I was wearing last night, in what I slept in last night, everyone will know I’ve been out all night”

 

Johnathon left the room while she continued her rant and returned a few minutes later carrying some clothes in his arms.

“The Jeans and sweater are my sister Molly’s, she’s a similar shape to you” he said handing Lianne the clothes “they may be a bit long in the leg, she’s taller than you”

“Everyone’s taller than me” she said without humour

“The pumps are hers as well but she doesn’t have the same size foot” Lianne looked at him and then ran into his arms

“You’re a life saver” she said and kissed his cheek and then he left the room again, and this time he returned carrying a small hold all

“Put your clothes in this and get dressed and I’ll see you down stairs”

While Lianne did as she was told he went to his bedroom and got dressed himself and went downstairs, and Lianne walked gingerly down the stairs to join him after about ten minutes.

 

When Lianne had joined him downstairs she waited nervously.

“Ok Frank’s busy out the front” he called from the kitchen where he was looking through the window.

“What now?” she asked as he walked towards her

“Leave the bag there” he said and took her by the hand and led her out through the kitchen and out the adjoining door and into the garage.

“Wait in there” he instructed, but she looked worried

“Don’t worry” he said and kissed her forehead and then he went back in the house and picked up the hold all and the car keys and opened the front door.

He went to the back of the car and opened the boot and threw in the bag.

There was a car rug in the boot so he picked that up and closed the lid again then he opened the rear passenger door on the driver’s side, threw in the rug and left the door open before going back in the house where he went straight through the kitchen and rejoined Lianne in the garage and told her what to do.

Jonathon took a deep breath before emerging from the front door and closing it behind him.

He gave Frank a wave before opening the garage door then he walked down the path to speak to him

“Hey Frank” he called “Is that a new mower?”

While he walked down the path Lianne crept out from the garage and onto the back seat of the car where she hid under the blanket.

“It is” he replied

“It’s a corker” he added “I’m off out now so I’ll see you later”

“Ok lad” he replied

“The grass looks great by the way” he said

Once he was sure Lianne was safely hidden he went back up the path and closed the garage door and quickly checked that she couldn’t be seen before he closed the passenger door and got in the car himself.

“I think your reputation is safe Miss Martin” he whispered

“It’s very exciting” she said quietly then she added

“I feel like a scarlet woman” and she giggled

“So do I” he replied

“You’re clearly sex mad” she said 

Jonathon looked in the rear view mirror as they drove though the village, Lianne was laying across the back seat completely covered by the blanket apart from her finger which were gripping the edge of the blanket and the top of her head.

Every time they passed another car or a pedestrian he shouted

“Hide” and the top of her head would disappear from view.

They went the long way round, partly because it was quieter but mainly because he was in no hurry to drop her off.

Once around the village was all he could stretch it to however and sooner than he would have liked he drove the car into the guesthouse carpark and having seen landlady Janita by the front door pruning shrubbery he parked as close to the side entrance as possible.

“We made it” Lianne yelled triumphantly from beneath the blanket.

“Yes, your reputation is unblemished” he agreed “But you still need to get inside”

“Oh yes I hadn’t thought of that” she said as Jonathon got out of the car and opened the boot and retrieved the bag.

“I’ll go and distract Janita” He said after opening the back door “so count to a hundred and then make a run for it”

“Ok” she said quietly “Thank you”

 

He walked casually around to the front of the building where Janita stood secateurs in hand.

“Jonathon!” she said “What a lovely surprise”

“Hello Janita” he said and kissed her cheek

“What brings you here?” Janita asked

“I’m just dropping this off for Lianne” he said indicating the bag he was holding “Is she about?”

“I haven’t seen her today, she didn’t come down for breakfast” she replied “How are you getting on with her?”

“Well I’m still hopeful” he replied

“Do you want to go and knock?” she asked

“No I won’t I’m going to Springwater this afternoon” he replied “So if I could leave this with you I’ll get going”

“Ok love” Janita responded and Jonathon kissed her cheek again and headed back to the car.

 

Lianne was inside and listening at the door when Jonathon said

“I’m still hopeful”

“He’s hopeful, he said he’s still hopeful” she thought “And I’ve been an idiot”

Everyone told her what a lovely man he was, a gentleman, thoughtful, kind and considerate.

But she couldn’t see it, she had been blind to his true character and she just saw a smarmy condescending git.

But his actions on that weekend had shown his true colours.

She listened some more and he said

“I’m going to Springwater this afternoon”

By the time Jonathon was kissing Janita’s cheek she was already opening the door to her room.

 

After leaving the guest house, Jonathon drove home and got himself showered and dressed and then he walked the short distance to the house of TV sportscaster Nick Faulkner.

 

Sunday for Nick didn’t properly begin until 1 o’clock and he didn’t feel a hundred percent.

However a shower, two mugs of coffee and some dry toast helped and he felt a lot better as he left the house at about 4.30pm after answering Jonathon’s knock.

They didn’t have to walk far as they were only going next door to Julia Thomas’s and Jonathon rang the doorbell and the door was opened by a young man.

“Hi Callum” he said “Is mum ready? 

“Yes” he replied “she’s just coming”

Julia appeared looking as fresh as a daisy and said

“See you later love” and kissed her son

Turning her attention to Nick she said “hello Nick, you look rough, Jonathon you look gorgeous as ever”

“Thanks Julia” they said and she laughed

Then the group moved on to Vicki’s and when she emerged even she looked ok considering what she put down her neck.

“Hello you three” she said and continued “goodness Nick you look a little green around the gills”

“We’ll try to get you home sober this time” she said

“Thanks mum” Nick said

Their next port of call was the vicarage and when the door eventually opened the vicar stood before them looking like death warmed over. 

“Good God” Jonathon said

“Heavens above” exclaimed Julia

“Right let’s get in the house” said Vicki taking charge.

“I have just the thing for what ails you vicar”

Vicki rummaged in her bag and fished out a medicine bottle with a dirty brown substance in it.

 

When the door to the vicarage eventually opened in response to their knocking the vicar stood before them looking like death warmed over. 

“Good God” Jonathon said

“Heavens above” exclaimed Julia

“Right let’s get in the house” said Vicki taking charge.

“I have just the thing for what ails you vicar”

Vicki rummaged in her bag and fished out a medicine bottle with a dirty brown substance in it.

“I’ll try anything” Jenna said pitifully about to sit in an armchair

“No don’t sit vicar” Vicki commanded, “You need to be ready to move”

Vicki handed the glass bottle to Jenna and said

“Take a good slug of that”

“And then what?” asked the Vicar

“You’ll know what” Vicki said

Jenna took a good long pull on the bottle and then licked her lips before saying

“That’s not as bad as it lo….”

She never finished the sentence as she turned a funny shade of puce and headed for the toilet.

The noises that came from behind the toilet door were best not described but left to the imagination.

When she emerged some ten minutes later she looked more like her old self.

Another twenty minutes after that she was fit to be seen in church but when they left the vicarage they were running late and when they reached the village green the coach was already loaded and waiting for them so they boarded quickly and apologies’ were made as they found seats.

Jonathon was going to sit next to Nick but then across the aisle he noticed another familiar face, which was smiling at him.

“There’s a spare seat here” Lianne said

He glanced at Nick who smiled and nodded and then he sat down next to her.

“I didn’t know you were coming” he said

“Nor did I until this afternoon” she replied

 

It wasn’t a bad service at St Bartholomew’s, a bit happy-clappy for Jonathans taste but it was ok, but then he wasn’t really concentrating, as for Lianne, who didn’t have anything to benchmark it against, was just happy to be there.

On the coach back to the village St Bart’s got mixed reviews although the general consensus was that it wasn’t as good as St Martin’s which made Jenna happy.

Lianne and Jonathon sat together again on the return journey and almost as soon as the coach pulled away from St Bartholomew she slipped her hand in his.

 

It was 7 o’clock when the coach returned to the village green and after disembarking from the coach a small select group of pilgrims decided on pub grub at the Downshire Arms, the vicar declined on religious grounds namely that she didn’t want any further communication with God on the porcelain telephone and Jonathon and Lianne who wanted to spend the evening together.

They could have been together in the pub over dinner but neither of them were in the mood to share themselves with others so they walked back to Jonathon’s where he cooked for her again.

Reluctantly after a couple of hours he drove her back to the guesthouse so she could collect her car for the drive back to Mornington.

Janita looked out of the window and smiled as they shared a lingering goodnight kiss.

He was sad as he watched her drive away but he was also content because she would be back again the next day.

Downshire Diary – (07) Living with Dorcas

 

In the weeks following the great family gathering in Dulcet-on-Willow, to mark Uncle Herbert’s 60th Birthday, Bens mother Eleanor was still in shock.

The news of his proposal and subsequent engagement to Dorcas had taken her completely by surprise.

She had apparently come to terms with the fact he would end his days as a bachelor and even though it had been confirmed and verified to be a “genuine engagement” by all and sundry, she was still skeptical.

Mind you Ben had to admit there were moments when he didn’t believe it himself.

But the truth of the matter was that they were engaged and everyone seemed to be as pleased about it as Ben and Dorcas were.

 

Though his mother was a confirmed skeptic on the subject, plans had already begun in earnest with both sets of parents jockeying for position, over who would do what and when, even though a date hadn’t even been set yet.    

Dorcas and Ben left them to get on with it for the most part as they had plans of their own to finalize, they would just have to rein in the maniacal planners at a later date when they were clear what they wanted to do themselves.

They never imagines for a moment at the time that they might live to regret their attitude of laissez-faire in that regard.

But they adopted that posture for a very good reason because there were more immediate things to occupy their attention, because although they hadn’t yet set a date for the wedding they had set another very significant date on the calendar which was fast coming up on the horizon, Dorcas was moving in with him.

 

By the time October came around she was already staying over at his cottage for at least three days a week so it seemed silly not to go the whole hog and have her live with him full time.

After all at the times they weren’t together they were either travelling to see the other or talking on the phone or just plain missing them.

His cottage in Bushy Down was bigger than hers so it made more sense for her to move in with him rather than the other way around.

The plan was to spend October packing up her place in Finchbottom so it was ready for renting out from the 1st of November when she would move in with Ben, with as many of her possessions as would fit.

When he asked her why she was renting her house out and not selling it, she said

“I want to keep it, just in case”

“In case of what?” Ben asked

“In case you turn out to be a complete swine” she replied and ran out of the room.

“Bloody cheek” he said and chased her up the stairs  

 

Dorcas had been spending a lot of time at Bens Cottage in Bushy Down and for the most part things went without a hitch but it wasn’t all plain sailing, there was one bone of contention.

That is apart from the age old chestnut, the toilet seat, what is it with women and their obsession with toilet seats.

Anyway that wasn’t the main issue, his particular bone of contention was underwear.

Namely articles of underwear, that were particularly delightful when the love of his life was inside them that were very annoying when she was not.

They lost their allure somewhat when they were left hanging from the shower rail or draped over radiators.

When she wasn’t looking Ben would gather them up, in ones and twos, and put the wet ones in the airing cupboard or the dry ones in a drawer in the bedroom.

Dorcas didn’t seem to notice or if she did she didn’t say anything.

That is until the beginning of October when she enquired

“Have you seen my green knickers?”

“No hon, not since you were in them” he replied

“Are you sure?” she quizzed

“I’m sure”

“Well I know what you’re like with your tidying” she said and it was obvious that she had noticed.

“Definitely not honey” he answered

 “I don’t understand it I’ve found the bra upstairs so I know they’re here somewhere but I can’t find the pants anywhere”

“They’ll turn up” he suggested

“That’s not very helpful” she replied

“There are some blue ones in the airing cupboard” he said helpfully

“I can’t wear blue knickers with a green bra” she said crossly

“Honestly, what kind of a girl do you think I am?”

Over the next few weeks her green panties didn’t turn up and it transpired they weren’t the only items to disappear.

She went on to lose an assortment of knickers, three odd socks and a pair of tights, even Bens lucky pants did a disappearing act.

He had never experienced any loss of laundry all the time he had lived there so he was at a loss to explain the disappearance’s and could offer nothing but his stock answer of

“They’ll turn up”

Dorcas was unconvinced, as was he to be honest, and he was sure she was beginning to think he was some kind of fetishist who had a secret stash of her knickers.

However any such suspicion’s she might have harbored would have been readily dispelled by a visit from his next door neighbour.

 

It was midday on Sunday, and they had just returned home from church, when there was a knock on the front door.

When Ben opened it he was faced with a very shamefaced and embarrassed looking character holding a carrier bag out in front of him. 

It was his long time neighbour John Elliot, a normally gregarious chap who on this occasion was stooped over like he had the whole world on his shoulders and was staring at his shoes.

“I think these might be yours” he said quietly thrusting the carrier bag in his direction.

“What is it?” he asked and took the bag

“Open it” He said shuffling his feet nervously and Ben did as he instructed and opened the bag and found inside sundry items of underwear.

“You’d better come in” Ben said

 

Ben had known John and his wife Carole for several years and they had always gotten on very well.

When he first knew them they had two cats, Madeline and Emily, who were sisters, and they had them for several years but after Emily was killed on the road in the village Madeline ran away.

They were both huge cat lovers so they decided they would get a rescued cat from an animal rescue center.

Well what they got was a tabby called appropriately Tabitha who was a very sweet looking cat that unfortunately suffered with severe psychological problems.

It was a very nervous and timid creature who was very suspicious of everyone but what none of neighbour’s suspected was its darker side.

While the humans of the village were all at work Tabitha roamed the local area indulging in her particular passion namely stealing from the neighbours.

She stole knickers, pants, socks, tights, handkerchiefs and the occasional bra as well as bibs and booties.

The troubled animal preyed on the unsuspecting locals stealing from washing lines, wash baskets and clothes airer’s though thankfully even with her psychological problems she only stole clean items, nothing soiled or un-fresh.

The locals were all oblivious to this dastardly crime putting the loss of missing items down to mischievous house elves.

The dastardly crime only came to light when John was clearing his spare room prior to decorating when he discovered a nest of other people’s underwear.

This could have been more awkward than it already was and John might well have had some explaining to do it Carole had found the pantie collection before he did.

When John told her of the stash he had found Carole thought it was very funny, she did however after sorting the not inconsiderable collection into bags for the prospective owners, dispatch him to return the items.

“I have never been so embarrassed” John said

“How many houses have you had to go to?” Dorcas asked

“You’re number 10” he said

“You poor thing” Dorcas said sympathetically the she looked at Ben and they both burst out laughing.

When they had regained control of themselves he continued

“Luckily Tabitha’s is scared of her own shadow so she never strays more than a few houses either side of us, so it narrowed down the field”

 

After he had gone Ben looked at the contents of the bag and said

“You see I said they would turn up didn’t I”

“Pah” Dorcas said unimpressed

“Still you’ve got to hand it to Carole she was spot on with her sorting”

He added

“And look even my lucky pants are here”

“Oh, it’s a shame they came back” Dorcas said “I threw them out once”

“You threw them out?” he asked horrified

“Yes I did” she replied

“But they’re my favourite’s” Ben said indignantly

Dorcas chuckled and from the doorway she said

“Well you can either stay down here with your lucky pants or you can come upstairs and get lucky in mine” and she went out the room.

About thirty seconds later Ben got up and followed her, pausing briefly by the kitchen bin to dispose of his former lucky pants.

 

Since Ben Overton first met Dorcas Fox-Martin, at his parents’ house in Kiddingstone on the day when she almost ran him over on his way to his nephews christening, his life had been so different to the safe and comfortable existence he had known before.

 

He felt energized and fresh, which was just as well in all honesty because October had been an exceedingly busy month.

They spent evenings packing up Dorcas’s house in Finchbottom and slowly moving her stuff either into storage or into Ben’s cottage, or more precisely I suppose that should be their cottage.

On the weekends that was followed by decorating and gardening to get her house ready for renting out and then of course there was car booting to dispose of the things that didn’t make the move either to the cottage or storage.

And all of the above had to be achieved while keeping busy in their respective day jobs as they were saving their holidays for something else.

So it was with some relief that that he received and accepted an invitation from his best friend Gary to attend a games night at his place on in Kiddingstone on Saturday night.

Ben and Gary had been best mates since junior school, Gary, Stix, Evan, Clive and him, and their friendship had endured.

It survived all the ups and downs of childhood and adolescence.

It survived sexual awakenings and the continual distraction of women thereafter.

It also survived higher education, marriages, mortgages, divorces and redundancies.

Women had come and gone over the years but the friendship had survived.

They had been in each other’s lives for every single significant event that had affected their lives, good and bad, and their friendship endured in spite of everything and throughout their enduring friendship was a consistent thread, a vital constituent to their lives that was the Games Nights. 

Games Nights were a ritual and consisted of a takeaway followed by board games or cards, the food and game decided by consensus.

The venues varied as each of the friends took their turn to host the event but the rest of the night was just games, food and alcohol.

 

Ben was very excited to receive the invite, they hadn’t done one since he’d been going out with Dorcas and because they had had such a whirlwind romance and they had been so busy he hadn’t had a chance to show off and none of his closest friends had met her yet.

He instantly showed the invite to Dorcas 

“Look we have been invited to Gary’s for a games night” he said

“You are going to love it”

She took the invitation from him and read it and seemed less than enthusiastic at the prospect of attending.

“You know what that means?” Dorcas remarked

“Yes a weekend off” he replied “And a lie in”

“I have to meet your best friends” she said gloomily

“I know” he replied “They’re all dying to meet you”

And then Ben added

“And the other halves are very anxious to meet the girl who has won my heart”

“Oh Great” Dorcas said despondently “That’s just the icing on the cake”

 

In the week following the receipt of the invitation Ben had completely failed to pick up on her lack of enthusiasm about the invite to Gary’s but he had noticed that as they got closer to the night Dorcas seemed to be getting more and more withdrawn but being a man he didn’t think it was anything to worry about, not at first anyway.

On Saturday morning as they lay cuddling under the duvet before they got themselves up, Dorcas was very quiet which wasn’t like her at all and he was a bit worried about her as she seemed a bit down and he wondered if she was having second thoughts about moving in with him, it was less than two weeks away from the tenants moving into her house.

He began to wonder if she thought it was all just too soon, and she wanted to take a step back and reevaluate her decision.

And if that were true then maybe she was having second thoughts about everything, the engagement, the wedding the whole nine yards.

Perhaps his mum was right when she said he wouldn’t be able to hold onto her, because she was too pretty for him.

Maybe that was it she was tired of him.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” he asked hoping to allay his fears

“Nothing” she replied

“Well I know that’s not true” he persisted “Somethings wrong, so what is it?”

“I’m scared” Dorcas admitted

He wasn’t sure if he’d heard her correctly, she was such a confident, gregarious girl that being scared didn’t fit her at all.

She was after all a tour de force, she was bold and brave and brimming with self-confidence, how could she be scared.  

“Scared?” he asked “What are you scared of, is it marriage? The Engagement or is it moving in with me?”

“No, no its none of those things I’m not scared about them at all” she replied

“But you are scared?” he asked

“Yes” she responded and rolled over and hugged him, burying her face in his neck and then she started crying.

“So what are you scared about?” he asked her gently

“Meeting your friends” she sobbed “Your best friends”

During the week after the invitation Dorcas had been really worried about making a good impression in front of his oldest and best friends and their other halves.

“They are going to love you just like I do” he assured her

“Really?” Dorcas asked

“Well not quite like I do obviously” he said and she lifted her face from his neck and smiled weakly.

He did feel for Dorcas when he took the time to think of what he was putting her through, it was a daunting prospect meeting his friends, and she was scared she wouldn’t measure up.

He didn’t have to go through that with her best friend as that was his sister Helen.

So they spent the next hour cuddling up under the duvet as he went through his friends and their respective partners one by one and detailed the best ways to make a good impression on each of them.

 

His mate Gary was something of a figure of fun within their group, a fact to which he seemed completely oblivious.  

They had known him since infant school and they had always teased him.

He was the type of kid who had a new hobby every week and this habit followed him all the way into adulthood.

He also thought himself a whizz at DIY and he fancied himself as a bit of an engineer.

But the one thing he could do better than any of them without fail, which endeared him to them all, was that he could take a joke.

His wife Elaine did not have a sense of humour, at all and she was the vainest woman walking God’s green earth and the only thing that she loved as much as her own good looks was for someone else to compliment her on them.

“Stix” so named because his surname was Littlewood fancied himself as a bit of a ladies man and liked to flirt, Kylie his second wife knew he was all sausage and no sizzle so quite enjoyed watching him flirt before he crashed and burned.

Evan Thomas and his childhood sweetheart Cerys were foodies so if you got them chatting on the subject of food you were in.

Clive White and his third or fourth partner Tina were ultra-competitive so if they won whatever the game might be they were happy.

 

After he had finished putting flesh on the bones of those expected to be present she seemed more at ease.

“I love you Ben” she said

“That’s handy” he replied “because I love you too”

Dorcas smiled and kissed him tenderly and then they made love.

 

Ben thought that as Dorcas was nervous about meeting everyone, rather than arriving to a houseful and be totally overwhelming to her he would take her over to Gary’s early so he could introduce her to the hosts before anyone else arrived and that way she just had to meet one couple at a time.

 

So when they got there the pair of them stood on the porch and he gave her a kiss for good luck before he rang the doorbell.

Gary opened the door.

“Blimey” he said

“You’ll never believe it Elaine” he called over his shoulder “it’s Ben and…”

“Dorcas” Ben said

“… Dorcas” Gary continued

“Are we too early” he asked

“No not at all” he replied “Lovely to meet you Dorcas, come in, come in”

“Thanks Gary, likewise” she said and squeezed Bens hand.

As they walked into the lounge he said to Dorcas

“You’re obviously a good influence on him, Ben’s never the first to arrive”

After that he introduced her to his sour faced wife Elaine.

“Dorcas?” she said “that’s a strange name”

“It’s biblical” Ben answered “nice isn’t it?”

“Hmmm” was her only response

He gave her hand another gentle squeeze and Dorcas said

“I love your dress, I wish I could afford designer label clothes”

Elaine’s expression softened immediately and a hint of a smile could be detected when she continued

“And your hair’s a fabulous shade of red”

“Two down, six to go” He thought to himself as Elaine actually smiled.

 

Stix and Kylie were the first to arrive after Ben and Dorcas and her being drop dead gorgeous and Stix being a premier league letch he took to her straight away.

There was a moment’s frostiness from Kylie but as soon as Dorcas gave her a wink and she realized Stix was being played she quickly warmed to her.

 

By the time Evan and Cerys arrived the gregarious confident Dorcas had returned and was there to greet them and within five minutes they were deep in conversation about a new Mongolian restaurant in Kiddingstone, so much so that she almost missed him introducing her to Clive and Tina.

Dorcas continued discussing cuisine with Evan and Cerys while they devoured a rather mediocre Indian.

 

The games element of the evening began with cards and due to some creative cheating by Dorcas, a skill he hadn’t previously experienced from her, Clive and Tina were the resounding victors.

“Deftly played by my wife to be” Ben thought to himself.  

 

They went on to play Trial Pursuit next which was when Gary chose to reveal his latest fad.

As he had told Dorcas earlier he fancied himself as a bit of an engineer and with the help of the Internet and RS Component’s he managed to fashion his latest pride and joy.

“It’s an electronic Di” Gary said proudly

It was brown in colour, made of plastic, about three inches long and two inches wide and the same in depth.

With two buttons and an Led display on the upper side.

“Wow” everyone said with varying degrees of sarcasm except for Dorcas who said.

“That’s really interesting, how does it work”

“Well” said Gary thrilled that someone appreciated his efforts

“You press this first button and the numbers start randomizing”

“Oh yes, I see” said Dorcas

“Then you press the second button and it displays your throw” he continued

“Wow that’s so clever” she said still enthusing

“And you made that?”

“Yes” he replied proudly “I did”

“Can I have a go?” she asked

“Absolutely” Gary said and handed it to her

“So I press this button first” Dorcas said

“Yes” Gary replied

“Then this one?” She said

“Yes” he said again

“And that’s my throw” she said just before she shook it in her hands and rolled it across the table.

Gary’s jaw dropped and the room erupted with laughter and Dorcas said to Gary.

“Got you” and he roared with laughter

In truth at that moment she had them all in the palm of her hand.

Dorcas held his hand under the table and squeezed it firmly and as she turned and gave him a smile he fell in love with her all over again and she with him.

 

After the games night at Gary’s they spent most of the day slobbing around the cottage in their night clothes and watching old films on TV.

After all the recent exertion’s associated with renting out Dorcas’s house prior to her moving in with him, so it was really nice to have such a lazy day.

However they paid for it over the coming week as the deadline for Dorcas vacating her house loomed large and they spent every spare moment moving her and her possessions from Finchbottom to Bushy Down.

And so began a new chapter in their lives when they would no longer be two lonely single dwellers living half-lives but one loving couple sharing a life, a house and home.

 

The Monday after their first weekend of officially living together was a normal workday for Ben but Dorcas had managed to book off a couple of days off work so she could unpack the last of her things and make herself at home.

A lot of her making herself at home seemed to involve rearranging the cupboards and taking over the majority of the wardrobes.

But despite that she certainly seemed to have spent her time productively and the house was looking more homely than it had ever done and as he walked through the front door on his arrival home on Tuesday evening he was greeted by the smell of home cooking.

“Hi Hon” he called “Something smells nice”

Her head suddenly appeared from around the kitchen door and said

“It’s me”

Ben walked down the hall to meet her and gave her a kiss

“No its not you” he said “I can definitely smell something tasty”

“Cheek” Dorcas said and hit him with a wooden spoon

“Ow” he said “what’s cooking then?”

“Bacon and onion dumpling” she replied then continued in a very bad Italian accent “Justa lika mamma used to maka”

“And is yours as good as mamas?” he asked thinking that if it tasted half as good as it smelt he was in for a treat.

“Better” she replied “now go and finish setting the table”

He did as instructed and then opened a bottle of wine, and returned to the kitchen just in time to see the suet delight coming out of the oven and it would not have been an exaggeration to say that the oven sighed.

 

As Ben sat and ate the heaviest most indigestible dumpling he had ever experienced along with lumpy mash, anemic gravy and over cooked veg he thought to himself

“How bad a cook is her mother?”

He persevered and ate most of it and when she said

“Well?”

He didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth so he said

“Lovely”

It’s was a good job he wasn’t marrying her for her cooking ability.

 

Fortunately, Ben could cook and he generally got home an hour before her so he would get the evening meal on the go so as to minimize the risk of having to eat her offerings.

 

It was about a fortnight after the night of the dumpling disaster when they were summoned to the Fox-Martins for Sunday lunch which Ben was very much looking forward to.

Her father Edward was very easy company especially if you restricted the conversation to sport while his wife Marcia thought the sun shone from Bens every orifice.

But the main thing he was looking forward to was a Roast dinner he loved a Sunday Roast and he wished he could have one every week.

However as the old saying go? Be careful what you wish for because it might come true.

 

Ben and Dorcas were in the car on our way to Finchbottom

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” she asked

“Of course” he said “I like your folks and I’m looking forward to a great Sunday lunch”

“Oh” Dorcas said doubtfully “Good”

They arrived just after two and they found Edward in the lounge watching football.

“Hi Dad” she said

“Hello baby girl” he replied and gave her a kiss, then he shook Bens hand.

“Ben dear boy” he said “sit down, they’ve just kicked off”

Ben was looking forward to watching the match, it was the local derby, Abbottsford Town were playing Abbeyvale Borough and Ben and Edward both followed Abbottsford.

But not only was it a derby match but it was important match because it was a top of the table clash, although to be honest it was always an important match when Town played Borough.

“I’ll just say hello to Marcia first” he said and Dorcas led the way.

The aromas emanating from the kitchen were mouthwatering.

“Mum?” Dorcas called

“I’m in here darling” a disembodied voice called back.

He followed Dorcas into the kitchen and kisses and hugs were exchanged between them and then Marcia turned her attention on Ben.

“It’s lovely to see you Ben” Marcia said “I’m glad you could come”

“It smells delicious” he said “I can’t wait”

“Oh” she said all flustered “that’s a really nice thing to say”

Then Dorcas kissed him and dispatched him to keep her father company, where Edward had a freshly poured beer sitting on the table waiting for him.

“Ah there you are” he said without taking his eyes off the screen.

“It’s one nil to Borough, completely against the run of play”

 

Marcia called them to the table about an hour later and they sat down at the table.

Edward poured the wine and Dorcas and Marcia carried the tureens in, then when they were all seated she lifted the cover off the meat platter to reveal the charred remains of what would once have been a very expensive joint of beef.

The vegetables and the gravy were a similar disappointment, the insipidness of the gravy was clearly a family tradition.

As Edward unceremoniously hacked his way through the charcoal he slowly revealed the undercooked redness at its core.

And as Ben struggled politely through the hideous meal he was left to ponder how two such beautiful women could be such ugly cooks.

 

So it was with a full stomach and a bad case of indigestion that they drove away from her parents’ house.

“Did you enjoy your Sunday roast then sweetie?” Dorcas asked

“Oh yes” he replied “it was ….”

“Horrible?” Dorcas interrupted

“No, no” he protested

“Yes, yes” she corrected me “Mums even more rubbish at cooking than I am”

“You’re not rubbish hon” he said

“I am, you could have beaten someone to death with that dumpling it was so heavy” Dorcas said and laughed

“Well maybe not to death, but certainly into a coma” he said and she punched his arm

 

In just a few short months Bens cozy little life had been completely turned upside down.

From the moment Dorcas breezed into his life on a bright June day when she almost sent him into the afterlife from behind the wheel of her car.

It was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to him, and that changed everything in a heartbeat.

Once he plucked up the courage to ask her out the next step was to fall in love with her which took absolutely no effort at all.

After that he needed to summon up the courage to propose, which he did, in the guest bathroom in his Uncles house in the Dulcets, and almost put his mother into a coma in the process.

So far so good, meet pretty young brunette, woo pretty young brunette, fall in love with pretty young brunette, propose to pretty young brunette and finally move in with pretty young brunette.

Well not finally obviously but that’s the story so far, there are many more chapters to follow obviously.

 

The next one began after two weeks of them living together.

All was going well and they had settled into a comfortable routine and it felt as if we had been together forever.

They were sitting in the kitchen eating crumpets on a Sunday morning when Dorcas suddenly said

“Can we get a cat?”

“What for?” he retorted

“Because I’d like one” she said sweetly

“Do we have to?” he sighed

“Don’t you like cats?” Dorcas enquired

“I have no strong opinion either way” he informed her

“So you don’t dislike them?” she asked

“No not at all” he replied

“Are you allergic?” she queried

“Nope” Ben said

“So can we?” she asked cutely

“I take it that you have a strong opinion about cats?” he asked

“Oh yes” she replied “I love them”

When he didn’t respond immediately she continued

“They’re very lovely, they’re good company, they’re clean, they’re not demanding”

And when he again said nothing she added, as if a single reason underlined all the others

“And they keep mice away”

“I don’t have mice” He stated

He had never had mice in the house in all the years he had lived there and was not at all unhappy with that fact and he didn’t need a cat to achieve that.

Furthermore all through his childhood at his parents’ house they didn’t have a cat and they were mouse free so the point seemed moot.

“Please, please, pretty please” she begged to which he was helpless to resist

“Ok, ok” he conceded

“Yey” she screamed and jumped up and down before planting a kiss on his mouth.

“But” he interjected

“But?” she repeated

“There are certain conditions” he stated

“Which are?” she asked

“No Toms” he said “I don’t want spraying in the house”

“Check” she responded

“I’m the only alpha male in this house” he added pompously

“Ok tiger” she mocked

“No rescue cats, I don’t want to take any chances on getting a mental one like John and Carole did” he continued

“Check” she responded

“And no kittens” he added

“Ok” she agreed “Anything else?”

“No that’s the lot” he confirmed

“Good get your coat on” she instructed

“What for?” Ben asked

“I said we’d pick the cat up before 11 o’clock” Dorcas said cheekily

“And how did you know I’d say yes?” he asked

“Because you’re lovely” she replied “and you love me”

“Yes well just remember that the cutesy stuff won’t work once you lose your looks” he told her as they were going out the door

“It’ll still work even when I’m old and wrinkled” she said cockily

 

Dorcas and Ben were going to Mrs. Brownlow’s house, just a few doors down from their cottage.

She was a lovely lady, who sadly was having to give up her cottage and move into a sheltered housing scheme on the other side of the village, where pets of any kind were not permitted.

Doris had a sweet little two year old tabby female called Pandora for whom she was looking for a good home and apparently they were it.

 

All went swimmingly with Pandora’s arrival, she quickly took to them and made herself at home and although he had misgivings about getting a cat he was happy that he had agreed, but then the presents started to arrive.

Ben would wake up in the morning and make his way downstairs to make coffee and there it would be, a mouse, a vole, a bird and on one occasion a coy carp.

All either dead or very near death and all of them gifts, for him apparently, the alpha male, from the huntress.

Sometimes Pandora would be in attendance smugly guarding her latest trophy.

On one particular morning in late November he came downstairs to find a squirrel.

“My God Pandora what on earth have you brought me this time?”

As soon as his foot landed on the hall floor she started rubbing herself around his ankles making a series of chirruping noises as she did so, then she would go and circle the stricken Squirrel, look up at him and then at her prey and then back at him as if to say

“Look what I did”

“Yes very good, well done” he said without enthusiasm although he had to admit he was impressed, then she returned to his ankles and repeated the whole process again.

Pandora had just got to the point where she was saying to him

“I did that that was me”

When Dorcas came halfway down the stairs and hung over the bannister to enquire

“What’s going on?”

“Pandora brought in a Squirrel” he told her

“A Squirrel?” she exclaimed “wow who’s a clever girl then?”

The cat responded to that by repeating the whole rubbing, chirruping and gloating sequence.

“Who’s a clever girl?” he said to himself as he slipped my unstockinged feet into a pair of wellies.

That was all well and good but she wasn’t the one who had to take the poor suffering twitching creature up the garden to finally dispatch it with a spade.

 

Of course finding dead offerings in the hall was far better than the alternative because Pandora didn’t catch mice and such to display them as trophies or to supplement her diet.

She brought them into the house primarily as toys and she would play with them for hours, but sometimes they got away

Which is why he recalled what Dorcas had said about cats

“They’re very lovely, they’re good company, they’re clean, they’re not demanding” she continued

“And they keep mice away”

Well Ben had never had any mice to keep away, until the time, after he had acquired a cat.

He wouldn’t have had the mice if he hadn’t got the cat and he wouldn’t have got the cat if he didn’t have Dorcas.

But that was the key because he did have Dorcas and he was very happy about that, and if he had a few mice as a result then it was a small price to pay because he did have Dorcas Fox-Martin in his life, and he planned to keep the most beautiful girl in the world with him forever.

Downshire Diary – (06) Metropolitan Music Lover

 

Phlebotomist Harriet Quimby and Professor of music Nathan Robinson had been dating for close to six months and were getting very serious.

To the untrained eye they seemed an odd couple, she a beautiful willowy health professional and him an unspectacular looking academic.

But it was also patently obvious that miss matched or not they were obviously in love.

Despite their differences and a six year age gap they were a two halves of the same coin.

Her marriage to William Quimby ended as a result of his lies and deceipt so when her relationship with Nathan began Harriet stated

“I have only one rule or perhaps more aptly it is my no lies policy, we have to have absolute honesty or nothing”

“I agree” Nathan said “Unreservedly”

 

In the fullness of time although they still had their own respective homes they were always together when commitments allowed although in truth they were each other’s primary commitment and when they were together it was generally always at his house.

Apart from when Nathan was out of town lecturing and it had been that way since the very beginning.

When Harriet first agreed to go out with Nathan she didn’t have it in mind that it was a date as such in fact she didn’t, even to that day, understand how it happened, she remembered that she agreed that if she went with him to a Jazz gig in return he would take her to the opera and it was as simple as that or at least it seemed so simple and matter of fact.

But go with him to the Jazz gig she did and one gig led to another one and then to drinks, and dinner and the pictures until she suddenly had space in his wardrobe and a drawer for her knickers and then she could hardly remember the time before they met.

They did however still disagree musically but in all other matters they were simpatico.

 

Nathan was a jazz fan and when he wanted to relax he always listened to Beiderbecke, Goodman, The Dorsey Brothers, Jelly Roll Morton or Artie Shaw but of an evening he would always defer to Harriet’s favourite, Puccini.

Just to look at her lovely face as the wonderful melodies washed over her.

When he first asked her out she said

“Ok I will come with you to the Jazz Shack to hear you play again, on one condition”

“Name it” he said with enthusiasm

“You have to come to the opera with me”

He went to speak but she silenced him with a look

“And I don’t mean Gilbert and Sullivan either”

“Puccini’s Madame Butterfly, one of the greatest pieces of early 20th century music ever written” she said with authority

“It’s a date” he said

His one and only regret since they had been together was that his part of the bargain that he should take her to see Madame Butterfly had remained unfulfilled.

They couldn’t find a performance at the time and she had to settle for Tosca, which she did without a single word of complaint.

But a promise was a promise and his failure to keep it would have to be put right.

 

Nathan had been away for three days lecturing on the question of whether Jazz had an effect on speakeasies or vice versa and Harriet was missing him terribly.

She had been at his house all the time he had been away as she felt to lonely in her flat.

 

When Nathan drove onto his driveway he was delighted to see the lights were on, which meant Harry was home.

He opened the front door and was surprised to hear the sound of Bix Beiderbecke coming from his study.

“Hello!” he called as he closed the door.

“Nathan?” Harriet called back “is that you?”

She appeared from the lounge and rushed towards him

“You’re early” she said and kissed him.

“Yes we wrapped up earlier than I expected” He replied

“How come you’re listening to Bix Beiderbecke, you hate jazz?”

“It’s growing on me” Harriet replied

“Really?” he asked doubtfully

“Yes I’ve got to like it” she said

“Liar” Nathan said

“I’m not lying” she said innocently

As they walked to the lounge

“What happened to your no lies policy?” he asked

“I hate it when you remember what I say” she said grumpily “and then use my own words against me”

“So?”

“Ok” she confessed

“If I can hear your jazz playing in the study it’s like you’re only in the next room and not miles away and then I don’t miss you so much”

 

Later that evening after they had made love Nathan said

“Can you get some time off around your birthday?”  

“Yes I think so” she replied “Why?”

“I thought we might get away on a mini break” he replied, “Hotel, opera, posh restaurant”

“Really?”

“Yes it’s your 30th after all” he replied

“That’s a big birthday”

He would have liked it to have been a surprise but he needed to tell her in order for her to book the time off.

 

Harriet managed to get the time off and then he made all the arrangements and kept all the details secret until the day came for them to leave.

They were stood in the hallway with the bags packed when he said

“Have you got your passport?”

“You don’t need a passport for Covent Garden” she said and snorted

“No, that’s true” Nathan said “But you do for the Met”

“The Met?” she asked

“Yes” Nathan replied

“The Metropolitan Opera house?” she asked “in New York City?”

“Yes, but I can change it to Covent Garden though if you’d rather” he offered

“Don’t you dare” she said and kissed him

“I can’t believe you’re taking me to New York” she said and squealed

“Well it is your 30th” he explained

“Well if you’re taking me to New York for my 30th what will you do for my 40th

“Well that’s easy” he said

“What?”

“I’ll change you for two 20s”

“Bloody cheek” she said but kissed him anyway

Downshire Diary – (05) I’m Not a Nun!

 

It was dark and very cold as Dave McAteer sat on a bench in the garden of St Bernadette’s Covent Hospital in Abbeyvale, although in truth and furthermore it was snowing again.

He was sitting there alone as he had just heard the news that his mother was dying and he was still somewhat in shock.

It shouldn’t have been such a shock he had always known St B’s was more of a hospice, there were a number of wards for convalescents but mainly it was palliative care.

He was on his way home, his Mum had been sedated so there was no point in his staying and the end was a little while off yet.

He should have gone straight home but he had no one to go home to and he needed time to think.

Dave had been sitting there for maybe half an hour and was used to the silence and was totally lost in his own thoughts so much so that that he had failed to hear the crunch of approaching footsteps in the snow.

Due to the darkness he was all but invisible and he suddenly saw something moving in his peripheral vision which made him jump and to his perpetual shame caused him to let out an involuntary yelp, this in turn made the figure in the dark scream.

The source of the scream was a nurse at the convent hospital and she worked on the wing his mother was in, although he couldn’t  bring her name to mind at the time.

“Oh Shit” she said in very un-convent like language.

“What the fuck are you doing hiding out here in the dark?”

“I’m sorry” he said “I didn’t mean to scare you”

“Oh its Mr. McAteer isn’t it?” she asked “So what brings you out here? Are you ok?”

“Yes” he replied “I just needed some quiet time”

“I heard about your mother, I’m sorry it wasn’t better news” she said

She sat down on the bench beside him and took out a pack of cigarettes from her coat pocket, she took one out and put it to her lips and then offered the pack to him.

He had given up smoking two years earlier but he didn’t hesitate in accepting one.

“Thanks Nurse…” he began

“Fedeli” she replied as she gave him a light “But call me Elena”

“Thanks Elena” Dave said and inhaled deeply and closed his eyes as he exhaled the smoke and felt the welcoming light headedness as his body greeted the nicotine with open arms.

“It looks like you’re enjoying that Mr. McAteer” she said

“Call me Dave” he said and took another drag “this is the first fag I’ve had for two years”

“I’m sorry I didn’t know” Elena said

“Don’t be sorry, I really missed it” he said honestly

She dragged on her cigarette and the tip glowed brightly and briefly illuminated her face and then faded to a glow.

“I'm sorry I scared you,” he said taking a final drag on his cigarette before dropping it on the ground and grinding it under the heel of his shoe.
“That’s ok” she replied and paused briefly before adding

“By the sound of that yelp you made, perhaps I should be apologizing to you”

“Quite” he said sheepishly “I’m a bit embarrassed about that”

“You look like you could use a drink” she said and she reached into her pocket again and this time pulled out a silver hip flask.

She unscrewed the cap and took a slug and then handed it to Dave.

“Thanks” he said taking it from her and putting it to his lips.

The whisky tasted so good and he felt it warming him to the very core.

He handed her back the flask and watched her take a good slug before putting the cap back on.
“What kind of a nun are you?” he asked with a laugh “Swearing, smoking and drinking”

And all the time he was actually thinking what a really naughty girl she was.

“I’m not a nun!” Elena shouted, “Why does everyone think I’m a nun?”

“Sorry but you work in a convent hospital and you dress like a nun” he said in his Defence.

“I’m a nurse in a hospital, and this is my uniform” she said “No wonder, nobody ever asks me out, I can assure you that I’m not a nun!”

“I’m sorry Elena, if it helps I thought you were a very attractive nun” he said and she looked at him and laughed.

The snow continued to fall and was settling on her headgear.

As he looked at her he couldn’t understand why she would ever have been short of a date.

She had a beautiful face and her eyes were dazzling, it was also a kind face with a delicate smile and her coloring clearly betrayed her Mediterranean ancestry.

Being a good catholic boy and having thought until a few minutes earlier that she was a nun, he wasn’t sure if thinking she was sexy was a sin or not, but he thought she was, even if it was sinful.

He was also grateful for the distraction from thinking about his terminally ill mum.

“How are you feeling now?” she asked him out of the blue.
“Much better,” he replied
“Was it a shock?” she asked,

“Yes” he replied and then corrected himself “No, not really”

She didn’t speak but looked at him and silently invited him to continue

“I was expecting it, but I didn’t want to believe it” he said “I lied to myself”

“That’s quite natural” she said sympathetically “Loved ones have often confided that to me”

“That’s because they think you’re a nun” he said and they both laughed.

At that point the snow began to fall harder and faster and it was getting colder.

“Are you off duty?” he asked although he’d already made the assumption that she was.

“Yes” she replied “I’m done for the day”

“Well I’m chilled to the bone” he said “do you fancy getting something to eat?”

“Yes, that would be nice” she replied and a broad smile crossed her face “As long as you don’t mind being seen out with a nun”

 

When Dave offered and she accepted neither of them expected it to be anything other than a chance to get out of the snow and a mutually companionable meal, they certainly weren’t looking for anything else.

Elena Fedeli had been disappointed by love too many times in her 32 years to walk into another potential disaster with a man who had a very difficult and fraught time ahead of him.

Dave had also been through the mill relationship wise and wanted no more than to be there for his mother every step of the way until she passed.

Dave was a lapsed Catholic and indeed he was also a lapsed Christian while she was a practicing Anglican with a very deep faith.

He worked 9 to 5 for an insurance company while she was a nurse who worked shifts and then there was the age difference he was three years her junior.

But when all was said done and despite all their differences they promptly went and fell in love.